18780 cr points
Send Message:   26 / F / England
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I always feel so guilty but mine is because I have been treated so badly by some people (granted exes) that I feel like I am worth nothing and don't deserve nice things. Have you ever sat down with your parents and talked to them about this? You don't have to say that you feel guilty about them spending money on something you didn't ask for but you could ask them that for christmas or your birthday do they mind getting you a bookcase so you can proudly display your collection of book.
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39101 cr points
Send Message: 20 / M / Earth
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TheDreamHare wrote:
Spoiler Alert! Click to show or hide It's really difficult for me to explain.
Basically, when my family asks me for a gift, I tell them straight out what I want.....but I'm really not expecting them to get it for me.
What they end up doing, however, is getting me a gift, that is usually way more expensive than the item I requested.
For example, last Christmas, (and the Christmas after that,) I asked for a bookcase. They got me an xbox360 last year instead. This year, they got me an ipod.
I understand that these are really amazing gifts, and all, and I really do appreciate my parents getting it....but I just....its not what I wanted. Or needed. And really.....WHAT adult parent gives a bad ass gadget to an adult child?
I feel like, I can live without an ipod, and an xbox. I can just wait until somebody gives me a job, then I'll probably save up for those.....but, the bookcase?I honestly, REALLY need it. My room has been in disarray for almost 2 years now, due to all these books that I've tried to keep in their small space, but no matter what I do, they always end up where they shouldn't be. I've got stuff underneath my bed, and in a few months, I won't be able to hide any more stuff underneath there. My closet is a tornado...I cleaned it a month ago, but it still ends up a mess.
And I guess the reason why I have a lot of resentment towards this issue is the fact my parents are strict, yet they're always trying to spoil me. They always insist on buying me things, even when I tell them not to, or to take over my tasks when I want to handle it myself....and then they always want me to stay home. IT makes me wonder if they're trying to guilt-trip me. Basically saying, if I made a mistake, they'll give me this long lecture of how they're always sacrificing everything for me and this is how I repay them. It's like, they intentionally do these things so that I feel guilty later. I try to tell them I can handle things on my own, but we always end up arguing and next thing you know, my chore is their chore.
I'm not gonna deny...this sounds like a very spoiled post. But I have been spoiled for a long time, and technically, I'm getting very tired of it. Every time I get something nice, I know I'm sacrificing more of my freedom. I basically feel like a well-cared for pet in a cage....sure, I get fed and stuff, but I can't really go out.
I guess what I'm trying to ask......how do you people feel about getting expensive gifts that you don't need?
Really, really happy.
Because either it'll go as a hand me down to my little brother, or I will sell it on ebay.
I don't get many gifts though. :(
Just cash.
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776 cr points
Send Message: 21 / M / Denmark
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Well i would first of all be happy that they did what they did, and afterwards i'd ask them if they really did plan on getting me things ill never use.
But that just related to the ipod and xbox tbh, as i personally dislike the xbox controller, and ipods to me are useless since my phone has space for more music and theres no difference in the sound.
If it was some thing that i didnt know i wanted, that i could make good use of, like maybe something which would make my job easier, maybe a newer better monitor etc i'd appreaciate it alot and be very happy, but i'd really still ask them why they did it, theres really no point as i'd always feel like this was too much, for something i didnt need.
I guess to sum it up : Y U WASTE YOUR MONEH?!
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112 cr points
Send Message: 20 / M
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If that gift is not from my parents or brother, I'd just accept it and say that they didn't have to buy such an expensive gift. As long as they are not doing it to show off (that they can afford costly gifts and are superior therefore), I have no problem with the gift even if I don't need it. If the feelings are honest, I'd be glad to receive the gift even if it's unnecessary. If the feelings behind the gift are not real, it feels more like donation and not gift. I would not reject it because that would be rude, but I would not be very happy even if it's something I want.
If the gift is from my parent or my brother, I'd tell them right then. No beating around the bushes and no sit-down-and-talk. If possible, I'd ask them to return the items as well. That's because I am not reserved at all in front of my family.
Winterfells wrote:
I can understand the frustration, but I guess it'll be hard for you to understand where your parents are coming from until you have your own children. Their life is probably dominated with fear - fear that you aren't getting the best opportunities in life, that you're not getting the luxuries in life other parents are able to give to their children, and the fear that if they don't exert enough control over you going out and such that something bad can happen to you.
Sure, your parents are extreme on one side of the spectrum - giving their child TOO much, and being TOO involved in their child's life. On the other end of the spectrum, they could be depriving their child, and having no presence in their child's life.
All I can say is that you should talk with them.
I am not a parent yet but from my parents' actions, I can say that the red text is spot-on. They aren't particularly strict, but they definitely worry about whether they're doing their best for me. |
10014 cr points
Send Message: 20 / M / San Diego, CA.
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I feel like that person must love me...a lot.  |
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alniau wrote:
Spoiler Alert! Click to show or hide TheDreamHare wrote:
Spoiler Alert! Click to show or hide It's really difficult for me to explain.
Basically, when my family asks me for a gift, I tell them straight out what I want.....but I'm really not expecting them to get it for me.
What they end up doing, however, is getting me a gift, that is usually way more expensive than the item I requested.
For example, last Christmas, (and the Christmas after that,) I asked for a bookcase. They got me an xbox360 last year instead. This year, they got me an ipod.
I understand that these are really amazing gifts, and all, and I really do appreciate my parents getting it....but I just....its not what I wanted. Or needed. And really.....WHAT adult parent gives a bad ass gadget to an adult child?
I feel like, I can live without an ipod, and an xbox. I can just wait until somebody gives me a job, then I'll probably save up for those.....but, the bookcase?I honestly, REALLY need it. My room has been in disarray for almost 2 years now, due to all these books that I've tried to keep in their small space, but no matter what I do, they always end up where they shouldn't be. I've got stuff underneath my bed, and in a few months, I won't be able to hide any more stuff underneath there. My closet is a tornado...I cleaned it a month ago, but it still ends up a mess.
And I guess the reason why I have a lot of resentment towards this issue is the fact my parents are strict, yet they're always trying to spoil me. They always insist on buying me things, even when I tell them not to, or to take over my tasks when I want to handle it myself....and then they always want me to stay home. IT makes me wonder if they're trying to guilt-trip me. Basically saying, if I made a mistake, they'll give me this long lecture of how they're always sacrificing everything for me and this is how I repay them. It's like, they intentionally do these things so that I feel guilty later. I try to tell them I can handle things on my own, but we always end up arguing and next thing you know, my chore is their chore.
I'm not gonna deny...this sounds like a very spoiled post. But I have been spoiled for a long time, and technically, I'm getting very tired of it. Every time I get something nice, I know I'm sacrificing more of my freedom. I basically feel like a well-cared for pet in a cage....sure, I get fed and stuff, but I can't really go out.
I guess what I'm trying to ask......how do you people feel about getting expensive gifts that you don't need?
consider it lucky... you must work hard or be very lucky.....cause that kind of stuff don't happen to everyone
I honestly don't feel very lucky.......... xD
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2015 cr points
Send Message: 19 / F / Mauritius Island
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I'd feel out of place,because it would mean the person offering it doesn't know me well and wants to get my attention instead of making me happy.
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Winterfells wrote:
I can understand the frustration, but I guess it'll be hard for you to understand where your parents are coming from until you have your own children. Their life is probably dominated with fear - fear that you aren't getting the best opportunities in life, that you're not getting the luxuries in life other parents are able to give to their children, and the fear that if they don't exert enough control over you going out and such that something bad can happen to you.
Sure, your parents are extreme on one side of the spectrum - giving their child TOO much, and being TOO involved in their child's life. On the other end of the spectrum, they could be depriving their child, and having no presence in their child's life.
All I can say is that you should talk with them.
I really like your post. I have definitely tried looking at the situation through my parents' perspective, and I agree that its probably experience from their own childhood and the parental instinct to want what's best for their own children. Who doesn't want their kids to have all the opportunity they couldn't have when they were kids? Also, since I am US born, and my parents are from southeast Asia, our level of thinking and communication are very much different. Having been born in a more open-cultured society, I 'm more accepting of change, whereas my parents, who were born in a more closed-cultured society, have difficulty accepting change. They also tend to be more family-oriented. Here in the states, I see it from my friends, whom are all interracial, but once they turned 18, most had left the house, either on good terms or bad. I could probably leave as well, since the law here doesn't have a problem with me moving out, but under my family it is unacceptable..... I should probably discuss with them about my feelings, and then listen to their own. But we are a family that does more submitting than talking, and when the talking is frustrating, we, (mainly them,) use negative physical action. IT doesn't matter what situation it is, we don't really discuss it much. :\
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DetectiveAlex wrote:
If someone holds me in such high regard that they are willing to spend high amounts of money on me, I can't feel bad. Don't confuse this with being spoiled however.
Lol, I won't. xD I personally don't think I'm spoiled, much....but rather, I am just a victim of circumstance. I just happen to get doted on a lot, and I just happen to dislike it. There are many people out there who had to work hard to get what they want, and here I am, feeling bad about it, and wishing I could be like them, just a little.....
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I just play it cool.
Thought I'm just like.
"Oh gosh... I don't deserve this."
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Gextiv wrote:
TheDreamHare wrote:
Spoiler Alert! Click to show or hide It's really difficult for me to explain.
Basically, when my family asks me for a gift, I tell them straight out what I want.....but I'm really not expecting them to get it for me.
What they end up doing, however, is getting me a gift, that is usually way more expensive than the item I requested.
For example, last Christmas, (and the Christmas after that,) I asked for a bookcase. They got me an xbox360 last year instead. This year, they got me an ipod.
I understand that these are really amazing gifts, and all, and I really do appreciate my parents getting it....but I just....its not what I wanted. Or needed. And really.....WHAT adult parent gives a bad ass gadget to an adult child?
I feel like, I can live without an ipod, and an xbox. I can just wait until somebody gives me a job, then I'll probably save up for those.....but, the bookcase?I honestly, REALLY need it. My room has been in disarray for almost 2 years now, due to all these books that I've tried to keep in their small space, but no matter what I do, they always end up where they shouldn't be. I've got stuff underneath my bed, and in a few months, I won't be able to hide any more stuff underneath there. My closet is a tornado...I cleaned it a month ago, but it still ends up a mess.
And I guess the reason why I have a lot of resentment towards this issue is the fact my parents are strict, yet they're always trying to spoil me. They always insist on buying me things, even when I tell them not to, or to take over my tasks when I want to handle it myself....and then they always want me to stay home. IT makes me wonder if they're trying to guilt-trip me. Basically saying, if I made a mistake, they'll give me this long lecture of how they're always sacrificing everything for me and this is how I repay them. It's like, they intentionally do these things so that I feel guilty later. I try to tell them I can handle things on my own, but we always end up arguing and next thing you know, my chore is their chore.
I'm not gonna deny...this sounds like a very spoiled post. But I have been spoiled for a long time, and technically, I'm getting very tired of it. Every time I get something nice, I know I'm sacrificing more of my freedom. I basically feel like a well-cared for pet in a cage....sure, I get fed and stuff, but I can't really go out.
I guess what I'm trying to ask......how do you people feel about getting expensive gifts that you don't need?
Really, really happy.
Because either it'll go as a hand me down to my little brother, or I will sell it on ebay.
I don't get many gifts though. :(
Just cash.
Cash isn't so bad....although I admit, it'd be nice to get an item instead of dinero, lol.
I just wish it wasn't such an expensive item....I'd rather it be an item in the sense of.....a candle, or something......the bookcase, for me, didn't seem like much. I mean, I even said they're pretty cheap at Wal-mart, which usually sells for 30, in contrast with an ipod, which is way more......
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kawaiinoodle wrote:
I always feel so guilty but mine is because I have been treated so badly by some people (granted exes) that I feel like I am worth nothing and don't deserve nice things. Have you ever sat down with your parents and talked to them about this? You don't have to say that you feel guilty about them spending money on something you didn't ask for but you could ask them that for christmas or your birthday do they mind getting you a bookcase so you can proudly display your collection of book.
That's the problem with my family.....we talk about funny things, and lighthearted things, but when it comes to serious issues, we tend to steer clear. Which sucks, because I feel I have to treat this conversation seriously, or else they're going to ignore everything I say and get something else that I had no idea of. :\
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18780 cr points
Send Message: 26 / F / England
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Hmm.. That is a tricky situation the other option could be to search for a book case online while they are in your presence and if they ask what you're doing to say you're looking into getting a book case as you need one.. Never know dropping hints throughout the year could possibly work.
Also can i add you say that you know you sound spoilt but to me you don't you sound privaleged. A spoilt person would not easily be able to turn around and say things like ''when I have work I will save up for something I want''. IMHO a spoilt person sounds more like ''I want that get me it now''.
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kawaiinoodle wrote:
Hmm.. That is a tricky situation the other option could be to search for a book case online while they are in your presence and if they ask what you're doing to say you're looking into getting a book case as you need one.. Never know dropping hints throughout the year could possibly work.
Also can i add you say that you know you sound spoilt but to me you don't you sound privaleged. A spoilt person would not easily be able to turn around and say things like ''when I have work I will save up for something I want''. IMHO a spoilt person sounds more like ''I want that get me it now''.
Wow.....thank you!! I really appreciate you saying that. ^^
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18780 cr points
Send Message: 26 / F / England
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I only speak the truth =^.^=
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