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Post Reply Are people obligated to tell their partner that they have had plastic surgery?
7766 cr points
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28 / F / georgia, usa
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Posted 7/12/13
oh wow, im sorry but im still hung up on the fact this dude says his daughter is so ugly it horrified him :/ who says that about their own flesh and blood child? i mean good grief what would he have said if the child had a birth defect? and its a newborn! im sorry i love my kids but i will admit most of the time babies are filled with striking beauty when they are first born, their heads are all misshaped from being pushed through the birth canal or if the had to help pull the baby out, they are discolored. they just look weird for the first few weeks then they get cute....so how the hell bad did this baby look for him to say yeah thats unacceptably ugly? and how terrible of a father is he for that?!
either way to the discussion at hand

1. no i don't imagine you are obligated to tell. but honestly if you are in a relationship with some one you have met their family, seen pictures of them as a child around their parents house surely. how is it that you do not realize it on your own. and honestly if it was before they met you that they had the surgery done its really none of your business what they did for themselves. i could understand if you are together then yeah you get to have a say but if you werent together at the time its of no concern to you.

2. while i think its your own personal choice how much of your past you share with any one not just the person you love, when you are in a relationship things have a tendency to come up and in truth you have to share parts of yourself with some one even if they are not the best parts of your life. and people who truly love you and accept you will understand all you went through or are going through or support you in whatever it is you plan for the future. respect has to be mutual. if you dont respect me, i dont want to share all of my life with you. including the past
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F / Pennsylvania
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Posted 7/12/13
I'm not reading the story I'm too tired at the moment but i'll answer your question. I think that it two people are in a relationship and the plastic surgery/whatever is happening will or is going to effect the partner then they need to know. If it's something that doesn't hurt the person then No.... unless they ask or you feel the need to.
If it's a sex change? Then yes I think the person needs to know that they are about to become homosexual by mistake lmao I'd probable loose my mind if I found out someone I was dating was a different gender than I thought AND they lied about it.
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19 / M / Scotland
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Posted 7/12/13
If someone doesn't want to tell their partner something then they don't have to, also saying that you will should tell your partner everything is kind of lie because everyone has a secret or two they don't want to share with anyone, I mean I guess you should but about 90% of couples will have secrets imo.
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22 / F / TX
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Posted 7/12/13
In my opinion: In general, if you're married, I do think you should disclose certain things to your spouse since marriage is legally and financially binding. In the case of plastic surgery, I couldn't say for sure. If one's spouse would be affected somehow by it, then perhaps yes it should be disclosed. Also, just for the sake of an honest relationship, I think it would be the courteous thing to let them know as well. Plastic surgery (or any surgery for that matter) is kind of a significant thing.
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26 / M / New York, NY
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Posted 7/12/13
First off, that story is horrible. I feel bad for everyone in that story and I feel bad for myself after reading it.

I guess, I would have to say that there is no obligation to tell them anything outside of sexual alterations. But like with anything it depends on where you draw the line. It depends on the individuals to decide where it's acceptable to be "Open about Everything."

I'm not telling anyone everything ever mostly because I tend to forget things. I've had surgery once (not plastic) but it was so long ago and so "insignificant" that I forget I ever really had it. I don't even think my siblings know about it. But there is a story that defines my character and personality behind that surgery which my partner may or may not find relevant.


"tell me you were traumatized at one point in your life....just because it's nice to know, and we'll be knowing it––––––––––––––
together <3"

FUCK YOU is what I would say to this person. Seriously, people are trying to move on and now you're trying to pull them back in


HA, no. Manipulation all the way. If I'm not going to tell the truth then at least I'm going to tell an amazing lie.
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21 / M / San Francisco Bay...
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Posted 7/12/13
Actually, I'm leaning towards the yes category. The fact is that there are secrets or things you want to hide from your spouse that, when they come to light, are going to cause drama. Now, I'm not someone who'd advocate divorce, but I can still empathize with his anger, even if he is overreacting.

Just, perhaps consider this. Let's just say this ugliness is some sort of skin malformation that genuinely needs plastic surgery, and is genetic in origin. That would mean that the man would have to spend $100k on this daughter to afford the same plastic surgery. Isn't an expense like that something your spouse should know? If I were put into that situation, I'd also wonder if my spouse married me for that reason (i.e. to get money for plastic surgery to have a presentable looking child). That's just a thought off the top of my head, but yes, I honestly feel that the husband should have known this and the wife is to blame for not telling him.
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17 / M / Tórshavn
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Posted 7/12/13 , edited 7/12/13
that guy in that quote is an dick -____-!!! Leaves her, sues her/his child for being ugly... What the hell. I guess he has a point with that she was dishonest, but still he sues her because of having an ugly child.... That's his flesh and blood to, he might as well call himself ugly.

I don't think that it is that important to say it, but I don't see a reason why to hide it, that's the only problem I have with it. If I were to have a girlfriend that had plastic surgery, I would probably want to know, but I don't think it would change a thing if she didn't tell me.
But I don't think it's something that needs to be hidden, that guy in the quote is just a douche and should have a miserable life, if that is the only reason behind suing his wife.. What happened to appearances don't matter -.-
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21 / M / England
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Posted 7/12/13
That man is not only one of the worst fathers of all times, but also one of the most disgusting human beings. The fact that he accused her of cheating on him, divorced her for her true appearance, sued her and called his child horrifyingly ugly shows how vain he is. He wasn't angry that she kept a secret from him, he was angry that he married an ugly person. He's a worm.
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22 / F / Johnstown, PA, USA
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Posted 7/12/13
1. No, but I think that it shouldn't normally be a big deal to tell. It seems like plastic surgery is something that can casually be brought up and discussed over coffee. Usually, anyway. I can easily see the price of the surgeries being balked at, though. $100,000?

2. I call bullshit on that one. That's a romanticized ideal, not reality. Everyone keeps secrets, and the reasons for doing so greatly varies.

Also, the ex-husband is scum for thinking so horribly about his daughter (much less, advertising it), and him suing his ex-wife proves how greedy, spiteful, and shallow he is. His daughter's "ugliness," his ex's surgeries, and her supposedly cheating are probably convenient excuses for him to divorce and rail-road her for money. No doubt, he probably doesn't want the responsibility of raising a child, too.
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M / Texas
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Posted 7/12/13
I remember reading the story. It was kind of shameful. It's a hard conversation to have. I won't say I am against plastic surgery. I say it's your body and you should do what you want with it.

I guess the hardest thing is that people tend to judge others based on looks which is why a lot of people end up getting surgery. Maybe this woman felt that if she didn't get some work done that she wouldn't have been able to land a husband. Only she knows what she was thinking. I am sure a lot of people would find at least one thing about them physically that they'd like to change. I know I would change my nose if I could so I can't fault others for wanting to make improvements.

If I were with someone who told me they got surgery, I would be alright with it. Like I said, it's their body and they should decide what they want to do with it. If I found out on my own and asked them about it, I wouldn't hold it against them. Some people have difficulty talking about certain things like this. I just hope if someone were hiding something like this from me they would feel secure enough to let me in on their secret.
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18 / M
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Posted 7/13/13
Yes.
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