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Post Reply What counts as cheating
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34 / M / Newcastle, UK
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Posted 7/30/13
So a few years ago my partner realised that she needed to define the parameters of cheating. My personal viewpoint was always that cheating = intercourse. Kissing, petting, umm, 'other acts', were all just flirting and harmless diversions as far I was concerned. Truth be told, I kinda still view the idea of cheating this way. Not so my missus. Window shopping is fine so long as its discreet, but no checking the fit.

Of course, to remain in the relationship I've had to 'see things from her perspective' and I've remained true to her opinions. I can only assume she applies the same rules to herself, though I wouldn't really mind so long as she sticks with my original view, which is obviously included in her far wider reaching opinion.

So as far as I can tell, all physical contact is a bit of a no-no...

Is cyber cheating? I clearly have a different moral compass, what's your opinion of the whole thing?
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24 / M / London
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Posted 7/30/13
Don't think much of it. Right or wrong is dependent on how it makes you feel to have committed this act. For me, if it's doubltful that you'll enjoy the consequence then you simply don't do it.
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25 / F / Samsara
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Posted 7/30/13
is she a bitch? from what your telling me she sound's like a bitch.
Posted 7/30/13
I'd have checked for duplicates before making this thread. A generic topic like this has been discussed to death.


Doryphoros wrote:

is she a bitch? from what your telling me she sound's like a bitch.


Lol brainless twit. She sounds like a bitch because she doesn't want her partner touching other women?
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15 / M
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Posted 7/30/13

mentalese wrote:

I'd have checked for duplicates before making this thread. A generic topic like this has been discussed to death.


Doryphoros wrote:

is she a bitch? from what your telling me she sound's like a bitch.


Lol brainless twit. She sounds like a bitch because she doesn't want her partner touching other women?


Go away. You would've gotten across just as much information with leaving out 'brainless twit'.





On-Topic.

Anything physical is definitely cheating. Sexy phone calls or texting i'd qualify as cheating too. There's nothing wrong with being good friends, or even really good friends with someone of the opposite sex just because you're in a relationship with someone else.

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F / Boston-ish
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Posted 7/30/13

mentalese wrote:

I'd have checked for duplicates before making this thread. A generic topic like this has been discussed to death.

If you find one, let me know. I did a search on cheating, and was surprised not to find one that dealt with defining cheating. But maybe it's out there with another name, or maybe there was an old thread that has since been closed.


kapulya wrote:

So a few years ago my partner realised that she needed to define the parameters of cheating. My personal viewpoint was always that cheating = intercourse. Kissing, petting, umm, 'other acts', were all just flirting and harmless diversions as far I was concerned. Truth be told, I kinda still view the idea of cheating this way. Not so my missus. Window shopping is fine so long as its discreet, but no checking the fit.

Of course, to remain in the relationship I've had to 'see things from her perspective' and I've remained true to her opinions. I can only assume she applies the same rules to herself, though I wouldn't really mind so long as she sticks with my original view, which is obviously included in her far wider reaching opinion.

So as far as I can tell, all physical contact is a bit of a no-no...

Is cyber cheating? I clearly have a different moral compass, what's your opinion of the whole thing?

It's kind of something you need to establish with the person you are in a relationship with. Once you come to some kind of agreement, then it's cheating if it's against what you agreed on.

I'd think most people would think that a lot of what you consider "all just flirting" are not just flirting, even if they think they also aren't "cheating."

Also, folks, just a reminder. When discussing this topic please keep it PG-13 appropriate, and don't get too explicit about the sex-stuff, okay?
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34 / M / Newcastle, UK
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Posted 7/30/13
If you're really good friends though couldn't that be classed as emotional cheating? Which would you rather, you're partner kisses a random when out drinking for a couple of seconds, or develops a close emotional relationship over the course of months/years?

Difference of opinion I reckon....

Oh, and yup, aren't all women bitches at some point? Just like all men can be bastards! In this instance, I've struggled to see from her point of view but I guess its about compromise... she doesn't quite understand why I like going out with the lads to watch football and then drink for 12 hours before hitting the casino...

Posted 7/30/13

Tattles wrote:

Go away. You would've gotten across just as much information with leaving out 'brainless twit'.


Because telling someone to go away on the internet always works. Your post is as unnecessary as my insult.


lorreen wrote:

If you find one, let me know. I did a search on cheating, and was surprised not to find one that dealt with defining cheating. But maybe it's out there with another name, or maybe there was an old thread that has since been closed.


I remember seeing one pretty recently but not about defining, so I suppose that's alright.
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35 / New York
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Posted 7/30/13
Even allowing yourself to think about someone else is infidelity.

Oddly enough, it's the tenth commandment.
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M / USA!!!!!!!
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Posted 7/30/13
IMO, if you saw him or her doing what you are or are about to do and it makes you feel something negative, then that is something you should not do. If you walk into a room and saw her kissing some other guy or her hanging on his arm laughing...you name it, and you think you'd be upset or disturbed in any way you should probably avoid such actions. That's assuming you actually care about the other person. Just my thoughts.
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34 / M / Newcastle, UK
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Posted 7/30/13 , edited 7/30/13
Only if the women isn't single. Its a handy loophole God incorporated into the commandments.

He knows his stuff

So if I don't see her kissing someone, laughing with someone...etc then its not cheating, since I don't feel anything negative?

ie, its fine so long as you don't get caught? Seems like you agree with me Nesto57

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F / Toronto ಥ⌣ಥ
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Posted 7/30/13
Kissing someone is cheating. Why would you go around making out with someone else?

So is cybering. You're still showing yourself naked via webcam. It just doesn't seem right at all.
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F / Wonderland~
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Posted 7/30/13
If you mean cyber as in role-playing or chatroom, then I would consider that cheating because some people do get attached to it like they are actually dating the person in the role-play. If it's video cam, I think that is also cheating because even though it's online, anything you do that would be considered something that is "more than friends" type of action is cheating.
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27 / M / Toledo
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Posted 7/30/13
Kissing/making out = cheating. Cybering also = cheating. I would consider emotional cheating as something that only comes into play if the other person in the relationship is "in love" with the person outside of the relationship. Just being friends with someone isn't cheating.

It really does all come down to what both people in the relationship consider cheating though. Everyone has their own rules. Some are even fine with open relationships and some don't even allow porn because they consider it cheating.
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34 / M / Newcastle, UK
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Posted 7/30/13
Seeing someone naked on webcam is cheating? Porn, movies, books, magazines, advertising...all show naked pics, is that cheating?

Role play and chat room, never meet the person, never physically interact, what's the diff between that and social networking other than using naughty words?

Perhaps its just a male/female difference of opinion?
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