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Post Reply Kindness Mistaken As Flirting?
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20 / F / *in his heart and...
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Posted 7/17/13

bloga1 wrote:



its hard to say. About 3 years ago, i used to hang out with alot of my friends who are the hit it and quit it type of people. The problem with me is that I am way too nice of a guy to do that. Of course you have your moments but anyways, to me i havent had much problems with the friend zone. There have been maybe 1 or 2 incidences where i can say i was directly effected by it. My friends though were different. If they felt some sort of "vibes" from a girl from being kind, flirty, dirty, etc. (99% of the time completely one sided) then they would friend them. Being with this group made me friends with alot of girls. What sucked is that as soon as things went bad they would break all connections with them. I managed to stay in contact with a few but high school was filled with pressure and the whole bros before .... was always the saying everyone told me.


Ah I remember a time when a 12 year old boy was in love with me and he confessed his feelings to me in a chat room with our friends it was all so awkward.. He was part of my Cr family as a little brother so I treated him as such after.. I rejected him he wouldn't speak to me at all only to my sister about how he wanted me to love him more than a little brother.. I felt so awful..

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21 / M / Missouri
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Posted 7/17/13
I had bad social anxiety throughout highschool, and i probably mistook kindness for flirting a few times because i never really talked to anyone. I still don't.

But sometimes people need to be a bit more clear about their feelings, reactions and emotions differ from person to person.
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27 / M / USA
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Posted 7/17/13
i made a video regarding this topic iono if anyone care to watch it but i give a pretty good point ..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNJ-o0cDeRE&feature=c4-overview&list=UUW1mEUfxBYlO2lVa5NZYZcw
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21 / M / Texas
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Posted 7/17/13
It's part of the game, nowadays it is hard to discern politeness from flirting, heck sometimes I flirt by being kind and saying something stupid or whatever. There are also times when I'm just polite because that's how I was raised. I remember one time I was in a restaurant and there was an old couple getting up to leave, and the man's wife had an injury/handicap that prevented her from walking by herself, I saw this and from the back of the restaurant, got up from my seat and went and held the door open for them. I wasn't expecting anything in return, all I got was a Thank you, and that's even better because it's rare for people to say Thanks these days anyway. There was another day which I found an iPad in a rental car, I posted on the guy facebook that he'd lost his iPad, and he came and got it, and didn't even say thank you, I coulda pawned it and made some money, but I didn't. So pretty much what I'm saying is it can go both ways, people will probably flirt with you by being polite, and there are some people who just do because that's how they were raised or whatever. It has a lot to do with body language too, that's a big queue for flirting.
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Posted 7/17/13
Yes. Too often.

And from this stems another problem, which is how I attract girls I just want to be friends with, and chase away girls I want to be more than friends with.
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Posted 7/17/13

NekoGirlSashira wrote:

Gosh yes.. I guess I broke a lot of hearts.. I do feel terrible believe me.. I was just happy to make guy friends because of my prior past since elementary to high school of being bullied..


Sorry to hear you broke a lot of hearts, and also to hear that you were bullied during school. I was also bullied in middle school, and clammed up in high school as a result, then later blossomed in college (okay maybe not blossomed, more like I just opened up a lot more than before lol ).

I don't think you should be too hard on yourself, because it sounds like your heart was in the right place and you didn't realize your niceness could be interpreted the wrong way. If you haven't already, you could always try reaching out to your guy friends and offer a sincere go at a platonic friendship --- if they're jerks about it then that's on them, but if you get the feeling their hearts are too broken to keep a friendship with you, well, they could just be very sensitive-hearted (that's understandable too, but there's not much you can do about that).

But yeah, you can just chalk it up to experience and be more careful in the future. Pretty girls in nerdy fandoms get hit on a lot, so you'll probably have to figure out a good way to be nice without giving guys the wrong idea.
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20 / F / *in his heart and...
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Posted 7/17/13

Tattles wrote:

Yes. Too often.

And from this stems another problem, which is how I attract girls I just want to be friends with, and chase away girls I want to be more than friends with.


I bet that's how we all feel most of the times sadly
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25 / F / Samsara
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Posted 7/17/13
uhh idk... I can make an educated guess if someone is flirting or being kind to me but never really know.. maybe the person is trying to flirt but is so unskilled at flirting you dont notice and think she is being kind or vice versa... or i might be unskilled at spelling out that she is tryin to flirt or be kind...
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20 / F / *in his heart and...
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Posted 7/17/13

kilikikero wrote:


NekoGirlSashira wrote:

Gosh yes.. I guess I broke a lot of hearts.. I do feel terrible believe me.. I was just happy to make guy friends because of my prior past since elementary to high school of being bullied..


Sorry to hear you broke a lot of hearts, and also to hear that you were bullied during school. I was also bullied in middle school, and clammed up in high school as a result, then later blossomed in college (okay maybe not blossomed, more like I just opened up a lot more than before lol ).

I don't think you should be too hard on yourself, because it sounds like your heart was in the right place and you didn't realize your niceness could be interpreted the wrong way. If you haven't already, you could always try reaching out to your guy friends and offer a sincere go at a platonic friendship --- if they're jerks about it then that's on them, but if you get the feeling their hearts are too broken to keep a friendship with you, well, they could just be very sensitive-hearted (that's understandable too, but there's not much you can do about that).

But yeah, you can just chalk it up to experience and be more careful in the future. Pretty girls in nerdy fandoms get hit on a lot, so you'll probably have to figure out a good way to be nice without giving guys the wrong idea.


I just got really aggressive and became a real tomboy entering high school which made boys scared to talk to me so yeah
I know I've learned how to spot if some guy is flirting with me now (All Late I know)
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25 / Behind you
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Posted 7/17/13
This girl I know a year younger than me stares at me out of the side of her eye a lot and recently at a barbecue she showed interest in me even though we've pretty much never talked before that. I don't know if she was just trying to make herself seem not as shy, or whether she really wanted to get to know me.

I have no clue if she likes me or not. Feels terrible, because while I'm not shy, I'm terrible at creating conversation, and she is pretty damn shy and reserved.
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31 / M
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Posted 7/17/13

NekoGirlSashira wrote:

I just got really aggressive and became a real tomboy entering high school which made boys scared to talk to me so yeah
I know I've learned how to spot if some guy is flirting with me now (All Late I know)


LOL that's one way to go about it. I remember a friend of mine in college was big into gaming, but whenever she was at a busstop or wherever playing her DS she'd get all these guys hitting on her, until she got tired of it and just started being a jerk whenever they tried starting up a conversation. It probably wasn't the nicest way to go about it, but it did make for some funny anecdotes in retrospect.
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27 / M / USA
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Posted 7/17/13
They call me a whore.
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20 / F / *in his heart and...
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Posted 7/17/13

netdisorder wrote:

This girl I know a year younger than me stares at me out of the side of her eye a lot and recently at a barbecue she showed interest in me even though we've pretty much never talked before that. I don't know if she was just trying to make herself seem not as shy, or whether she really wanted to get to know me.

I have no clue if she likes me or not. Feels terrible, because while I'm not shy, I'm terrible at creating conversation, and she is pretty damn shy and reserved.


Ah that is a tough situation! Just start off simple and slow no need to rush if your just getting to know this girl but, don't be too persistent trying to get a straight forward answer out of this shy girl you'll only scare her away
Phersu 
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20 / M / Existence.
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Posted 7/17/13
I haven't a clue if people are flirting with me by being kind, or if they are just being kind. I'm a bit dense when it comes to that sort of thing. Unless someone literally hits me upside the head with a brick that says they are trying to flirt with me, I'll just assume that they're just being nice or themselves. On the bright side, I don't misunderstand anything. On the not so bright side, apparently I might be hit with a brick one day.

As for trying to flirt by being nice myself? Never really thought of that.
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25 / M / United States
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Posted 7/17/13 , edited 7/17/13

NekoGirlSashira wrote:



Guys Always Think I'm Flirting With Them But, I'm Not. I'm Just Nice!


girls always think I am flirting when I am just being nice. I only know cuz they usually mention it. Otherwise I would have no idea...
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