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Can feelings for someone come back?
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Posted 1/22/13 , edited 1/22/13

gaara wrote:

Can feelings for someone come back after they been lost? lets say you are dating someone and that spark you had is mostly gone, and the person tells you that they might not have feelings for you anymore. Is there ways to get the feelings and that spark back?


Well, it all depends on why those feelings went away. If it was from a betrayal, then forget about it and move on. If not, then there may be a possibility. You could try to have that person remember the reason they first fell in love with you. Revisit old places you both have memories for and talk about them. Do the same with photos if you have any. Share the inner dialogue (feelings/thoughts) you had with yourself during that time with that person (hopefully you can get them to share theirs). Talk about what you had hoped for the future of the relationship. Don't be clingy or whiny, just be painfully truthful. Doing these things will help you both put the relationship in perspective and maybe you both will want the same for the relationship, either to continue it or to end it. Remember, "you can't beat a dead horse", so if the other person is very adamant about ending it, then move on. Personally, in my experience if it isn't a betrayal, the other person may be "eyeing" someone else they are attracted to, but they don't want to cheat on you so they're trying to let you go. They might think of it as "softening the blow", or being kinder.
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Posted 1/22/13
I don't know. I get bored easily. What's the point in trying to make something boring feel exciting? It's like cutting your sandwiches into heart shapes to make them cuter and more romantic. They're still the same sandwiches, only now it's embarrassing to be seen in public with them.
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28 / M / USA
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Posted 1/22/13
It's a little more complicated then that, I feel.

What matters is the motives: either your own or the other person's. You need to take a truthful inventory of yourself, the relationship and I sometimes go as far as making a pro/con list.

The truth of it is though very rarely will you discover true motives or reasoning in a person - few people are 100% brutally honest with themselves about things let alone someone else.

Without knowing your situation (and not just your opinion about it) it's impossible to give what I could call "good" advice - or to find a story I've gone through to offer some guidance. I've recently gone through an ugly breakup that dealt with feelings for both the person I just separated from as well as the ex before her (who I love enough to let go, at least) - it's a very confusing situation.

Long story short: Move forward. I'm a firm believer that life/fate/god works on kinetic energy. By moving forward and taking action, truthful action to yourself, life will expose your own self desires whether you realize what they are at the time or not.


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Posted 1/22/13




Thank you, this is good advice, and nope there was no betrayal at all, also we never had any fights, few misunderstandings but it never led to any fights, get along great, have stuff in common, just for what ever reason that spark/feelings just started to go away with him, he said some of the reason why, something about are living habits are not the same and we dont talk like we used too, we know each other so well that we ran out of things to say, so its like we dont really have much left to talk about other than how are day going, weather, what are plans are for the weekend. Before we could talk all day until beds time, now its hard to talk about anything thats not so boring. I have try to give us some time alone so we dont talk as much and see it that might work.
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Posted 1/22/13

gaara wrote:





Thank you, this is good advice, and nope there was no betrayal at all, also we never had any fights, few misunderstandings but it never led to any fights, get along great, have stuff in common, just for what ever reason that spark/feelings just started to go away with him, he said some of the reason why, something about are living habits are not the same and we dont talk like we used too, we know each other so well that we ran out of things to say, so its like we dont really have much left to talk about other than how are day going, weather, what are plans are for the weekend. Before we could talk all day until beds time, now its hard to talk about anything thats not so boring. I have try to give us some time alone so we dont talk as much and see it that might work.


Try doing something together, like taking a leisure class or doing a hobby together (like an art, dancing, or a sport). You'll work as a team in some of these, and they all will give you stuff to talk about. Also, you'll be sharing experiences and making more memories together.

I'd also like to say you'll be hard pressed to find someone with the same living habits. A good, lasting relationship means compromise, and most living habits aren't so important as a reason to end a relationship...unless the person is completely selfish and doesn't want to compromise or doesn't love the other person enough to want to compromise. Loving someone is looking over their little faults. Everyone has them....and of course, some of us have huge ones, but some people can overlook those too, for love. I'm a neat organized freak. My husband is...well, a pig and a pack-rat. Yes, that drives me crazy sometimes, and yes, sometimes my tendency sometimes to be anal-retentive about being exceptionally organized and germophobic pisses him off. That's the small stuff though, that doesn't mean we don't love each other. The goal for both of us is the relationship. Before we were married we knew of SOME of each other's faults and decided that we could live with them, but nobody knows all of a person's faults until you've been married for a couple of years. Even then, people change, and they may even lose or acquire new or additional faults. That's when communication, love, compromise, and devotion to the relationship come into play. There aren't always quick fixes, easy answers, or painless ways to work them out, but this is reality, and nothing worthwhile is ever easily gained.


Oh, and one other thing. About the "boring" stuff, life and relationships go through phases. You can't expect it to be exciting all of the time, that's TV show/movie stuff. Reality has its boring moments, but eventually it will pass. If you really want more excitement, then you could try shaking things up a bit. Do something that's out of the ordinary for your personality/behavior (but something you know he wouldn't mind). I read somewhere that boredom is the result of an inability to focus and under-stimulation, so when thinking about waking things up a bit, consider all the senses (sight, smell, touch, etc.). What you do would depend on his likes/personality, so I really can't suggest anything without knowing that, but I'm sure you can think of something.
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Posted 1/22/13
Only if the feelings never went away in the first place, and that can be real bad news sometimes. Other times it's serendipitous.
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31 / F / Hangout with Gaara
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Posted 1/22/13




Thank you very much, this great and helpful advice
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25 / M / Sydney, Australia
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Posted 1/22/13 , edited 1/22/13
It happens a lot in cheesy romance movies, but personally I've never felt it.

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31 / M / Vancouver BC
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Posted 1/22/13
Feelings never go away, they just get bogged down under baggage. The real question is if that baggage will ever be dropped or not.
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28 / M
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Posted 1/23/13
I've experienced that, recently. Someone I've known for 14 years, we were best friends and at the edge of more but things happened and we grew apart.... remained friends on and off after that spark fell apart... and now, I really battle with it because I'm in love with her but she has moved on, seemingly. So yeah, it sucks but everything happens for a reason. .......
wwe
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30 / F / where all my drea...
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Posted 1/23/13
I dont think feeling can just go away, mostly if you really care and love someone. You can try and push them away but they wont really be gone, if there is something still there even if its deep down, they can come back. It could be a bit of time before you start to see anything in feelings again, but as long as you try and remind them the great person you are and the reason why they loved you the 1st time, feeling can come back.
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28 / M
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Posted 1/23/13

ZenZaku wrote:

Only if they're a boomerang




This. So be careful not to get hit in the face!!
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22 / M
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Posted 1/23/13
Yes it can. The problem though is you can't force the feelings. So who ever this person is THEY have to find those feelings themself. To be honest though if the person has lost that spark, and you still have feelings, it's best to move on and if it was meant to be you will sooner or later end up with each other. Yes it is hard to move on, but believe me there are many people out there who have gone through this. The best thing to do is cut ties, take a break and then find that new spark with someone else.
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21 / M / San Diego, USA
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Posted 1/23/13
There isn't a way to get those feelings back, no, but sometimes they can can back all on their own.
Posted 1/24/13
Of course it can. Just recently, I remembered this kid I used to have a crush on when I was in 6th grade. We basically haven't seen each other since then, but by chance I found him sharing a friend on facebook. Just seeing how he grew up handsomely made me tear up and miss him slightly.
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