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Post Reply Do you still have respect for someone who cheats in a relationship
Posted 8/19/13
Just because they don't cheat does not necessarily mean I have respect for them.
Do I like cheaters? No, not really.
Would I stay with someone who cheats on me? Probably not.
Now if someone were to cheat FOR me.... Well, that's a different story.
I have my own prejudices, I guess.
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Posted 8/19/13
As they say in the Lion King 'Cheetahs' never prosper

If they cheat on you then they don't really love you and to stay with someone like that is basically living a lie. Once the trust is gone the relationship will start to fall apart.

I feel a simple plan song coming on here...This one is for every girl that ever ripped my heart out XD

Simple Plan - You suck at love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_914700&feature=iv&src_vid=tdku4pD-9U8&v=9quzAsIAV-M
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Posted 8/19/13 , edited 8/19/13
Never been cheated on, but I'd propose this: Suppose Einstein was a cheater (I'd guess he wasn't, but nonetheless let's just say he was). Would you still respect him? I most definitely would. First of all, respect is not (to my estimation) something you either have or don't have for someone. You can have respect for certain parts, but not for other parts. I might respect Einstein's intelligence while not respecting, let's say, his cooking ability. So yes, you can definitely still respect someone for things unrelated to their cheating.

But maybe I'm missing the point of the question. Can I still think that, overall, a person that cheats is valuable and worth my esteem or time? As someone that has never been cheated on, I'd guess that I could. To an extent, every time you enjoy looking at another attractive person, have fun with someone else (of any sex), or like someone else more than your partner in any respect, you are cheating on them. Most people ignore these things because, more than cheating, they care about their partner's happiness. I've definitely felt (mildly) jealous (both with friends and girlfriends) when someone gets on with someone I'm close to in the same way that I get along with them. Nonetheless, I would also rather they be happy, and I know they'd rather I be happy when I'm getting along with other people. We're both happier if we let the other person become close to people besides ourselves.

I'm pretty convinced that people start to call the act "cheating" when the act in question has made them sufficiently unhappy to deem whatever satisfaction the "offending party" may gain as intolerable. Personally, I'd guess that I have a pretty high tolerance for that sort of thing, and if it's the right person, I can definitely excuse it if I can be happier with that person. Although to be fair, I've never met this sort of person, and I've never been "cheated" on in the manner I think OP is suggesting. So it's all guesswork at this point.
Posted 8/19/13

SupremeAlla wrote:

They suck so much! LOL. Fuck them. If my girl cheats on me, she will get dumped like shit in an instant.


If you're the one being cheated on, then I believe you're the one being dumped. At least that's how I see it.
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28 / F / georgia, usa
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Posted 8/19/13
it really depends why they cheated and what their actions are once its over. do they just walk away from the relationship once they are found out? if they do that then they never really gave a damn at all. or do they try to make amends and fight to keep the relationship going? not all people cheat out of lust. some cheat because there is something they were not getting from their partner rather it be attention or praise or any sort of emotional fulfillment. now of course this in no way means its okay to cheat. but sometimes when communication breaks down these things happen. you can either work together and move past it and improve your relationship or it ends then and there. but i do not think all people who cheat are terrible people
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Posted 8/19/13
I cheated once...
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Posted 8/19/13

kennk5 wrote:

Humans are not monogamous creatures in nature and never will be. Society conditioned us to think that we're monogamous.




Society cannot function without the family unit created by monogamy
Posted 8/19/13
Nope!!
Posted 8/19/13
no i would be pissed off at them
Bavalt 
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Posted 8/19/13 , edited 8/19/13

theYchromosome wrote:

Never been cheated on, but I'd propose this: Suppose Einstein was a cheater (I'd guess he wasn't, but nonetheless let's just say he was). Would you still respect him? I most definitely would. First of all, respect is not (to my estimation) something you either have or don't have for someone. You can have respect for certain parts, but not for other parts. I might respect Einstein's intelligence while not respecting, let's say, his cooking ability. So yes, you can definitely still respect someone for things unrelated to their cheating..


This is very true. Respect isn't a holistic thing. I'd even go so far as to say that one never respects a person as a whole, but rather respects certain qualities about that person - especially given that it's pretty much impossible to know anyone adequately other than yourself (and even that is a very long and involved project.) Respect is something we feel for others who can inspire us by example, and it usually ignores the flaws that that person also possesses, probably because said flaws, being unrelated to the qualities we respect the person for, are something we can simply avoid picking up even as we strive to take on their admirable traits.

Your ability to respect someone after they've done something bad is dependent on both how you look at people in general, and how 'wrong' you consider their actions to be. If you respect someone for their trustworthiness, then figure out that they've cheated on their partner, well, that's basically destroying the concept you had of that person, and your respect for them with it - unless you're willing to break them down even further and respect their trustworthiness in certain aspects of their life. The more you look at someone as a collection of traits rather than a single entity, the easier it is to respect them, because you can ignore flaws that you consider as 'irrelevant'.

In my opinion, 'respect' is something along the lines of an incomplete version of affection - it's reserved for people who have qualities that you like, but in too limited a scope for you to forgive them their flaws on the whole. Respect is an inferior version of actual fellowship: why say you respect someone when you can just say you like them? The word 'respect' only really comes into my mind when I'm talking about someone that I don't fully 'like'.

So, for me personally, while I can still respect someone for something after they've cheated (as long as it's something related to their abilities or perspective rather than their character), I have a lot of trouble liking them. I hate real-life drama, and hold to the opinion that ideally, people should both be honest with each other and never do anything to hurt each other: basically, if you do something that can cause significant negative emotions to someone, you're in the wrong, and 'not getting caught' is very much not a suitable excuse, because you can never be sure that you won't be. Something like cheating, because it so often hurts people significantly, I can't generally forgive, though if it seems as though the 'victim' is genuinely okay with it, then I can make myself ignore it. While I might still respect someone after they've done something like that, it will be for an unrelated quality, and respect is the most they're going to get out of me: I can't like them again until they've shown that they've grown past their destructive tendencies.
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Posted 8/19/13 , edited 8/19/13
I wouldn't give it a second thought.
I'd remove photos, block email and generally forget them altogether.
She can do as she pleases but I don't want to hear about it.
Because that's a deal breaker for me.
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24 / M / SoCal, HB
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Posted 8/19/13 , edited 8/19/13
All my friends save one have cheated on their partners
Even my Dad cheated before he met mom
My brother also kinda cheated on his ex gf


I never cheated on my waifu though


Yes I still have respect for my dad and somewhat my brother

friends, nope, they did it with bad intentions or for selfish reasons
Posted 8/19/13
Absolutely not.

People who cheat are just too cowardly and low to come out into the open to either discuss things, change things, or leave the relationship honestly. They cannot make up their minds or they want to keep up a front - that is why they resort to doing something so low.

Disgusting.
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Posted 8/19/13
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Posted 8/19/13
There should be no excuse for it. If you want to forgive them for it, fine. But don't get back together with them. If they cheat, they aren't worth it. There is no "mistake", they did it intentionally, and should be punished for it.
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