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What are your thoughts on wanting to be a parent and not wanting to be one?
Sogno- 
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Posted 9/23/13
selfish? & why would it be selfish to want a child or not to want one?

I would definitely like children one day. I'd love to be a mother and go to their games/recitals/concerts/etc to support them. Plus I have always loved children.
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Posted 9/23/13 , edited 9/23/13

Sogno- wrote:

selfish? & why would it be selfish to want a child or not to want one?

I would definitely like children one day. I'd love to be a mother and go to their games/recitals/concerts/etc to support them. Plus I have always loved children.


Some people like to look at things from a philosophical point of view........surprisingly.
Posted 9/24/13
There will always be reasons upon reasons for the things we want. There will always be cause and effect upon cause and effect. And it's on the bottom of this long string of causes and effects that our instinctual need to overcome death lies. "I must not cease to exist. I must do everything in my power to live." Whether it's to jump away from a moving train that is about crush us, or we're being held at gunpoint, or we're snickering with our friends or family at a coffee shop, we're always trying to survive. Why am I being nice to you? Because I don't want to be kicked out of this social group. Because I don't want to be alone. Because when I'm alone I have a lower chance of surviving. "I might cease to exist." Those are the utmost underlying reasons. It's people who can't see further than their noses can reach, that can only see the layers that are on top of those fundamental reasons. They ignore, rationalize, and delude themselves that these heart warming reasons such as "I just want to be nice to you, because I just want good things to happen to you, because I'm just such a loving, caring person"- comes out of thin air, as if they are omnipotent, like a God. A moral God. They don't understand the concept of cause and effect, and some even believe that they don't have an instinctual need to survive, as if they can just jump in front of a moving bus, just like that, on a whim, or that when they put their hand on a hot stove and feel the pain seer through them to warn them that "Hey, jackass, this shit is lethal and might fucking kill you," they don't really have to take their hand off stove.

Is it selfish to "Want a child"? Yes, that is exactly what it is. "Want" is a selfish term, even when "good things for YOU" is applied at the end of it. It doesn't make it altruistic. It is something that you want. It stems from your selfishness. It's not question of whether the child wants to be born or not, and letting it do so of its own will, it's being presumed, and enforced.

And, if you want to add a bit of a humor on top of this: The number one cause of death is birth, and parents know this, which makes them murderers. Those who plan to have a child, are in fact committing first degree murder, whereas those who just fucked up at a party, are committing second degree murder. Whether you abort, miscarriage, or LET IT LIVE, you're murdering your child. Think about that anti- and pro- abortionists.

Do I want a child? No, I do not.
Reasons?
1. Humans have over-populated this planet.
2. This is not an ideal existence.
3. I am not fit to be a parent.
4. I scare myself.
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Posted 9/24/13
"seems like my penis wants to be a parent but I don't .. " This
"The idea of not wanting a child is looked down upon by everyone." Live freely

1. Why does it seem easier to get an abortion rather than adopt?
(somewhat of a tricky question)

Because you can die in the process, I'm a go with adoption

2. Do you want a child in the near future? Explain whether yes or no.
No, admittingly continuing the circle of life and that feeling of attachment is not my favorite thing in the world, actually its my least favorite.

3. If you are a parent, what made you want to be one?
N/A
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Posted 9/24/13
I think having a child while you're struggling financially, or don't have a stable job yet is really.. um not thoughtful (haha I couldn't find the word for it sorry)

I personally don't want to have a child (nor do I want to have a husband tbh, but I might change my mind about that) it's too much responsibilities for me and I don't think I'll be a good parent, since I'm still really dependent even though I'm going to be a legal adult very very soon.



I just want to focus on my career, and once I've achieved what I want I'll reconsider about this whole child thing
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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 9/24/13

ciciAzn wrote:

I think having a child while you're struggling financially, or don't have a stable job yet is really.. um not thoughtful (haha I couldn't find the word for it sorry)

I personally don't want to have a child (nor do I want to have a husband tbh, but I might change my mind about that) it's too much responsibilities for me and I don't think I'll be a good parent, since I'm still really dependent even though I'm going to be a legal adult very very soon.



I just want to focus on my career, and once I've achieved what I want I'll reconsider about this whole child thing



Pregnancy scares me as well.
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Posted 9/24/13
My parents used to use this cultural line on me when I was being a pain in their ass. It went: "I hope you grow up and have a child exactly like you someday."

As a result, I had a vasectomy at age 18.
Posted 9/24/13 , edited 9/24/13
First..I disagree it is selfish to remain childless. If you don't want children but have them anyway, that is selfish. I deal with unwanted kids on a daily basis..it's not a pretty thing. I'm sure at least speaking for their mothers, they had good intentions, but were just not ready to have children. Drugs, poverty, personality disorders, mental illness, I see the worst parents have to offer.

Don't have children unless you are ready to make a BIG BIG commitment. Children are a lot of work and expense, yes babies are cute..but that wears off sooner than you think. Children are needy and helpless...it is all about them..you don't matter..your needs and wants. But we live in a me me me society and too many children get neglected and abused.

I have 2 children, they are grown now. Why did I want children? Looking back I think because it was expected. My generation, thats what women did, marry and have children. We were not prepared for any meaningful careers. But we made it work back then because we didn't need to be a 2 car family that wears designer clothes and lives in a big house in an upscale neighborhood. Yes, it was tight financially, but my ex and I were never very materialistic to begin with. We at least had that in common.

But today if I was a young woman, there is no way I would marry and have children. I would concentrate my energy on getting a good education and building a good career. Then maybe if the right person came along...maybe. But I am so blissfully single now..for the first time in my life I am having fun. That should have come first, but better late than never.
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Posted 9/24/13 , edited 9/24/13

Lenalee1 wrote:

Not trying to sound weird in any way, but I really want babies. Kids are too cute, gosh. I want to have someone to love and someone who's "mine".

I don't think anyone is selfish if they don't want kids. It's not like it's any of my business and it's not affecting me in any way. But what I don't like is when people say that a child was "an accident". Sure, maybe unplanned, but never an accident. What a horrific thing to say. If you don't want a child, don't risk it, right?

The thing with adoption (sorry if it's inaccurate, I really have no knowledge), is that the parents need to go through heavy testing? For some that's a lot of work and I also think they need to pay maybe?

Idk. Touchy subject to discuss in my opinion since there's so many factors that play a part in decision making. Like WHY do people get abortions? Because they're teens? Health risk? Can't afford it? Don't want it? and the list goes on.

In the end I feel like people can do what pleases them, I don't care. But if you're going to have a child, please raise it properly. Love him/her and care for them.


I know your profile says female, but I read this section in the voice I made for the character Babbitt from Babbitt . Thanks for the laugh, and I hope you're blessed with many cute babies.
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25 / M / Earth
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Posted 9/24/13
Some people want to become parents and others do not. But you should never become one because you feel you have to. You have to be the one with the desire and, as much as possible, the understanding that you are making yourself responsible for another human being. Too many people are caught up with the ideas of "babies are cute" and the like. Don't they know that people don't remain as babies forever? The physical, mental/emotional, social, and financial toll of the parental role is immense and never-ending. It's severely underestimated. Not that there isn't the occasional "Kodak moment". But if that's what people aim for, they'll be let down and the one to pay the price is the child.
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Posted 9/24/13
I really want kids; lots of them—five or more! I come from a family with five kids, and despite the near-constant chaos that results from that, it’s never stopped me from wanting children of my own. Of course, the whole procreation part requires a very devoted partner that I am also devoted to; I don’t expect to find a suitable person any time soon.

But as to not wanting kids being selfish, you’d be hard pressed to really argue that it is. Saying that it is selfish to not want kids is like saying that it’s selfish for your body to not do what it can. Most people can’t run a four minute mile, and most can’t life a hundred pounds. Is it selfish for those people to not do those things? Obviously not. But perhaps the point people who say this are trying to make is that pursuing a career has a high potential of being ultimately unsatisfying, while having children and raising them—although involving much suffering und sacrifice—is quite fulfilling.

As to abortion, it is always easier to kill a person than it is to take care of one. Historically, killing someone would take a bullet or a well-places sword cut. Taking care of someone took food, and you had to work hard for that food. Nowadays isn’t much different; killing someone is simple, and keeping a child alive is a lot of hard work. And in this society, most aren’t interested in hard work .
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Posted 9/24/13
I never want children cuz I would be an awful father
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Posted 9/24/13

qualeshia3 wrote:


Warruz wrote:

The only truly selfish method of having a child is having one for some alteration motive then simply to have a kid. Some people use having a kid to force an outcome in a relationship (bitches be crazy). Having a kid is both a selfish and a selfless act, the selfish part plays into wanting to continue your legacy, while the selflessness part is raising and caring for a human being at the expense of yourself.

But i think the real reason why not having kids is looked down upon is simply to take a look at it from a biological point of view. As an organism our goal in life is literally to reproduce and thats it, obviously life isnt that simple but in a pure physical sense it is. Thats what organisms do and have done for years and years and years and you are simply the latest model of all those past generations. By not having kids you are effectively making the gene pool smaller which is bad for a species as a whole.

Now mind you i doubt this is why people actually look down on not having kids, but this is rather the underlying reason for that feeling. Its simply ingrained into us and not doing so makes you an outlier .

I know i personally would like kids in my future once im financially secure (i would like the set ) , i know friends of mine who have no desire to have children for one reason or another, and i know others who their goal was to have a child (physical issues). Never bothered me what side of the fence you where at and it really shouldnt but its an understandable reaction to be a bit of an outcast for not wanting kids.




Possibly the most common things I've heard people say about not wanting a child is "I hate children". They have nothing else to say but that.


That does sound like a pretty good reason tho lol
After all if you hate dogs you most likely will not get one also right?

I do believe that people who say they don't want children cause they hate them are mostly young people who did not really think about it much and might change there opinion in the future tho.

I dont like children at all but i also knew from a very young age that i want to retire early and enjoy my live haveing a child would only complicate things so it never was an option for me.
On top of that do i feel like this world is just not a good environment to give birth to children to anymore.
Koyu 
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Posted 9/24/13 , edited 9/24/13
I think at some point I will have kids. Honestly though I can't even begin to think about that at the moment though seeing as how I'm not married. It is definitely not selfish to not want kids and in fact it would be more selfish to force someone into that decision. Not to mention how bad of a parent they would most likely be if they were forced to take care of a kid which they werent to psyched about having in the first place...

I think one of the main answers to your question about abortion is that you have to be pregnant for 9 months to give it up for adoption. Now let me start off by saying Im not a woman so everything I say can be completely disregarded seeing as how I have no right to argue on this subject since I will never be in this situation. BUT, if I was a girl I think what would get to me the most is that I have to be pregnant for 9 months, have everyone I know actually find out that I conceived a child, and then go through that long journey and hold a child in my arms that I would have to give up. Now I dont see anything wrong with abortion, but I think its just easier for people to make that decision since its quicker and easier when you cant actually see or touch the baby.

Like I said though, Im not a woman so everything I just said could be completely wrong.
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Posted 9/24/13



I'm gonna be honest when I say "children are okay". They're not the greatest but not the worst either. Yes, it does get even more annoying dealing with them as they get older. It takes patience and lots of time when handling a child as he gets older. Some people expects a woman to get married then pop out a few kids not stay single and childless. Not every woman is ready for the responsibility that motherhood carries. Its strange to hear them say its "selfish"not to be a mother, then you have women who already want a second child after the first was born. Yes. I hear some people say "I hate children" but thats all you can get from them other than why they hate them.

Does this sound strange?
















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