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How do you feel about getting an expensive gift when you generally don't need it?
Posted 1/22/13

tehstud wrote:


TheDreamHare wrote:



I guess what I'm trying to ask......how do you people feel about getting expensive gifts that you don't need?


Gratitude, you ingrateful brat.

Why you would even ask such a question is... -sigh-


Because I want to know how other people feel about this type of situation. I know there are those who know what I'm talking about, and those who don't. I'm happy that you would feel gratitude, though. I wish I could feel grateful, but I really have a difficult time in some of my situations, because it mostly proves that my family and I have trouble communicating our wants and needs. When I give my parents gifts, they give me hints, and if I have the money at that moment, I usually get it for them. For me, however, when I give hints, or tell them directly, they shoot the item down as being "useless" or "stupid," and get me something that I wasn't expecting, and probably ironically won't ever use.
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Posted 1/22/13

TheDreamHare wrote:


tehstud wrote:


TheDreamHare wrote:



I guess what I'm trying to ask......how do you people feel about getting expensive gifts that you don't need?


Gratitude, you ingrateful brat.

Why you would even ask such a question is... -sigh-


Because I want to know how other people feel about this type of situation. I know there are those who know what I'm talking about, and those who don't. I'm happy that you would feel gratitude, though. I wish I could feel grateful, but I really have a difficult time in some of my situations, because it mostly proves that my family and I have trouble communicating our wants and needs. When I give my parents gifts, they give me hints, and if I have the money at that moment, I usually get it for them. For me, however, when I give hints, or tell them directly, they shoot the item down as being "useless" or "stupid," and get me something that I wasn't expecting, and probably ironically won't ever use.


It's totally understandable. Gratitude can only last so long when it is obvious that your wishes are being ignored for whatever the reason. I don't know if it has been said before but maybe with your situation the ones giving the gifts feel as though Christmas and other holiday gifts should be something "fun" and that things that are needed can be bought at a different time. I remember when I stopped asking for more "fun" items and instead wanted more practical things. Nobody seemed to understand why I wouldn't want to get the more fun items until I laid it out for them that, while it may be fun, I am just now at a point where I don't need those fun things anymore and I now need these other things.
Posted 1/22/13

tommythecat wrote:

It's rude not to accept gifts, no matter your stance on whether it is appropriate or not. Typically if I give or receive an expensive gift it's from or to someone special so a little extra money isn't a big deal. If it's something I can't really make use of I'll still keep it around for as long as it makes sense to hang on to it.


Ahaha, don't worry, I also think its rude to not accept the gifts. That's why, even though I feel strongly about it, I still accept them.
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Posted 1/22/13

TheDreamHare wrote:

Because I want to know how other people feel about this type of situation. I know there are those who know what I'm talking about, and those who don't. I'm happy that you would feel gratitude, though. I wish I could feel grateful, but I really have a difficult time in some of my situations, because it mostly proves that my family and I have trouble communicating our wants and needs. When I give my parents gifts, they give me hints, and if I have the money at that moment, I usually get it for them. For me, however, when I give hints, or tell them directly, they shoot the item down as being "useless" or "stupid," and get me something that I wasn't expecting, and probably ironically won't ever use.


Okay... So you're saying, unless you're parents get you want you want, you're unhappy. Correct? Sorry, but that is the disposition of a spoiled child. My parents never asked me what I wanted because it's a gift nor do I tell them. Who am I to tell them how to spend their money? If they want to get me something I don't necessarily want or need, whatever. I don't care, I'm grateful regardless. You should be happy you're parents are willing to buy you lavish gifts such as an x-box or Ipod.
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Posted 1/22/13

tehstud wrote:


TheDreamHare wrote:

Because I want to know how other people feel about this type of situation. I know there are those who know what I'm talking about, and those who don't. I'm happy that you would feel gratitude, though. I wish I could feel grateful, but I really have a difficult time in some of my situations, because it mostly proves that my family and I have trouble communicating our wants and needs. When I give my parents gifts, they give me hints, and if I have the money at that moment, I usually get it for them. For me, however, when I give hints, or tell them directly, they shoot the item down as being "useless" or "stupid," and get me something that I wasn't expecting, and probably ironically won't ever use.


Okay... So you're saying, unless you're parents get you want you want, you're unhappy. Correct? Sorry, but that is the disposition of a spoiled child. My parents never asked me what I wanted because it's a gift nor do I tell them. Who am I to tell them how to spend their money? If they want to get me something I don't necessarily want or need, whatever. I don't care, I'm grateful regardless. You should be happy you're parents are willing to buy you lavish gifts such as an x-box or Ipod.


Your situation is different from theirs so you shouldn't be so judgemental and harsh about it. The dynamics are totally different because they stated their parents ask them what it is they want. You are right about being happy to even get a gift but when they ask what she wants and then completely ignore the answer or even look down on the answer it is a bit rude of them. If you are going to ask what someone wants or drop hints about what you want then I think it changes things. If you are just going to buy whatever you want to buy anyway for someone you shouldn't even bring it up for them to suggest things. That is just my opinion anyway.
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Posted 1/23/13

justanotherguy_2005 wrote:

Your situation is different from theirs so you shouldn't be so judgemental and harsh about it. The dynamics are totally different because they stated their parents ask them what it is they want. You are right about being happy to even get a gift but when they ask what she wants and then completely ignore the answer or even look down on the answer it is a bit rude of them. If you are going to ask what someone wants or drop hints about what you want then I think it changes things. If you are just going to buy whatever you want to buy anyway for someone you shouldn't even bring it up for them to suggest things. That is just my opinion anyway.


Different situation? Hardly.

As for her parents being rude, no way. What WOULD be rude is if her parents asked her what she wanted and get her nothing. But to say her parents are rude for buying her an expensive gift over a humdrum bookcase, even if she asked for it. I'm sure they thought she'd be thrilled to get something better than what she had expected.
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Posted 1/23/13
We all receive gifts that we may or may not want, regardless if they're expensive or not. What may appear expensive to you, may not be expensive to the giver. The people who give you gifts - they're not going to be around forever, they're not going to be able to afford buying presents forever, so it's important to cherish those exchanges because it's not about the gift, it's about the generosity.

My father told me, "Never look a gift horse in the mouth." The advice given in the proverb is: when receiving a gift be grateful for what it is; don't imply you wished for more by assessing its value.

When you become an adult and grow older, the gifts go away. When you're an adult, the little presents you get from your grandparents are bought with their social security checks. When you're an adult, your parents don't send you video game consoles, they send you a small check to help with groceries or to help with rent. When you're an adult, you're left to take care of yourself because your parents and grandparents are struggling to take care of themselves.

Even if your family is very wealthy and you don't have to worry about money, you should always be grateful because there will come a day when it stops and you don't want to regret not appreciating your loved ones when you had the chance.

"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got" ~ Sheryl Crow
because one day, what you've got - goes away.
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Posted 1/23/13
I sort of understand how you feel, as I sort of have the same problem. My parents are quite rich, I mean, I make close to 6 figures with benefits, but I'm the poorest person in my family, go figure. Naturally, gift giving during Christmas in my family can get a bit extravagant, don't get me wrong most of the time the gifts are under $100, but there's always 1 or 2 that go over the top. This year was my turn to be that guy, I'm single, no kids, I made a huge bonus this year, so my 2 nieces and nephew got some cool shit (I think I spent close to $2000 on the 3 of them). That being said, I also understand now how the gift giver feels as well. I know the kids would have been happy even if the gifts were not as expensive and it's not like they'll love me any more or any less, but I have the means, so why not?
On the other hand, if there's something I want, I usually get it myself... my sister says I'm the hardest person to shop for because nobody knows what the eff I want, and most of the time, I just don't want anything, I'm happy with getting nothing for Christmas. However, regardless of what I want, I still get gifts, and sometimes really expensive stuff (last year or maybe 2 years ago I got a Movado watch, thing costs like $800... too bad it's almost impossible to read an accurate time off a Movado watch, so the thing sits in my closet collecting dust).

I've found the best thing to do is just accept the gifts and be happy with it or at least pretend to be, then have an honest and open conversation about how it makes you feel uncomfortable to get those gifts, especially if you feel there's an agenda behind it. Don't say you're unhappy with the gifts, or you don't want them, just say you're not comfortable with receiving them.
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Posted 1/23/13

tehstud wrote:


justanotherguy_2005 wrote:

Your situation is different from theirs so you shouldn't be so judgemental and harsh about it. The dynamics are totally different because they stated their parents ask them what it is they want. You are right about being happy to even get a gift but when they ask what she wants and then completely ignore the answer or even look down on the answer it is a bit rude of them. If you are going to ask what someone wants or drop hints about what you want then I think it changes things. If you are just going to buy whatever you want to buy anyway for someone you shouldn't even bring it up for them to suggest things. That is just my opinion anyway.


Different situation? Hardly.

As for her parents being rude, no way. What WOULD be rude is if her parents asked her what she wanted and get her nothing. But to say her parents are rude for buying her an expensive gift over a humdrum bookcase, even if she asked for it. I'm sure they thought she'd be thrilled to get something better than what she had expected.


You already pointed out how your situation involving gifts with your parents was different when you stated they never asked and you never told them what you wanted. That aside however, we have different views on what a "better" gift would be. A "better" gift to me, and the OP it seems, would be one that is actually asked for and wanted over one that isn't and may not get any use.
Posted 1/23/13

tehstud wrote:


TheDreamHare wrote:

Because I want to know how other people feel about this type of situation. I know there are those who know what I'm talking about, and those who don't. I'm happy that you would feel gratitude, though. I wish I could feel grateful, but I really have a difficult time in some of my situations, because it mostly proves that my family and I have trouble communicating our wants and needs. When I give my parents gifts, they give me hints, and if I have the money at that moment, I usually get it for them. For me, however, when I give hints, or tell them directly, they shoot the item down as being "useless" or "stupid," and get me something that I wasn't expecting, and probably ironically won't ever use.


Okay... So you're saying, unless you're parents get you want you want, you're unhappy. Correct? Sorry, but that is the disposition of a spoiled child. My parents never asked me what I wanted because it's a gift nor do I tell them. Who am I to tell them how to spend their money? If they want to get me something I don't necessarily want or need, whatever. I don't care, I'm grateful regardless. You should be happy you're parents are willing to buy you lavish gifts such as an x-box or Ipod.


I believe your misinterpreting my words. I never said I was unhappy when my parents got those gifts. I accepted them, grateful that they thought of me, and I used them to show my parents that I enjoyed their gifts. However, this has been going on for 19 years. And now that I am older, I feel like I should be able to get those items on my own. I WANT to get those items on my own. I don't want anybody else getting me things that I feel are too much showering of love.

Also, you and I obviously have completely different parents. You say yours never ask you what you want, yet mine nags at me all the time and demands I tell them. I already tried telling them they don't need to ask, but they just keep insisting. So I tell them what I believe is the most practical, and probably the most reasonable I could think of. And yet they brush it aside, and settle with something that I consider to be too much. If this were 10 years ago, I would have been way more happier, but having grown up with them for the past 19 years, I had come to realize that people can have ulterior motives when they get you things. That is all I'm saying for the matter.
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Posted 1/23/13

justanotherguy_2005 wrote:

You already pointed out how your situation involving gifts with your parents was different when you stated they never asked and you never told them what you wanted. That aside however, we have different views on what a "better" gift would be. A "better" gift to me, and the OP it seems, would be one that is actually asked for and wanted over one that isn't and may not get any use.


I was saying I'm sure that's what the parents thought, which is all that matters.

And that she should be grateful for what she gets because not everyone is as fortunate. To expect everything that is asked is presumptuousness, in my humble opinion.
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Posted 1/23/13 , edited 1/23/13

TheDreamHare wrote:

I believe your misinterpreting my words. I never said I was unhappy when my parents got those gifts. I accepted them, grateful that they thought of me, and I used them to show my parents that I enjoyed their gifts. However, this has been going on for 19 years. And now that I am older, I feel like I should be able to get those items on my own. I WANT to get those items on my own. I don't want anybody else getting me things that I feel are too much showering of love.

Also, you and I obviously have completely different parents. You say yours never ask you what you want, yet mine nags at me all the time and demands I tell them. I already tried telling them they don't need to ask, but they just keep insisting. So I tell them what I believe is the most practical, and probably the most reasonable I could think of. And yet they brush it aside, and settle with something that I consider to be too much. If this were 10 years ago, I would have been way more happier, but having grown up with them for the past 19 years, I had come to realize that people can have ulterior motives when they get you things. That is all I'm saying for the matter.


I'm very confused. I'm under the impression you're a teenager. Furthermore, going on for 19 years? How old are you exactly? But I digress.
Our parents may be different but the fact is, the person giving the gift isn't limited to any bounds other than their own. It would be presumptuous of you to expect certain things and than to harbor suspicion when your expectations are not met. That's what's scary. In my opinion, anything I consider a necessity, I will get that MYSELF. Needs come before wants. I will furnish all my needs and won't rely on someone else. You should WANT to get those things on your own. If you think you need a bookshelf, you should have saved money for the past 2 years to buy instead of expecting your parents to. Also, you say your parents nag you about what you want. I find it hard to believe that they will continuously ignore the fact that you want a bookshelf, especially if they're buying 100s of dollars worth of ''needless'' stuff. If that's the truth, then you need to be honest with your parents instead of tucking tail and harboring resentment. You shouldn't be asking people to reinforce your atypical beliefs for justification.

EDIT: Not trying to be harsh bud, but that kind of passive aggressive behavior is troublesome. Just be honest with them and you will feel better. I strayed a bit off topic, I tend to over analyze shit.
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Posted 1/23/13

tehstud wrote:


justanotherguy_2005 wrote:

You already pointed out how your situation involving gifts with your parents was different when you stated they never asked and you never told them what you wanted. That aside however, we have different views on what a "better" gift would be. A "better" gift to me, and the OP it seems, would be one that is actually asked for and wanted over one that isn't and may not get any use.


I was saying I'm sure that's what the parents thought, which is all that matters.

And that she should be grateful for what she gets because not everyone is as fortunate. To expect everything that is asked is presumptuousness, in my humble opinion.


I have no doubt the parents have good intentions with their gift giving. If I implied otherwise I apologize for the misunderstanding. I also agree completely that she is lucky to get anything at all as I believe I mentioned earlier. I was mostly trying to say that if the question is going to be asked at all of what she wants it should be taken into consideration more than just ignoring it completely and even looking down on what she wants.
Posted 1/23/13

tehstud wrote:


TheDreamHare wrote:

I believe your misinterpreting my words. I never said I was unhappy when my parents got those gifts. I accepted them, grateful that they thought of me, and I used them to show my parents that I enjoyed their gifts. However, this has been going on for 19 years. And now that I am older, I feel like I should be able to get those items on my own. I WANT to get those items on my own. I don't want anybody else getting me things that I feel are too much showering of love.

Also, you and I obviously have completely different parents. You say yours never ask you what you want, yet mine nags at me all the time and demands I tell them. I already tried telling them they don't need to ask, but they just keep insisting. So I tell them what I believe is the most practical, and probably the most reasonable I could think of. And yet they brush it aside, and settle with something that I consider to be too much. If this were 10 years ago, I would have been way more happier, but having grown up with them for the past 19 years, I had come to realize that people can have ulterior motives when they get you things. That is all I'm saying for the matter.


I'm very confused. I'm under the impression you're a teenager. Furthermore, going on for 19 years? How old are you exactly? But I digress.
Our parents may be different but the fact is, the person giving the gift isn't limited to any bounds other than their own. It would be presumptuous of you to expect certain things and than to harbor suspicion when your expectations are not met. That's what's scary. In my opinion, anything I consider a necessity, I will get that MYSELF. Needs come before wants. I will furnish all my needs and won't rely on someone else. You should WANT to get those things on your own. If you think you need a bookshelf, you should have saved money for the past 2 years to buy instead of expecting your parents to. Also, you say your parents nag you about what you want. I find it hard to believe that they will continuously ignore the fact that you want a bookshelf, especially if they're buying 100s of dollars worth of ''needless'' stuff. If that's the truth, then you need to be honest with your parents instead of tucking tail and harboring resentment. You shouldn't be asking people to reinforce your atypical beliefs for justification.

EDIT: Not trying to be harsh bud, but that kind of passive aggressive behavior is troublesome. Just be honest with them and you will feel better. I strayed a bit off topic, I tend to over analyze shit.


Its no problem. Thank you for giving me your points and views though, I appreciate them. It is true that I am passive aggressive, especially when it comes to my parents. Since they react violently to a lot of things, I have a hard time expressing myself and confronting them positively and assertively without having some large item flung at me. Now that I'm not in high school anymore, however, we have had more arguments that didn't end too badly. I'm just waiting for that right moment when I can be honest and tell them how I feel about certain stuff. This goes beyond the gift giving, really.
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Posted 1/23/13

justanotherguy_2005 wrote:

I have no doubt the parents have good intentions with their gift giving. If I implied otherwise I apologize for the misunderstanding. I also agree completely that she is lucky to get anything at all as I believe I mentioned earlier. I was mostly trying to say that if the question is going to be asked at all of what she wants it should be taken into consideration more than just ignoring it completely and even looking down on what she wants.


TBH, I take what she says about her parents with a grain of salt. That is why I'm trying to answer as generally as possible. It's pointless to debate over something as fallible as biased, secondhand information. What she says of their interaction is unreliable so I won't make any claims to it. I was just saying how I don't find them rude considering they got her an expensive gift. I was saying how it is not necessary for them to buy her what she wants, it's their choice. That is all. I'm sure most people can agree with that, wouldn't you say?
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