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Post Reply What are your thoughts on wanting to be a parent and not wanting to be one?
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 9/23/13 , edited 10/5/13
I needed to make a thread about it. I want to hear everyone views on whether not wanting a child is more selfish than wanting a child. Is everyone really suppose to get married and start a family as they get older? The idea of not wanting a child is looked down upon by everyone. Though the idea of wanting to be a parent might be just as selfish as not wanting one. I really want to hear your thoughts on this.

Bonus Questions:

1. Why does it seem easier to get an abortion rather than adopt?
(somewhat of a tricky question)

2. Do you want a child in the near future? Explain whether yes or no.

3. If you are a parent, what made you want to be one?





Is it possible to think of this topic in a philosophical or psychological sense?!
Just curious.
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21 / F / EUROPE
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Posted 9/23/13
Not trying to sound weird in any way, but I really want babies. Kids are too cute, gosh. I want to have someone to love and someone who's "mine".

I don't think anyone is selfish if they don't want kids. It's not like it's any of my business and it's not affecting me in any way. But what I don't like is when people say that a child was "an accident". Sure, maybe unplanned, but never an accident. What a horrific thing to say. If you don't want a child, don't risk it, right?

The thing with adoption (sorry if it's inaccurate, I really have no knowledge), is that the parents need to go through heavy testing? For some that's a lot of work and I also think they need to pay maybe?

Idk. Touchy subject to discuss in my opinion since there's so many factors that play a part in decision making. Like WHY do people get abortions? Because they're teens? Health risk? Can't afford it? Don't want it? and the list goes on.

In the end I feel like people can do what pleases them, I don't care. But if you're going to have a child, please raise it properly. Love him/her and care for them.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 9/23/13

Lenalee1 wrote:

Not trying to sound weird in any way, but I really want babies. Kids are too cute, gosh. I want to have someone to love and someone who's "mine".

I don't think anyone is selfish if they don't want kids. It's not like it's any of my business and it's not affecting me in any way. But what I don't like is when people say that a child was "an accident". Sure, maybe unplanned, but never an accident. What a horrific thing to say. If you don't want a child, don't risk it, right?

The thing with adoption (sorry if it's inaccurate, I really have no knowledge), is that the parents need to go through heavy testing? For some that's a lot of work and I also think they need to pay maybe?

Idk. Touchy subject to discuss in my opinion since there's so many factors that play a part in decision making. Like WHY do people get abortions? Because they're teens? Health risk? Can't afford it? Don't want it? and the list goes on.

In the end I feel like people can do what pleases them, I don't care. But if you're going to have a child, please raise it properly. Love him/her and care for them.



You're not sounding weird at all. I thought my questions were weird because I couldn't quit thinking about it.
About the abortion thing, some times the person could be a rape victim who isn't ready for parenting at all. It makes sense that the person gets rid of the child since the person was raped.
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21 / M / US
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Posted 9/23/13
If I know I can support the child, I would have it then. If not, I would do my best to prevent having one. I wouldn't do a abortion if the child is born unsuspectingly. I might give it up if I know I wouldn't able to support it. Hopefully nothing like that will ever happen.

Adoption doesn't seem bad. Maybe I would adopt a child after my first born.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 9/23/13

Amaranthine1 wrote:

If I know I can support the child, I would have it then. If not, I would do my best to prevent having one. I wouldn't do a abortion if the child is born unsuspectingly. I might give it up if I know I wouldn't able to support it. Hopefully nothing like that will ever happen.

Adoption doesn't seem bad. Maybe I would adopt a child after my first born.


Did I do something good just now?!
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21 / M / US
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Posted 9/23/13
Perhaps lol.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 9/23/13

Amaranthine1 wrote:

Perhaps lol.


Posted 9/23/13
seems like my penis wants to be a parent but I don't ..
well not yet unless the chick pokes holes in the condom..

Carry ur own... always.
HelloKitty Muffin'King Moderator
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23 / Mocha / Toronto
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Posted 9/23/13
Wanting a child and not wanting a child are not selfish at all. Every family is entitled to choose whatever they wish is best for their family. Sometimes in certain circumstances, a couple may choose to not want a child (because maybe one is infertile or they cannot afford to take care of the child if they gave birth to the child). There are many reasons and I respect that.

Marriage is a commitment and sometimes it is a commitment between two people who love each other dearly, but not necessarily to start a family. There are many families out there who aren't even in a marriage and still have children and still take care of each other like a family.

As for your questions:

It is harder to get an adoption as when you go to adopt a child, they look at your household (ie income and even your home) to check and make sure that you are capable of taking care of the adopted child as well as being a parent. It takes months and months for all adoption papers to be finished and the social worker really really investigates you. Then, when you adopt the child, the social worker will still be investigating you to make sure that you provide the adopted child with everything and not abusing the child or anything that would harm the child (or cause unease to a child). Abortion is also a process - emotionally I would have to say, and I would find that it is quite on equal par with adoption, but a lot more on the emotional side. This is in particular with mothers who have to give up their child under certain circumstances. They are both processes that one person or a family to go through.

As for having a child, I would like to have a child in the future, just not so much as near yet, but I do want a child and this is because I do have my motherly instincts and I would like to have children with my husband and like to be able to like stare at our child's eyes. A child's eyes are absolutely innocent and utmost sweet.
Warruz 
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Posted 9/23/13
The only truly selfish method of having a child is having one for some alteration motive then simply to have a kid. Some people use having a kid to force an outcome in a relationship (bitches be crazy). Having a kid is both a selfish and a selfless act, the selfish part plays into wanting to continue your legacy, while the selflessness part is raising and caring for a human being at the expense of yourself.

But i think the real reason why not having kids is looked down upon is simply to take a look at it from a biological point of view. As an organism our goal in life is literally to reproduce and thats it, obviously life isnt that simple but in a pure physical sense it is. Thats what organisms do and have done for years and years and years and you are simply the latest model of all those past generations. By not having kids you are effectively making the gene pool smaller which is bad for a species as a whole.

Now mind you i doubt this is why people actually look down on not having kids, but this is rather the underlying reason for that feeling. Its simply ingrained into us and not doing so makes you an outlier .

I know i personally would like kids in my future once im financially secure (i would like the set ) , i know friends of mine who have no desire to have children for one reason or another, and i know others who their goal was to have a child (physical issues). Never bothered me what side of the fence you where at and it really shouldnt but its an understandable reaction to be a bit of an outcast for not wanting kids.




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Posted 9/23/13 , edited 9/23/13
I would say less 'selfish' more 'just making an honest choice'.
I would honestly never have a child for multiple reasons. They're time consuming, cost money to raise, as babies they never strike me as cute especially not when they crap and throw up, the crying would keep you awake and I have hyperacusis so that would be a big no for me. I also do a pretty crap job of looking after myself and I'm smart enough to know I wouldn't be able to do enough without dumping the work on the wife.
As for the abortion thing, not a clue, and I certainly don't want to make an uneducated and stupid guess with no knowledge to back up what I'm saying since I understand it's probably a sensitive topic.
Now, I understand at this moment in time I am only 17, BUT considering the points I've made I doubt they'll change. I have too much of a logical outlook to want one, but the hyperacusis thing would be the ultimate thing that destroys me wanting a kid.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 9/23/13

Warruz wrote:

The only truly selfish method of having a child is having one for some alteration motive then simply to have a kid. Some people use having a kid to force an outcome in a relationship (bitches be crazy). Having a kid is both a selfish and a selfless act, the selfish part plays into wanting to continue your legacy, while the selflessness part is raising and caring for a human being at the expense of yourself.

But i think the real reason why not having kids is looked down upon is simply to take a look at it from a biological point of view. As an organism our goal in life is literally to reproduce and thats it, obviously life isnt that simple but in a pure physical sense it is. Thats what organisms do and have done for years and years and years and you are simply the latest model of all those past generations. By not having kids you are effectively making the gene pool smaller which is bad for a species as a whole.

Now mind you i doubt this is why people actually look down on not having kids, but this is rather the underlying reason for that feeling. Its simply ingrained into us and not doing so makes you an outlier .

I know i personally would like kids in my future once im financially secure (i would like the set ) , i know friends of mine who have no desire to have children for one reason or another, and i know others who their goal was to have a child (physical issues). Never bothered me what side of the fence you where at and it really shouldnt but its an understandable reaction to be a bit of an outcast for not wanting kids.




Possibly the most common things I've heard people say about not wanting a child is "I hate children". They have nothing else to say but that.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 9/23/13

IamChamp wrote:

seems like my penis wants to be a parent but I don't ..
well not yet unless the chick pokes holes in the condom..

Carry ur own... always.


What a great thing to say.
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22 / M / SoCal
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Posted 9/23/13
I would someday like to have kids. not anywhere near now though haha. If others don't want kids then its all good. who am I to tell them otherwise?

Bonus
1. well people would be raising a child by adopting so I'd imagine they'd at least like to know if your capable. I don't really know about the process for adoption though.

2. NO, NO, NO. I would like to have kids later on in my life. right now I am no where near ready for that responsibility
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Posted 9/23/13
It's okay to marry the prettiest girl in school; however, I have to face to repercussion of the Cinderella Aftermath.

I want to be dependable in finance, career, social aspects, and education, especially when my wife and kids needed me the most.
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