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Post Reply Is it better to have an idealistic relationship or a realistic one?
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47 / F / Center of the Uni...
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Posted 10/6/13

qualeshia3 wrote:

Explain in great detail.

Bonus questions:
Why do you think some people are unlucky when it comes to finding love unlike others?
How do you feel about the thought of wanting to get married(Do you see in point in getting married)?



Thanks a bunches.


I honestly don't understand the question. Could you clarify or amplify what you mean by 'idealist' and 'realistic'?

As for marriage. There's a silly part of me that would love the white dress and the romantic party but... I've yet to meet someone for whom the thought "I'd like to marry them" is even a remote possibility.


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53 / F / USA
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Posted 10/6/13
Realistic.
Posted 10/6/13
Realistic. I couldn't expect an eternity of perfect happiness.
Posted 10/6/13
An idealistic relationship that I can turn realistic. Otherwise I just don't see the point.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 10/6/13


Sorry. What do YOU personally find to be idealistic or realistic in relationships?

Would you like a head-stuck-in the-clouds relationship?
OR
Would you like a more down-to-earth relationship?


Yeah that probably sounds really silly.



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Posted 10/6/13
The ones that find love quickly soon find out it wasn't "true love" to begin with. True love is a slow on set illness that is terminal when it is cured. Usually you don't know you are falling in love until you are ensnared by its grasp. Then it is totally hopeless to get free.
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19 / M / Alabama ( Previo...
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Posted 10/6/13
I see an idealistic relationship more as a genuine 'love' between two people. It's not that they have overarching ideals for one another; it's simply that they have an affection for each other and enjoy just being together.

Meanwhile, I see a realistic relationship as being more centered around lust and aesthetics, money and status. There are two people who want or expect something from the other, and they only enjoy their time together as long as they can get it.

Now, actual relationships are commonly mixtures of the two. I've never seen a purely "idealistic" relationship; I've seen and heard of many purely "realistic" relationships.

As for which is best? I believe long-lasting relationships stem from those that start out being somewhat to moderately realistic, then developing into a more closely idealistic relationship. Even those closer to the borderline probably have increased chances of success.

Bonus Questions!:

1. I think those "unlucky" people want something that they can't find, so they end up feeling depressed and incomplete. It could also be a common problem that people want something that they think other people have. It's stressful trying, and failing, to find something that fits that particular mold, especially if what they're trying to find is only an illusion.

2. Marriage has always seemed to me to be concerned with the social acceptance of a relationship. It lets everyone around you know that there is a ( serious? ) bond between you, and yes, there are many legal reasons to be married. As for its importance in a relationship, well, that depends on the individuals that may be married. If they feel that it will solidify their feelings for one another, then I would say it's an important step for them. If not, then I would say it won't be an issue unless they consider having children or are concerned with how others view their relationship.
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Posted 10/6/13

Karbunos wrote:

I see an idealistic relationship more as a genuine 'love' between two people. It's not that they have overarching ideals for one another; it's simply that they have an affection for each other and enjoy just being together.

Meanwhile, I see a realistic relationship as being more centered around lust and aesthetics, money and status. There are two people who want or expect something from the other, and they only enjoy their time together as long as they can get it.

Now, actual relationships are commonly mixtures of the two. I've never seen a purely "idealistic" relationship; I've seen and heard of many purely "realistic" relationships.

As for which is best? I believe long-lasting relationships stem from those that start out being somewhat to moderately realistic, then developing into a more closely idealistic relationship. Even those closer to the borderline probably have increased chances of success.

Bonus Questions!:

1. I think those "unlucky" people want something that they can't find, so they end up feeling depressed and incomplete. It could also be a common problem that people want something that they think other people have. It's stressful trying, and failing, to find something that fits that particular mold, especially if what they're trying to find is only an illusion.

2. Marriage has always seemed to me to be concerned with the social acceptance of a relationship. It lets everyone around you know that there is a ( serious? ) bond between you, and yes, there are many legal reasons to be married. As for its importance in a relationship, well, that depends on the individuals that may be married. If they feel that it will solidify their feelings for one another, then I would say it's an important step for them. If not, then I would say it won't be an issue unless they consider having children or are concerned with how others view their relationship.


Is better to have both an idealistic and realistic combined into a relationship?!



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Posted 10/6/13 , edited 10/6/13

qualeshia3 wrote:


Is better to have both an idealistic and realistic combined into a relationship?!



No, just scalar elements of both.

As I said, a purely realistic relationship consists of two people wanting or expecting something from the other. The only time they are enjoying each other's company is when they are getting what they want. In other words, purely wish fulfillment.

A purely idealistic relationship, at least as I see it, is when two people simply have an affection for each other. They don't particularly want or expect anything. They don't need to be together 24/7. They simply enjoy the time that they are together.

I don't think there are any purely idealistic relationships. If there are, then they are definitely rare. I've seen a few that are very close to purely realistic relationships, though they are relatively few compared to all relationships. I have heard and seen many positive relationships that developed from realistic expectations, a.k.a. "I saw this cute girl," or "I met this interesting guy," that eventually developed into more idealistic relationships, though as I've said, I have never seen any reach a pure ideal.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 10/6/13


I somewhat understand your comment.
Sorry if I don't understand it completely.
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Posted 10/6/13 , edited 10/6/13

qualeshia3 wrote:

I somewhat understand your comment.
Sorry if I don't understand it completely.


No problem. It's difficult to imagine something that technically can't exist. It's even more challenging to actually put it into words, so I'm sorry if what I'm trying to say is not clear.
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Posted 10/6/13
You make some interesting forum posts. What defines idealistic and realistic deserves a post of it's own, imo, since that is like half the problem with trying to address the subject at-hand if one wants to really talk about it in a serious/scholarly way.

It's best not to overthink relationships, since you can only work with what is given to you. If I meet a girl and feel "love" towards her I'd probably want to try a relationship with her despite what my reason tells me. If I feel "love" towards her I couldn't care less where our relationship would fit on the spectrum of "reasonable relationship" to "idealistic relationship," unless I was presented with like 5 other alternatives and really had to choose - but that pretty much never happens and I wouldn't envy the person who was put in that situation.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 10/6/13

Karbunos wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

I somewhat understand your comment.
Sorry if I don't understand it completely.


No problem. It's difficult to imagine something that technically can't exist. It's even more challenging to actually put it into words, so I'm sorry if what I'm trying to say is not clear.


Its alright. I'm just glad to read your comment.
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30 / M / NE
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Posted 10/6/13
It has to be a realistic relationship. An idealistic relationship won't last very long because you'll continuously be disappointed. Take what you can get and make the best of it.
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15 / M / New school,new shit
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Posted 10/6/13

volcan_98 wrote:

It has to be a realistic relationship. An idealistic relationship won't last very long because you'll continuously be disappointed. Take what you can get and make the best of it.


I wholeheartedly agree with you
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