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Post Reply Is it better to have an idealistic relationship or a realistic one?
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 9/25/13

GayAsianBoy wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

Explain in great detail.

Bonus questions:
Why do you think some people are unlucky when it comes to finding love unlike others?
How do you feel about the thought of wanting to get married(Do you see in point in getting married)?



Thanks a bunches.



Question 1: realistic... people are people, they're not flawless like your imaginations. (your used in a general way, not aimed at anyone)
idealistic should be saved for daydreams and fantasies, not brought into real life.

Question 2: "Why are some people unlucky when it comes to love?"

i'm an introvert, it's just hard for me to find love as i don't feel the need to socialize with anyone. i'm trying to change that...

even though i'm an introvert, i still have sexual needs and the primitive need to be with another human being. i do like the idea of monogamy.

Question 3: I don't really care about marriage or gay marriage.



Wait! When you say "your imaginations " are you referring to me?!
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25 / M / Sydney, Australia
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Posted 9/25/13

qualeshia3 wrote:

Wait! When you say "your imaginations " are you referring to me?!


nope, in a general way
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 9/25/13

GayAsianBoy wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

Wait! When you say "your imaginations " are you referring to me?!


nope, in a general way


Oh okay. I really don't know what I want far as relationships go.
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25 / M / Sydney, Australia
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Posted 9/25/13

qualeshia3 wrote:


GayAsianBoy wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

Wait! When you say "your imaginations " are you referring to me?!


nope, in a general way


Oh okay. I really don't know what I want far as relationships go.


well for me, it's the exact same things i want in friendships.. just have the intimacy aspect added to it
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23 / F / US
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Posted 9/25/13
Idealistic relationships hardly last long. You have to be realistic and accept the fact that we have flaws and successful relationships take hard work and suffering if you're willing to continue with that person.

Now, if you don't care for a serious relationship then go ahead ...but you'll get lots of headaches 'cause there's no such thing as a perfect partner or perfect relationship.

Many people can't find "love" because they have high standards (like myself). We are waiting for that perfect guy to come and saves us from this cruel world but alas, keep waiting and you'll die waiting (yes, I tell that myself). I have given up on the relationships I've had just because I thought the guys weren't good enough...good enough in what? I still don't know, I got bored pretty fast..sometimes I think I don't have a heart because every little thing they do that doesn't go as I want bothers me a lot.

I'm idealistic, feminist, perfectionist and very possessive and this is the reason why my relationships don't work, I just don't care to work hard for it and no matter how hot a guy is, if he does something I don't like my "love" for him disappears like smoke. I want to change but ....maybe cupid has not wounded m y heart yet.

Marriage is a waste of time, I will never get married because of love since I don't believe in love (I should have said that since the beginning hehe)....the only male I have really loved in my life is...my dog.
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25 / M / Dallas, Texas
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Posted 9/25/13
I wouldn't recommend separating a realistic relationship from an idealistic one. A solely idealistic relationship would quickly fall apart and lead to heartbreak, due to a lack of considering practical things; if I remember right, one of the top reasons married couples fight is because of monetary concerns. While a completely realistic relationship (if I'm following this right)..... just sounds like prostitution or something.
The idealistic aspects (romance and such) of the relationship are what give it real power and meaning; while the realistic aspects ( everyday decisions, like who picks up the dry cleaning today and so on) keep it going. I have a friend who has been married around ten years, has three kids, but still makes a point to have a regular "date night" with his Wife.

As to the bonus questions:
1. It could be a number of reasons, just depends on the person. Maybe that they are blind to what they have or could have (they might have a friend that is probably the one they should be dating) with someone else. Maybe they are not really ready for a relationship, or they just haven't found the right person yet. That's just a few possibilities.
2. I've answered this before in other threads so I'll do the condensed version: May stay single my entire life due to the path I'm taking, or it will be several years down the road before I get married, because I am not emotionally mature enough at the current time. The irony of this is that as a teenager (and even younger than that actually) I couldn't wait to find my "dream girl" as an adult, then get married and would get mad if in a story or something the guy wouldn't "get the girl" in the end.
Now I watch a good deal of Shojo anime, typically with a romantic plot or sub-plot and so history repeats itself....
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Posted 9/26/13
I think idealism is good for setting a base for expectations, but just don't have too high an expectation that you end up ruining every relationship you have. As for the unlucky ones...... I don't know

I would consider myself to be the unlucky one, but recently I've been getting more confidence so I think if you go at it for enough time, you'll meet the right one? I'm not a love guru, but at least try guys
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 10/5/13

Spomyjiny wrote:

I think idealism is good for setting a base for expectations, but just don't have too high an expectation that you end up ruining every relationship you have. As for the unlucky ones...... I don't know

I would consider myself to be the unlucky one, but recently I've been getting more confidence so I think if you go at it for enough time, you'll meet the right one? I'm not a love guru, but at least try guys


Some people seem to be even more picky when it comes to dating...........or just lustful.
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50 / Bite the pillow.
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Posted 10/5/13
Idealistic if they are gone by the next morning.
Realistic for anything longer.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 10/5/13

Hairbelly wrote:

Idealistic if they are gone by the next morning.
Realistic for anything longer.


Is best to have both in a relationship?
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Posted 10/5/13

qualeshia3 wrote:


Hairbelly wrote:

Idealistic if they are gone by the next morning.
Realistic for anything longer.


Is best to have both in a relationship?


Absolutely.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 10/5/13

Hairbelly wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:


Hairbelly wrote:

Idealistic if they are gone by the next morning.
Realistic for anything longer.


Is best to have both in a relationship?


Absolutely.


Good to know.
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18 / M / England
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Posted 10/5/13 , edited 10/6/13
A mixture of the two. Obviously if they have nothing that you look for in a person i.e. some ideals, then that relationship is a lie in the first place. Though obviously a completely idealistic relationship couldn't exist unless said ideals were realistic and there weren't a lot of them

As for some being more unlucky at finding love than others, it's all chance isn't it? You may be born into a place where the person you love is near you, you may not. It's down to luck.

As for the last question I've never wanted to get married. Hell, even an unmarried romantic relationship seems like too much of a hassle to me. I'm too lazy, naive and irresponsible to get one to work were I to get one in the first place, hence why I've never even tried for one. Assuming I did try for one I've always defined the person you love as 'someone who would make life feel far more meaningless were they to disappear' and as much as a cold bastard as I'll sound for saying this, I've never met anyone like that. At least not in the way of a romantic relationship.
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Posted 10/5/13
It's always better to dream
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35 / New York
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Posted 10/5/13
1. Idealistic relationships are the result of a fantasy framework that you shove down on top of a real person. It's like using a cookie cutter on something already baked, you break the edges off.

2. Relationships aren't about luck, some people are just a giant pain in the ass and nobody can stand them for long.

3. Marriage is for people that like the idea of marriage.

I had a vasectomy because I don't want to breed and I don't like the idea of being tied down. I know I'm alone. I'm alone with my own thoughts, in my own head, and no amount of monkeys crawling all over me is ever going to change that. Never the less, wives and children have a way of inserting themselves in your life. I have a work wife, in the sense that there's a woman I work with who gets on my case about projects I'm not interested in, nags me half-to-death about trivial things, and whom I occasionally bend over my desk. If I was legally married to her, I would have killed her by now. And don't even get me started about my students, they glom on like leeches and have a horrible tendency to seek my approval and then, even more insidiously, force me to feel proud of them.
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