Post Reply Untitled Prologue
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Posted 10/19/13
So for most of my life I have been writing basically, text based roleplays and things of that nature and I have come to the conclusion that writing is something I am passionate of-- So much so that I decided to write a book. I have so far gotten to about chapter 6 [And struggling to get past it mind you] and I haven't even gotten a title for this book yet. However, i'd like input from you guys if you care to read it. This is my prologue, I may post more chapters and what not but this is the first draft prologue [Meaning it is up for editing in the future, may add more and stuff basically]. Let me know how ya like it.


On scale, this is only about 10-13 paragraphs [to lazy to count]. The rest of my chapters are gonna be aimed to be scaled up to 40+ paragraphs.


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Posted 10/19/13
Jinatious,

I read your prologue in its entirety and I found it to be rather enjoyable. I was reluctant to read the rest of the chapter after I read the first paragraph but decided to give it a try after I skipped to the final paragraph. I would try having a different, more engaging, opening. A paragraph rich in detail with fluency akin to the graceful flow of a river. The goal for the first paragraph is to gather attention and draw the reader into the story. I would start by describing either the exterior or by providing details of Lazerus Kindle's room. By doing this, you can set the scene and catch the readers attention.

I have to say, the text below the opening, is very rich in detail and engaging. I would consider contracting some of your sentences to help improve fluency. There are a few sentences that are a little awkward and I had to read twice to grasp their meaning. This is an easily fixed issue and should be left alone until you reach the editing phase. Right now you should concentrate on getting the story written on "paper" before it becomes another unfinished idea stored in the back of your mind.

As for your struggles on Chapter 6, I think I can offer some advice. I'm sure you are aware, there are many different types of writers; some compose a story in there head and ride the wave until the project is complete and there are writers that create a basic outline and flesh out simple ideas, thus writing the story. Neither method is incorrect nor is either method perfect for they both have their own unique advantages and disadvantages. I find it easier to divide my stories into acts (my longest project was for a screenwriting class). If you break the story down into three parts, you can better manage your thoughts. Try breaking it down into introduction, main body, and conclusion. I know this is kindergarten knowledge but it can be an effective way to overcome writers block or help you through the troublesome incident know as slow progress. My professors have always told me " to write a story you must know where you are coming from and where are you going, else you will become lost along the way or it will feel as if you are venturing without a purpose or cause". On the storyline note, if you already have an idea how the story will begin and how the story will end, you can come up with a title for the project.

When I write I break it down like this:

Act one, the introduction, where the characters are introduced and the scene is set. During act one, you should provide the base personality for your main characters, both protagonist and antagonist (this includes non-action genres, as all dramas/stories have a variant of these two types of characters to progress the story). By providing starting point for growth, you will have an easier time developing your character and may not create a one-dimensional person. Act one is also the act where you provide the main characters main motivation for the storyline; what makes your protagonist move forward and progress the story.

Act two, the main body. This is typically the longest section of any story and is often filled with conflict. The whole purpose of this part of the story is to have your main character(s) face conflict and overcome/fail to overcome these obstacles. Also during this part, you should provide growth for your protagonist(s). Act two, as it works towards the conclusion, will have the greatest amount of screen time and therefore should be the area where you develop your characters the most as they face adversity. Be mindful that your story should work towards a climax. Also, consider the timing of your climax, if it comes too early or too late, the pacing of your book can seem forced or boring and forgettable.

Act three, the conclusion. Of course, this is the final act and therefor the story must draw to a close.

Also, be careful not to have a reactive character. Meaning, rather then having your main character react to the events around him, have him take a proactive approach. Your character has the potential to be attention grabbing and engaging but at the same time, he could be a very blasé and typical, depending on how you develop him and if you allow him to be proactive or reactive.


Overall, I think you did a pretty good job with this. Even with my extensive critiques, the Prologue left me wanting to read the first chapter. Though I can probably predict what Lazerus Kindle will do with the suit of Armor (the storyline and the oddness of its existence in a bare room make it obvious, though I could be wrong ), I still want to know why the murderer killed Lazerus Kindle's parents but did not kill Lazerus Kindle and also kidnapped his sister. Your story has potential if you write it right but it could also be just another story.

Regardless of how it turns out, enjoy the rapturous agony that is writing! Please note, there are only two reasons why I would provide an extensive critique; because I have to (academic obligation) or I enjoyed and wish the best for the literature I have read. In either case, I will always objectively (if such a thing truly exists) and without reservation, thought not maliciously, offer my thoughts and suggest edits. In this case, I enjoyed this chapter. Do not get discouraged and continue to write this story. I hope I can read some more material from you and I also hope we can be sounding boards for each other (see threads I have written in the Writers corner).

Respectfully,

Jesse Alexander
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Posted 10/19/13
Well thank you for the extensive critique AND the advice. I have to say one thing, I don't mind it. This is a first draft and honestly I plan on brushing on many things; i'll upload my 1st draft chapter as well since you gave such a detailed analysis. And yes, I shall check out your works as well and see what I can offer as advice if I see anything in need.

I do appreciate it really though, even the advice to help me finish my chapters. I have a rough guideline and I had an general idea, but I never worked out the full details. The armor does have significance to the plot but not quite in the predictable way, at least not in my opinion.


1st Chapter below this.

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Posted 10/19/13
ok... i'd like to see more o this, as a fellow author though, i have no words.
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