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Did you have a girlfriend who played around with other men?
HelloKitty Muffin'King Moderator
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23 / Mocha / Toronto
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Posted 2/8/13 , edited 2/8/13

metalsmith wrote:



You just read my mind.

"It is another thing to know how their face wrinkles when they are happy, how they squint their eyes when they are upset, or the way they puff up when indignant, and pout with a frown when you tease them."

That is why I love physical relationships because you can see the person and facial expressions are really important, even if you started out or ended up long-distance.

"Also, people tend to exaggerate when they are on the internet. Anyone who can easily talk of how suicidal they are isn't really that suicidal. More like attention whoring."

I have met a couple of people like that before. For me, when I want attention, I just directly go "hey I want some attention now. Attention on me please." Don't just make some story up so that people feel sympathetic towards you. It is a lie. Nobody wants to hear a lie and you just broke the trust. I tried exaggerating myself a couple of times by testing with my own bf when I want attention from him and he knows I am bs-ing when I do spout some nonsense, or he just goes "ok. good for you." And I know he knows I am bs-ing b/c of my expressions and I seem weirder than my already weirdness. In an actual relationship, both know what makes sense and what doesn't make any sense and you understand each other. Has to be two ways of a line of communication and understanding that communication - whether non-verbal or verbal.

she may have been open with you on very personal things is more along the lines of someone who needs a friend that doesn't know their face, and that doesn't have any physical contact with them

I cannot deal with that. Like even in long-distance relationship that are not in game, like with my bf and I we have to have that physical contact with each other, I'd rather see a real person than a game character or whatnot. As for openness, in my relationship we are open about our everyday life and we know each other's whereabouts and care about each other even if we poke fun of each other most of the times. Even if we are hiding something we end up telling each other (after a couple of "tell me's") what we are feeling or what happened. The feeling of caring is quite a beautiful thing. Care Bears man, Care Bears.

It also helps if neither really gains from the relationship in game in any particular way, like you leveling up her crafting or something.

I agree with this quote, except except my thoughts are that both can gain from the relationship in the game in which you level each other up IF the game is set in such a way. She was just out there to use you, Zenairis. If she doesn't help you back, it is most likely that she was just using you.
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Posted 2/8/13
I am a girl, I find it rather disgusting when someone's taken, yet flirting with others.
They obviously don't love their significant other as much as they should.
Then again, there are also quite a few men who whore around, such as this intern I work with at times >.>'
I can't stand people who don't take their love seriously.
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Posted 2/8/13

schnit wrote:

Tell me, was this relationship online only?


And this is where i stopped reading.What did you expect from online relationship ?
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Posted 2/8/13
If you're adament to continue doing online relationships (which rarely work out well), make sure you don't pop the question until at least knowing them for a year or two. Just a little advice on that part.

It's so easy to break relationships on the internet, to someone you could simply just block. Develop friendship first.
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19 / M / United States
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Posted 2/8/13
Can't say I've ever had an online relationship or even a gf, but I do get played with by friends.

One of my friends barely if ever talk to me at school, doesn't even say hi when I say hi to them in the halls. Though for some reason everytime I'm talking to a girl or girls, me and him are the best of friends all of a sudden while talking to them. Yeah, that's not noticeable -_-

So I know how you feel a little bit.
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27 / M / Toledo
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Posted 2/8/13

PepperKillsPepsi wrote:

If you're adament to continue doing online relationships (which rarely work out well), make sure you don't pop the question until at least knowing them for a year or two. Just a little advice on that part.

It's so easy to break relationships on the internet, to someone you could simply just block. Develop friendship first.


Actually research was done and I think a few years back(2007ish) 17% of married couples had met on online dating sites with another 20% in current committed relationships. Which is actually pretty significant. The number has probably risen since then and that doesn't even include when people meet on non-dating sites or games. The odds aren't that bad for it anymore. Just figured I would point that out.
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34 / M / The Void.
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Posted 2/8/13 , edited 2/8/13
I forgot what I was supposed to say. Oh, yeah, I never had a girlfriend in this incarnation.
Posted 2/8/13
I wish she would have succeeded in killing herself
Kyrek 
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Posted 2/8/13

mochacafe wrote:


metalsmith wrote:



You just read my mind.

"It is another thing to know how their face wrinkles when they are happy, how they squint their eyes when they are upset, or the way they puff up when indignant, and pout with a frown when you tease them."

That is why I love physical relationships because you can see the person and facial expressions are really important, even if you started out or ended up long-distance.

"Also, people tend to exaggerate when they are on the internet. Anyone who can easily talk of how suicidal they are isn't really that suicidal. More like attention whoring."

I have met a couple of people like that before. For me, when I want attention, I just directly go "hey I want some attention now. Attention on me please." Don't just make some story up so that people feel sympathetic towards you. It is a lie. Nobody wants to hear a lie and you just broke the trust. I tried exaggerating myself a couple of times by testing with my own bf when I want attention from him and he knows I am bs-ing when I do spout some nonsense, or he just goes "ok. good for you." And I know he knows I am bs-ing b/c of my expressions and I seem weirder than my already weirdness. In an actual relationship, both know what makes sense and what doesn't make any sense and you understand each other. Has to be two ways of a line of communication and understanding that communication - whether non-verbal or verbal.

she may have been open with you on very personal things is more along the lines of someone who needs a friend that doesn't know their face, and that doesn't have any physical contact with them

I cannot deal with that. Like even in long-distance relationship that are not in game, like with my bf and I we have to have that physical contact with each other, I'd rather see a real person than a game character or whatnot. As for openness, in my relationship we are open about our everyday life and we know each other's whereabouts and care about each other even if we poke fun of each other most of the times. Even if we are hiding something we end up telling each other (after a couple of "tell me's") what we are feeling or what happened. The feeling of caring is quite a beautiful thing. Care Bears man, Care Bears.

It also helps if neither really gains from the relationship in game in any particular way, like you leveling up her crafting or something.

I agree with this quote, except except my thoughts are that both can gain from the relationship in the game in which you level each other up IF the game is set in such a way. She was just out there to use you, Zenairis. If she doesn't help you back, it is most likely that she was just using you.


Someone should tell my girlfriend of 6 years all of this... I've tried, but she ended up trying to form an online relationship in an RPG community on XAT ( of all places...) while we are together, and needless to say, it's not very fun when you find out what they were doing in that said 'relationship'...

I've forgiven once, but I won't forget twice. The end shall come on thrice. So for now we are still together, but having experienced this first hand WHILE attempting to have that physical relationship you both mention is, sarcastically speaking, "fun."

To the original poster: It's no fun to experience any type of cheating, but if you've moved on from her, then it's best to just let it all go and find some other method of seeking a relationship, preferably not in a videogame for the various reasons others have mentioned here as well. Hopefully we all helped.
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Posted 2/8/13

justanotherguy_2005 wrote:


PepperKillsPepsi wrote:

If you're adament to continue doing online relationships (which rarely work out well), make sure you don't pop the question until at least knowing them for a year or two. Just a little advice on that part.

It's so easy to break relationships on the internet, to someone you could simply just block. Develop friendship first.


Actually research was done and I think a few years back(2007ish) 17% of married couples had met on online dating sites with another 20% in current committed relationships. Which is actually pretty significant. The number has probably risen since then and that doesn't even include when people meet on non-dating sites or games. The odds aren't that bad for it anymore. Just figured I would point that out.


Oh yeah I wouldn't deny that, it sounds kinda reasonable. I was talking more about the 'met ingame' kind of relationship I guess.
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Posted 2/8/13 , edited 2/8/13
This thread kind of makes me angry (not at anyone), I'm just angry at life in general.

It feels like the sincere people tend to meet insincere people most of the times. And to be honest, I'm kinda scared for myself, since I'm sincere and I'm scared that I'll meet someone who isn't sincere.

Online or real life, it's the same thing. In real life, I seriously can't tell if someone's insincere until I've been hurt. People put all sort of pretenses.

But you know, I've been hurt before too... and I'm not going to let bad experiences make me lose trust in people. I want to think positively. I know it's rare for two good people to meet, but such is life.


I'll finish my post with a quote from a song by The Magic Numbers "Hymn for her" - "It won't hurt to find love in the wrong place, I've been hurt before but all the scars have rearranged" http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=1nxxaPXgAXM#t=98s
HelloKitty Muffin'King Moderator
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23 / Mocha / Toronto
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Posted 2/8/13

Kyrek wrote:

Someone should tell my girlfriend of 6 years all of this... I've tried, but she ended up trying to form an online relationship in an RPG community on XAT ( of all places...) while we are together, and needless to say, it's not very fun when you find out what they were doing in that said 'relationship'...

I've forgiven once, but I won't forget twice. The end shall come on thrice. So for now we are still together, but having experienced this first hand WHILE attempting to have that physical relationship you both mention is, sarcastically speaking, "fun."

To the original poster: It's no fun to experience any type of cheating, but if you've moved on from her, then it's best to just let it all go and find some other method of seeking a relationship, preferably not in a videogame for the various reasons others have mentioned here as well. Hopefully we all helped.


I understand and you are like "wait, so you want someone else and not me because I am boring or whatever?" I also agree with you on that it is not fun at all. Cheating should be a no no during a relationship, unless you have broken up and moved on then it's fine because everyone is going on his or her own way.

It is also hard to forgive as well. Forgiveness is hard especially when you really love and care about the person. I think it all comes down to communication which is essential in a relationship. Sometimes it really does take another person to tell your loved one and I hope your gf sees this because in online rpg it may be fun for a while but once it starts getting heated, it's a scary world. It is fun in that you get to be someone else, but why be someone who you are not. Be true to yourself. RPG expands your fantasies, but when you get back in the real life it's not there (and I know some people may argue me about this and I would have to lay it all down that this is just my own opinion and please respect it like I respect yours). Seeing that your gf goes to an RPG community on XAT, maybe she is into roleplaying. You (and I do not know if this works) should RP with her in the real life, since maybe she is into that stuff. It might seem weird, but can always try.
Kyrek 
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Posted 2/8/13 , edited 2/8/13

mochacafe [link url="/forumtopic-791515/did-you-have-a-girlfriend-who-played-around-with-other-men?fpid=42316037" Seeing that your gf goes to an RPG community on XAT, maybe she is into roleplaying. You (and I do not know if this works) should RP with her in the real life, since maybe she is into that stuff. It might seem weird, but can always try.


She is into roleplaying online only. I've tried several types of roleplaying with her probably 3 years ago (we go to anime conventions together, so it wasn't a foreign concept) prior to the mess she is in now with the RPG community over there. I've even tried to roleplay with her online in the very same communities, but I either get banned from the chats she goes to by her because she thinks I'm spying and various other reasons she tries to conjure up.

I let it all slide one time because I have hope, but sometimes that hope dwindles. It will shatter if it happens again and that's a fact she knows, so I let her continue with the roleplaying because aside from the stuff she got into, she still likes to participate in a "normal" way online and I don't want to take that fun away.

It's all a balancing act in the end and you're right that communication is the most important. If you can't trust each other, it just doesn't work out and people begin to crumble when you "find things out you shouldn't have".

Perhaps ignorance is bliss sometimes, but when you're handed the cards of knowledge without asking for them, you shouldn't expect to sit back and do nothing. Use them and confront the issue head on, either way, you'll walk away better off in the long run.
Posted 2/8/13
She..she.. she.... okay i haven't had one
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Posted 2/8/13

GayAsianBoy wrote:

This thread kind of makes me angry (not at anyone), I'm just angry at life in general.

It feels like the sincere people tend to meet insincere people most of the times. And to be honest, I'm kinda scared for myself, since I'm sincere and I'm scared that I'll meet someone who isn't sincere.

Online or real life, it's the same thing. In real life, I seriously can't tell if someone's insincere until I've been hurt. People put all sort of pretenses.

But you know, I've been hurt before too... and I'm not going to let bad experiences make me lose trust in people. I want to think positively. I know it's rare for two good people to meet, but such is life.


I'll finish my post with a quote from a song by The Magic Numbers "Hymn for her" - "It won't hurt to find love in the wrong place, I've been hurt before but all the scars have rearranged" http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=1nxxaPXgAXM#t=98s


Sorry to hear that. It's great for you to think positively! I think there are too many variables when it comes to online and real life differences though. Yes, there are some similarities, but that depends on where you meet online. Most of the people who I know met on eHarmony and got married ended up divorcing. but then again, I know a lot of real life marriages that ended similarly. I think if you socialize with more and more people, you'll be able to figure out who is being insincere or sincere. Unfortunately, there are people who are good at hiding who they are.. Which is one of the reasons why I got hurt in my most recent and "serious" relationship.

Almost everyone will get hurt until they find the one person in the end. But, that's one thing about dating and finding the right person. You'll always have to go through seemingly countless obstacles. That's the point though. If you're going to stay as some insecure dude or gal and never take chances, you really will be alone or end up with some doomed-to-failure relationship. Getting hurt repeatedly and achieving your final goal in the end is what a lot of people go through.

and lol @ whoever said trust no one, not even yourself. We all have sad experiences in life. We all have people close to us who die, be it from murder, suicide, or old age. But that doesn't mean you should just be all doom and gloom to everyone around you. If you're going to spout that nonsense to anybody, keep it to yourself. People who don't talk about such sad experiences to rub it off on people deserve a lot more respect than those who do. That advice may be somewhat useful in your life, but trying to press it onto others is simply foolish. That kind of pessimistic and boring thinking will obviously get you no one.
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