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Do men in your country usually pay on the first date?
Posted 7/23/13

tinyd0t wrote:

From my experience, East Asian guys always always pay on the first date because men are expected to provide for women in East Asian culture.

Whilst with British guys, it really depends on the guy himself and whether he offers to pay on the first date or not has nothing to do with his financial situation. I'd say about half of the British guys I've been on first dates with do offer, and half of them go Dutch. Lol I'm not a traditionalist who expects the guy to pay for everything in the relationship, but I do want a gentleman who has the decency to pay on the first date.


Interesting topic! Anyways, yes, I ALWAYS pay on the first date and on every other date. I've never had a relationship last past two months, but I always paid for food, movie tickets, etc. when I was with the girl I was dating. I was just raised that way.
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Posted 7/23/13
yes unless the guy wants to be come off as cheap ?
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19 / M
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Posted 7/23/13
what kind of goal is that?
Posted 7/23/13
I don't know what it is that I hate so much about it but I just cringe when a girl tries to pay for me or for herself. It's not like I just believe it to be the guys role to pay for everything but I just personally feel the need to be the one to do it. If it were someone I was seeing though I think after awhile, several months or a year+, I would be more ok with splitting costs and things just because I wouldn't be able to keep something like that up with my income. Whether it be a friend or gf though I like to be the one paying. I remember this one lunch I had with a girl, that was already extremely awkward to begin with since I met her online, where the day just totally fell apart for me when she insisted that she be the one to pay for everything. It wasn't even an expensive meal or anything like that but I just felt like shriveling up and dying when she didn't even allow me to put down money for a tip. So I, at least, definitely try to pay on the first date and I believe most guys in the US are the same way. More and more could be deciding to split costs these days I guess though.
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23 / M
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Posted 7/23/13
it should be 50/50 women can help pay for their dates
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23 / M / Towcester
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Posted 7/23/13
This is where a hippocrasy of mine lies. I object to the notion that men should pay on the first date. Back when women weren't expected to work, then yeah, the man is the only one with money, so he should pay. Now, though, both genders work, so the woman shouldn't just expect the guy to pay. If he does, be grateful. Treat it like him buying you something rather than just fulfilling his obligation.

People should only be expected to do things for others that they are more capable of doing than the person they are helping. If a female friend of mine needs some heavy lifting done, I'll be happy to help, but she can go suck a cactus if she thinks I'm doing her washing up.
When you pay for the date, you're not doing something you're more equipped to do than she is. You're just saving her money.

That said, were I to actually be capable of getting a date, I would pay for everything out of insecurity. I put little to no value on any service I can offer, so I would probably try to buy her affection.
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Posted 7/23/13
Eh, I've never been on a date, but I'd try to pay. I don't know why, just something I've been raised with.
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Posted 7/23/13 , edited 7/23/13
All the men I've ever dated have always paid. Once we get into a serious relationship, sometimes I like to beat him to the bill. Tend to buy him gifts and coffee when ever I can as well. But first dates? It's always been the guy.

I never let a guy friend pay.
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28 / M / Pinellas Park, FL
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Posted 7/23/13

93imaginebreaker wrote:

it should be 50/50 women can help pay for their dates


This has become increasingly true depending where you go. In the US, I think it is becoming much more common. At least in populated areas.

*******

I'm not sure about anyone else but first dates are never a single stop outing. When the primary meal happens I think the guy gets the bill. If it is part of a leisure activity i.e. movies, carnival, some other kind of entertainment, the girl steps up.

Ultimately I think it depends but I think the guy should at least be the first to pay for anything. After that the debate can be had about who pays for what.
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46 / M / Bay Area, CA, USA
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Posted 7/23/13
Presumably one wants to make a good first impression on a first date, and so what you do makes a difference and says something about who you are to your date. I guess I am old fashioned and respect traditions, but there are reasons behind those traditions. When I was dating, I always prepared to pay for everything and made bona fide offers to do so (and to my recollection, it was never ever refused). It's not merely a matter of tradition, but I see it as a means of service-- as a gentleman or knight to the lady, to use perhaps overly illustrative language. If you've any affection or esteem for her, you'll want to do good things for her to show that. Of course, the presiding principle is service, not blind adherence to rules-- if the woman is for whatever reason uncomfortable with the man paying for everything, for her sake, he shouldn't insist upon it either.
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Posted 7/24/13

justanotherguy_2005 wrote:

I don't know what it is that I hate so much about it but I just cringe when a girl tries to pay for me or for herself. It's not like I just believe it to be the guys role to pay for everything but I just personally feel the need to be the one to do it. If it were someone I was seeing though I think after awhile, several months or a year+, I would be more ok with splitting costs and things just because I wouldn't be able to keep something like that up with my income. Whether it be a friend or gf though I like to be the one paying. I remember this one lunch I had with a girl, that was already extremely awkward to begin with since I met her online, where the day just totally fell apart for me when she insisted that she be the one to pay for everything. It wasn't even an expensive meal or anything like that but I just felt like shriveling up and dying when she didn't even allow me to put down money for a tip. So I, at least, definitely try to pay on the first date and I believe most guys in the US are the same way. More and more could be deciding to split costs these days I guess though.


My boyfriend told me the same thing about feeling weird when I pay for things, because he feels a little embarrassed by a girl paying for him lol. I never get the girls who INSIST on paying for dates to prove that they are financially stable, or that they feel offended because someone offered to pay for them....

Having said that, in long term relationships I do try to pay for things in turn because I don't believe that guys have to pay for things all the time.
Posted 7/24/13

tinyd0t wrote:


justanotherguy_2005 wrote:

I don't know what it is that I hate so much about it but I just cringe when a girl tries to pay for me or for herself. It's not like I just believe it to be the guys role to pay for everything but I just personally feel the need to be the one to do it. If it were someone I was seeing though I think after awhile, several months or a year+, I would be more ok with splitting costs and things just because I wouldn't be able to keep something like that up with my income. Whether it be a friend or gf though I like to be the one paying. I remember this one lunch I had with a girl, that was already extremely awkward to begin with since I met her online, where the day just totally fell apart for me when she insisted that she be the one to pay for everything. It wasn't even an expensive meal or anything like that but I just felt like shriveling up and dying when she didn't even allow me to put down money for a tip. So I, at least, definitely try to pay on the first date and I believe most guys in the US are the same way. More and more could be deciding to split costs these days I guess though.


My boyfriend told me the same thing about feeling weird when I pay for things, because he feels a little embarrassed by a girl paying for him lol. I never get the girls who INSIST on paying for dates to prove that they are financially stable, or that they feel offended because someone offered to pay for them....

Having said that, in long term relationships I do try to pay for things in turn because I don't believe that guys have to pay for things all the time.


Yea. I don't even know why it bothers me since I don't feel like I even have to prove anything. I can kind of be ok with it after a bit but thinking more about it now I think if a girl insisted on paying too much too often it might actually end up being a deal breaker for me. Long term I agree though that things can be split and I would be fine. I just think I am the type to always try and be generous with that kind of thing even with people I am not in a relationship with...or have even met in person...I should probably try to change that. xD
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24 / M / SoCal
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Posted 7/24/13
The first date I will always pay. With relationships I've had in the past we seem to either split or she will pay some times or I will pay some times after the first date. Dates are expensive, so I cant afford to pay for all
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23 / F / North Carolina
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Posted 7/24/13
Both should pay. Period.
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23 / Scotland
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Posted 7/24/13
Hmmmm, I'd assume the person who asked the other on a date would pay for it the first time. Man or woman.
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