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Post Reply Kindness Mistaken As Flirting?
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20 / F / *in his heart and...
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Posted 7/17/13 , edited 7/18/13




Guys Always Think I'm Flirting With Them But, I'm Not. I'm Just Nice!

Has This Ever Happen To You! Please Share!
bloga1 
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Posted 7/17/13
In the world of nice guys, i can tell you that there have been very few times girls have thought i was flirting with them just by doing something nice. However, when girls are kind to me, depending on how kind, I guess I have thought that they were flirting with me.
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21 / M / Michigan, US
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Posted 7/17/13
I would say it probably happens quite often. Especially if you don't interact with a lot of people or if you rarely experience polite behavior, you might mistake it as flirtation. Conversely though, I bet quite a lot of people use politeness as a method of flirtation though as well.
To sum it up I suppose: a lot of people probably assume it as flirtation, but a lot of people probably DO use it as flirtation. I don't think politeness is becoming rare though. At least, in my opinion.
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Posted 7/17/13

bloga1 wrote:

In the world of nice guys, i can tell you that there have been very few times girls have thought i was flirting with them just by doing something nice. However, when girls are kind to me, depending on how kind, I guess I have thought that they were flirting with me.


I understand that some guys thought since I'm pretty they thought I was going to be stuck up but, when I was nice so they thought I was flirting with them so they started flirting with me and as a dunce I'm oblivious too guys flirting with me so when they asked me out I was shocked
bloga1 
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Posted 7/17/13


I understand that some guys thought since I'm pretty they thought I was going to be stuck up but, when I was nice so they thought I was flirting with them so they started flirting with me and as a dunce I'm oblivious too guys flirting with me so when they asked me out I was shocked


I cant help but think of the "friend zone".
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Posted 7/17/13
Flirting or not, I like it. It would be nice to know which one it is though, although not knowing is probably a good thing. I hope nobody ever confuses whatever kind thing I do as flirting.
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20 / F / *in his heart and...
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Posted 7/17/13

bloga1 wrote:



I understand that some guys thought since I'm pretty they thought I was going to be stuck up but, when I was nice so they thought I was flirting with them so they started flirting with me and as a dunce I'm oblivious too guys flirting with me so when they asked me out I was shocked


I cant help but think of the "friend zone".


Yeah.. Most of who I assume are my guy friends on Cr stopped talking to me because of that maybe the feel I lead them on.. I don't know.. Still kinda sad I lost good friends just cause of that..
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21 / M / New England
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Posted 7/17/13
i feel like kindness and flirting are pretty different. I tell friends they look pretty all the time but im not flirting with them and i compliment strangers if something stands out or i really like some feature. if someone is flirting with you it is usually pretty obviuous
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21 / M / Michigan, US
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Posted 7/17/13

NekoGirlSashira wrote:


bloga1 wrote:



I understand that some guys thought since I'm pretty they thought I was going to be stuck up but, when I was nice so they thought I was flirting with them so they started flirting with me and as a dunce I'm oblivious too guys flirting with me so when they asked me out I was shocked


I cant help but think of the "friend zone".


Yeah.. Most of who I assume are my guy friends on Cr stopped talking to me because of that maybe the feel I lead them on.. I don't know.. Still kinda sad I lost good friends just cause of that..


In this case I would say it's their fault for assuming so, and honestly if that was all they were looking for and stop being friends just because of that you probably didn't actually lose a "good friend."
I think most guys are a little to obsessed with the "friend zone" too. A girl can generally only go out with one guy at a time (she can't date all of her guys friends), and not to mention if you don't tell her how you feel how is she supposed to know (this can work vice versa as well).
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Posted 7/17/13

Camp1nCarl wrote:


NekoGirlSashira wrote:


bloga1 wrote:



I understand that some guys thought since I'm pretty they thought I was going to be stuck up but, when I was nice so they thought I was flirting with them so they started flirting with me and as a dunce I'm oblivious too guys flirting with me so when they asked me out I was shocked


I cant help but think of the "friend zone".


Yeah.. Most of who I assume are my guy friends on Cr stopped talking to me because of that maybe the feel I lead them on.. I don't know.. Still kinda sad I lost good friends just cause of that..


In this case I would say it's their fault for assuming so, and honestly if that was all they were looking for and stop being friends just because of that you probably didn't actually lose a "good friend."
I think most guys are a little to obsessed with the "friend zone" too. A girl can generally only go out with one guy at a time (she can't date all of her guys friends), and not to mention if you don't tell her how you feel how is she supposed to know (this can work vice versa as well).


Ah.. You're probably right just back then guys being nice back was so rare to me so I was just happy so I mistaken their flirtation as a chance for friendship
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25 / M / Sydney, Australia
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Posted 7/17/13
I'll admit, I am guilty of this situation (as written in that picture in first post). Except replace the word "flirtation" with the phrase "ulterior motives".


I'm not attractive enough to think that anyone who is kind to me is "flirting" with me. However I do get paranoid when anyone of either sex is kind to me for no reasons... I'll start thinking, "Do they have an ulterior motive?"


I've never had anyone (outside of family) been kind to me without an ulterior motive, so I am a bit weary of kindness in general.
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17 / M / Long Beach
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Posted 7/17/13
Yeah. I was being nice and even called a girl cute and she was like "ew I have a boyfriend"
I said
It was only a compliment, saying cute = doesn't mean I like you..
bloga1 
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Posted 7/17/13


its hard to say. About 3 years ago, i used to hang out with alot of my friends who are the hit it and quit it type of people. The problem with me is that I am way too nice of a guy to do that. Of course you have your moments but anyways, to me i havent had much problems with the friend zone. There have been maybe 1 or 2 incidences where i can say i was directly effected by it. My friends though were different. If they felt some sort of "vibes" from a girl from being kind, flirty, dirty, etc. (99% of the time completely one sided) then they would friend them. Being with this group made me friends with alot of girls. What sucked is that as soon as things went bad they would break all connections with them. I managed to stay in contact with a few but high school was filled with pressure and the whole bros before .... was always the saying everyone told me.
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49 / M / Near Detroit,MI
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Posted 7/17/13
There''s that. Then there's people that can't really discern if it's a flirt or not.
I sure can't. Shyness/Social anxieties and bad/very limited social learning (read as no real interaction
with the ladies..) thru school+Highschool stunted that aspect of growth.
And since I didn't have any continuation in say, a college afterward (tech/vocational school doesn't quite
count compared to rooming/college campus life) everything socially froze for me.
I'm lucky to be able to keep head up and talk to a lady bartender to order even..
(even at age 47 ;_; )
Similar things can also happen for the autistic + some savants as well. They don't socially associate
things well as far as their brain "workings" if I remember seeing in a Sci channel or Nat geo show once.
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Posted 7/17/13 , edited 7/17/13
The thread title reminded me of Mass Effect 1 (I didn't want to get into a relationship with Ashley, I was just being nice/polite!)

To the thread-starter, I understand your situation, and I'd say you might want to consider dialing back your friendliness. I knew a girl in college that sounds a lot like you that had a similar problem (pretty, very friendly), and she wound up breaking a lot of hearts because she didn't realize she was sending guys all the wrong signals. It might work better for you to be friendly just with close friends, and more of a 'neutral polite' to everyone else (until you get to know them better and establish the boundaries of your friendship).
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