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Post Reply Why does it have to be difficult to find a GF?
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Posted 6/16/13

Shy-Anime-Guy wrote:


kaname08 wrote:

lol you should have this sweater ...


Epic! i want that sweater

And because well.. girls are girls, they take a lot of time to figure out
gotta search for the one thats worth the investment of time.
more importantly you gotta be more social, strike conversation, care for her, be a gentleman like others said and you should have a girlfriend. just ask, you have nothing to lose also some girls like persistence i guess? i've been told that.
i say this but i suck in this aspect as well. actually, in all reality the girls that interest me are not around my area but are miles or hours away :l. the internet has granted me some amazing female friends


whoa ! you pretty much sums it up XD
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23 / M / This Dying World
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Posted 6/16/13

kaname08 wrote:


Shy-Anime-Guy wrote:


kaname08 wrote:

lol you should have this sweater ...


Epic! i want that sweater

And because well.. girls are girls, they take a lot of time to figure out
gotta search for the one thats worth the investment of time.
more importantly you gotta be more social, strike conversation, care for her, be a gentleman like others said and you should have a girlfriend. just ask, you have nothing to lose also some girls like persistence i guess? i've been told that.
i say this but i suck in this aspect as well. actually, in all reality the girls that interest me are not around my area but are miles or hours away :l. the internet has granted me some amazing female friends


whoa ! you pretty much sums it up XD


and I am still single... wtf?
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Posted 6/16/13 , edited 7/13/13

AnimeKami wrote:

and I am still single... wtf?


ehh really you did those shin ? ? ?
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Posted 6/16/13

kaname08 wrote:

ehh really you did those shin ? ? ?


I tried many things to no avail.

4everalone

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Posted 6/16/13

AnimeKami wrote:


kaname08 wrote:

ehh really you did those shin ? ? ?


I tried many things to no avail.

4everalone



ahhh poor you lawl
well she might not know your true intentions then ... remember our conversation how dense some girls are ...
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Posted 6/16/13 , edited 6/16/13

kaname08 wrote:


AnimeKami wrote:


kaname08 wrote:

ehh really you did those shin ? ? ?


I tried many things to no avail.

4everalone



ahhh poor you lawl
well she might not know your true intentions then ... remember our conversation how dense some girls are ...


is it over 9000!!!

lol XD
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Posted 6/16/13 , edited 7/13/13

AnimeKami wrote:

is it over 9000!!!

lol XD


lol maybe idk
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18 / F / Florida
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Posted 6/16/13

Bashment wrote:

match.com or eharmony. or crunchyroll


/thread
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15 / M / California, USA
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Posted 6/21/13
Who needs a gf if u have anime?
Jk... I need a life xP
anamal 
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26 / F / Long Beach CA
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Posted 6/21/13
I've personally have never seen the appeal to meeting people online, it's just not for me. I believe in human interaction if you want to meet someone try being more social and going to more interactive situations, but don't force it live and let live and surely you'll meet someone when the time is right:)
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Posted 7/4/13

anim3luvr wrote:

ive noticed that it get pretty difficult to find a GF after leaving highschool, ive been having this problem lately and i know im not that bad looking, im just average, but is average not enough. and i know several people right now who are having this problem, and i noticed that it gets increasingly difficult when you reach your 20's. i was just wondering if so many more people are having this problem as well or if just me and people i know. (and i guess this is more of a forum to try and help me meet someone, even if its just to make a friend cause making friends is nice sometimes )


Well even though i'm still a kid (technically speaking) , i only have but this to say.... Dude, Everyone has a special someone out there for them and even though i don't know when or where you'll meet this girl, but i guarantee you'll meet this girl. All you got to do is be patient... Later,Days and best of luck to ya, man!
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20 / M / Texas
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Posted 7/4/13
Just live your life man, she'll come along. I only had one GF in high school, other than that I just had fun and made memories. Which is what I'm doing now, just have fun with your life, enjoy yourself and one will come along.
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Posted 7/4/13
cus you poooor
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25 / M / Durango, CO
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Posted 7/4/13 , edited 7/4/13
Well, your problem here is that you are looking for a GF... After highschool you should be looking for a suitable wife. If that isn't what you want then just enjoy the single life. Better yourself so they come looking for you.
yue665 
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Posted 7/4/13
As the original inquiry is actually asking for why it's difficult to get a GF, and not so much why the OP can't find their soulmate, I won't go into how "you should wait for the right one to come along" or "you should be looking for a wife instead" (which to be fair, is still kind of ridiculous for a high school/college graduate since most people just don't want to be alone while they're pursuing their careers).

It's actually not as hard as people make it seem. Part of what makes it difficult for a lot of people is the environment. For example, you can't really expect to get a GF at a club if you're not much of a clubber, since first of all people don't go to those places to find meaningful relationships. Not to mention, you'd have to be be either good looking or a great dancer to stand out.

However, if it's somewhere where you're more comfortable (say work, school, local bar, internet, etc), then there's really just a few things to do. Then there's the distinction to be made for whether you're trying to make a friend into a GF, or just looking to meet someone new with future prospects. For the sake of completion, I'll discuss both. I've toyed with ideas to varying degrees of success over the years, and the common denominator that I've found really about as simple as what you want and what you provide vs what a girl wants and what she can provide.

So let's start with the basics: what do you provide? I'm not talking about "oh I'm a great guy, really nice, and I can take care of her." What can you really provide? Because if that's all you can say, then there's a ton of guys just like you who are either rich, great looking, or superior to you in pretty much other way. However, this is where the "everyone is unique" motto comes into play. There is most likely something unique about you; whether it's some skill that you possess, or talent that you have. Since the OP was the one who put up the post, I'm just going to assume you're not some amazing looking guy with a six-pack. Great news for you though, I'm not either and the reality is, you don't have to be (though that always helps).

Essentially, everyone really has 3 categories of what they can provide: skills, personality, and looks. Pretty much everyone can get SOME girl, but most people also have standards and want to be with a girl that is up to theirs, or above it. As much as many people like to deny it, looks DO matter to a significant degree. However, what's really important is that you're not in the wrong end of the bell curve. People can't do much about their face, but they can definitely do something about their body. Contrary to what many people imagine, a lot of women (especially those in the demographics that you're most likely approaching) are more into someone who's lean or trim than ripped. If you're obese or overweight, then get off your ass and do something about it. Nobody's asking you to ditch your hobbies that brought you to this forum to begin with, but it's both better for your health and female prospects that you trim down. Jumping jacks, walking, and running are really the easiest way to achieve this. A little overweight isn't that big of a deal, but if you're obese, you're going to have hard time to get past that first hurdle. If that's you, there's no being nice about it. Lose some weight first so that you won't be that guy who just gets shuffled into the friendzone without a second glance (this is most applicable if you're trying to meet new women). Girls (especially those that are higher up in the looks department) tend to like guys who can take care of themselves. You don't have to do anything fancy, but if you sweat a lot, use some goddamn deodorant. No girl wants to hug a guy and then have a giant smelly wet patch all over their top. If it's a friend of yours (especially a good one), then chances are she probably likes you, but not enough to want to date a whale. Slim down, and she'll probably be happy to get with you. And no, not wanting to date a fat guy isn't being shallow. It's not the girl's fault for not liking fat guys, it's the guy's fault for being fat. There's no self-pity here. If you can't take care of yourself, how is a girl going to expect you to take care of her?

Now the second part: personality. Since the OP is asking a legit question, I can at least give him props for having some balls. Asking these kinds of these on a public forum can often lead to a bit of online persecution. But that aside, this part is more dependent on kind of girl you're looking for. Since this is an Anime forum after all, chances are you might someone might be into video games or anime as well. Unfortunately, you're in for quite a bit of competition since I'm pretty certain there's a lot more guys than girls in this demographic. Lucky for you though, most of those girls are romantics. In fact, most girls in general are romantics. The important part is determining how cheesy she likes it. I've had an ex that didn't like flowers, and one that loved them. If it's a girl that you already know, find out what makes her tick. Is she a roses on Valentine's girl, or does she want an SSD for her birthday? Or both? If you can discover what she's into, shift your attention to it. The small things will add up. Are you funny? If she's a friend who finds a lot of your jokes funny, then you're in luck. Girls love a sense of humor, especially one they can relate with. They almost all want a guy who can make them laugh. If you don't know what they find funny, start with what they're interested in. Nobody's asking you to be a stalker, just be attentive. There's also no need to be nervous. I mean, so what if she's really hot, or she might completely pass you off? If you're that worried about why she might pass you, that's a pretty good sign that you're a bit blinded by her beauty (or whatever else that got you that infatuated) that's probably really not related to her personality. She might be doing you a favor. Personality's a bit more difficult to work on, but behavior modification is usually necessary to get the girl you want. Does she like guys who give her more attention or leaves her alone? Does she like to talk a lot with you or just every once in a while? If those don't match with your personality, you're stuck with either moving on changing your behavior to deal with it. There will always be mutual tolerances on both sides of the relationship, so know what boundaries you can push and which you don't budge on. If you're really nitpicky about stupid shit, time to grow up and stop it.

However, what really makes yourself you is not something you should change. No girl is worth altering your core principles, and you shouldn't ever have to make that exception. For example, with any girl I hang out with or meet, I pretty much let them know I have a huge (and well known) hobby of being a gamer. I let them know I'm a massive computer nerd, and I've built my own computers and done so for other people. Contrary to what many might think, most girls nowadays appreciate a guy that can fix their computer problems. Because let's be serious, how many girls put their phones/electronics in cases vs guys that do? All of the girls I've dated and are friends with have a tendency of dropping their shit or messing up their computers. I mean, you look at how clean their room is vs the clutter on their computer home screen and you'll get the idea. Unless she's an IT professional or something, she probably won't have a clue where to go about fixing their gadgets. If a girl I'm talking to finds my gaming hobbies a bit discouraging, then it's time to move on. I'm not going to change something I love to do for a girl. Don't get me wrong though, if you're addicted to the point where it's interfering with work or education, then you need to change that. These kinds of hobbies should not CONSUME your life, unless you're a professional gamer or the likes.

The last thing to consider: skills. What skills do you have that make you an outstanding individual? It's obvious you like anime. Can you draw as well? Play an instrument? Girls dig musicians. If you're a computer nerd as well, that's already a big plus. Never look to that as a disadvantage; I certainly didn't. If you're meeting a new girl, try to work those into a conversation. Ask her if she plays any instruments, and then bring up how you play something as well. What about life skills? Are you an amazing chef? Tell her she should try some of your cooking. If you possess any unique life or technical skills, there's really no disadvantage to having her know about them. Girls love being able to depend on a guy for things, especially things they suck at.

So yeah, that turned into quite a rant. Whatever errors are there I apologize for, as this is something I spontaneously typed up at midnight. If there's something I need to correct or etc, feel free to PM me. I hope it's helpful to you, as it's much like advice given to me when I was in high school by a good friend. While this is by no means a complete dissertation, it's compiled from what I've learned through the years as well as life lessons that others have taught me. Self improvement is a continuous process, and I've still got a while to go as well.

Last but not least, girlfriends come and go, but if there's one you date that manages to take hold on you so much that you don't so much at glance at anyone else, don't let it go. Don't let petty things get in the way of that kind of relationship. I've made that mistake, and it's difficult to move on from it. if you do manage to find what you're looking for, don't lose sight of what's important, and best of luck to you.

You're all welcome to add to this with your own experiences or suggestions. Happy 4th of July all.
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