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Post Reply Should there be or is there an age gap-limit for relationships?
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22 / M / Hughesville, Penn...
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Posted 3/22/13
I think intimate relationships should be limited to adults. As long as they are both adults, I don't see anything wrong with any age difference.
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M / West Point (USMA)
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Posted 3/22/13

lordseth23 wrote:

I think intimate relationships should be limited to adults. As long as they are both adults, I don't see anything wrong with any age difference.


What's your opinion on teenagers/children?
Posted 3/22/13
I got a 6 1/2 year age difference between my man and I. My only problem is he sometimes treats me like a a child and it pisses me off. Otherwise I just let him do what he wants.
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21 / M / Florida
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Posted 3/22/13
It really depends on how intimate their relationship is. If we're talking about 6-12 year olds, then I have no problem if it's innocent love, but if they start saying stuff that adults say in relationships, that's where I draw the line. When they're above 18 or considered 'adults' then I don't really care nor mind different-aged relationships. It does get creepy though if a 18-20 year old girl was dating an 80+ year old guy...that's a little extreme to think that something else is going on besides love. Then again, I'm just a grumpy person in general on these topics so that's just my opinion.
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19 / M / In Abby's heart a...
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Posted 3/22/13
I am 18 and my gf is 15. People say that its weird -_- her mom even thinks im a pedophile. But to me age does not make a difference. The only case where i think its wrong is if someone under 18 is dating someone mid twenties and up. They might really love each other im not doubting that but there is a problem with the law and look of them together.
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23 / F / USA
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Posted 3/22/13

justanotherguy_2005 wrote:


hyjinx17 wrote:

I mean once your 18 I don't have a problem with any age gap, but I know if I have a daughter one day and she's 18 and brings home a 40 year old guy, I'm gonna be severely pissed at him


Should be more pissed at your daughter for choosing him and bringing him home. Can't blame an older guy for being happy that someone younger still finds them attractive and such.


Easier for an older man with a lot more experience to manipulate a younger innocent girl with less experience, than it is the other way around.
In my humble opinion.
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19 / M / In Abby's heart a...
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Posted 3/22/13

kamaitachi5587 wrote:

1/2 your age Plus 8 is the youngest you should date.


Um im 18 and the youngest person i should date is 17? um no... my gf is 15.
Rajyrr 
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23 / M / Nova Scotia, Canada
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Posted 3/22/13
Simple rule of thumb. [Not a set in stone law.]

Everyone 18 and older can date everyone 18 and older.

Everyone 17 and younger can date everyone 17 and younger.

Reality:

You're better off not knowing. If anyone honestly needs to ask this question, you don't want to know the truth. Because the truth, as always, is not pretty to look at.

Scary .. shit .. happens .. every .. day.
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22 / M / Close to your Heart
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Posted 3/22/13
Agree with previous comments on consenting adults. Also for relationships to start with big age gaps are no so uncommon, but for them to last it has a lot to do with both partners being at the same age mentally. ~My humble opinion~
Posted 3/22/13 , edited 3/22/13

ValinEndac wrote:

I and my wife have a larger than average age gap of about 13 years she being older than me, so I see nothing wrong with it.
However, I will point out one thing that I think a lot of people tend to forget about.
If you are the younger one in the relationship, you better be at a point in your career where it's possible to meet the needs and expectations of someone older.

I know someone people think things like "Money doesn't gurantee love" "In true love money doesn't matter", and it's true that money doesn't matter in a normal relationship.
However, if you already have a few things seperating you like age, culture, or distance, why would you want to add that much extra stress to a relationship.

I believe I should be qualified to speak on all these matters as I'm from America, my wife is from Taiwan, we have a large age gap, and had huge culture shocks to overcome.

Though, I am happy to report that we will soon be celebrating our second anniversary.


Congratulations!
My wife and I are about 16 years apart. She's the older one.

On the surface there were huge differences between us:
I came from a broken home in Detroit and was in the military. She was from an upper class family in Ft. Lauderdale that owned an aerospace company....
She'd been married twice before and was a widow, her 2nd husband was a Korean/Vietnam war Vet. I'd never been married, but had 3 EX-fiancee's and was in the Marines....

We got married when I was 23, and she was 38.
We were married for 12 years, and then felt the 'AGE-GAP' might be causing us issues, so we divorced..... but we were only seperated for 10 months, give or take, before we got back together... As we like to say, "Yeah we tried divorce once but it just didn't work out for us"... Never have we not been the best of friends. So, almost 22 years here we both are!
I don't feel I have any expertise of qualifications to make any comments about age differences or what does or doesn't make a relationship work, other than to say, for us- lots of hard work, and a desire to just want to be together.
It's a strange and wonderful relationship, and we take turns playing the strange and wonderful parts.

Anyway, may you two have many happy years together!
MCK
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27 / M / Toledo
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Posted 3/22/13

Tipsyyy wrote:


justanotherguy_2005 wrote:


hyjinx17 wrote:

I mean once your 18 I don't have a problem with any age gap, but I know if I have a daughter one day and she's 18 and brings home a 40 year old guy, I'm gonna be severely pissed at him


Should be more pissed at your daughter for choosing him and bringing him home. Can't blame an older guy for being happy that someone younger still finds them attractive and such.


Easier for an older man with a lot more experience to manipulate a younger innocent girl with less experience, than it is the other way around.
In my humble opinion.


It all just depends on the personalities of both really. Older men can start to feel insecure about themselves and are easier to manipulate by younger women who give them attention while you are also correct that an older man can prey on younger women easier from experience.
mipegg 
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21 / M / England
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Posted 3/22/13
Above 18 who cares, below that age gaps happen but it is odd to have eg 13x17 year old imo...
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26 / M / NY
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Posted 3/22/13

Amus_Man_Ikuto wrote:


kamaitachi5587 wrote:

1/2 your age Plus 8 is the youngest you should date.


Um im 18 and the youngest person i should date is 17? um no... my gf is 15.


You're 18 an adult in the eyes of the law. You cannot legally be in a relationship with a 15 year old. Any intimate contact with your girlfriend is criminal in the eyes of the law. It is called statutory-rape. Apparently others feel that your are inappropriate as well. You phrase it like a 12th grader dating a 9th. That implies that you are not a 12th grader. What if we rephrase that to a 1st year college student dating a high school freshmen. There are very few exceptions where an 18 year old can date a 15 year old without risking legal ramifications. That you cannot see why people are PMing you with their concerns speaks volumes. Rajyrr below is spot on.


Rajyrr wrote:

Simple rule of thumb. [Not a set in stone law.]

Everyone 18 and older can date everyone 18 and older.

Everyone 17 and younger can date everyone 17 and younger.

Reality:

You're better off not knowing. If anyone honestly needs to ask this question, you don't want to know the truth. Because the truth, as always, is not pretty to look at.


Rajyrr spot on 18 should be with 18 and up. Great call.

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22 / M / Hughesville, Penn...
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Posted 3/22/13

Gyava wrote:

What's your opinion on teenagers/children?


They shouldn't be involved in intimate relationships.
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Posted 3/22/13
First off, there is a lot of people trying to quote law here who have no idea what legal the actual legal precedent is. The laws vary by state, and if you are curious what they are for your area, look up "age of consent" on google for your state or region. It is as low as 14 (in Hawaii), it can have age ranges (16 year olds can date up to 24 in Florida), or be as rigid as 18 plus like it is in California. There are stipulations in the UCMJ for military members and exceptions are common for married minors.

Second, all laws are completely arbitrary number defined by social constructs which people attempt to define through delegations of rights and responsibilities. Physical and mental development are not linear, nor do they abide by artificial sets of rules such as the assumption that people are not legally capable of entering into contracts at age 18. I know people who are 30 who lack the competence of myself at age 15. Biologically speaking, both genders are capable of sexual intercourse after puberty, therefore the general issue that people raise is that younger individuals (especially women) are not capable of deciding their own sexual rights (i.e. statutory rape is considered rape because of the inability of minor to give consent). In my opinion, sex is not a legal contract, nor should we deem people incompetent for taking personal responsibility for their actions solely due to age. We already do this in society when we charge minors (as young as 15) with crimes in adult courts. Sex does carry consequences (pregnancy, STIs, psychological attachment), but I don't personally believe in building societies where we detach people from the consequences of their actions.

Historically speaking, daughters were married off with dowries at very young ages. Juliet was 13 when she was arranged to be married Paris who was 26 while Romeo was 16. Now, I do believe we baby teens and don't give them the opportunity to have good judgment by allowing them to make their own decisions, but that is a result of our society eliminating their personal choices. Our society currently is not in line with our natural development which does seek out sexual partners, even at early ages. Social norms only repress our natural tendencies which only act out the more you repress them.

In summary, it is my personal belief that this is a contextual discussion which can only be addressed when applied to specific circumstances. Laws only serve to remove our judgment to replace it with unnatural, socially constructed rules. This question deals with power structures, social mores, psychological manipulation, individual development, and personal responsibility. This all depends on the individuals who partaking in the actions and the contextual aspects of the situation. I do not judge those who seek out partners far outside their age cohort since I lack knowledge about their character and values. I know people who are competent enough to make sound relationship choices throughout all demographic groups, so I think this question is pointless without knowing specific situations/people.
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