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Poems thread
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Posted 4/24/13 , edited 4/25/13

To see the beautiful, clear night sky and the full moon and all of the stars is awe-inspiring, yet humbling.
To know that my life and subsequent death are to be but inconsequential grains in the sands of time is relieving of responsibility and obligation.
The tears shed for me will run dry.
The world will move on, the human race no worse off, every single person laughing, crying, feeling pain, just being alive, their ugly, beautiful existences shinning as flames, brilliantly and beautifully flaring and blinking.
To know that these beautiful skies will exist beyond me for eons to come, to know beautiful alien skies on other worlds, it is enough to move me to tears.
My existence and its inconsequential ephemerality gives it meaning, value.
It is wonderful to be human.


-Ryu Roh


Ryu is a good friend of mine. He's a fine writer in my opinion, so I wanted to share one his recent works. His prose describes the ironic beauty of our insignificance and fragility. I quite enjoyed it. Please give him some feedback and thoughts.

I'd also love to read some of your own poems or prose. So don't be afraid, we're all kind on this site, right?
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Posted 4/24/13
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Vodka is cheaper,
than dinner for two.

Not by me
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Posted 4/24/13

firebird380 wrote:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Vodka is cheaper,
than dinner for two.

Not by me :)


I know you can be more creative than that. Express yourself. Write something good.

Also, thoughts on Ryu's piece?
Posted 4/25/13 , edited 4/25/13
Our life experiences are rather narrow but life is but perspective. I don't worry about the sky or what my family and friends feel or are going to feel. Just as quick as people appear they are gone. I don't know to care about what is real to me,i know that if i pay attention i will find myself in all kinds of unecessary thinking. I don't mind if i'm crawling or walking along. All that matters is the here and now and what i'm about to do next but I don't find my self in a case of expectation.

I like the perspective of your friend, i'm going to take it and add it to the rest of information i have gathered and maybe one day it might come in handy but not now. There is significance even in the negatives.
Posted 4/25/13
I think this piece would benefit from having more line breaks. Content-wise, I personally do not agree.

Well, on the subject of insignificance....

Sakura

everyday
they bloom
pink popcorn
sprouting on trees
cotton candy flowers
soon to be devoured
by hundreds of hungry tourists
at the click of a button
one flash
and the moment
is over
beauty becomes litter
and litter turns to dust
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Posted 4/25/13

DetectiveAlex wrote:
I know you can be more creative than that. Express yourself. Write something good.

Also, thoughts on Ryu's piece?


I like his style because I have seen lots of other poets use complicated words or a lot of metaphors in their works. Ryu is a good poet for those who struggle to understand the meaning of the poem (like me). Sorry I can't really give a good review, I am only a 15 year old girl.

Belief of fate is what binds some to their unwanted path,
yet when they act based on fleeting feelings,
they use fate to escape the inner consequence.
inside they are said to be suffering,
in their controlled world.
the work of a god or of higher order,
that, is the one who is said to appoint our fate.
yet when one who is upright, comes along and says otherwise,
the believer shall change their values and views to the other.
and one who is leaning comes along with no path to follow,
the believer of fate controls that of the being.
Despite the alteration of humans,
and how easily it is done,
many believe of this idea of fate,
and that is the burden of those who are upright and say otherwise,
that are the real sufferers,
in our transforming world.

Sorry if you don't like it :P
I tried.
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Posted 4/25/13


It's meant to be prose, not poetry. But I can understand why you'd make that assumption.

As for your piece, the second half is very ambiguous compared to the start up. Was this contrast intentional? I enjoy it.

Also, very nice formatting, easy to read, good diction.



Living for the moment is dangerous though, don't you think? That unnessecary thinking can come in handy perhaps and allow you to see the world from perspectives that are not your own.




You did well. You should never write yourself off just because of your age.

I agree with the message of your piece. I believe the first three lines are especially powerful since they describe very real happenings. Fate is an excuse.
Posted 4/25/13

DetectiveAlex wrote:



It's meant to be prose, not poetry. But I can understand why you'd make that assumption.

As for your piece, the second half is very ambiguous compared to the start up. Was this contrast intentional? I enjoy it.

Also, very nice formatting, easy to read, good diction.



I assumed it was poetry because it did have line breaks. Also, it doesn't really read as prose. Prose poetry perhaps, but then you don't need line breaks for that. Sorry for being technical.

As for my piece. It doesn't have a second half. It's one whole thing. I'm curious to see where you think it cuts off because if that's the case, then perhaps I need to fix it.
Posted 4/25/13 , edited 4/25/13
Perhaps unnecessary thinking would come in handy but it might conjure delusional thinking where you put emphasis on what's not and preparing for what will never be of any importance or significance to you. Like cynics and optimists share the same burden.

"Why then 'tis none to you; for there is nothing either good or
bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison." - Shakesphere

I beleive you might ask, but where is the harm in that? That will depend on the person's experience. Some thoughts are not helpful to someone and others harmful to certain people. For example, A person with a sad life might become more gloomy from just words like "insignificant". Which is why opinions thrown freely should have a "maybe" etc..
Posted 4/25/13

Marsev wrote:

Perhaps unnecessary thinking would come in handy but it might conjure delusional thinking where you put emphasis on what's not and preparing for what will never be of any importance or significance to you. Like cynics and optimists share the same burden.

"Why then 'tis none to you; for there is nothing either good or
bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison." - Shakesphere

I beleive you might ask, but where is the harm in that? That will depend on the person's experience. Some thoughts are not helpful to someone and others harmful to certain people. For example, A person with a sad life might become more gloomy from just words like "insignificant". Which is why opinions thrown freely should have a "maybe" etc..


It's always a pleasure reading your thoughts. They're very enlightening.

But I think the proper term you are looking for is "overthinking." I don't believe that there is such a things as "unnecessary thinking." You think because you find a need to do so. You may deny it, but the reason you have those thoughts is because they are things that you would like to sort out or at least make some sense of. Overthinking on the other hand, is when you tend to spend way more time and effort on a thought or idea than is really necessary. It's when you almost become obsessed with a thought that it hinders your ability to think clearly and function properly. Just my two cents, I guess.
Posted 4/25/13 , edited 4/25/13

demongurrl13 wrote:

It's always a pleasure reading your thoughts. They're very enlightening.

But I think the proper term you are looking for is "overthinking." I don't believe that there is such a things as "unnecessary thinking." You think because you find a need to do so. You may deny it, but the reason you have those thoughts is because they are things that you would like to sort out or at least make some sense of. Overthinking on the other hand, is when you tend to spend way more time and effort on a thought or idea than is really necessary. It's when you almost become obsessed with a thought that it hinders your ability to think clearly and function properly. Just my two cents, I guess.


What i meant was "reckless, careless, rash" not over-thinking. A state of mind perhaps. Both types of thinking would depend on this. Over-thinking i don't believe to be a problem as long as it serves a purpose which revises on your previous thinking. We are not static and to believe we are is a problem in my opinion. So "maybe" unnecessary thinking is driven by one's own need to manipulate their state of mind (perhaps even further into delusion).
Posted 4/25/13 , edited 4/25/13

DetectiveAlex wrote:

He sent it to me as one big block. I took the liberty of rearranging it into lines to make it easier to follow. From my experiences on this site, people don't find blocks of texts to be appealing. So it's my fault, he had the correct format in place.

I meant from a physical perspective. Line seven(at the click of a button . . .), is exactly half way. All lines after that are ambiguous and open to interpretation, but previous lines are very straight forward.


Just a word of advice. You NEVER mess with another writer's text. I understand your thoughts but that only made your friend look bad. Unless you're asked to edit something, you should leave any formatting as is.

Ahhh... Well that really depends on how you read it. I had a specific image in mind when I wrote it, but if you wish to see it another way, then by all means.
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Posted 4/25/13 , edited 4/25/13



demongurrl13 wrote:


DetectiveAlex wrote:



It's meant to be prose, not poetry. But I can understand why you'd make that assumption.

As for your piece, the second half is very ambiguous compared to the start up. Was this contrast intentional? I enjoy it.

Also, very nice formatting, easy to read, good diction.



I assumed it was poetry because it did have line breaks. Also, it doesn't really read as prose. Prose poetry perhaps, but then you don't need line breaks for that. Sorry for being technical.

As for my piece. It doesn't have a second half. It's one whole thing. I'm curious to see where you think it cuts off because if that's the case, then perhaps I need to fix it.


He sent it to me as one big block. I took the liberty of rearranging it into lines to make it easier to follow. From my experiences on this site, people don't find blocks of texts to be appealing. So it's my fault, he had the correct format in place.

I meant from a physical perspective. Line seven(by hundreds of hungry tourists . . .), is exactly half way. All lines after that are ambiguous and open to interpretation, but previous lines are very straight forward.

Posted 4/25/13 , edited 4/25/13

Marsev wrote:

What i meant was "reckless, careless, rash" not over-thinking. A state of mind perhaps. Both types of thinking would depend on this. Over-thinking i don't believe to be a problem as long as it serves a purpose which revises on your previous thinking. We are not static and to believe we are is a problem in my opinion. So "maybe" unnecessary thinking is driven by one's own need to manipulate their state of mind (perhaps even further into delusion).


Interesting. I always saw overthinking as a road block. Maybe because from my experience, when I overthink certain things, I get stuck on those thoughts and basically become static. I obsess until I burn myself out.. which is never a good thing. Perhaps I need to practice this unnecessary thinking you speak of as some sort of distraction to keep myself from going insane. Well, not that I'm perfectly sane to begin with but I'd like to keep what small amount of sanity I have left. Lol..

Posted 4/25/13

demongurrl13 wrote:


Marsev wrote:

What i meant was "reckless, careless, rash" not over-thinking. A state of mind perhaps. Both types of thinking would depend on this. Over-thinking i don't believe to be a problem as long as it serves a purpose which revises on your previous thinking. We are not static and to believe we are is a problem in my opinion. So "maybe" unnecessary thinking is driven by one's own need to manipulate their state of mind (perhaps even further into delusion).


Interesting. I always saw overthinking as a road block. Maybe because from my experience, when I overthink certain things, I get stuck on those thoughts and basically become static. I obsess until I burn myself out.. which is never a good thing. Perhaps I need to practice this unnecessary thinking you speak of as some sort of distraction to keep myself from going insane. Well, not that I'm perfectly sane to begin with but I'd like to keep what small amount of sanity I have left. Lol..



I don't know what you obsess about and one's own need to manipulate their state of mind is sometimes driven by narrow objectives, there are more people who think about nothing but themselves.
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