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Have you ever had anyone try to change who you are???
Posted 5/14/13
I was just wondering if any of you had a problem with people trying to change you into a different person. I have the problem with others who don't think that I'm living the way I should be according to their standards. Honestly I'm getting quite fed up with it. Especially the people that I'm the closest to.
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Posted 5/14/13

kritter09 wrote:

I was just wondering if any of you had a problem with people trying to change you into a different person. I have the problem with others who don't think that I'm living the way I should be according to their standards. Honestly I'm getting quite fed up with it. Especially the people that I'm the closest to.



Many, many, many times and I've changed a great deal throughout my life-time. You only change when you want to and when it is beneficial. You should always be open to change, that's how we become better individuals.
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Posted 5/14/13
Don't ever change who you are for someone else and their standards, it will only lead to resentment.
Change is a part of life, not something that should be forced upon you by others.
Posted 5/14/13

spacebat wrote:


kritter09 wrote:

I was just wondering if any of you had a problem with people trying to change you into a different person. I have the problem with others who don't think that I'm living the way I should be according to their standards. Honestly I'm getting quite fed up with it. Especially the people that I'm the closest to.



Many, many, many times and I've changed a great deal throughout my life-time. You only change when you want to and when it is beneficial. You should always be open to change, that's how we become better individuals.


Yeah, but what if you are happy about how you are living and proud of who you are. I can admit that I have changed a lot in the past year, but for some reason everyone else thinks different.
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Posted 5/14/13
My ex boyfriend of 3 years tried to change me into a typical submissive girlfriend and I let him. But that didn't satisfy his controlling desires he had to block all my friends from contacting me, he was so jealous of other males he didn't even like me talking to my own father *WTF*. Breaking up with him was the BEST thing I ever did in my life.
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Posted 5/14/13 , edited 5/14/13

kritter09 wrote:

Yeah, but what if you are happy about how you are living and proud of who you are. I can admit that I have changed a lot in the past year, but for some reason everyone else thinks different.


Well, it really depends what about you they would like you to change. Have you sat down and spoke to them? Would the change benefit you in the short term what about the long term? Again it's up to you whether you would benefit or not. Some times the right decision is the one you least would like... like moving out. :P

Most people will tell you "Don't ever change for anyone." This is a ridiculous statement. Change is natural and is needed to adapt to new environments.
Posted 5/14/13

spacebat wrote:


kritter09 wrote:

Yeah, but what if you are happy about how you are living and proud of who you are. I can admit that I have changed a lot in the past year, but for some reason everyone else thinks different.


Well, it really depends what about you they would like you to change. Have you sat down and spoke to them? Would the change benefit you in the short term what about the long term? Again it's up to you whether you would benefit or not. Some times the right decision is the one you least would like... like moving out. :P

Most people will tell you "Don't ever change for anyone." This is a ridiculous statement. Change is natural and is needed to adapt to new environments.


That's the thing. I don't live with these people who are tryin to make me change. Talking does not work with my mother... It's her way or no way. Then she pulls the whole guilt trip thing just because I don't live in the same state as her.
Posted 5/14/13

tinyd0t wrote:

My ex boyfriend of 3 years tried to change me into a typical submissive girlfriend and I let him. But that didn't satisfy his controlling desires he had to block all my friends from contacting me, he was so jealous of other males he didn't even like me talking to my own father *WTF*. Breaking up with him was the BEST thing I ever did in my life.


Wow, I'm actually in a similar situation at the moment with my boyfriend. But I try not to let it get to me.
Posted 5/14/13
My mom .. but she failed
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Posted 5/14/13

kritter09 wrote:

That's the thing. I don't live with these people who are tryin to make me change. Talking does not work with my mother... It's her way or no way. Then she pulls the whole guilt trip thing just because I don't live in the same state as her.


I doubt you'll find any answers on here. My mother is Cubanese. Think of a Jewish mother on crack. I know a thing or two about guilt trips. :P

She's probably just worried about you. However, I don't know your family situation i'm just making assumptions based on my own experiences.
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Posted 5/14/13

kritter09

Wow, I'm actually in a similar situation at the moment with my boyfriend. But I try not to let it get to me.


What I learnt from my experience with guys are, if they're not happy with you, they will ALWAYS be unhappy about you no matter how much you accommodate that person. Controlling is a very negative behaviour in a relationship, my ex was so worried about me cheating and he ended up being the one who cheated.

It is easy for me to tell you to leave a guy that you're not happy with, so just let yourself see through this guy in time and then you'll look back and realise the people who tried to change you aren't worth the time you give them.
Posted 5/14/13

tinyd0t wrote:


kritter09

Wow, I'm actually in a similar situation at the moment with my boyfriend. But I try not to let it get to me.


What I learnt from my experience with guys are, if they're not happy with you, they will ALWAYS be unhappy about you no matter how much you accommodate that person. Controlling is a very negative behaviour in a relationship, my ex was so worried about me cheating and he ended up being the one who cheated.

It is easy for me to tell you to leave a guy that you're not happy with, so just let yourself see through this guy in time and then you'll look back and realise the people who tried to change you aren't worth the time you give them.


Thanks for the advice. I'll probably get tired of him real soon if he keeps up the way he has been acting and treating me. I mean he is only the second guy I've ever been with.
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Posted 5/14/13
Yup I have people telling me all the time that I need to grow up and stop reading comics/manga, that video games are a waste of time, and anime is for kids. I just shrug at them and walk away. Oh geez I'm sorry these things have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember and I'm not dropping them for anyone. If you don't like who I am you don't have to talk to me.
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Posted 5/14/13
I've had a few shit bags try to change who I am so that I could work for their stupid ass company. They failed miserably, and now I no longer work there.
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Posted 5/14/13

tinyd0t wrote:


kritter09

Wow, I'm actually in a similar situation at the moment with my boyfriend. But I try not to let it get to me.


What I learnt from my experience with guys are, if they're not happy with you, they will ALWAYS be unhappy about you no matter how much you accommodate that person. Controlling is a very negative behaviour in a relationship, my ex was so worried about me cheating and he ended up being the one who cheated.

It is easy for me to tell you to leave a guy that you're not happy with, so just let yourself see through this guy in time and then you'll look back and realise the people who tried to change you aren't worth the time you give them.


I have seen where that has been the case many many times. A person cheats and gets so paranoid about it that they start thinking the other one is cheating or is going to cheat and go kind of crazy about it. If someone accuses you of cheating too much I would start looking into whether or not they have a bit more...or just end it because if the person can't trust you, and they haven't cheated, then there is a bigger issue in the relationship.

When it comes to someone trying to change me though...I really can't think of any times where that has been the case. If they are trying to change behaviour that even I don't like then I don't see it as an issue. If they are just trying to always change even the smallest things I just wouldn't put up with it and would ignore them from that point on.
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