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Your thoughts on sex and virginity
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25 / M / London Ontario
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Posted 8/31/13
Giving yourself to someone you really love is a great gift. I had sex with two other girls before marriage but it didn't mean anything. I didn't regret it until I met my wife and couldn't give my whole self to her. She had been with a lot of guys before me and it sounds awful.. but it changed my opinion of her.

Have respect for yourself. I'm not saying sex is bad. It's a human need and desire. But if you don't want to regret it, share it with someone you care about. I don't regret sharing a lot of my sexual firsts with my wife because I loved her.

The importance of sex only becomes apparent when you find someone you care about. But this is just my personal opinion.
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28 / M
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Posted 8/31/13
Reading these comments reminds me of episode 1 of Ruroni Kenshin, where Kaoru calls a sword something to protect people, and is then corrected by Kenshin: "No, a sword is a tool for killing."

Sex is sex. Its main purpose is to insure the survival of the genetics of the people having it. As such, sex is very pleasurable to ensure that the organisms relent on it for reproducing keep having it. (If sex was boring, wed be extinct). Any romantic/special/emotional aspect you put into sex is just that: something YOU put into sex. While there's nothing inherently wrong with that, its important to draw this distinction.

That being said, I couldn't imagine marrying someone without sleeping with them first. As said previously, sexually compatibility is very important for a healthy relationship with your SO, imho. And done properly, the odds of getting a kid/STD are really low. Hell, did you know that if you have totally unprotected sex with someone who has HIV, you only have around a .05% chance of catching it? Using a condom its virtually never going to happen. Proper use of birth control + condoms makes pregnancy almost guaranteed not to happen as well. (Condoms and birth control are both close to 99% effective when used properly.)

There's lots of fear being preached out there these days about sex. But the bottom line is sex feels good, relieves stress, and can be a fun way to bond with someone. Don't be afraid to have sex, or even experiment a little, but when you do, be safe and sane about it.
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25
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Posted 8/31/13
There's a lot of slut shaming in this thread. It's not your business if other people have multiple partners or have sex before marriage.
Posted 8/31/13
^^ These are merely personal experiences and opinions. Nothing you need to take seriously if you don't want to agree.
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M / chicagoland
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Posted 9/1/13
its just sex, people. its not some magical connection that causes the earth to move and the stars to kneel.
its just sex, get over it.
a healthy sexual relationship is just as important as a healthy emotional one. ive been with women whom ive connected with on an emotional level but the sex sucks. lousy sex leads one to find good sex elsewhere and ultimately drives the relationship into the ground.
and its not so much about whether you are good at it or not its about whether or not the two of you are sexually compatible, sometimes two very skilled people just have bad sex together and sometimes two very unskilled people can have great sex together. the only really important thing, in my opinion, is making sure there is a healthy sexual relationship before you commit to anything.
you wouldnt jump into a relationship with someone you dont know on an emotional level, why would you jump into a relationship with someone you dont know sexually?
the whole idea of saving it for marriage is part of the prudish christian way of thinking that our puritanical forefathers brought over here where sex is bad and evil unless its done for procreation. its a ridiculous concept that has no place in modern society where civilized people should be able to discuss certain things like adults.
however, its always your choice as to who you give it to and when. just make sure you dont end up pregnant by some reject whos going to bail on you. get out of highschool first so when you do end up pregnant youll at least be able to get a job and my tax dollars wont have to support you. also invest in condoms, people. i know you christians think educating kids about sex is a sin but for the love of god, people, tell them to use condoms...
ikano1 
30321 cr points
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Posted 9/1/13
idk I have conflicting ideals on this subject

On one hand your virginity is special and you shouldn't just give it to anyone who walks past you (goes for just sex in general). It is special, but only when you think it's special. And this is where my conflicting ideals come. I think you should be able to have sex with anyone you want and whenever you want (if you are actually old enough by law and common sense ) but of of course I would in the end say that for me I wouldn't wait until marriage (personal decision based on the fact that you want some experience, and no that does not mean sleep with anyone that comes near me, might just be one person in my life time but you don't know that soooo ) I would just wait for ''the right person'' as in someone i love <3 XD

But if you want to wait until marriage that's perfectly fine, and I think you should stand by your ideals :D

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M / chicagoland
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Posted 9/1/13

VegaBathala wrote:

Sex is a sacred gift for someone that you love. But you can go ahead and be a slut or whore. That is up to you to decide.


life is a sacred gift for someone you love
sex is just sex. well, unless you value sex more than life
Posted 9/2/13
I don't believe in love with another man so I don't think is bad to have sex before marriage as long as you are taking care of yourself and don't bring to this world undesired kids who will suffer at the hands of irresponsible individuals who don't have the capacity to distinguish left from right.

Remember kids: safety first! and have fun
Posted 9/2/13 , edited 9/2/13
I'm for one is waiting for that special someone. Either have to be ready and protected. Or have to have sex after marriage.
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28 / M / wherever my work...
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Posted 9/2/13
Lost it late. Had sex a couple more times afterwards. Realized I can still get the same satisfaction with my right hand. Don't ruin your life early and risk getting STDs or unplanned teen pregnancies, kids.

Oh, to those who say they're waiting 'til marriage:

Trust me, it's better to test the waters before you dive right in. Saved me from making a horrible decision (multiple times).
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23 / M / USA
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Posted 9/4/13
I agree that virginity is a very special thing. I don't think it's right for anyone to feel pressured by religious beliefs or parental beliefs. Your virginity is yours and yours alone. Yes, it's a huge problem everywhere that people are losing their virginity to people who simply don't care and it hurts whoever was the victim. I think something special like that should be shared with someone you feel you have a strong connection with, and that person should feel the same way. Don't believe in the "once you lose it, you lose it forever." We'll always make new connections with different people, and I think as individuals we have that freedom to make the choice to do so.
Posted 9/4/13 , edited 9/5/13
It will be really difficult to find another man or woman who is going to be a virgin until marriage, there will be someone out there for you, for anyone. Make sure that you feel safe with your partner. Don't rush things. I gave my virginity to my girlfriend (we dated for an entire year!) when I felt I was ready and most importantly, when she was ready. I have many friends who still have their virginity who, like you, also want to keep it till they get married. We are all busy with college that no one is really interested on parties where there is sex everywhere lol Besides, you are a girl! You decide if yes or no, remember that!



firefox39 wrote:

Lost it late. Had sex a couple more times afterwards. Realized I can still get the same satisfaction with my right hand. Don't ruin your life early and risk getting STDs or unplanned teen pregnancies, kids.

Oh, to those who say they're waiting 'til marriage:

Trust me, it's better to test the waters before you dive right in. Saved me from making a horrible decision (multiple times).


Totally agree with you.


Edited to combine multipost - MakotoKamui
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27 / M / New York City
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Posted 9/5/13

Sebby_chan wrote:


minatothegreatjiraiya wrote:

One's virginity is a very special thing, and most guys are terrible, so...


Meh, the same thing is also with women...



I agree. Both genders are human and terrible in their own way.

I say a person should have sex if and when they are ready. If they feel the other person is the right one for that, then great! I just hope they both respect that first time for the other if not both of them.

Also, protection!
We have over 7 billion people in the world already. Lets not suffocate the land with babies who have irresponsible parents. It is not the baby's fault for having such parents, so at least give them the right to be born when you are ready and willing to nurture and educate the little one.
Bavalt 
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28 / M / Canada
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Posted 9/5/13
I'm not sure where I heard it, but the phrase 'virginity only matters until you lose it' kind of sums up my thoughts on the matter. While you've got it, it's a big deal, and you're entitled to give it as much thought as you want. Once you lose it, you kind of think "... That's it? Hrm." There's no 'world of adulthood' waiting for you after you lose it; you don't really feel any different. As a 'late bloomer' in that regard, I'd started to get a bit of a complex about it, but when it came down to it, my thoughts were something along the lines of "Hm, this is pretty cool I guess."

Then again, I don't speak for everyone. In my case, my first time was with someone I'd been dating for about a year online, and who I was in love with at the time. We've split since, but I don't regret doing it, because at the time, it felt right, and I'm not the type to judge a potential SO on whether or not they're a virgin (she wasn't), so I don't expect people to judge me on it either. I wasn't trying to wait until marriage, though I wasn't into flirting or looking for casual sex either. For me, it's a simple affirmation of affection, along the same lines as kissing and no more special or enjoyable. I wouldn't do it with someone I wasn't going out with, but I wouldn't mind jumping into it early on as long as I knew the relationship was sincere.

If you want to save yourself for someone special, go for it; if you want to go out and enjoy your sexuality, go for it. Don't listen to people trying to influence you, whether it be toward saving your virginity or losing it. I honestly think it gets a lot more attention than it should. It's just sex. The bottom line is: as long as you're not hurting anyone, you're golden. Do whatever you're comfortable with. Just be safe about it, whatever it is.
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23 / F / Texas
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Posted 9/6/13
Im a strong believer in making yourself happy. If you wanna go out & lose it, then its your choice. I lost my virginity when I was 14 & my '
"lesbian virginity" as they so call it at 15. If you choose to wait for that special someone then all the more power to you & I think thats great. What does it matter what my thoughts on sex and virginity gonna do for someone else... people are gonna do what they wanna do.
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