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Posted 7/20/13

Romulus023 wrote:

Goals-Dreams-Failures

None-None-Life

No no, even though that summary is spot on I'll elaborate.

Goals:

To be honest, I had a couple some of which were harder than others. All this as of 14 years ago. Becoming a pilot, a doctor and an astronomer. Becoming a pilot is the easiest by far, maybe not career-wise though. I have the knack to become a doctor or an astronomer just because of my affinity towards Math and Science. I did try for both at the college level 6 years ago but I just lacked the drive. Even now I just can't bring myself to care about it even though I love it. Even worse though is that now even if I did find the drive I'm at a financial disadvantage.

Dreams:

Not sure about this one. I've had dreams about a lot of things but never a fantasy that was unobtainable. Okay, scratch that maybe. I may have fantasized at some point about being an astronaut. Only because of my love of aviation and astronomy. Being able to explore the solar system first hand.

Failures:

Everything. Well, I'm severely exaggerating. Up until 14 years ago I could've said without I doubt I could pursue what I wanted to and succeed at it. But my father was into some illegal business and it went south. We ended up leaving him and I had to take care of my siblings while mom worked. I suffered from the separation plus the next level of responsibility. My grades suffered. I was trying desperately to manage home life, academics, and economic needs. So I did my fair share of stealing and street work too. At the end of high school I just stopped caring. There was no point to want anything or to try harder. Everything just kind of sucked. Life sucked. I gave up. Going into college at that point was pretty much a waste. I had my fun sure but ultimately I didn't gain anything and now I'm 'paying for it' in every sense of the phrase.

*******

I'm currently pursuing architecture and it's not that I hate it but it's definitely not what I want to do. But I need a degree or so they tell me. And I'll always disagree. I wish I had the right motivation and people to at least offer an outside perspective.


It's too often that we give up on our goals. Not because we want to, but circumstance has a way of knocking the rose-coloured spectacles off of our faces. I will put on no airs about it. I am bitter. I am bitter because I want to... wanted to do so much and grow more than I have. But I was not given the opportunity or the resources to pursue my interests. I grit my teeth and swallow the lump in my throat when people tell me that they are happy and that they've landed, 'that dream job' - however benign and stale. At least they have something to grin about.

Having a love of things, I think - makes it worse for me. I love classical music, I learn more and more about it. I love space, martial arts and art - but it's just that... well - it's all it is. It's just knowledge OF said topics. I do not experience them as I want to. It's a just a shallow involvement with ideas. It's pathetic and trite.
It must have been hard for you. I'm sure it continues to be hard for you. My respect to you for your sacrifices. It takes a large heart and bitter resilience to do what you are doing. Your siblings and your mother - even if they do not show it - I'm sure, are glad to have you in their lives.

A step at a time. I am working on my degree for English. I started this year. I'm doing it online. One course at a time. It'll be YEARS before I finish, but I want to change my circumstance. No, no - I'll never be a conductor. But a degree will help me start teaching abroad. And at this point, I'll do it to escape mediocrity.

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Posted 7/20/13

LuciferD666 wrote:

Tell us about your goals. Where did you see yourself at your age, 5 years ago?
My goal is to become a professional grade artist Able to express myself and the way I view this world through the medium.
5 years ago makes me exactly 15. I pursued my own styles of traditional art and tried to find ways(while in school) to showcase it


In a fantasy world/alternate reality from your own; what would you be? Where would you go?
I would be Lucifer. King of Demons. The Devil himself.I'd live in Hell. I would go to different worlds and reign over them out of boredom


Where do you think you messed up? What held/is holding you captive in your current reality?
We all make mistakes. But as long as we still have the resolve to move on considering them. Than you haven't really "messed up".You just side-tracked yourself.
If your asking what I wish I could've done earlier? I wish I would have listened to my art teacher a little(heck even alot) more.
What's holding me captive? The slight rejection from my family members in pursuing my goals. My little knowledge of art.My life before this



While this is a nice post n'all. I would like to imply some of my philosopy that makes this thread irrelevant for me

My "Dreams" aren't really dreams. Because that implies that reality may have a different setting for me. That may be so. But I've considered that and will fight to make those "dreams" reality. As long as I'm fighting to make them reality,Then it's not really a dream to me. It's just a matter of time and patience.

You can only "fail" if you give up. Or you aren't up to trying again.My goals have stayed with me. Although I've been through lots of trial and error.If you're ready to consider that life will be full of those. It fuels me to continue trying until those goals are reached.



Thank you for your response.

I realise that this topic may be infinitely personal and intimate to many people, but I am glad people are taking the time to reveal their lives - even a little to me. While we may not become friends due to circumstance and distance - it is cathartic to explore each other's feelings and moods.

To your post; I am glad that you have a set mind in what you want to do. And I am glad that you are able to find time and resources to fuel your goals. Keep this up. I know how easy it is to because weary and rest your head. I've done it all too much and now I suffer for it.
I do encourage that you spread your thinking to those around you. While many dreams are often too farfetched to chase after - when there is a tinge of reality to them, people SHOULD run after them. It is best not to waste time with things that do not make you happy.
Unfortunately, some of us are stuck in routine. Some of us, to no fault of our own are unable to move forward with their aspirations.
But fight. Fight on.
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Posted 7/20/13

karendelaney wrote:

Where did I hope to see myself now, five years ago?

Well, 20 years ago I was in graduate school. I'd yearned to be a curator, preferably for the Smithsonian, and I worked really hard to get into a great school and prestigious program. I borrowed a serious bunch of cash, commuted 2 hours each way to school, worked at a job I found unbelievably tedious, and discovered half way through the program that I seriously hated it. There was no way I was ever going to want to do this for my living. I graduated anyway, with a huge debt and no intention of ever using the degree. Stupidest thing I've ever done. Five years ago I was bereft of goals, since that graduate degree taught me that I didn't really have a clue what I really wanted to do, since I hadn't done it yet, and I was basing it all on some fantasy about how I thought it would be.

In a fantasy world...

Strangely enough, I'm actually really happy with my life. I love my husband, I enjoy my days, and I hope to pay off the student loans before I die. Maybe. It could happen!

Captive in my current reality.

I think if I hadn't made all the mistakes and missteps I did, I wouldn't be this person I am today. A person I actually really like. There are certainly things about myself I would like to change, and as I've grown older, I've found that I've become more patient and willing to change slowly. In my own case, slow change tends to result in permanent change, where fast, drastic change just gets pushed to the side after a little while.

The only thing I would say to you, OP, since I am currently at twice your current age (that shocks me daily...who is this woman with the laugh lines and white hairs mixing up the dark ones in my mirror!?) is that life is berserk. You absolutely can expect things to get completely insane on a regular basis, and there is not a thing you can do about it. It's appalling to realize how few things are really under your control. Have hope! There is no way to know what might happen in the coming years. When I was 24, I thought I knew what was going to happen in my life. Not one single thing came out the way I was expecting. But it has turned out (so far) to be interesting. And really fun, here and there.


Thank you very much for your kind words.

I respect and take heed to what you have to say. As my father tells me, the higher you climb up a tree - the wider your view becomes (referring to age/experience). I do realise that I am rather young. I do realise that I may have many years ahead of me. But I seem to be in a rut. My life and my time seems to be at a standstill. I am working full time, taking part time classes towards my English degree and balancing Karate in there somewhere. But, it's the same - day in - day out.

I suppose... I suppose, this... staleness is what prompted me to start my degree program. I used to travel the world with my father as a child and I miss it. And yes, circumstance and finances are a hindrance to that desire in me, but my degree will at least allow me to start teaching children in foreign countries. I've wanted to do that for a long time now, I fear that it'll be many years before I am able to finish my education to do just that, however - a brief flirtation with elation is better than a married life with mediocrity.

Again, thank you for your words. 'Slow change tends to be permanent'. I will walk with that.
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Posted 7/20/13

minatothegreatjiraiya wrote:

I dream to make the portable toilet, for when you just can't get to a toilet. Complete with a sink and soap and toilet paper, maybe even wipes. Because a certain company stole my idea to get all you can from a soap or spray dispenser.





karendelaney wrote:

This is truly tragic! Surely your mad Porta-Pottie skills could be utilized elsewhere, since you were born too late to cash in on your excellent idea! Perhaps a toilet that has a RatDetector with LIght Up Warning PanelTM for those cursed to live in urban areas, who might unsuspectingly stumble to the toilet in the night, only to have their precious personal parts nibbled on by vermin? If you do invent this, I ask only for a tiny 45% idea fee, payable on all sales.



Or at least with a built in bidet and proper ventilation.
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Squisky wrote:


karendelaney wrote:

Where did I hope to see myself now, five years ago?

Well, 20 years ago I was in graduate school. I'd yearned to be a curator, preferably for the Smithsonian, and I worked really hard to get into a great school and prestigious program. I borrowed a serious bunch of cash, commuted 2 hours each way to school, worked at a job I found unbelievably tedious, and discovered half way through the program that I seriously hated it. There was no way I was ever going to want to do this for my living. I graduated anyway, with a huge debt and no intention of ever using the degree. Stupidest thing I've ever done. Five years ago I was bereft of goals, since that graduate degree taught me that I didn't really have a clue what I really wanted to do, since I hadn't done it yet, and I was basing it all on some fantasy about how I thought it would be.

In a fantasy world...

Strangely enough, I'm actually really happy with my life. I love my husband, I enjoy my days, and I hope to pay off the student loans before I die. Maybe. It could happen!

Captive in my current reality.

I think if I hadn't made all the mistakes and missteps I did, I wouldn't be this person I am today. A person I actually really like. There are certainly things about myself I would like to change, and as I've grown older, I've found that I've become more patient and willing to change slowly. In my own case, slow change tends to result in permanent change, where fast, drastic change just gets pushed to the side after a little while.

The only thing I would say to you, OP, since I am currently at twice your current age (that shocks me daily...who is this woman with the laugh lines and white hairs mixing up the dark ones in my mirror!?) is that life is berserk. You absolutely can expect things to get completely insane on a regular basis, and there is not a thing you can do about it. It's appalling to realize how few things are really under your control. Have hope! There is no way to know what might happen in the coming years. When I was 24, I thought I knew what was going to happen in my life. Not one single thing came out the way I was expecting. But it has turned out (so far) to be interesting. And really fun, here and there.


Thank you very much for your kind words.

I respect and take heed to what you have to say. As my father tells me, the higher you climb up a tree - the wider your view becomes (referring to age/experience). I do realise that I am rather young. I do realise that I may have many years ahead of me. But I seem to be in a rut. My life and my time seems to be at a standstill. I am working full time, taking part time classes towards my English degree and balancing Karate in there somewhere. But, it's the same - day in - day out.

I suppose... I suppose, this... staleness is what prompted me to start my degree program. I used to travel the world with my father as a child and I miss it. And yes, circumstance and finances are a hindrance to that desire in me, but my degree will at least allow me to start teaching children in foreign countries. I've wanted to do that for a long time now, I fear that it'll be many years before I am able to finish my education to do just that, however - a brief flirtation with elation is better than a married life with mediocrity.

Again, thank you for your words. 'Slow change tends to be permanent'. I will walk with that.


Before you know it, you'll be done with the degree. Time passes so quickly (patented old person comment I know), but it seems like I got married yesterday and it's been 19 years already. I've been an EMT (I have a story about a guy who was wading around in his own feces for days before we picked him up that makes people gag and laugh hysterically at the same time), I have a red belt in TaeKwonDo, I've been suicidally depressed, medicated and hospitalized. When I was 24, it never even occurred to me that any of those things would happen. Some of the stuff that's happened seems so bizarre and unlikely that I doubt my own memory. Occasionally, my husband will reference some event that I can't recall at all. Human beings are just weird, totally and completely. As a consequence, so are our lives. Like all us old folks now, you will someday look back and think, why did I think that was so bad? It seems like it was over so quickly. Probably also things like when did my knees start sounding like that when I run and where the hell did all these chins come from?!

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Posted 7/20/13

karendelaney wrote:


Squisky wrote:


karendelaney wrote:

Where did I hope to see myself now, five years ago?

Well, 20 years ago I was in graduate school. I'd yearned to be a curator, preferably for the Smithsonian, and I worked really hard to get into a great school and prestigious program. I borrowed a serious bunch of cash, commuted 2 hours each way to school, worked at a job I found unbelievably tedious, and discovered half way through the program that I seriously hated it. There was no way I was ever going to want to do this for my living. I graduated anyway, with a huge debt and no intention of ever using the degree. Stupidest thing I've ever done. Five years ago I was bereft of goals, since that graduate degree taught me that I didn't really have a clue what I really wanted to do, since I hadn't done it yet, and I was basing it all on some fantasy about how I thought it would be.

In a fantasy world...

Strangely enough, I'm actually really happy with my life. I love my husband, I enjoy my days, and I hope to pay off the student loans before I die. Maybe. It could happen!

Captive in my current reality.

I think if I hadn't made all the mistakes and missteps I did, I wouldn't be this person I am today. A person I actually really like. There are certainly things about myself I would like to change, and as I've grown older, I've found that I've become more patient and willing to change slowly. In my own case, slow change tends to result in permanent change, where fast, drastic change just gets pushed to the side after a little while.

The only thing I would say to you, OP, since I am currently at twice your current age (that shocks me daily...who is this woman with the laugh lines and white hairs mixing up the dark ones in my mirror!?) is that life is berserk. You absolutely can expect things to get completely insane on a regular basis, and there is not a thing you can do about it. It's appalling to realize how few things are really under your control. Have hope! There is no way to know what might happen in the coming years. When I was 24, I thought I knew what was going to happen in my life. Not one single thing came out the way I was expecting. But it has turned out (so far) to be interesting. And really fun, here and there.


Thank you very much for your kind words.

I respect and take heed to what you have to say. As my father tells me, the higher you climb up a tree - the wider your view becomes (referring to age/experience). I do realise that I am rather young. I do realise that I may have many years ahead of me. But I seem to be in a rut. My life and my time seems to be at a standstill. I am working full time, taking part time classes towards my English degree and balancing Karate in there somewhere. But, it's the same - day in - day out.

I suppose... I suppose, this... staleness is what prompted me to start my degree program. I used to travel the world with my father as a child and I miss it. And yes, circumstance and finances are a hindrance to that desire in me, but my degree will at least allow me to start teaching children in foreign countries. I've wanted to do that for a long time now, I fear that it'll be many years before I am able to finish my education to do just that, however - a brief flirtation with elation is better than a married life with mediocrity.

Again, thank you for your words. 'Slow change tends to be permanent'. I will walk with that.


Before you know it, you'll be done with the degree. Time passes so quickly (patented old person comment I know), but it seems like I got married yesterday and it's been 19 years already. I've been an EMT (I have a story about a guy who was wading around in his own feces for days before we picked him up that makes people gag and laugh hysterically at the same time), I have a red belt in TaeKwonDo, I've been suicidally depressed, medicated and hospitalized. When I was 24, it never even occurred to me that any of those things would happen. Some of the stuff that's happened seems so bizarre and unlikely that I doubt my own memory. Occasionally, my husband will reference some event that I can't recall at all. Human beings are just weird, totally and completely. As a consequence, so are our lives. Like all us old folks now, you will someday look back and think, why did I think that was so bad? It seems like it was over so quickly. Probably also things like when did my knees start sounding like that when I run and where the hell did all these chins come from?!



Oddly enough, I've begun to notice the fleeting nature of time. I've been wrangling with trying to pin-point what exactly time is for a while too. But I suppose, even that - like time - is elusive. 19 years. Goodness, I haven't met anyone that I'd like to spend the next 5 years with. But maybe because I'm cynical. But maybe because I've fat. Hahaha.

I'd like to hear about your EMT stories. I have a strong stomach for these things. My aunt is a doctor and I've sat in on her cadaver dissections twice (got very lucky). Anatomy and the frailty of the body is an interesting thing. For instance, I've been fighting with a Pilinodal Cyst since Dec, 2012. It's not in its 4th remission and I'm due for a 2nd surgery in September. I've been on, I think 6, no 7 different types of anti-biotics. I had surgery in February, but the thing is vigilant and keeps returning. Now, normally - I wouldn't mind - I get some time off work, relax a little while I heal from the draining and packing. However, sitting down is the worst thing in the world with that over my coccyx.

I do Kyokushin Karate, I'd like to cross-train with a few other styles, I really love martial arts - but time, money, studies, work. It's hard. It's hard to manage just the 3 days/week for Kyokushin.

Mm, I know that feeling. Between the ages of 13 - 18, I had severe anxiety disorder. Thing is, by the time I was 12, I had moved countries four times. So, I never had an opportunity to form bonds/put down roots anywhere. I still have trouble with friendships, I never learned how to make/maintain them. I was in and out of sessions with psychiatrists throughout those years. They did not prescribe medication - now that I think back - I'm glad. I don't think medicating myself would have been the answer, there's too many people in this world who go about as dependants on medication.

Maybe this is a bit too personal - but were you able to identify the catalyst to your depression? I mean, there doesn't have to be one, I know that well.

Human beings. Yeah, I don't know if I'd call them weird. I think we're just all so vulnerable. So eager to please others and give yield when things get difficult. We're just weak, as a species. However, we are capable of great things. Rare, but surely.

Goodness, you needn't make yourself so old. For once, you're bloody charming and fun to talk to.

I don't know if it's a matter of having a weak constitution, but I've come back from many difficult things. But I still have juvenile tendencies. I over exaggerate my life events and the narrative in my head sounds fantastical. But I know people have harder lives. I know people have much more complicated struggles. I have yet to fully detach myself - from myself (greed, vanity). I hope that, that comes with experience.
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I think that it's not really time that is so fleeting, but the way we perceive and remember our lives. If I made a huge effort to recall every event in my life, I would probably remember that time seemed like it had stopped when I was living through some of those days. Sadly, it seems to be the terrible, tragic and personality crushing memories that remain the strongest. If I really tried to contemplate every day of our 19 years together, it would probably seem like a hundred. Because there were some terrible ones. The thing about a good marriage though, is that you always view each other as allies. No matter how much you may fight, or deliberately hurt each other's feelings, you have to really believe that when it comes down to it, you would stand together. Those are the marriages that endure. That point of view has nothing to do with what you look like. Having been a chubby, brunet short girl all my life (you know, the one all the pretty skinny girls keep around for comparison during outings to the bar) and also being currently the only one of all those women who actually got married and stayed that way, I will tell you from experience that fat should not hold you back.

I can completely relate to your pain in the coccyx (lol). I injured mine two years ago and despite an MRI (where I discovered the hard way that I am indeed claustrophobic) and injections of various things directly to the site, it continues to make sitting down a misery. I can shift around so it's not so bad, but sometimes I find myself stuck half way up after sitting for a while on a particularly terrible surface. A few days ago I was having a beer with my brother and youngest sister at this bar with planks for seats and I started wondering if I was going to be able to walk out of that place.

The depression. My family has it running down the maternal side like syrup running down a stack of pancakes. When I was 30, my husband and I moved from Washington to Texas for his job. I was excited about it, but I left behind my job, my entire family and all my friends. It turned out that TX and WA are completely different in every way imaginable. Climate, people, jobs, feral animals, attitude. It was kind of terrible. Then I couldn't find a job, so I got stuck at home. I didn't make any friends. After about two years, I woke up in the middle of the night in the midst of what I thought was some kind of life ending physical event, but turned out to be a panic attack. Unfortunately we were in a pretty rural area, and they gave me a Xanax and sent me home without explanation or follow-up. We didn't actually discover it was a panic attack until we got the insurance statement denying the claim, since it was a panic attack and not a physical one. So, I didn't sleep or eat for two weeks, growing ever more insane, until I went to see my doctor. He gave me a antidepressant and sent me home. About four days later I called his office and asked if I was supposed to be laying there figuring out how to kill myself, instead of actually doing it. I got put in the hospital, remedicated way more heavily, and exposed to some people who were really, seriously insane as opposed to depressed, anxious, hungry and sleep deprived. I stayed medicated for 13 years (basically until we left TX and moved back to WA) until I started thinking that maybe the reason I was wanting to kill myself all the time was because of the medication that had saved my life many years before. My WA doctor was appalled at the medication regimen, and we tapered me off it over six months or so (I was taking enough Klonopin to drop a horse and that stuff is hard to get off of). I've been without medication for several years now. I hope I won't ever need it again, but there's no way to know. So I don't worry about it.

Everyone's narrative is fantastical! It wouldn't be a narrative if it wasn't. Mine was always overly concerned with what everyone thought of me. It didn't occur to me until later that everyone has their own narrative, and I was not in the star in any of them (lol). Being detached from the really basic human feelings, good or bad, is not really possible for most people in my experience. I am still a terrible human being on a regular basis, especially to people who are most important to me, just because I get too caught up in my own overly dramatic narrative. The difference between current me and previous me is that current me recognizes when I've been a douche bag and apologizes.

I don't know if you read The Oatmeal, but he wrote a great comic about why he runs. I thought you might like it. http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

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Posted 7/21/13 , edited 7/21/13

karendelaney wrote:



I think that it's not really time that is so fleeting, but the way we perceive and remember our lives. If I made a huge effort to recall every event in my life, I would probably remember that time seemed like it had stopped when I was living through some of those days. Sadly, it seems to be the terrible, tragic and personality crushing memories that remain the strongest. If I really tried to contemplate every day of our 19 years together, it would probably seem like a hundred. Because there were some terrible ones. The thing about a good marriage though, is that you always view each other as allies. No matter how much you may fight, or deliberately hurt each other's feelings, you have to really believe that when it comes down to it, you would stand together. Those are the marriages that endure. That point of view has nothing to do with what you look like. Having been a chubby, brunet short girl all my life (you know, the one all the pretty skinny girls keep around for comparison during outings to the bar) and also being currently the only one of all those women who actually got married and stayed that way, I will tell you from experience that fat should not hold you back.

I can completely relate to your pain in the coccyx (lol). I injured mine two years ago and despite an MRI (where I discovered the hard way that I am indeed claustrophobic) and injections of various things directly to the site, it continues to make sitting down a misery. I can shift around so it's not so bad, but sometimes I find myself stuck half way up after sitting for a while on a particularly terrible surface. A few days ago I was having a beer with my brother and youngest sister at this bar with planks for seats and I started wondering if I was going to be able to walk out of that place.

The depression. My family has it running down the maternal side like syrup running down a stack of pancakes. When I was 30, my husband and I moved from Washington to Texas for his job. I was excited about it, but I left behind my job, my entire family and all my friends. It turned out that TX and WA are completely different in every way imaginable. Climate, people, jobs, feral animals, attitude. It was kind of terrible. Then I couldn't find a job, so I got stuck at home. I didn't make any friends. After about two years, I woke up in the middle of the night in the midst of what I thought was some kind of life ending physical event, but turned out to be a panic attack. Unfortunately we were in a pretty rural area, and they gave me a Xanax and sent me home without explanation or follow-up. We didn't actually discover it was a panic attack until we got the insurance statement denying the claim, since it was a panic attack and not a physical one. So, I didn't sleep or eat for two weeks, growing ever more insane, until I went to see my doctor. He gave me a antidepressant and sent me home. About four days later I called his office and asked if I was supposed to be laying there figuring out how to kill myself, instead of actually doing it. I got put in the hospital, remedicated way more heavily, and exposed to some people who were really, seriously insane as opposed to depressed, anxious, hungry and sleep deprived. I stayed medicated for 13 years (basically until we left TX and moved back to WA) until I started thinking that maybe the reason I was wanting to kill myself all the time was because of the medication that had saved my life many years before. My WA doctor was appalled at the medication regimen, and we tapered me off it over six months or so (I was taking enough Klonopin to drop a horse and that stuff is hard to get off of). I've been without medication for several years now. I hope I won't ever need it again, but there's no way to know. So I don't worry about it.

Everyone's narrative is fantastical! It wouldn't be a narrative if it wasn't. Mine was always overly concerned with what everyone thought of me. It didn't occur to me until later that everyone has their own narrative, and I was not in the star in any of them (lol). Being detached from the really basic human feelings, good or bad, is not really possible for most people in my experience. I am still a terrible human being on a regular basis, especially to people who are most important to me, just because I get too caught up in my own overly dramatic narrative. The difference between current me and previous me is that current me recognizes when I've been a douche bag and apologizes.

I don't know if you read The Oatmeal, but he wrote a great comic about why he runs. I thought you might like it. http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running



Yeah, a matter of give and take and how much one is able to live without - rather than expecting one's partner to give up their own wants and desires. Sacrifice and concession plays a large part in relationships. At least, that's what everyone tells me. I haven't been involved with anybody for almost 6 years. To be honest - I can't see myself with anyone either. I don't know if it's a matter of having no confidence or whether I'm just lazy. I think it's mostly because I'm lazy/busy. Also, I come off as pompous when I say this, but I have certain criterion that I look for in women, not many have met them. Lol.

How did you injure yourself? Mine's just loaded with bacteria and keeps coming back.

Oh - a genetic disposition for depression. That's complicated. At least you're doing better now. Can't be easy.

I think everyone has the right to be self-engrossed without feeling selfish or like a bad person. In the end - though one may have many relationships and bonds with others - what you have is yourself. That's not to say that one should have free reign of the world, but having concern for oneself and wanting to share one's own narrative with others is nothing to feel guilty about. I think as long as one balances one's own wants with the concern of others - this isn't an issue.

Thank you for that comic. It was well written and inspirational. I suppose I have similar reasons for doing karate as well. To combat the, 'Bleargh'.

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Posted 7/22/13

GayAsianBoy wrote:


JayVeeDees wrote:




I think you should go for it.
Studying medicine is probably the longest and hardest course there is. It really tests your determination as a human being. But if successful at the end, you will be highly rewarded with knowledge, and knowing that you're able to learn everything else.

Keep in mind, as a medical student, you'll have to cut open bodies, sew them up, and as an intern at hospitals, you'll have to work crazy hours.




Yeah I'll try my best, I am not a person that has much motivation towards accomplishing anything really, but I just hope I will pull myself together and just do this, well, We'll see in the future;)

I don't think operating on bodies will affect me that much, maybe the first few times I will be a bit off, the next couple of times I'll be crossing my fingers while doing the surgery that I don't cut the wrong things :X!
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Posted 7/22/13 , edited 7/22/13

JayVeeDees wrote:

Yeah I'll try my best, I am not a person that has much motivation towards accomplishing anything really, but I just hope I will pull myself together and just do this, well, We'll see in the future;)

I don't think operating on bodies will affect me that much, maybe the first few times I will be a bit off, the next couple of times I'll be crossing my fingers while doing the surgery that I don't cut the wrong things :X!




Don't worry, I think the worst mistake people can make is regretting learning something; you can never learn the "wrong" thing, because that knowledge will help you in other areas of your life.
There's nothing wrong with setting a goal today, and seeing your goals change over time... or having a realisation that you want to do something else in the middle of studying something--that's why a lot of university today allow "transfers" between courses.

It's hard to motivate yourself, I always find inspiration from other people or documentaries... of people doing amazing things... like doctors working in Africa in the middle of a desert.


Lol, I think they make you go through dead bodies a hundred times or something before they let you operate on a living person (I'm just exaggerating the numbers btw).


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Posted 7/22/13

GayAsianBoy wrote:


JayVeeDees wrote:

Yeah I'll try my best, I am not a person that has much motivation towards accomplishing anything really, but I just hope I will pull myself together and just do this, well, We'll see in the future;)

I don't think operating on bodies will affect me that much, maybe the first few times I will be a bit off, the next couple of times I'll be crossing my fingers while doing the surgery that I don't cut the wrong things :X!




Don't worry, I think the worst mistake people can make is regretting learning something; you can never learn the "wrong" thing, because that knowledge will help you in other areas of your life.
There's nothing wrong with setting a goal today, and seeing your goals change over time... or having a realisation that you want to do something else in the middle of studying something--that's why a lot of university today allow "transfers" between courses.

It's hard to motivate yourself, I always find inspiration from other people or documentaries... of people doing amazing things... like doctors working in Africa in the middle of a desert.


Lol, I think they make you go through dead bodies a hundred times or something before they let you operate on a living person (I'm just exaggerating the numbers btw).




Oh, they train you well. My aunt's a doctor. I was lucky enough to sit in on one of her cadaver body dissections. They are extremely meticulous. They label everything.

Also, the insides do not look like the diagrams you see on textbooks. It all looks very similar. Mostly pink and squishy.
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Posted 7/22/13 , edited 7/22/13
Five years ago I wanted to be a game developer and work in Japan.

Today, I want to do something with language, work in Japan for at least a year as an English or French teacher, earn a bachelors degree, write a novel, and go to Japan.

My goals are similar.

Where I messed up? My GPA.

In an alternate world, I would still want to have the same family and friends.

Song from an anime (Hikari from Nabari no Ou) with subtitles for those of you doubting your dreams: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vY6EZkjuKFs


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Posted 7/22/13

JayVeeDees wrote:

Well I can't actually say what I wanted to become 5 years ago, because then I was only 11 <.<

But what I can say is what I think I will be doing 5 years from now.

I will most likely be in school studying either to become a Doctor (neurologist) or trying my hand at programming. Those two will probably be one of my first choices that I will focus on in school, there is also the chance that I will start reading more into physics, Astronomy, History, Philosophy, but I have almost given up on that at the moment, even though those things intrigue me more than becoming an Doctor and Programmer.

But that's where I get into the goals in life part.

My goals are rather large, I have this idea to make something that as we see it right now, is pretty much decades ahead of our technology, but I want to make it happen, I have my reasons for wanting to make this for personal use and for the money part, which would be something to change our world, I don't really wanna say what it is, but I think pretty much anyone would like the idea behind it. For this idea of mine I will have to become a doctor that specializes Neurology and an programmer <.< Well I guess that could give you sorta a hint what I'm going to do.

Another goal of mine would probably be something I could not accomplish if I chose the route of the goal above, because that is to become an astrophysicist, the reason I want to do this is just because I love space, I love how the world works, even though the math is too big for me to comprehend at this moment, but I love it nevertheless.


There are many things that I want to become, many goals I want to achieve in my life, but as I get older and older, I'm beginning to realize that I can only do so much, I need to choose, which depresses me. I have had these moods when I'm like "what do I do with my life" just because I can't figure out which path I want to take, I don't want to take the wrong one, but there is so much potential in all routes that I want to take. I wish my life was a Visual Novel I guess, I could replay it after I was done with one route, then try the other one, that would make this whole decision making a whole lot easier.


I can list more goals in my life that I would like to accomplish if anyone wants to know <.< *Which probably no one wants xD* But right now I'm just tired, sorry for typos, if there are any, I have no energy to read through it and correct -_- Laziness for the win



That's a cool goal. I'll be waiting for you to achieve it You could study neuroscience during your undergraduate studies as a minor or something too.
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Posted 7/22/13
Tell us about your goals. Where did you see yourself at your age, 5 years ago?
I was a very lost person at 5 years. People were telling me things that contradicted with each other. "Be a nurse." "Be a comic artist." "Be a nurse, and only a nurse, its stable and it gives you a good job." "Be an actor, it may not be stable, but at least you'll enjoy it." .......even now, I'm still a little lost. I think, back then, my only goal was to appreciate the present time. To have fun, to make friends, to not worry about the future.......I was pretty stupid back then. Even though people advised to not fret too much, I feel I should have at least put more effort in figuring out what to do in life.......... I think I can tell you one of the dreams I remembered wanting to come true. I wanted to be a youtube star, lol. Even now. xD


In a fantasy world/alternate reality from your own; what would you be? Where would you go?

I'm not sure. That's really up to fate. Maybe I'm more of a success in the alternate world than now, lol. Or maybe I'm deeper down in hell. I dunno. For a fantasy world, though, something similar to Final Fantasy, or Dead or Alive. Maybe a mix of SAO..... for some reason, I have a desire for chaos, tragedy and disaster. Being stuck in a fantasy world, fighting to come out alive.....that is a disaster.


Where do you think you messed up? What held/is holding you captive in your current reality?
I think I messed up at twelve. I was always a good student/good girl till I turn that age. Then my grades started to slip. Most of the kids I met wanted to grow up quickly. I was still watching Teen Titans and cartoons back then. Everyone else was watching....Degrassi? Or, like, Laguna Beach. I tried watching those too, but more to fit in....I never really enjoyed those shows as a kid. I just couldn't understand, or relate. And then my parents.....they were very strict. And, I didn't really know how to deal with it.
As for what is holding me up.....I don't know. Many of my friends have moved on with their lives. My parents are still strict. I wake up every morning, wondering what am I going to do? I want to change fate. But I'm not sure how.
I feel like the only thing holding me up is this fiction group I'm in. Rather than worry about the story that is my life, I sort of....hide from it, by working on somebody else's. Someone who was created from the imagination of my mind. Which sounds hella schizophrenic, lol.
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Posted 7/23/13

Pasteria wrote:



Where do you think you messed up? What held/is holding you captive in your current reality?
I think I messed up at twelve. I was always a good student/good girl till I turn that age. Then my grades started to slip. Most of the kids I met wanted to grow up quickly. I was still watching Teen Titans and cartoons back then. Everyone else was watching....Degrassi? Or, like, Laguna Beach. I tried watching those too, but more to fit in....I never really enjoyed those shows as a kid. I just couldn't understand, or relate. And then my parents.....they were very strict. And, I didn't really know how to deal with it.
As for what is holding me up.....I don't know. Many of my friends have moved on with their lives. My parents are still strict. I wake up every morning, wondering what am I going to do? I want to change fate. But I'm not sure how.
I feel like the only thing holding me up is this fiction group I'm in. Rather than worry about the story that is my life, I sort of....hide from it, by working on somebody else's. Someone who was created from the imagination of my mind. Which sounds hella schizophrenic, lol.


Dear god, I wish my problems were that hard.
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