First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  Next  Last
Post Reply Kindness Mistaken As Flirting?
14 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 7/18/13
I certainly do agree that kindness has somewhat fallen out of style, and if you are trying to attract someone, unless you are trying to play the "bad boy" angle, or playing hard to get, one will typically be kind towards the person they are courting. So where do people get off with these kind of outrageous overreactions to simple comments or actions? Saying, "that dress looks nice on you", or "I like your new hair cut" are really just curtsies themselves, you would think that flirting is slightly more involved of an action. It strikes close to home though, my last relationship ended because my girlfriend mistook my being nice to other people, which happens to be a set occasionally containing cute girl, as me flirting with girls all the time.

One thing I think may be contributing to this kind of confusion is that kindness is, or at least should be, a rather attractive quality. I'm not saying that I am confessing my love to every girl who says thank you when I hold a door, but certainly if I think a girl is cute, and she is nice, what is wrong with wanting to ask her out. Even if she says no, the Earth will continue orbiting the Sun, and life as we know it will live on.

Saying that though, I can understand where some of you people are coming from though, you are talking about friendships being ruined. If the so to say parameters of a friendship have been set up, then kindness is just something that is always passed between friends and should have no ulterior motive. Realistically, if you have been friends with someone for a while and they suddenly ask you out, I feel like either they always had feelings for you yet were having a really hard time trying to express them and ended up friend-zoned before they had a chance, or they have problems understanding friendship.

I have been on both sides of this position before. There was a girl I liked in high school, but I was too shy to tell her, but since we had a lot of classes together we hung out a lot. We became, and still are, really good friends, but having her be so nice to me really made me want to tell her how I felt and somewhat made me think she liked me. At the same time I was friends with another girl, and I thought we were just friends until she said she liked me. I tried my best to let her down easy, and even wanted to still be friends, but afterwards she never really wanted to talk to me. This resonated within me and really made me reevaluate my relationship with the girl I liked, it was obviously a similar kind of situation, we were friends, so of course we would talk and joke and be nice to each other, it didn't mean she was flirting with me or anything. A little part of me still would have liked to have dated her, but I am still very happy to have a good friend like her, and I am sorry for anyone who lost a good friend over something like this, I know it sucks.
25689 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
17 / M / Tórshavn
Offline
Posted 7/18/13

bloga1 wrote:

In the world of nice guys, i can tell you that there have been very few times girls have thought i was flirting with them just by doing something nice. However, when girls are kind to me, depending on how kind, I guess I have thought that they were flirting with me.


Yeah this pretty much
Aimyay 
21452 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
M / The Great White N...
Offline
Posted 7/18/13

GayAsianBoy wrote:

I'll admit, I am guilty of this situation (as written in that picture in first post). Except replace the word "flirtation" with the phrase "ulterior motives".


I'm not attractive enough to think that anyone who is kind to me is "flirting" with me. However I do get paranoid when anyone of either sex is kind to me for no reasons... I'll start thinking, "Do they have an ulterior motive?"


I've never had anyone (outside of family) been kind to me without an ulterior motive, so I am a bit weary of kindness in general.


I can sympathize. I'm always wondering what people want from me when they're acting nice towards me.
9164 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
30 / M
Offline
Posted 7/18/13 , edited 7/18/13

NekoGirlSashira wrote:

Yeah growing were real jerks to me so whenever a nice came up to me all flirting with me I'm like who sent you to f**k with me I'll kill them and make them wish they we're never conceived into this world!

Yes I was this angry in high school


When I first read this I laughed out loud, because it's such a harsh reaction, it almost sounded like it could have jumped off the pages of a manga, and I initially thought you were jokingly over-exaggerating. But if you were being completely serious, and that's really how you reacted to guys in high school, it's a bit sad to think about. Those bullies must have pushed you to the limit for your feelings to have boiled up so much, and that really sucks to hear. Anyway, at least it sounds like you've worked past those feelings (and if not, I wish you the best in dealing through them, if that's what you want anyway). I actually forgave my bullies a long time ago, since they were kids at the time, probably didn't know better, and may have had their own issues at home. Forgiveness aside, though, if I were in the same situation where they tried to push me around now, I'd smash their faces in.
18917 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / Bayamón - Puerto...
Offline
Posted 7/18/13
That so happen to me allot. I'm like whaaa i'm married. I'm just naturally kind and nice to people
23965 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / F / *in his heart and...
Offline
Posted 7/18/13

kilikikero wrote:


NekoGirlSashira wrote:

Yeah growing were real jerks to me so whenever a nice came up to me all flirting with me I'm like who sent you to f**k with me I'll kill them and make them wish they we're never conceived into this world!

Yes I was this angry in high school


When I first read this I laughed out loud, because it's such a harsh reaction, it almost sounded like it could have jumped off the pages of a manga, and I initially thought you were jokingly over-exaggerating. But if you were being completely serious, and that's really how you reacted to guys in high school, it's a bit sad to think about. Those bullies must have pushed you to the limit for your feelings to have boiled up so much, and that really sucks to hear. Anyway, at least it sounds like you've worked past those feelings (and if not, I wish you the best in dealing through them, if that's what you want anyway). I actually forgave my bullies a long time ago, since they were kids at the time, probably didn't know better, and may have had their own issues at home. Forgiveness aside, though, if I were in the same situation where they tried to push me around now, I'd smash their faces in.


Haha my old guy friends that went to elementary school all the way to high school describe my personality change like this I went from a sweet jigglypuff that some how transformed into a vicious charzard XD
12921 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
102 / M / The Milky Way Galaxy
Offline
Posted 7/18/13
Stop being nice to people you don't care about and the problem is solved.
1179 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
17 / Hope's Peak Acame...
Offline
Posted 7/18/13
This has happened quite a bit to me. And I actually have a lot of problems with deciphering whether someone is being flirtatious because I think they're just being nice so.. its all just a big mess unless you come out and you're like "I'M FLIRTING WITH YOU" I will honestly not understand.
1517 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / M / Ultimecia's kastle
Offline
Posted 7/18/13
It's an interesting thread topic.
In kindness way, i am often quite kind to shop counter workers. I don't know if they mistake me as flirting but... At least they usually become nice then. They're supposed to be nice as part of the job though, aren't they / you? So maybe they become nice because they think i'm flirting with them. BUT i think it's because they're glad a customer wants kindness. Quite often customers don't care about it and would just rather buy stuff from vending machines. ...It can be the other way around. And i'm kind of floating into a different topic, so let's move on to flirting.

In flirtations way, i don't have a problem to know if someone is flirting with me. They usually do it blushing and whatnot. Also they're persistent. But i got a fobia so i try to avoid the situations. :p Whenever i find myself in situations when i'm threatened to be flirted or even confessed to by a girl, i always Chara Change and go STARE STAre stare, say some awkward excuse, RUN AWAY. Bye. ...I don't want to really, but it's probably a X Egg taking over me. (Shugo Chara anime reference) Muuh.
Okay well, that probably doesn't contribute to the thread. That's my personality laid out for you. XD
2148 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
18 / M / England
Offline
Posted 7/18/13
I am always polite and try to be helpful to whoever I can, whenever I can.
Its just how I was raised and I like to think that other people have the same mind set because if a girl thought I was being flirtatious when I am just being kind and commented on it, I think I would be slightly offended.
Sogno- 
23248 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 7/18/13
well... yes, all the old men are very kind to me
kreyco 
21032 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
M / US
Offline
Posted 7/18/13
I find this topic amusing to me (irony explained below). But, after having dealt with that same thing a few times I learned that you're much better off being direct about it. At the same time, as a guy you have to be tactful on how you approach a girl. This behavior is often called "friendliness" , but what do you ladies expect? It has to start somewhere and it's not going to go anywhere if we don't spend time with any of y'all. A nice girl would be smart to indicate that she has a bf or is not interested in relationships early on when they think a guy is acting nice. In first meeting with a new guy who seems friendly, casually mention your bf or make it clear that you don't want a relationship. That way he has no excuse and if he keeps being friendly then you can assume you have a working friendship (be careful cuz that can change, explained below).

Ok, so for my little story... I met a "nice girl" not too long ago who had a similar problem that some of you ladies here have had. She usually had some guy trying to hook up with her (in an "untactful" way). After a few months I became interested in her. As soon as I said something, she put me in the "friend zone". I stopped talking to her as much... just keeping things more casual between us. Occasional lunches together and being polite when I ran across her on campus (which was pretty frequent). A few months later, she asked me out! I was pretty shocked, but we've been happy with each other ever since. Sometimes it takes a while - never push someone completely away, it might just work out!

My biggest advice to people would be just to never let your emotions get out of control. That way you can keep some of those people you are really interested in as friends. Eventually one of them should figure out that they do like you!
40659 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
27 / F / Southern Oregon
Offline
Posted 7/18/13
It has probably happened to me quite a bit, but I'm fairly oblivious to such things so I can't say for sure it has.

For the most part I'm nice to everyone and I tend to be a little nicer to people who are considered outcasts for one reason or another. There have been a few such guys who have developed feeling for me, but I'm not sure if I just happened to be their type or if they mistook my kindness as something else. It's always really awkward and embarrassing to me when it happens because I always feel like it comes out of the blue, and of course I don't have any feelings for them other then friendship.
17757 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
M / Los Angeles, CA
Offline
Posted 7/18/13
If you are nice to ugly guys/girls then they will think you are flirting. True story.
23965 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / F / *in his heart and...
Offline
Posted 7/18/13

naegimakoto wrote:

This has happened quite a bit to me. And I actually have a lot of problems with deciphering whether someone is being flirtatious because I think they're just being nice so.. its all just a big mess unless you come out and you're like "I'M FLIRTING WITH YOU" I will honestly not understand.


I'm that oblivious as well! Or really dense.. Maybe both >>; But it's always so confusing!
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.