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Post Reply Why Are Homophobes Obsessed with Gay Men But Ignore Lesbians?
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Posted 8/18/13
Because the hottest of men is still ugly compared to a good looking woman.
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22 / M / USA
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Posted 8/18/13
Quick question, so if open homophobes are all actually closet homosexuals, does that mean that all openly gay men are closet homophobes?
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22 / F / Texas, USA
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Posted 8/18/13 , edited 8/18/13
Men think lesbians are jokes and don't take them seriously. Kind of like the they don't really exist. Similar to Catholics not believing in contraception. People are having sex more and more. Deal with it.

Also, men don't think lesbians are actually gay.
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Posted 8/18/13

tretatum wrote:

Quick question, so if open homophobes are all actually closet homosexuals, does that mean that all openly gay men are closet homophobes?
If all dogs are mammals, does that mean all mammals are dogs?
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Posted 8/18/13

AshRandom wrote:
Not that I actually think anyone should give a flying fuck what a bunch of asshats from the bronze age think... They were wrong then and time has done nothing to improve the morbid stupidity which saturated their dogmatic nonsense.



This. ^
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33 / M / ICQ: 114629959
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Posted 8/18/13

FlyinDumpling wrote:

Gay men seem to be more stigmatized than gay women. Is it because of the idea that girl on girl action is something "hot" to most straight men? Of course this statement is made with the presumption that these homophobes are presumably straight males, take the question anyway you want

For some more insight:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLSwuI8ewIY


Hmmm... that assumptions seems pretty valid.
Still, I think there is a more serious socio-cultural background to it.
Rajyrr 
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23 / M / Nova Scotia, Canada
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Posted 8/18/13 , edited 8/18/13
To quote Little Buster at Camp McCarran, essentially, men are a little sensitive about their assholes. Oddly enough, I don't think it would be an exaggeration to suggest men are far more terrified of being raped by other men than women would be.

Because as long as gay men exist, gay rapists might exist .. and as long as gay rapists exist, that means, as a man, we, too, must fear rape. Therefore, all gay men must be gay rapists, and therefore, we must hate them. Or at least, that seems to be the subconscious line of logic many, if not most men, follow.

Or do you have another explanation for the semi-irrational fear men have of going to prison for this exact reason?
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22 / F / London, UK
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Posted 8/18/13
I'm actually really uncomfortable with people saying that all or most homophobes are secretly in the closet for quite a few reasons, but this article does a more eloquent job of explaining them than me: http://considertheteacosy.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/why-you-need-to-quit-calling-homophobes-closet-cases/.
However, that's slightly off topic.
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Posted 8/18/13

tretatum wrote:

Quick question, so if open homophobes are all actually closet homosexuals, does that mean that all openly gay men are closet homophobes?


Wow. That's a concept. An openly gay closet homophobe. How does one go about identifying people in that category?

A homophobe would have to be really deep in the closet to become openly gay. That's a seriously ninja strategy. They usually just become anti-gay politicians or something. We've got to be talking about world-class compartmentalization skills here.
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25 / M / Sydney, Australia
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Posted 8/18/13
Well, I've said this phrase like hundred of times before on this forum... it wouldn't hurt to say it one more time. Because they are socially conditioned to think that way.


A straight male raised in the wild without any societal influences wouldn't stigmatise a situation where he sees two human males going at it or two females going at it.


Religious beliefs, morality and whatnot influence people's way of thinking, and some of them think that disliking gay PDA would make them more "straight".


If you think about it, people hate it when other people dress "slutty" etc. But if they were born in the wild, and raised in the wild, they wouldn't think of anything, they would only act based on their animalistic instinct, rather than be influenced by societal values.
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F / Urban South
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Posted 8/18/13
I dislike straight PDA because I think it's yucky. Does that make me a heterophobe?
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28 / F / georgia, usa
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Posted 8/18/13
i dont know maybe cause its always been a popular male fantasy to have two women at once. its definitely the double standard that lesbians and bisexual girls are not as frowned up as gay or bisexual men. maybe its because there is actual penetration that it seems more taboo to them but then when a lesbian has a strap on then why isn't that just as bad? i dont really ever get why one is always seen to be worse then the other. honestly its annoying to me if your gonna stand against something then dont do it with a double standard dont hate my gay best friend and tell him he is going to hell then look at me as a bisexual girl and say that i'm some how better then him. its not right. it means most people dont really have problems with people being gay just the half of them that they find offensive.
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31 / M / Colorado Springs,...
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Posted 8/18/13 , edited 8/18/13
I guess I'll be the one that defends some homophobes, but just realize... I don't like homophobes.

I think stereotyping all homophobes as "secretly gay men" is actually kind of insulting to the gay community. While I do realize that SOME homophobic men do have homosexual tendencies and may feel conflicting emotions because of the shame they feel, not all I'm sure. Some it's simply because of social influences, as GAB said.

Frankly, I don't really get the obsession with any person's sexual preference, tbh. I really don't care what a person does as long as my view isn't being obstructed or they haven't forced themselves into my home and are expressing their chosen sexuality right on my floor. If either of those were the case, I would have a problem with heterosexuals as much as homosexuals but luckily, the beauty of life is that you don't have to involve yourself in other people's business and in turn, you aren't exposing yourself to something you might disagree with.

I saw the Macklemore video "one love" and thought the representation of male love was quite beautiful, but I guess for some men it makes them uncomfortable because as another user said; being penetrated as a man is not a socially acceptable act. Men are predominantly associated with aggressive and stoic behavior. Emotions, "being penetrated", and many other aspects of living are considered to be primarily feminine. This is changing a little within American culture (a little), but men are still somewhat expected to fit into a certain mold of behavior just as woman have heavier physical expectations. Even rape is a different experience as a man, albeit a rarer experience but it is less reported and suicide is a higher risk.

I don't know why men are more tolerant of lesbians than gay men. Probably because the media portrays lesbians as very soft, sensual and beautiful... When in reality, it's as sweaty and primal as any other two people deciding to knock boots. Although butch lesbians get as much hate as gay men from homophobic men. It is less tolerated because they are infringing on masculinity.

It's all just intolerance. It's all silly and it's silly that we allow this intolerance to make us treat people badly.
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Posted 8/18/13 , edited 8/18/13
I've met few people who were true homophobes (with fear or hatred toward homosexuals)...The folks who oppose homosexual sex acts on moral or religious grounds have all, in my experience, applied the same standard to men and women alike.

True homophobes are by definition irrational...they may have started from a religious or moral opposition, but hatred and paranoia are not the right way to promote those principles. Perhaps they find men more threatening than women, or conversely they feel more comfortable criticizing men than women. Likely each individual has their own reason. Sometimes people who are motivated primarily by emotion don't even know the reason for their own opinions.
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114 / M
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Posted 8/18/13

sillyriri wrote:

I'm actually really uncomfortable with people saying that all or most homophobes are secretly in the closet for quite a few reasons, but this article does a more eloquent job of explaining them than me: http://considertheteacosy.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/why-you-need-to-quit-calling-homophobes-closet-cases/.
However, that's slightly off topic.


However, it's not that far off topic, so I'll bite.

It's worth recalling that the thread title isn't about homophobia in general but homophobes fixated particularly on male-male sex. It's not about all anti-gay discrimination. For example, nobody as far as I know makes jokes about the possible sexual orientation of the men of the Westboro Baptist Church.

Also, the arguments of the linked blog post fall flat for me.

The author's arguments seem almost self-defeating in that she argues that we ought to stop calling homophobes closet cases because "queer" is a toxic and marginalizing label and these insinuations perpetuate that. But that argument only holds up so long as one uses a toxic label. In other words, it's rooted in a premise that homosexuality is a toxic and marginalizing concept. The homosexual community saw this themselves and on its own took the label "queer" itself apart when they re-appropriated the term for themselves sometime around the 1980's or 1990's. The argument only works if one has a prior notion of homosexuality as a stigmatizing category. That said, the author may have views shaped during a pre-Stonewall era when gays were truly marginalized and not even discussed openly in "mainstream" society.

The notion of speculating about homophobe's orientations implies that "straight people are off the hook" seems more the author projecting her own overgeneralization onto the subject matter. Saying that the loudest homophobes does NOT erase the vast majority of homophobia coming from people who aren't closeted homophobes just because the author says so. She goes further to conflate homophobia with every expression of sexual orientation discrimination. But discussing a connection between homosexual arousal and homophobia is hardly the beginning or the end of the conversation. It's merely a tiny sliver of the conversation which is especially compatible with snarky Internet forum posts.

Also, I think her argument that calling homophobes closeted queers "eases the structures that make closet cases into homophobes" is completely backwards. I agree with her assertion that homophobes are victims of social systems oppressive towards homosexuals, but to deny a link between homophobia and homosexual arousal supported by empirical physiological data goes too far. She's right in that contemporary homophobes did not build the social structures supporting their views. She says instead that we have to look deeper, "quit looking at the weeds and dig out the roots", but she wants to do this by denying discussion of empirical findings which actually start to do what she claims to want to do. But this is tantamount to telling everyone to say that the earth is six thousand years old to avoid hurting the feelings of a Young Earth Creationist. In the end what she wants to do is exactly what she says she hopes not to do, which is let homophobes off the hook.

So if the blog post expresses your reasons for your discomfort, I think you should reconsider your position.
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