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Do men in your country usually pay on the first date?
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23 / M / Towcester
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Posted 7/26/13

mentalese wrote:

How tiring must it be to follow all these dumb social niceties. Is it really that hard to go 50/50?


Sadly, there's no shortage of women who will think you're a sub standard human being if you don't pay for everything as a man, let alone the first date.

Even in OP's post, she says that the man paying is the decent thing to do, implying that to not provide someone you barely know at that point is indecent.
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27 / M / United States
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Posted 7/26/13

tinyd0t wrote:

From my experience, East Asian guys always always pay on the first date because men are expected to provide for women in East Asian culture.

Whilst with British guys, it really depends on the guy himself and whether he offers to pay on the first date or not has nothing to do with his financial situation. I'd say about half of the British guys I've been on first dates with do offer, and half of them go Dutch. Lol I'm not a traditionalist who expects the guy to pay for everything in the relationship, but I do want a gentleman who has the decency to pay on the first date.


I would try to pay but if the girl gets mad I would probably let them. I might tease them a little and pretend im stubborn depending if I think that will be bad. Most girls I know hate to have guys pay for their stuff unless it is a drink (no not juice lol).

I think they should at least offer...imo
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37 / M / 0-no-cop
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Posted 7/26/13
I like to split it, shows mutual respect and that neither party needs supporting. I'm not being anyones sugar daddy, lol.

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23 / M / Huntington Beach, CA
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Posted 7/26/13
"Generation raised by women"

As a male, you always pay on the first and/or second date. Anything past a second date and you're in a relationship. Despite all of the semantics involved with "dating," there's a certain etiquette to be followed. It has nothing to do with gendertyping or pride. If you're a man, you should feel obligated to pay. There are no social niceties involved. You drive, you pay, period. If the girl has the courage and brazenness to ask you out and you agree, you still pay. In a relationship, it's something you talk about. If you're not old enough to drive, that's a different story. If you can't afford to take a girl out, you shouldn't be going out. The two biggest detriments to any relationships are faithfulness, or lack thereof, and financial difficulties. Communication, above all else, is key.

I can't believe some of these replies. Chivalry is indeed, dead.
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31 / M / Seattle
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Posted 7/26/13
Such a nice traditional female. ^_^ I have many opinions about females who expect me as the male to pay on the first date. However, those opinions get me in trouble. Needless to say if a female decides I am not worth it just because she had to spend money on the first date. She is nothing all that special, no matter what her culture is.
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37 / New York
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Posted 7/26/13
If you ask someone to have dinner with you, you're offering them dinner.

It's an invitation. As such you assume the role of host.

But, if you're just kids, or whatever, it's fine if you don't respect proper etiquette.
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23 / M / Towcester
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Posted 7/26/13

DragonHaiku wrote:

"Generation raised by women"

As a male, you always pay on the first and/or second date. Anything past a second date and you're in a relationship. Despite all of the semantics involved with "dating," there's a certain etiquette to be followed. It has nothing to do with gendertyping or pride. If you're a man, you should feel obligated to pay. There are no social niceties involved. You drive, you pay, period. If the girl has the courage and brazenness to ask you out and you agree, you still pay. In a relationship, it's something you talk about. If you're not old enough to drive, that's a different story. If you can't afford to take a girl out, you shouldn't be going out. The two biggest detriments to any relationships are faithfulness, or lack thereof, and financial difficulties. Communication, above all else, is key.

I can't believe some of these replies. Chivalry is indeed, dead.


The idea of "chivalry" is outdated and sexist. In times where men had far more money than women, yeah they should have been expected to pay. That's not the case any more. Chivalry needs to die. Women are independent, yet apparently you still have to pay for them. Seems like right now they've got the best of every era.

Also "If you can't afford to take a girl out, you shouldn't be going out." - are you serious? That statement is pretty idiotic. If you can each afford to pay for yourself, then there's no reason not to do that other than an over inflated sense of self entitlement on the woman's side or pride on the man's.

In all you said, there's no reasoning. There's just "This is what you should do because I've arbitrarily decided that you should.".
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Posted 7/27/13

Richybabes wrote:


DragonHaiku wrote:

"Generation raised by women"

As a male, you always pay on the first and/or second date. Anything past a second date and you're in a relationship. Despite all of the semantics involved with "dating," there's a certain etiquette to be followed. It has nothing to do with gendertyping or pride. If you're a man, you should feel obligated to pay. There are no social niceties involved. You drive, you pay, period. If the girl has the courage and brazenness to ask you out and you agree, you still pay. In a relationship, it's something you talk about. If you're not old enough to drive, that's a different story. If you can't afford to take a girl out, you shouldn't be going out. The two biggest detriments to any relationships are faithfulness, or lack thereof, and financial difficulties. Communication, above all else, is key.

I can't believe some of these replies. Chivalry is indeed, dead.


The idea of "chivalry" is outdated and sexist. In times where men had far more money than women, yeah they should have been expected to pay. That's not the case any more. Chivalry needs to die. Women are independent, yet apparently you still have to pay for them. Seems like right now they've got the best of every era.

Also "If you can't afford to take a girl out, you shouldn't be going out." - are you serious? That statement is pretty idiotic. If you can each afford to pay for yourself, then there's no reason not to do that other than an over inflated sense of self entitlement on the woman's side or pride on the man's.

In all you said, there's no reasoning. There's just "This is what you should do because I've arbitrarily decided that you should.".


Calm down there's no need to be offended! There are many types of men and women who believe in different things and so far I see more females suggesting that they prefer paying for themselves on the first dates, so there are different people for everyone!

I understand that women are more independent these days, but women do still get paid less than men. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-21698522 Having said that, this doesn't mean women has the excuse to expect men to pay for everything in the relationship.

I can't speak for other girls, but for me, whether a guy pays for me on the first date or not is not about the money - it's an indication of his generosity and interest level. Yeah sure the guys who didn't pay for the first dates may still be very generous but I don't have patience for that. And as I said, if a guy didn't want buy me a glass of coke, he's probably not that into me so why should I bother dating him? At least from my experience, the guys who paid on the first dates did seem more interested than those who didn't pay.
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26 / M / London
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Posted 7/27/13

anti-freeze wrote:

Such a nice traditional female. ^_^ I have many opinions about females who expect me as the male to pay on the first date. However, those opinions get me in trouble. Needless to say if a female decides I am not worth it just because she had to spend money on the first date. She is nothing all that special, no matter what her culture is.


For every opinion eh.. I agree with this guy.
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Posted 7/27/13
Yes they do, but i always had money on me. Never go out if you don't have the funds!
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21 / M / Boston Mass
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Posted 7/27/13
Real men pay for dates

But there are limits

Anything from the dollar menu is fine

If she even considers getting a full meal then shes clearly a gold digger
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37 / Montreal
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Posted 7/27/13

DragonHaiku wrote:

"Generation raised by women"

As a male, you always pay on the first and/or second date. Anything past a second date and you're in a relationship. Despite all of the semantics involved with "dating," there's a certain etiquette to be followed. It has nothing to do with gendertyping or pride. If you're a man, you should feel obligated to pay. There are no social niceties involved. You drive, you pay, period. If the girl has the courage and brazenness to ask you out and you agree, you still pay. In a relationship, it's something you talk about. If you're not old enough to drive, that's a different story. If you can't afford to take a girl out, you shouldn't be going out. The two biggest detriments to any relationships are faithfulness, or lack thereof, and financial difficulties. Communication, above all else, is key.

I can't believe some of these replies. Chivalry is indeed, dead.


Let me guess you're the odd person out...

You're not a virgin like the rest. LOL
Aryth 
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27 / M / Nashville
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Posted 7/27/13
I'd be willing to pay if I asked for the first date. I'd be willing to pay for my portion if I were asked on a first date. However, I never SAY that I'm paying for the first date, I don't want it to become a convention. That doesn't mean I don't want to or that I'm not willing to, just that I'm open to whichever option happens to come up. I prioritize having a good date to pinching pennies. If I have to pay to make a good date better for her, then I will do it. If I don't, well, that's great too.

I'm pretty indifferent to all the chivalry arguments. Courting and chivalry are two different things. I'm assuming that paying for the first date in this modern age is simply courting, and not sympathy because "women are poor and stay at home." We should want to make a good impression, and different people attribute different meanings to good impressions, so I think it's important to be flexible.
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37 / Montreal
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Posted 7/27/13

AshRandom wrote:

If you ask someone to have dinner with you, you're offering them dinner.

It's an invitation. As such you assume the role of host.

But, if you're just kids, or whatever, it's fine if you don't respect proper etiquette.


Agreed.

Whenever a girl asked me out back in the day, like it or not it did feel kinda awkward especially the first time.
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23 / M / Huntington Beach, CA
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Posted 7/27/13 , edited 7/27/13

seali_me wrote:


DragonHaiku wrote:

"Generation raised by women"

As a male, you always pay on the first and/or second date. Anything past a second date and you're in a relationship. Despite all of the semantics involved with "dating," there's a certain etiquette to be followed. It has nothing to do with gendertyping or pride. If you're a man, you should feel obligated to pay. There are no social niceties involved. You drive, you pay, period. If the girl has the courage and brazenness to ask you out and you agree, you still pay. In a relationship, it's something you talk about. If you're not old enough to drive, that's a different story. If you can't afford to take a girl out, you shouldn't be going out. The two biggest detriments to any relationships are faithfulness, or lack thereof, and financial difficulties. Communication, above all else, is key.

I can't believe some of these replies. Chivalry is indeed, dead.


Let me guess you're the odd person out...

You're not a virgin like the rest. LOL


Thanks man. Honestly don't get it. Fuck neo-feminism if it means I can't treat women to dinner or a date. I wouldn't go out with a woman I wasn't interested in. No matter who initiated the date.

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