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Asexuality
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Posted 3/24/13 , edited 3/24/13

Dropplet wrote:


mojojooo wrote:

Oh... First off, given the info you provided, seems that everybody is asexual. Secondly, it seems that way because the statements in your post are contradicting: asexuals aren't sexually attracted to any body yet they are sexually attracted to people whom they want to get to know? Some asexuals don't care for sex but some seek romantic relationships?
Everybody wants and needs human contact at every level there is.

I think the big, and only idea here is that an asexual person does not want to have sex, at least not with someone else. That's pretty much the only thing that made sense to me.


I would have to agree with you on that. This isn't my work, I just reposted the information but sexuallity isn't black or white. There are lots of grey areas too. Some people are called Demisexuals meaning they aren't sexually attracted to someone until they get to know them first. Though you also have two kinds of asexuals, there are romantic and aromantic meaning one wants a romantic relationship and the other one doesn't. Romance doesn't have to involve sex and that's what they want. Though some are open to the idea of sex if they have a sexual partner.


Well, even kissing is sexual. So is flirting, teasing... I don't know what couples do, lap dancing? Lol, w/e. Anyway, that would mean that they want none of those things. In that case, it isn't a romantic relationship, it's a simple friendship. And this demisexual thing... that can and does happen to anyone. But how could you never look at even one person, throughout the entirety of your life, without thinking they're good looking? That's not possible; it's only natural.

Seriously, society needs to stop labeling every little thing.
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Posted 3/24/13 , edited 3/24/13

mojojooo wrote:

Well, even kissing is sexual. So is flirting, teasing... I don't know what couples do, lap dancing? Lol, w/e. Anyway, that would mean that they want none of those things. In that case, it isn't a romantic relationship, it's a simple friendship. And this demisexual thing... that can and does happen to anyone. But how could you never look at even one person, throughout the entirety of your life, without thinking they're good looking? That's not possible; it's only natural.

Seriously, society needs to stop labeling every little thing.


I think you're getting a little too worked up over semantics. I'm pretty sure when asexual individuals say they don't like sex, they're talking very specifically about sexual intercourse. There's this documentary on netflix (appropriately called) "Asexual" that I ended up watching one afternoon when I was very bored, and that did seem to be how one mutually asexual couple defined asexuality.

If nothing else, it's a gradient. Some people consider it asexual when there's no desire for sexual attraction, and others go the whole nine yards and simply feel nothing for no one.

That said, I'm not sure if it exists and I don't particularly care. People know themselves the best, and if they feel that they have no sexual attraction, I best defer to how they feel. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I was actually part of AVEN, and you do get a very different vibe there. People just don't care to talk about sex, but instead talk about things. Like cake (okay, so that's an inside joke). But when I'm there, I can relate to people there far more easily simply because they are talking about more than just sex and relationships.It's hard to explain, really, but it definitely makes asexuality feel genuine.
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Posted 3/25/13

Hairbelly wrote:



Exactly.


Just a virgin? Not an asexual or heterosexual?
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Posted 3/25/13
i think u guys are just way too used to having emotions and needing to touch someone or something~~ ;p life without it or with it~ just the same~
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Posted 3/25/13

lordseth23 wrote:

Just a virgin? Not an asexual or heterosexual?


That's what you get when you ask for a label. You get one thing. Now take it and be happy with it.. Lol
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25 / M / Pennsylvania, US
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Posted 3/25/13
"Do you believe asexuality exists?"
Yes, but I think the definition can sometimes be a bit broad.
"What do you think of it?"
I think "live and let live" covers it. It's stupid and pointless to get upset or judgmental over a personal preference that doesn't hurt anyone.
"Do you know someone who is or may be asexual?"
Myself, though only in the most general sense.
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Posted 3/25/13
I wouldnt call it asexuality. I would just call it social ineptitude or sexual anxiety...
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Posted 3/26/13

CLarose wrote:

I wouldnt call it asexuality. I would just call it social ineptitude or sexual anxiety...

I'm not so sure, I know some girls who are very socially inept but have a strong interest in heterosexual sex. You may be right about anxiety though.
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Posted 3/28/13 , edited 3/28/13
Do you believe asexuality exsits?
Well of course it exists! Just as some people are sexually attracted to only the opposite gender, or the same, or both, some people are not sexually attracted to anyone at all! It makes no sense to deny that people can have no sexual attraction, because we can see it in an entire community of people at AVEN, and seeing as people do experience a wide range of sexual attractions, it's safe to assume some people do not at all. How can you say something doesn't exist just because you didn't experience it...?

What do you think of it?
I think it's an orientation, just like any other orientation. It is equal and varied. Not really much else to say on the matter.

Do you know someone who is or may be asexual?
I actually have met a decent handful of Aces now, an Ace being someone who identifies as Asexual, and I myself have identified as an Ace since I started highschool.

At this point I would like to bring up an image that describes how attraction isn't just sexual, there are multiple facets, including the romantic, the sensual, and the aesthetic.



lordseth23 wrote:

Are you still considered to be asexual if you want to have sex with a person that wants to have sex with you?

Of course! Orientations do not dictate actions, and actions do not dictate orientations. A gay man is perfectly capable of having sex with a woman, and a straight woman is perfectly capable of having sex with another woman. They lack a sexual desire to do so, but that doesn't mean they couldn't engage in sexual intercourse for a number of reasons, such as curiosity. Similar to that, someone who identifies as asexual can have sex, because having sex and experiencing sexual attraction are not the same thing. You don't choose who you feel sexual attractions for, it just happens, you do choose who you have sex with. Asexuality is not celibacy. It's not a choice, it's simply having no sexual attraction to anyone, regardless of gender. (Though don't get me wrong, they grey-A such as Demisexuality is out there too)


lordseth23 wrote:

So it is just a preference, and not a natural condition like hetero and homosexuality?

No, it's not just a preference. It is itself a natural condition, an individual without sexual attraction to others. Just like homosexuality and heterosexuality it's not a choice, it's part of who you are.


mojojooo wrote:

Well, even kissing is sexual. So is flirting, teasing... I don't know what couples do, lap dancing? Lol, w/e. Anyway, that would mean that they want none of those things. In that case, it isn't a romantic relationship, it's a simple friendship. And this demisexual thing... that can and does happen to anyone. But how could you never look at even one person, throughout the entirety of your life, without thinking they're good looking? That's not possible; it's only natural.

Seriously, society needs to stop labeling every little thing.

First off, kissing is not always sexual. Often it is an expression of fondness, and a platonic one at that. Some cultures even great people by kissing them on their cheeks. Mothers often kiss their children. To insinuate that it is a sexual act, is misguided I feel. Although it can be used as such, it is not by itself always a sexual act. Flirting and teasing are by far not sexual acts. Flirting is just an expression of attraction, it can very easily be based off romantic attraction or aesthetic attraction. And you can not define a "romantic relationship" by not wanting kissing, flirting, and teasing. If two people are emotionally close, they can easily have a romantic relationship without making any extra effort to be some kind of "couple" as western society defines it. As far as your comment on demisexuality, again not true. Although many people may develop deep bonds over time, many relationships in western society start with sexual attraction, and then develop bonds, a demisexual individual doesn't feel sexual attraction unless they develop those bonds first. Don't write something off just because you don't understand it.
I really want to point out your comment though about everyone needing to see someone as good looking, it being impossible not to. Do you have people you are not in any way attracted to...? By the very same key, someone could feel that way about everyone. It's not impossible, and it is natural. Some people do not experience attractions of any kind. Others only certain kinds. You also again have mixed up asexuality with something else all together, as an asexual can still experience aesthetic attraction, they can still look at someone and think, "Wow, they are very attractive." The difference being, an asexual doesn't look at anyone and feel the desire to engage in sexual intercourse with them.


CLarose wrote:

I wouldnt call it asexuality. I would just call it social ineptitude or sexual anxiety...

Wow... That is not only misinformed, but rather rude and insulting. There are plenty of asexual individuals who are social apt, just as there are plenty of people who are not asexual who are not social apt. As for calling it sexual anxiety, I urge you to go and do some research, ask questions around AVEN (http://www.asexuality.org/home/). Asexuality is the absence of sexual attraction, anxiety has nothing to do with it. Infact there are asexuals who engage in and enjoy sex, they just don't feel the desires to have sex with anyone. Just because you don't feel an attraction, doesn't mean one can't engage in an act they find pleasurable. An example could be a Straight man getting a blowjob from a gay one. He still had sex, he still probably enjoyed the feeling of sex, but he experienced no sexual attraction to the individual preforming the sexual act upon him. Calling asexuality social ineptitude or sexual anxiety is like saying that all orientations besides pansexual are socially inept or have sexual anxiety, because the same way a straight women feels about sex with other women is how asexuals feel about all individuals.
Posted 3/30/13

lordseth23 wrote:



Then what do you call a person like me who doesn't feel the need to lose his virginity?


A virgin with sexual frustration, virgin with patience, or a combination of the two . In my personal experiences I've met many men with a social awkwardness issue , and many of them become discouraged after some attempts with trying to attain a partner which down the road develops into some form of asexuality.
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Posted 3/30/13

Tecmag wrote:


lordseth23 wrote:

So it is just a preference, and not a natural condition like hetero and homosexuality?

No, it's not just a preference. It is itself a natural condition, an individual without sexual attraction to others. Just like homosexuality and heterosexuality it's not a choice, it's part of who you are.


So if I do feel sexually attracted to women I wouldn't be considered asexual?
Posted 3/30/13

lordseth23 wrote:


Tecmag wrote:


lordseth23 wrote:

So it is just a preference, and not a natural condition like hetero and homosexuality?

No, it's not just a preference. It is itself a natural condition, an individual without sexual attraction to others. Just like homosexuality and heterosexuality it's not a choice, it's part of who you are.


So if I do feel sexually attracted to women I wouldn't be considered asexual?


Correct. I personally don't believe that asexuality can exist. I believe its a repressed form of sexual frustration combined with/or sexual confusion.

I think that during "growing up" an individual attained some form of gender role, and in the process he/she determined what they were attracted to. I've talked with peers, and some believe that sexuality is mutation seeing as some people decide to change their mind down the line. Thoughts?
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Posted 3/31/13

firstclassbaka wrote:

Correct. I personally don't believe that asexuality can exist. I believe its a repressed form of sexual frustration combined with/or sexual confusion.

I think that during "growing up" an individual attained some form of gender role, and in the process he/she determined what they were attracted to. I've talked with peers, and some believe that sexuality is mutation seeing as some people decide to change their mind down the line. Thoughts?


Yeah, that sounds right. I definitely had sexual frustration in the past as I went through puberty with a severe case of social anxiety, which led to me having the mindset that no girl would ever want to touch me, and as a result I basically grew up trying to repress my libido as much as I possibly could.
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Posted 3/31/13
The problem I have with saying it's just sexual frustration is that people over at AVEN never seem to talk about relationships, except in the context of talking about asexuality per se. Now, most of the forum boards are meant for discussing and understanding asexuality, so of course relationships come up naturally there, but if you go to their general "Off-A" discussion, it seems more interested in talking about hobbies, fiction, and other very non-sexual things.

The general discussion here, by comparison, has almost every other topic about sex or relationships. Now, obviously, AVEN and Crunchyroll have very different forum organization, specifically AVEN has boards specifically meant to talk about "Asexual Relationships", but even if you look at other boards (say their "Open Mic board"), there's still a peculiar lack of sexual discussion. It really does come across as a lack of sexual interest, not the presence of sexual frustration.
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Posted 4/1/13

lordseth23 wrote:

So if I do feel sexually attracted to women I wouldn't be considered asexual?

Yes. Asexuality is simply when one does not experience sexual attraction. Just as heterosexuality is only defined by sexual attraction to the opposite gender.


firstclassbaka wrote:

Correct. I personally don't believe that asexuality can exist. I believe its a repressed form of sexual frustration combined with/or sexual confusion.

I think that during "growing up" an individual attained some form of gender role, and in the process he/she determined what they were attracted to. I've talked with peers, and some believe that sexuality is mutation seeing as some people decide to change their mind down the line. Thoughts?

I honestly find that first comment as ridiculous. It shows the problems people have by accepting "norms" as truth. Do you feel sexual attraction to everyone? I doubt it. Those people you are not sexually attracted to, other people are. If different people can experience sexual attraction for a variety of individuals and not for a variety of others, it's only logical some may feel those feelings for all, and some may feel them for none. The second sentence could honestly very easily be very insulting. It's like saying, "Straight people only don't claim to experience sexual attraction to the same gender because it's some repressed form of sexual frustration and some form of sexual confusion keeping them from admitting they are sexually attracted to the same gender." Not only does that attempt discredit ones identity (which does nothing but harm), it makes a generalization that because you feel sexual attraction, everyone else must too. If that's the case, then I guess no one likes football, because I don't, they must just be pretending because of some repressed feelings. See the problems with that argument...?

I think that everyone attains some for of gender role, as society makes gender a big focus in many areas around the world. We can only interpret the way we feel, not truly know it. We make judgments, based on how we feel, trying to understand what those feelings mean, and from that label them, such as sexual orientations are labeled to attempt to convey our emotions. I don't feel people just "Change their mind down the line" as much as they form new understandings of their emotions, and sometimes we got those wrong. We have to learn and interpret them as we go.
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