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How to deal with a friend who ignores you?
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20 / M
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Posted 1/18/13

mhibicke wrote:

Don't be afraid to leave him alone for a while, or to turn him down when you have something better to do than watch him play with his phone. Just occasionally invite him to tag along when you're going to do something fun, and otherwise wait for him to get in contact with you, then decide whether or not it's worth your time to accept his invitation. It's not like he's your boyfriend; it's ok to ditch him sometimes to spend time with more interesting people. Either he'll pull his head out of his ass, or he won't.


Thanks for the input. At this rate I don't think he will pull his head out of his ass anytime soon. But in the end, I guess life will go on. I've tried to reach out and motivate him, I've tried to help him find a job, but he doesn't really have any desire to change his situation. He claims he doesn't like living at home with his parents, and I can understand that, but I am the only person in his life who actually tries to be supportive, and he just doesn't see that. So I guess it shouldn't matter to me anymore. I think keeping my distance is the best thing. Maybe he prefers to be alone. I feel that's what it is really. So then who I am to impose right? If he chooses to isolate himself willingly, then that's all his doing. If he won't accept help or wants to change his life, then it's a lost cause I guess..
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F / Urban South
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Posted 1/18/13
Yeah, no need to enable a NEET who can't even behave like a proper friend.
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39 / M
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Posted 1/19/13
give them some space and mellow out.

find new friends in the world.

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17 / M / Stoke, England
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Posted 1/19/13
Have a fight with him, physical if you want to, and then like straight afterwards pretend it never happened and be all nice.
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17 / F
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Posted 1/19/13
ignore back.
he'll make a move.
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23 / M / Missouri
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Posted 1/19/13
Maybe he feels if he talks to you too much things will start getting a little gay?
1mirg 
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21 / M / United States of...
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Posted 1/19/13

Original Post:

ignore back.


^ Just do this ^

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24 / M
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Posted 1/19/13
Sadly I know this too well. I went out and spoke to him, because he was one of the only friends at school I had. He decided to end the friendship. It wasn't that we hated each other, now and again up town we say hi to each other but that's it. He just didn't want to bother doing what friends do. It was always his way, or where he wanted to go/what to do.

In the end, you just have to speak to them. It's not easy, it makes you feel completely alone and that whatever you do isn't good enough for others. I came to learn that isn't what friendship is, true friends stand by each other regardless of their differences, their likes/dislikes or the gap in time from seeing them. Real friends will always be there for you, it's not about keeping score nor is it one way.

I'm sorry if I can't help your situation. The only thing is to give him a chance, if he won't it's his lost. But if you don't give him that chance, you can't say you're his friend.
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18 / M
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Posted 1/19/13


Oh, this happened to me when I dropped out of college for my own reasons. I shut the world around me and wanted to be alone; I had pretty much no view or take on how my future would go, so I gave up thinking. I lost all motivation and began living a lifeless and mundane routine.

He needs motivation and strength, and a lot of it by the sounds of it. He's been stuck in that spiral for a long time and it doesn't look like he's getting out by his own, you need to push him along. Ask him questions about his future, encourage him to explore himself, and retain his motivation and strength. Right now, he desperately needs a push into the right direction. It may be a hard thing to do as he might reject it; it's up to how committed you are to your friend and that you won't let him stay this way anymore. Don't let him turn into a robot.
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27 / M
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Posted 1/19/13 , edited 1/19/13
talk to him. or write to him if serious talks aren't your strong point.

I'm a "Matt".

I no longer have any friends (heck, I'm starting to get cut off by my own siblings) probably due to people jumping to conclusions like some of you who commented in this thread. He might be an asshole, or he might actually have a legitimate reason for acting the way he does. I don't know and nether do you. He might not even be aware of the effects of his actions.

Also, don't try to force an answer out of him. I hold what relationships I have left very dearly, but I probably wouldn't think twice before dropping them off if they made me choose between them and a disclosure.

Ether an asshole or someone who's at a point in his life where he needs a good friend.
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29 / M / Las Vegas
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Posted 1/19/13

zerogravity399 wrote:

I've known my friend Matt for about 8 years. We've been friends since my early childhood. Growing up, we always spent a great deal of time hanging out together, making plans regularly, and just having a normal friendship. Things were never a problem. Fast forward to now.

Matt currently doesn't have a job. He's 19, unemployed, doesn't go to school, and essentially stays home and mooches off his parents. He spends most of his time playing video games and doesn't really have an excuse for anything. So the problem is, over the last year or so, he has started to shun me completely.

Basically, he doesn't respond to my text messages anymore. Doesn't respond to phone calls, and overall completely neglects our friendship. Whenever I ask him to hang out, he essentially ignores my texts, and then a few days later, he messages me saying "want to make plans?" and naturally, I always agree. We meet up, hang out and have a good time, and then we part ways, and he goes back to completely ignoring me all over again. It doesn't make any sense. He doesn't have anything going on his life, so obviously he's not "too busy" to return my messages. I seriously don't know what his problem is. When we're together, we have a great time.

Then when we part ways, the pattern begins all over again. It just doesn't make sense to me. He always has his phone on him. He is always texting when I'm around him. I don't think it's fair that I am always willing to give him the time of day, but when I occasionally want to talk to him or make plans, he just completely shuts me out.

Realistically yes, I can drop him as a friend, but I don't really have any other friends besides him, and I value my friendship with him so it would be difficult to drop him. But if he continues to just neglect our friendship like this and shun me, I wonder if I should bother. I am the only real-life friend he has. He doesn't hang out with anybody else, nor does he know anybody else locally. So for him to even shun his only friend, that just makes things even worse. Any advice?


He might be struggling with depression....
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Posted 1/19/13
It do sound like some kind of depression. I was like that for a while. He has no job, doesn't know what he want to do and has no motivation to do anything anymore. He just want to sleep, eat and do the same thing over and over again - play videogames. He feel different because his friends have come so far in life and he is still stuck.

Do not quit calling him and trying to keep in touch. He want you to contact and come to him because it is difficult for him to contact you and tell you about his problems.

Take him out to a club to meet others, help him find a job, drop by his house without asking. If he get annoyed and tell you to don't bother help him, you tell him that his problem become your problem. You're friends.
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33 / M / The Universal Con...
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Posted 1/19/13
Yeah, it might depression on your friend's part. Maybe he just needs some time alone.
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27 / M
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Posted 1/19/13
Bribe him with coffee! Who wouldn't want to use their friend for caffeine! You'll be friends forever!

...hmm, I hope you weren’t expecting me to post something useful...
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35 / M / New Orleans
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Posted 1/19/13
This is my typical friendship experience.

Friend, "Come over and hang out."
Me, "Okay."
Friend. "Come over and hang out."
Me, "Okay."
Friend, "Come over and hang out."
Me, "Why don't you come over here and hang out with me."
Friend, "Maybe next time."

And then I usually stop talking to them, cause I'm sick of going to their house and for some reason they don't want to come to mine.
Guess I'm just a shitty host.
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