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Post Reply Kindness Mistaken As Flirting?
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22 / アメリカにすんでいます。
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Posted 7/18/13
Just saying there is a huge difference between this and this and then this the seonc one is being a flirt the third one is just a glare she noticed you nothing more
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22 / アメリカにすんでいます。
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Posted 7/18/13
i hear you there but sometime even in real life a nice action can be misjudged as flirting like my friend who was a girl got a new hair cut and i was like wow u look really good looks great on you ur beautiful and she said oh stop being a flirt i was like what?
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20 / M / Brisbane
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Posted 7/18/13 , edited 7/18/13
In my mind this kind of thing can only conceivably come to pass when the foolish and the manipulative collide. If two people enter an exchange with questionable/nauseatingly adolescent intentions or an unconscionable naiveté, I can imagine one might fail to make the distinction.

Never really understood what flirting was though anyway; is there really any discernible difference from being 'kind' or is there some tacit vibe in a conversation that I'm unable to make out? And what does kindness actually imply to begin with; are we being generally respectful towards those around us/decent human beings or charitable to the extent that we're polishing the crotch-pieces of passing strangers. The coalescence of human interaction and semantics is such a pain. *sighs* This is why I hate you guys.

Sincerely,
An alien of some description.
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Posted 7/18/13 , edited 7/18/13

Yeah.. Most of who I assume are my guy friends on Cr stopped talking to me because of that maybe the feel I lead them on.. I don't know.. Still kinda sad I lost good friends just cause of that..


You should probably think about what you say and how you say it on the internet, there is no body language or speech influxes to differentiate between things like flirtation and simply being nice, so giving too many compliments or being too consistently nice can be easily misjudged with no real fault on the other party.

EDIT:

i hear you there but sometime even in real life a nice action can be misjudged as flirting like my friend who was a girl got a new hair cut and i was like wow u look really good looks great on you ur beautiful and she said oh stop being a flirt i was like what?


The beautiful is qualified as flirting, that stops focusing on the haircut and puts focus on her. If you want to compliment someone on their looks try something less extreme. Calling her hair cute and telling her that it fits well would have been a good way to approach that situation.

EDIT 2:
That being said I have liked an exgirlfriends best friend's new haircut profile picture before and gotten yelled at by said ex for "flirting" so I totally know where you are coming from on this one.
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Posted 7/18/13
Just punch the bastards in the face they will get the msg
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21 / F / North Carolina
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Posted 7/18/13
No, I don't think so. Of course, I don't have too many guy friends so...
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27 / M / Kentucky
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Posted 7/18/13
I think this topic is covered in a lot of romance animes albeit somewhat unintentional. If your kind to everyone you will be considered a player and no one will be able to trust you or you will just run into a lot of relationship problems. If you're only truly kind to the people you like/love then you're on the right track. Basically just monitor when and how you are being kind. You can't be kind to all the girls if you want a single one of them to look at you more than the others do... or something like that.
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26 / M / Pinellas Park, FL
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Posted 7/18/13
I've experienced both ends of the spectrum and it isn't very fun.

I'm naturally nice although my demeanor and looks give a different impression. So I really have to go out of my way to appease someone. I really liked this girl once and I approached it being kind and rational and not just lustfully. Ended up "friendzoned." And she's been dating my friend for 5 years now I think. We're still cool though since I just had to suck it up.

On the other end, I was completely platonic with this other girl. Maybe I never picked up on the cues or maybe she mistook kindness for cues. Or more than likely both. Either way after about 5 months of just hanging out and such she makes(what I realize now) a move to get me isolated and to herself. After I didn't go for the kiss (disguised as a "tutoring" session) she cut almost all ties. I mean I get it but damn.

It's not the first time either. So, I really feel you ladies out there. It does suck and how do you really get over that? All that effort thinking that "friend" you have has your back then the minute they can't get what they want they're gone.
nillic 
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Posted 7/18/13
I've recently experienced the opposite. A girl was being really nice to me, and it ends up she had a crush. But we're dating now so it's cool
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27 / M / England
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Posted 7/18/13

NekoGirlSashira wrote:



Guys Always Think I'm Flirting With Them But, I'm Not. I'm Just Nice!

Has This Ever Happen To You! Please Share!


This is a problem too many guys have. Any kind of friendly behavior and they will think you're into them.
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49 / M / Near Detroit,MI
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Posted 7/18/13

Arielgirl375 wrote:
. truth is flirting is obvious, and kindness is tricky to see.

Again, I have to disagree for some people.
I apparently was getting flirted at 2x by girls while with another group. And a third during a wedding reception. And a 4th (was a cougar...)
I had _no_ idea that's what these people were doing. No recognition whatsoever... and wasn't till later that friends (and a relative of the girl for the wedding one) basically said that's what was had happened. Hell, with that cougar, oddly enough, it was my own mom that pointed it out afterwards (yeesh). Some can't be out of their shell enough to "read" it at all. Too bad on that wedding one too.. :/ The cougar....meh. :)

--
~Barage~, to me, standing up or being around either of those last 2 ladies in the last 2 pictures _in real time_ I literally couldn't tell what the intentions are. I literally could not process it in a live situation. I understand this may be just me.. but it is what some see or experience.
--


Mycow8me wrote:

If your kind to everyone you will be considered a player and no one will be able to trust you or you will just run into a lot of relationship problems. If you're only truly kind to the people you like/love then you're on the right track. Basically just monitor when and how you are being kind. You can't be kind to all the girls if you want a single one of them to look at you more than the others do... or something like that.


Understand tho... I am a "nice human", a "nice guy". Part may be age, how I was taught and grew up, etc. I do not treat anyone with any dislike unless they do me dirt. I respect everyone until they show that they aren't worthy of my respect. This is general logic, common sense, and is touching on the "politeness" area starting the thread.
Oddly enough, to me, by denying respect or general kindness to a specific group seems a bit more manipulative to me than the true player going for any and all.... Being more aggressive (if you can) flirtatious-wise with the one you are interested in, fine. But denying kindness just makes it seem a bit not human.
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28 / F / georgia, usa
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Posted 7/18/13
not too much, though it does normally happen when i try to be nice to an ex. i normally try to maintain a good friendship with girlfriends past but sometimes just a few simple kind words or compliments that the look nice today or their new hair cut makes them look beautiful and such and its like "why are you sending me mixed signals?!" *facepalm* fine you look horrible today and that haircut makes your face look fat happy now? no mixed signals
rdfury 
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37 / M / Oklahoma City
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Posted 7/18/13
I think being nice is beginning to be too rare. It confuses people!
I was taught to have manners and treat people with respect. The problem being nice presents to me is people mistake it for weakness.

For example. I needed maintenance in my apartment so when I went to the office to pay rent, I filed a request. I was very nice and respectful. NEXT month I went to the office again to pay rent. Still no maintenance. So I raised my voice, spoke out of anger and dropped some F bombs. The maintenance was done in TWO HOURS after that.

It's such a shame...

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20 / F / Philadelphia
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Posted 7/18/13 , edited 7/18/13
Being nice and being accused of flirting. It happens to the best of us.

Most people feel as though people who are nice are flirting. Some people feel that way because they don't have people to be nice to them. So when someone comes a long they get happy and think some one is flirting with them. Others feel that way because they don't know when people are nice unless they want something from them.

For example, once I was talking to a girl and told her that her shoes were pretty. She said thank you. Then I went on saying I like her hair and tattoos. I was being honest. She however, thought I was being to friendly and thought i was flirting. How is that flirting? kgkgjh!

But I guess it's all in how you approach a person and how you say things. Plus if your face to face with someone it can be your body language.
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20 / F / Australia
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Posted 7/18/13
sounds like my life ahahahahaha.
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