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Desperate need to talk
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17 / F / Sweden
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Posted 4/9/13
First off, I came up with this idea a second ago since i'm right now really really down, panicking and I got no clue what to do or who to turn to. I figure this thread can be a thread for us that in the moment feel lost, depressed and got a urgent need for someone to talk to/or just get their feelings written down.

As usual I feel dumb for just making a thread and I feel dumb and embarassed for existing in this world, but I'll give it a shot,
518 cr points
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17 / F / Sweden
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Posted 4/9/13
I don't know what's wrong with me atm. Im cold-sweting, I can hardly breath and i'm crying like an idiot. Reason? I'm not totally sure. What got it started was that I started a thread in another forum while being in a self-destructive mood and asking for "bad" advices.... I immediatly got yelled and called "disgusting cunt" etc.
I'm not sure why i'm so upset over this... I imagine the worst. That those people on this forum will search my IP, will get my full name, post it, embarass me. Im also embarassed for being a daughter to my parents. I'm a worthless daughter.
I failed school this year, I have to repeat it. And since I was 10 iv'e been nothing than trouble. I got that confirmed by my dad who often tells me that i'm selfish, that I destroyed this family and that everything is my fault.
I'm starting to believe it. It makes me wanna die, but I know I can't do that. My mom loves me and I need to stay alive for her sake. But i'm really nothing. I got almost no friends, im socially.. disturbed, I'm ugly, useless and worthless with a dark future.
And when I tried to cut I couldn't even do a deep one. I can't do nothing if not drunk. I'm patethic.
Wihl 
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Posted 4/9/13
Start by believing in yourself. What do you want to do with your life and what do you like to do over the long term? By moving in that direction, you will start to take control of your life.
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17 / F / Sweden
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Posted 4/9/13

Wihl wrote:

Start by believing in yourself. What do you want to do with your life and what do you like to do over the long term? By moving in that direction, you will start to take control of your life.


Trust me, I tried walking that path. But in the end i'm always left with no dreams - no hope. I got NOTHING I want to do with my life. I simply don't want to have a life. As soon as my mother passaway i'm probably up to suicide. But yea, there is some years left til that.
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23 / M / Hughesville, Penn...
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Posted 4/9/13

iInger wrote:

I don't know what's wrong with me atm. Im cold-sweting, I can hardly breath and i'm crying like an idiot. Reason? I'm not totally sure. What got it started was that I started a thread in another forum while being in a self-destructive mood and asking for "bad" advices.... I immediatly got yelled and called "disgusting cunt" etc.
I'm not sure why i'm so upset over this... I imagine the worst. That those people on this forum will search my IP, will get my full name, post it, embarass me. Im also embarassed for being a daughter to my parents. I'm a worthless daughter.
I failed school this year, I have to repeat it. And since I was 10 iv'e been nothing than trouble. I got that confirmed by my dad who often tells me that i'm selfish, that I destroyed this family and that everything is my fault.
I'm starting to believe it. It makes me wanna die, but I know I can't do that. My mom loves me and I need to stay alive for her sake. But i'm really nothing. I got almost no friends, im socially.. disturbed, I'm ugly, useless and worthless with a dark future.
And when I tried to cut I couldn't even do a deep one. I can't do nothing if not drunk. I'm patethic.


You're not worthless to the people that care about you and want to be your friend, so you should concentrate on finding those people.

You are perfect just the way you are, don't suppress your beautiful soul anymore. Fight for what you love, and live for the people you may find that love you.
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17 / F / Sweden
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Posted 4/9/13
After a long smoke, alot of crying and some sissy wounds I feel abit better. Still tho, the internet forum is still there. But I decided to not go back and check what the people have answered me. Can't bring anything god anyway.
And ye, fight for what you love etc sounds pretty simple but idk. I'm not interested in loving anyone. I don't want friends because I know I will end up hurting them. I don't really WANT to feel better, even tho I don't want to feel bad. Because I feel like I deserv nothing else than this.
The only relationship I can't get away from is simply the one I have with my mom. That's the only bound I have to this life. And you could say that for her sake I could try to get out of my depression etc. But I tried for so long and i'm done trying. I don't believe there is such a thing as a happy ending.
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23 / M / Hughesville, Penn...
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Posted 4/9/13

iInger wrote:

After a long smoke, alot of crying and some sissy wounds I feel abit better. Still tho, the internet forum is still there. But I decided to not go back and check what the people have answered me. Can't bring anything god anyway.
And ye, fight for what you love etc sounds pretty simple but idk. I'm not interested in loving anyone. I don't want friends because I know I will end up hurting them. I don't really WANT to feel better, even tho I don't want to feel bad. Because I feel like I deserv nothing else than this.
The only relationship I can't get away from is simply the one I have with my mom. That's the only bound I have to this life. And you could say that for her sake I could try to get out of my depression etc. But I tried for so long and i'm done trying. I don't believe there is such a thing as a happy ending.


Why don't you want to love anyone?

You won't hurt people that really want to be your friend because they will stay with you through any mistake you could possibly make. You deserve to have the life that you want to live because you are an amazing person who is capable of being an awesome friend and an integral part of someone's life. There may not be a happy ending, but there is no guarantee that ending your life will relieve your pain, so you should live the way you want to live and stop holding yourself back from happiness.
518 cr points
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17 / F / Sweden
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Posted 4/9/13
Why don't you want to love anyone?

You won't hurt people that really want to be your friend because they will stay with you through any mistake you could possibly make. You deserve to have the life that you want to live because you are an amazing person who is capable of being an awesome friend and an integral part of someone's life. There may not be a happy ending, but there is no guarantee that ending your life will relieve your pain, so you should live the way you want to live and stop holding yourself back from happiness.

I don't know. I guess your comment make sense but... I'm already so dirty. I've done tons of stuff most teens would never dream off. Regretting them won't make them go away.
I don't want to love anyone because I obv don't want to hurt anyone, + that leaving this world will be almost impossibe if I got something to live for. And I already decided that i'm not worth living.
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23 / M / Hughesville, Penn...
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Posted 4/9/13

iInger wrote:

I don't know. I guess your comment make sense but... I'm already so dirty. I've done tons of stuff most teens would never dream off. Regretting them won't make them go away.
I don't want to love anyone because I obv don't want to hurt anyone, + that leaving this world will be almost impossibe if I got something to live for. And I already decided that i'm not worth living.


Your past does not define who you are as a person, don't be held back by it.

What makes you think that you will hurt someone?
Canute 
28248 cr points
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28 / M
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Posted 4/9/13
Ultimately, we live for love. We desire to love and be loved. It is utter wrongheadedness to say that one doesn't want to love. The surest way to be unhappy is not to love for it frustrates our very nature! So, love without fear of being unloved in return. Be merciful in your dealings with people without thought of receiving anything from them in return. Know that you are loved by Jesus Christ, He died for you so that you could live in Paradise forever, where He shall abundantly reward you for any good you have done to others. Remember, despite however useless you feel about yourself, that He created you for Himself fully knowing all the mistakes you would make and still loves and wants you!

Our lives are without meaning without God. Even though we all carry around a burden of sin, Jesus Christ died to free us from sin. Despite this burden, we carry on loving God and one another hoping in God's mercy. But, it is very useless for me to talk about it really. Open a book of the Gospels and I pray that God speaks to your heart and leads you out of the darkness you're immersed in. Don't lose heart!
25765 cr points
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M / 七十七 / ミシガン
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Posted 4/9/13
I agree completely w/Canute on this.

All of us live with the desire to love and be loved! I know u feel that way deep down too, I know I sure do! ^__^

And your life is worth living, for you are a truly special person in the eyes of God! And He loves u more than u can imagine, despite whatever past mistakes u have committed!

Anyway, just keep on livin' ya hear! I promise to keep u in prayer! ^___^
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34 / M / Small Wooded town...
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Posted 4/10/13
SO what is the topic of Debate?

Being this is the ED there must be a debatable topic to get into.
11948 cr points
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20 / M
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Posted 4/10/13

suikojay wrote:

I agree completely w/Canute on this.

All of us live with the desire to love and be loved! I know u feel that way deep down too, I know I sure do! ^__^

And your life is worth living, for you are a truly special person in the eyes of God! And He loves u more than u can imagine, despite whatever past mistakes u have committed!

Anyway, just keep on livin' ya hear! I promise to keep u in prayer! ^___^


meh~ you were made to believe u want love
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25 / F / Egypt
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Posted 4/10/13
Well first I want to ask, does anyone here have OCD with blasphemous thoughts?
662 cr points
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20 / F
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Posted 4/10/13
You should believe more in yourself, from what I can see you lack self confidence but don't worry, everyone of us feels like that once in a while. Unless you start accepting and loving your self, this cycle will just continue. Don't let what others say or think, let you down. Because no matter what you do, good or bad... people will always have something to say about it. Just be yourself, instead of thinking negative thoughts, focus on the good things you've experienced.

It does get better. Hang in there.
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