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Post Reply What counts as cheating
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27 / F / Southern Oregon
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Posted 7/30/13
I have to agree with your partner. I don't want the person I am with flirting or "window shopping" when they are with me, if they feel the need to keep their options open then obviously they don't think I am good enough for them so why should we even stay in a relationship? If I caught someone cheating on me would dump their ass and never look back.

Personally I think your views on relationships is a very immature one, if you have to ask such questions then you obviously don't understand what it takes to have a healthy relationship with someone.

Posted 7/30/13

kapulya wrote:

So a few years ago my partner realised that she needed to define the parameters of cheating. My personal viewpoint was always that cheating = intercourse. Kissing, petting, umm, 'other acts', were all just flirting and harmless diversions as far I was concerned. Truth be told, I kinda still view the idea of cheating this way. Not so my missus. Window shopping is fine so long as its discreet, but no checking the fit.

Of course, to remain in the relationship I've had to 'see things from her perspective' and I've remained true to her opinions. I can only assume she applies the same rules to herself, though I wouldn't really mind so long as she sticks with my original view, which is obviously included in her far wider reaching opinion.

So as far as I can tell, all physical contact is a bit of a no-no...

Is cyber cheating? I clearly have a different moral compass, what's your opinion of the whole thing?


So if you were walking in the park one day, and saw your girlfriend making out with a random dude on a bench (I'm not talking sixth grade making out, I'm talking coming at each other like apes) you wouldn't freak out???

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Ezgi 
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F / Toronto ಥ⌣ಥ
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Posted 7/31/13

kapulya wrote:

Seeing someone naked on webcam is cheating? Porn, movies, books, magazines, advertising...all show naked pics, is that cheating?

Role play and chat room, never meet the person, never physically interact, what's the diff between that and social networking other than using naughty words?

Perhaps its just a male/female difference of opinion?


You remind me of those people who go around saying they're still a virgin and never had sex even though they had anal.
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31 / M / Colorado Springs,...
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Posted 7/31/13


Your avatar is so cute and innocent looking, so reading this statement while associating you with your avatar came as quite a shock. But I did laugh and agree with your point.
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It doesn't matter.
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Posted 7/31/13
Cheating is an unfair advantage or a total game breaker.
Like enchanting 5 items of clothing with 20% Chameleon in Oblivion.
or opening the console and enabling god mode.
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Ezgi 
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F / Toronto ಥ⌣ಥ
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Posted 7/31/13

cpblair83 wrote:

Your avatar is so cute and innocent looking, so reading this statement while associating you with your avatar came as quite a shock. But I did laugh and agree with your point.

lol!

You should have seen my last avatar which I had for a good 7 years straight. It fit my personality more. Oh well, I like the idea of shocking people. Trap..
velinn 
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M / Orlando, Fl
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Posted 7/31/13
If you're monogamous with someone, you've (willingly) forfeited your right to be sexual with other people. In exchange, you get all the benefits the person you're monogamous with gives you; emotionally, physically, etc. If at some point those benefits don't outweigh your desire to be with others - be it emotional, physical, whatever - then you need to end the contract (for lack of a better term). It's a very simple concept.

If you need to ask, "is this cheating?" then it probably is. Remember, you've willingly given up your rights to kiss other people because at some point this one person is all you wanted. If that isn't the case any longer (or never really was), then end it, and save both parties the pain and embarrassment of cheating.

Personally I really dislike this mentality of "getting away with" as much as you can while still with someone. You either want just them, or you don't. If doing sexual things with other people is THAT important to you, or something you just CAN'T stop yourself from doing, then you need to not be in a monogamous relationship.
Sogno- 
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Posted 7/31/13

velinn wrote:

If you're monogamous with someone, you've (willingly) forfeited your right to be sexual with other people. In exchange, you get all the benefits the person you're monogamous with gives you; emotionally, physically, etc. If at some point those benefits don't outweigh your desire to be with others - be it emotional, physical, whatever - then you need to end the contract (for lack of a better term). It's a very simple concept.

If you need to ask, "is this cheating?" then it probably is. Remember, you've willingly given up your rights to kiss other people because at some point this one person is all you wanted. If that isn't the case any longer (or never really was), then end it, and save both parties the pain and embarrassment of cheating.

Personally I really dislike this mentality of "getting away with" as much as you can while still with someone. You either want just them, or you don't. If doing sexual things with other people is THAT important to you, or something you just CAN'T stop yourself from doing, then you need to not be in a monogamous relationship.



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25 / M / Massachusetts
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Posted 7/31/13

kapulya wrote:

Seeing someone naked on webcam is cheating? Porn, movies, books, magazines, advertising...all show naked pics, is that cheating?

Role play and chat room, never meet the person, never physically interact, what's the diff between that and social networking other than using naughty words?

Perhaps its just a male/female difference of opinion?


Depends on the webcam situation. If you are meeting someone on a webcam and doing certain "things" then yeah I'd consider that cheating. Porn is not however.
One Punch Mod
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F / Boston-ish
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Posted 7/31/13

kapulya wrote:

Well, since I'm guessing cheating is hardly the first thing you mention on a date, I'm guessing its just down to dumb luck when it comes to finding a partner with the same pov as yourself then? And compromise if not...

No, it's not dumb luck. While "what is cheating" is not likely to to be the first thing you mention on a date, once you've been on a couple or several dates, or been hanging out a while and it's getting to that point where you're deciding if you're just messing around or getting to be in some sort of more serious relationship, that's when it's a good idea to have "just so we're on the same page... let's discuss what this means in terms of how we interact with other people..." as part of the conversation. And if you're really far apart on that, then, maybe it's time to not be seeing each other in that way anymore. And if you agree to something and later figure out that really doesn't work for you, that's also an opportunity to try to renegotiate, or live with it, or decide it's worth leaving the relationship about.

If things are free-flowing enough that you're just going along and going along, then I think it's still a good and responsible idea to start that conversation anyway, even if it's not part of an attempt to "nail down" what the relationship as a whole is. Because you could just keep going along with different sets of assumptions that will cause problems later.





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M / Texas
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Posted 7/31/13
Emotional cheating can be very damaging. Even if you think it might just be harmless cybering, your partner may see it as you rejecting them. I spoken to women about this and it hurts them. I guess there really isn't any sort of defined set of rules as each relationship is different. What one couple might see as cheating the next might see as harmless fun.

The idea is subjective so you can't really have a single set of parameters.
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25 / F / near the ocean
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Posted 7/31/13
Your idea of cheating is so stupid I probably would break up with you because i'd be suspicious if someone told me that. From what youre saying you would be perfectly ok with catching her kiss another dude. If you see your girlfriend kissing and holding hands with another dude, she probably has already or is willing to fluck that person! in fact he probably is in another relationship with her lol. Or are you saying its only ok if you do it to her? i think you just dont want to have a monogamous relationship. What makes you think that its ok to rub your ding all over someone and say its not cheating because it didnt go in a hole?
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16 / F / Cali~
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Posted 7/31/13
Uh....wtf Is wrong with your head :v
Like seriously you must have been raised by parents that always flirted with other people...
Or you're just insanely ignorant and stupid =3=
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M / 61st Floor Aincra...
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Posted 7/31/13
My.OP

The truth is that different people have different standards about what constitutes cheating. Some believe if there is no intercourse, then no cheating has occurred. Others believe that even flirting, thoughts of someone else or emotional attraction should be called an emotional affair and is grounds to end their relationship...

I believe your relationship should be defined on where your trying to take it...that way i think it becomes a little easier to understand what the guidelines are that shouldn't have to be discussed or said..........you both just know
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31 / M / Colorado Springs,...
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Posted 7/31/13
It counts as cheating if you wouldn't want your partner to do it. It's really that simple.
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