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Post Reply Are people obligated to tell their partner that they have had plastic surgery?
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Posted 7/11/13
Heard this story before?

The story itself is outrageous, but what I really want to respond to is that guy's post. Forget it's even about plastic surgery, just in general.

I get that there are certain secrets that has to come to light eventually depending on what they are, but does a person in a relationship have a duty to reveal every single piece of dark and ugly secret about themselves? Isn't kind of unfair especially if the other person they are "confessing" to has nothing shameful that they're hiding in comparison, therefore has nothing to lose: respect, dignity, reputation, trust. What if it was a traumatic event?

"tell me you were traumatized at one point in your life....just because it's nice to know, and we'll be knowing it––––––––––––––
together <3"

FUCK YOU is what I would say to this person. Seriously, people are trying to move on and now you're trying to pull them back in

Discuss:
1. Are people obliagated to tell their partner that they have had plastic surgery?
2. "When you are in a true relationship, you tell your partner everything. Past present and future – if not, then you don't respect them"
Posted 7/11/13
I think the only things a person should HAVE to tell an SO is something that concerns the two of them. The rest, at least in my experience, was extra. I might bring something up about me because I wanted to talk about it, or wanted advice, but most times I would tell them something about me, it's because it's something I WANT them to know about. That doesn't mean I'm "hiding" anything. You can't hide what they don't need to see.

For anyone else who's been on a dating site, I want to know - do your post you life story, or do you post things you want them to know because you feel those things pertain to the sort of relationship you would want to have with said person?
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24 / M / on your lap, purring
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Posted 7/11/13
Well, clearly the wife should have to pay for their child's plastic surgery.
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22 / M / Louisiana
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Posted 7/11/13
Im surprised he didn't figure out about her past from her family or friends since he'd probly been with her for awhile. Shame on him for saying such things about his own child though. I think it's kinda important to know these things but not where you have to force someone to say it
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24 / M / SoCal, HB
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Posted 7/11/13
That story is so f---ed up it’s hilarious. No lie.

1. never had a partner, but I would think so
2. Well eventually you're gonna have to tell them everything...imo
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F / Urban South
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Posted 7/11/13
Our preference for beauty is there for a reason - to give our offspring the highest possible fitness level. There are universal ideals of beauty, such as very symmetrical features and clear skin, that are actually signs of good health. Asymmetrical features are indicators of prenatal development issues, and discolored or scabby skin is often an indicator of infection/malnutrition. This instinctive preference for beauty is evident even in newborns, who will stare for longer at beautiful faces than at plain ones, and spend the least amount of time looking at ugly faces.

The father in the story above had more reasons than just pride to sue the mother of his ugly daughter. Right now the Chinese have a lot more spending money than they have had for generations, and the male:female ratio is very advantageous to the females. To win a bride, a middle-class man (or his family) is expected to buy her a home, lavish gifts, and to pay her family many thousands of dollars. The day of the ceremony, the bride and her female relatives will lock themselves up in her room and demand that the men pass money under the door until they are satisfied enough to unlock it and come out. Ugly women do not get this kind of treatment, and so the father probably expects to pay for extensive plastic surgery for his daughter so that she can get married.

Not that money issues make the situation any less disgusting.

Anyway, to answer the OP's questions:
1) No, you are under no obligation to confess to your SO that you've had plastic surgery, your medical history, that rare blood/metabolic/immunological disorders run in your family, that all your siblings have had twins or triplets, or that you are likely to develop heart disease/liver disease/mental illness before you are 50.
UNLESS!!!!!!
2) You intend to have a child with this person, then it's really important to come clean on all this kind of stuff.
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Posted 7/11/13
I think that the "confession" part of being in a relationship comes out of the love part. If you truly love someone then you wouldn't want to deceive them to the point that they don't know the real you. Besides, I think that most people would rather be loved for their whole self - past, present, and future - rather than just for who they are now.

I don't know about you but I wouldn't marry someone till I'm convinced that we both love each other.

Wouldn't it be such a nightmare to find out years after your marriage that your wife just happened to be male when she was born? Like this Belgian man.
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21 / F / In My imagination.
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Posted 7/11/13
Im trying to imagine how ugly was his daughter, god so ugly that they got divorce? Well, that dude is sick
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37 / M / Florida
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Posted 7/11/13
Gotta love China... Now I need to find the story and e-mail it to my friend once she's out of communications black-out.
I love her stories from China, she should enjoy this one.
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Posted 7/11/13

natsume665 wrote:

I think that the "confession" part of being in a relationship comes out of the love part. If you truly love someone then you wouldn't want to deceive them to the point that they don't know the real you. Besides, I think that most people would rather be loved for their whole self - past, present, and future - rather than just for who they are now.

I don't know about you but I wouldn't marry someone till I'm convinced that we both love each other.
Sounds like unwanted curiosity disguised as love. People fall in "love" with the present you, not your pass or future. People change and sometimes they become miserable people. If they are still sticking around because of the other's present self (now the past) that sounds more like a dumb girl trying desperately to hold on to their now douche bag boyfriend
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27 / F / Southern Oregon
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Posted 7/11/13
I think telling them before you are in a committed relationship (such as marriage) is a good way to figure out if they really love you for who you are or are just interested in your looks. If they aren't able to accept it then you just got saved from a bad relationship that would only end badly.
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22 / M / SoCal
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Posted 7/11/13
1. I would say its probably something you should tell them, though there are more or less severe cases of plastic surgery. I wouldn't assume that my child's appearance would be solely based off of my significant others and my appearance. It really wouldn't be too big of a deal if she didn't tell me for a bit though.
2. I wouldn't say you don't respect them. Its their life and I am not going to judge them if they chose not to share some things with me. I would hope that I would be kept up to date on the important stuff though (it could easily cause trouble if not)
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24 / F / Utah, USA
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Posted 7/12/13
well honestly i think you shouldn't hide anything from you partner... I mean what's the point? if they truly love you then they will except you for who you truly are. just that simple.
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16 / M / Reality
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Posted 7/12/13
People who ask about stuff you don't want to reveal deserve death. nuff said.
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23 / M
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Posted 7/12/13 , edited 7/12/13
1. Legally? I'm leaning towards no. A case could be made from the medical/physical standpoint, but even then, I'd say that it's up to the person marrying the lying, ugly, or possibly diseased spouse to catch on to the lie. People ought to have the right to be miserable, and an ugly child is just a result of poor selection in spouse. Why legislate away stupidity? It's a god-given right.

2. It's impossible to tell your partner everything, so I'll assume the poster meant "everything important," which I'd still say is impossible. Assuming, however, that you could somehow reveal to any given person all the reasons and causes that make you the person you are, I don't see why "respect" is something you either have or don't have. I may respect a coworker on the basis that he efficiently completes tasks, but have no respect for his ability to handle people. I respect my mother on the basis that I can trust she cares about me, but have no respect for her ability to tell a story (she often exaggerates and makes stuff up).

To answer the question, I'll just say this: What you reveal about yourself to someone else changes how they view you, and in the context of the question, what they respect or disrespect about you. The more a person knows about you, and the more you tell them about yourself, the more they can get an accurate assessment for who you are, what they respect about you, and if they are worth your affection. If you want to associate yourself intimately with someone, you should be sure you have an intimate understanding of who they are. I don't think you can know most things about a person, but you can only respect them for what you know about them, and that has a close connection with telling them stuff about your past.

TL;DR -- Telling someone about yourself doesn't show your respect towards the other person, but it does determine what they can respect you for. Whether or not you value an accurate assessment is up to you.
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