Remove this ad
Post Reply A short story for the heart.
743 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
19 / M / CA
Offline
Posted 10/5/13
I wrote this on my idevice's notepad, and i'm no grammer major. So format and spelling aside please enjoy my latest short story, in all it's glory. <3 Oak

I'm creeping out, slowly but surly! It's been a long time coming but now i'll finaly be able to join my family! Ah, the taste and smell of fresh, warm spring air. I greet my mother to my left;
 "looks like you're awake darling! Welcome home." 
And my father to the right; 
"It's nice to finaly see you son, looks like you have some real strong roots, that's my boy." 
My petals will bloom soon my parents said, they will grow long and yellow like my dads. Summer comes and the heat rolls in warming everyone. 
"There's nothing better than a warm breaze and moist soil is there?"
More and more everyday i'm growing tall and strong like my dad. 
"Pretty soon son all the may flowers will be looking to take root right here in our soil"
 my petals turned an odd shade of pink from emberrasment, they can overdo there doting somtimes. My parents are always telling me storries of the gods, the ones that planted us here and raised us to good health. Somtimes, i can see them walking back and forth just over the bend, a truly amazind sight. They always have somwhere to be, not like us, sitting here and enjoying the fresh water and soil everday. Out of nowhere one of my sister gets pulled straight out of the ground by one of the gods, just in front of my eyes! As if expecting it, my parents quickly adressed me before i could let out a yelp of fear, 
"Son don't be alarmed, we all serve a purpose to our gods. One day, i too shall be plucked from our home soil". 
The thought scared me, i don't want my mom to disapear one day and never come back. 
"Why mom, why do the gods do this to us?" 
She shared a moment of silence with my dad, as if contemplating wether or not to tell me.
 "It is by the grace of our gods that we grow and thrive on this patch of soil. It is sad, but we must accept that our place is not permenant here". 
It was hard for me to undersand, i thought that i would always be here, with my parents. As summer Drags on, a sence of dread seems to fall upon our little patch of soil. My mom and dad no longer share stories of the fine weather, my brothers and sisters continue to get pulled from there roots. It makes me wonder how much longer i have here with my parents. Winter comes... A unfamilier sting is in the air. 
"Dad... I don't feel to good..." 
He doesn't respond, 
"Dad?..."
 "Your dad is gone sweetie"
 i turn my attention to my Mom,
 "what do you mean? The gods hav'nt come to pick him up yet?" 
"It seems we wern't fortunete enough to get plucked before winter came". "What does this mean... Are we just going to stop moving now?" 
...
"Mom?"
She stops moving. I suppose i will to as well. Days and nights roll by and all my family is gone, it's all but me and the cold ground. When will my suffering end? As if answering my Prayers, i get pulled out of my roots i had grown so comfortable with my whole existance.

~ It was so beautifull, like nothing i had ever seen before... it had long curly dark brown hair coming out from the it's head, and a soft white grasp around my now tender stem. And then there it was in front of me, the whole reason behind my existance. Two big light green eyes pointing in my direction, gazing at me with such passion and love. Now i see, this is what makes it all worth it in the end. And to have been picked by the most amazing god ever to aproach our little patch, makes me feel like it was worth living. ~ 
5241 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
30 / M / United States
Offline
Posted 10/6/13
Great premise, you need practice on subtlety. As well as presenting things rather than explaining. Half of your story was expository sentences that were unneeded as what was said before or after said it better than your (this is what's happening) words.

I liked the story. I hated the formatting. it was chore to read through. But other wise keep writing, you'll only get better.
You must be logged in to post.