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Post Reply Why is there such discrimination towards people that never dated?
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 10/7/13
Let's be realistic about this because not everyone on this planet can find love in a second. If you want someone to love, that person needs to love you back. Half of the people on this planet are picky and cruel towards others. To think that everyone can fall in love so simple is a lie. They are those people out there who will love you if you please their picky needs. Not every person will ever get the chance to find love AND sex in life, it's not okay to treat them so harshly. Finding love and getting laid is difficult for some people to do. I'm getting fed up with people treating people that never dated nor had sex like they're weird people. Society doesn't make things while putting the thought that, if you aren't dating and having sex, you're a nobody that should be shunned away. Sorry about this rant but I hate seeing people that never dated nor had sex get treated unfairly. I never had a special someone that I can love and that person loves me back. In order to have sex with that said person, I need to know that I'm loved truly. It would hurt me deeply, if I had sex with some person that I loved, yet get no love in return. Cut people some slack when they're not successful in searching for love. Leave the people who choose to remain single and happy alone too, it's their choice.

Let me know a thread similar to this one exist.
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20 / F / Lavender Town, Kanto
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Posted 10/7/13
Well, it's quite obvious that you are certainly passionate about this subject, and it'd be a lie to say I don't share similar sentiments. Dating hasn't been something that has happened often in my life, not to say I don't like a person, but that I'm very shy. I've only really dated three people (with the third being current) and I still get sort of sympathetic looks when I mention as much in general discussion. I think nowadays society and social media like to play up the hype of dating and extramarital sex; you're young and beautiful, so why shouldn't you put yourself out there?

It's sort of disgusting in the way that it propagates engendered bias and social stigmas. I don't understand 'virgin hate' and general dating discrimination; so what if you don't want to date? That's your business and your business alone, the same goes with remaining chaste. People seem to be just sex obsessed nowadays, everything is on display, so having a large string of significant others and a profound sex life is seen as the height of youth and living .

Your 'rant' is very much backed by gross modern stereotypes, especially about how young women and men 'should' act, so I don't blame you for your frustration.

Sex has become sort of a commodity; 'everyone' wants it, everyone needs it, and boy are you a loser if you don't get it! Which is both sad and sort of amusing, in the sickest sort of way.

(Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I'm sort of tired. :P)
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25 / M / Sydney, Australia
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Posted 10/7/13

To answer your title question, "Why is there such discrimination towards people that never dated?", I think that a lot of people don't realize many factors come into play when it comes to the dating game...
Some people think "personality" and "sense of humour" are all that it takes to make someone fall in love with you, but I think dating is much more complex than that.
Therefore they think that if a person has never been able to date somebody, then their personality must suck or is nonexistent.


But the truth is, it's mostly the dishonest and manipulative people who are able to get people to fall in love with them.

The honest ones tend to be the least popular when it comes to dating because when someone is honest, they are less likely to be a sweet talker.


Just my opinion on one tiny aspect, I mean of course, things like social class, wealth, ethnicity/race and physical attractiveness all come into play as well.
I mean there are people who don't date poor people.



I wish I am ignorant to all of these issues... knowing about these issues make me depressed.

Like this one guy was judging me that I must be a bad person because I live in an area with a lot of poor people... I'm just like, "WTF?" I didn't realize living in a poor area automatically makes me a bad person...


I was just shocked, I wasn't upset or anything...


That's the only thing I miss about being a child, when I was like 15 or 16, I was ignorant to all of these things, I thought everyone was an equal human being... now I realize that not everyone is equal lol.
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21 / M / Amegakure
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Posted 10/7/13 , edited 10/7/13
I get what you mean. I'm 20 and I've never dated/had sex. Only difference is that I CHOOSE not do even attempt to do either. I'm sure people think I'm weird for making that choice, but they never give me a hard time over it. That is mostly because I let them know if they do, I'll gutter stomp their head in. = ) So the moral of my comment is, die a virgin and don't waste my time with dating.. That is my key to true happiness.
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22 / F
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Posted 10/7/13

qualeshia3 wrote:

I never had a special someone that I can love and that person loves me back. In order to have sex with that said person, I need to know that I'm loved truly. It would hurt me deeply, if I had sex with some person that I loved, yet get no love in return. Cut people some slack when they're not successful in searching for love. Leave the people who choose to remain single and happy alone too, it's their choice.


As someone who has experienced love, a relationship or two, and sex, I'd have to say that it's pretty overrated. My experience of life while in a relationship is really no different from my experience of life without one. I think living life through to the end while being single and childless is a perfectly viable and even reasonable option. It's probably good to experience a relationship and sex at least once in your life, even if it's not very good - though only so you can see for yourself how little you are missing out on.

Posted 10/7/13
I never knew there was such a thing...

Even so, I find it funny when people blame society for certain things when it is they, those people, who give society the power and permission to make them feel a certain way.

The world can be very cruel and unfair. It's our responsibility to learn to adapt and live with that kind of environment. To sit and cry or whine about being victimized is just pointless. Remember:


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


While it is important for us to try and fight the injustice in this world, I think that it's quite counterproductive when it is we who help propagate some of those injustices by creating victims out of ourselves.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 10/7/13

mathfist wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

I never had a special someone that I can love and that person loves me back. In order to have sex with that said person, I need to know that I'm loved truly. It would hurt me deeply, if I had sex with some person that I loved, yet get no love in return. Cut people some slack when they're not successful in searching for love. Leave the people who choose to remain single and happy alone too, it's their choice.


As someone who has experienced love, a relationship or two, and sex, I'd have to say that it's pretty overrated. My experience of life while in a relationship is really no different from my experience of life without one. I think living life through to the end while being single and childless is a perfectly viable and even reasonable option. It's probably good to experience a relationship and sex at least once in your life, even if it's not very good - though only so you can see for yourself how little you are missing out on.



True. I just have to cross a broken bridge in order to safely make on the other side and once I'm there I can't look back. I just wanna focus on me until that time comes. Does that make sense?
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F / Trost
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Posted 10/7/13
I agree! I am still a virgin and seem to be surrounded by people who think that I can find true happiness through being with someone. I personally don't want a boyfriend or a husband. I just want to do what I want to do.

Plus, I'm lazy. After I get home, I don't feel like cooking a meal or getting some hyper kids into the bath and bed. I just want to study, play video games and go to sleep. I don't see anything wrong with that.

There there are people who think I'm gay just because I never really had a boyfriend nor am wanting one. I just don't know what to tell them. I mean...its none of their business. Also, if I'm gay so what? Can't people just love and accept people for who they are? Geez....
Posted 10/7/13 , edited 10/7/13
OP: Maybe a meeting of minds??

;) Empower yourself this way, you scallywag you.


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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 10/7/13


I get where your coming from. There are some people can't learn to adapt like they should or how others do, since low self esteem is everywhere you look.
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Posted 10/7/13
Is that really happening?

I mean it sounds strange to me that you could get judged over that.
You repeatedly talked about sex in your Post but how would anyone even know if you had sex or not?

Maybe someone might whine that he/she just doesn't manage to get laid in which case i would actually know that he/she didn't get any yet but i certainly would not discriminate them.
I would feel sorry for them tho.

I can honestly say that i never encountered this discrimination you talk about if at all its the other way around people that don't get laid feel insecure and start badmouthing the more fortunate people which than in return might discriminate against the aggressors.

Since they feel insecure to begin with i can see how some might put themselves in the victim role after that to make themselves feel better tho.
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18 / M / England
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Posted 10/7/13 , edited 10/7/13
Yeah it sure is weird. I'm only 17 yet even when I was say 14/15 many other boys were shocked that I'd never had a girlfriend. The next best thing they could do to try and make sense of it was question if I was gay. What's the rush? It's the whole ironic problem of the young spending their time rushing to be older, and the old wishing they were young again. While I've never been discriminated against for it, people can sometimes make it feel a little like you're not as far into their little group as everyone else is. But honestly, looking for the right person for you or not even trying for a relationship is better than banging everything with a pulse just to try and fit in. It's a contradiction too. Everyone whinges and whines about how we're becoming overpopulated everywhere and then society tries to make a romantic relationship seem like something that everyone should be a part of. Make your bloody minds up! As for the sex part, people who think you're more acceptable if you've been naked with someone probably aren't worth your time in the first place.
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20 / M / Narnia
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Posted 10/7/13
I don't understand the rush. I guess logically, you would be dating early like around 14 to start to understand what you really want in a relationship by the time you're say 20. But some people just don't find that attraction early in life, especially when our common interests at that time revolve around reality shows and how to finish last night's homework.

Personally, I've had no luck in the dating game, but I'm patient. I'd rather wait and find something meaningful rather than plow through a bunch of nights where I don't even get a name, let alone a number.
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 10/7/13

Doomedfox wrote:

Is that really happening?

I mean it sounds strange to me that you could get judged over that.
You repeatedly talked about sex in your Post but how would anyone even know if you had sex or not?

Maybe someone might whine that he/she just doesn't manage to get laid in which case i would actually know that he/she didn't get any yet but i certainly would not discriminate them.
I would feel sorry for them tho.

I can honestly say that i never encountered this discrimination you talk about if at all its the other way around people that don't get laid feel insecure and start badmouthing the more fortunate people which than in return might discriminate against the aggressors.

Since they feel insecure to begin with i can see how some might put themselves in the victim role after that to make themselves feel better tho.



You're right on how its strange for someone to get judged over that. For the ones who have insecurities and are badmouthing others are just no different. I don't know if that makes sense or not to you.

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27 / M / Kentucky
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Posted 10/7/13
Because people form ideological standards and if you follow them your considered normal and if you don't, your a deviant and treated as such.

Keep in mind miserable people may just try to make others feel more miserable then them.

I've been single from 20-25 years old and had the time of life doing and spending on whatever I want. Currently seeing someone but I wouldn't trade those 5 years for anything cause they were great. If your letting others opinions get to you then maybe you actually want change right now but your just tired of hearing it from others. I got asked a lot during those years why I'm single and grandparents bothered me with the "when are you going to give us grandkids" speech. Is it annoying? Very much so, but are they in control of your life? No, so remind them that you live for yourself and not for them.
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