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On improving the sad State of Public Bathrooms
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21 / M / California
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Posted 11/23/13
Everyone who has ever used a public bathroom before knows that there can be immense disparity in quality. Bathrooms in large shopping malls are marble tiled poo palaces with gratuitous accommodations, and in spite of the load they bear, always smell like everything was bathed in the smell of freshly fallen rain and new car. Other bathrooms though look almost like medieval dungeons. The dim florescent lights flicker dimly, occasionally erupting with the blinding light of a dying star. The once proud porcelain pots are stained with mold and fossilized bits of poo. These places smell of embalming fluid mixed with lysol and just a hint of rotting excrement. Other atrocities abound, like sheet metal troughs- sinks that blast antarctic seawater in spurts to short to wipe away even a portion of fowl smelling soap. This can't continue. If society wants to improve as a whole, then we must first address our filthiest facilities with these architectural guidelines.

Urinals
In all public facilities, there must be an odd number of urinals so that there is no excuse but to uphold the 1-3-5 rule. Overcrowding of urinals unnecessarily scares men into stalls they don't really need.

Stalls
All public bathrooms should have a bare minimum of six stalls. In women's bathrooms, there must be at least twelve to compensate for the extra load. All stalls must be handicap stalls. Their massive volume as compared to regular stalls give users a vast porcelain savanna to openly roam around in before they rain excrement on the oval Kilimanjaro.

Sinks and Soap
Sinks that run on push buttons and timers are absolutely forbidden, and installing even one is punishable by the fullest extent of the law. All hand soap must be the kind that foams in your hand, and upon foaming releases the smell of dragon fruit and unicorn tears instead of that acrid antibacterial scent that remains trapped in the skin all day.

Drying Hands
There are two kinds of people in this world when it comes to the subject of drying hands in the bathroom. Some say that ripping out dozens of those scratchy brown waterproof paper towels kills trees. The trees don't complain about it but the people do. Then there are those who say that the trunks of air dryers are bacterial artillery cannons. Instead of using either method, a machine will dispense hot towels woven from Egyptian cotton by warrior priests for a quarter each. This will ensure that enough revenue is generated to maintain these incredible bathrooms without raising taxes.

Showers
These are never okay to have- even in airports.

Troughs
These are an affront to the 1-3-5 rule. To alleviate the humiliation of exposing of exposing fleshy sea slugs in front of strangers, all troughs must be launched into the sun.

Talking Areas
It's no secret that women like to go to the bathroom together to share their thoughts on different methods to overthrow the males of their species; allowing total planetary dominance to go to women. To keep them out of high traffic zones and provide a comfortable area for plotting the downfall of men, a separate, sound proof talking area will be built into bathrooms. Inside there will be beanbag chairs, a feminine bar tender to serve cocktails, and a rack containing the most current in women's magazines along with trending novels. All talking rooms will also have a lavender scented no boys allowed sign to hang on the front of the door.

Such arrangements will eliminate every argument against this design due its bullet proof formatting. Spread the word to your local governments, and humanity can finally get the bathrooms it deserves.
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19 / M / Hampshire, England
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Posted 11/23/13
Uh, I just go in and piss before washing my hands and leaving, OP.
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Posted 11/23/13
Well it's public bathrooms at their finest.
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21 / M / California
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Posted 11/23/13

Widdiful wrote:

Uh, I just go in and piss before washing my hands and leaving, OP.


You people don't even have sunlight. The entire world you know of is cloaked in dreary damp greys. Your guys' best bathroom probably looks like ones in our gas stations.
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19 / M / Hampshire, England
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Posted 11/23/13

Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:


Widdiful wrote:

Uh, I just go in and piss before washing my hands and leaving, OP.


You people don't even have sunlight. The entire world you know of is cloaked in dreary damp greys. Your guys' best bathroom probably looks like ones in our gas stations.


Wow thanks for the racist reply.
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23 / M / KS, USA
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Posted 11/23/13
What the hell did I just read??
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21 / M / California
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Posted 11/23/13

Widdiful wrote:


Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:


Widdiful wrote:

Uh, I just go in and piss before washing my hands and leaving, OP.


You people don't even have sunlight. The entire world you know of is cloaked in dreary damp greys. Your guys' best bathroom probably looks like ones in our gas stations.


Wow thanks for the racist reply.


Not a problem at all my good chappywap! Have a jolly good day and may your tea be as marvelous as a star falling into a black hole and unleashing its arcane energies into the universe you glorious bastard!
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19 / M / Hampshire, England
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Posted 11/23/13

Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:

Not a problem at all my good chappywap! Have a jolly good day and may your tea be as marvelous as a star falling into a black hole and unleashing its arcane energies into the universe you glorious bastard!


Yeah have fun changing the US' bathrooms through an anime forum.
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19 / M / On the Court
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Posted 11/23/13
So you basically saying you want to take a shower in public?
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32 / M / So Cal
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Posted 11/23/13
Dude, we've got it nice. In most of the world people are still pissing and shitting in holes in the ground. Been there, done it. You've got it easy, so stop whining and just be glad you've got urinals, toilets and a means to wash & dry your hands while in the restroom.

The self entitlement some people have...
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Posted 11/23/13
a lot of adjectives and metaphors, woah.
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23 / M
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Posted 11/23/13
I still don't see how any of that stops people from pissing on the seats, shitting on the floors, and breaking everything. Really, all of the problems that you've just solved are rather trivial compared to the fact that, when using a public bathroom:

1) I am more likely to get urine on my shoes than otherwise,
2) There is a pretty good chance I will need to wipe off the seat if I need to use it, and
3) I will probably be propositioned for a blowjob via sharpie.

Then again, fixing asshole-ism is tough. I suppose coming up with solutions for trivial problems is better than nothing, though.
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30 / M
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Posted 11/23/13
The problem is not the bathroom itself, its the idiots who trash and have no respect for public bathrooms that ruin it for everyone else.
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Posted 11/23/13 , edited 11/23/13
The bathrooms at my work are so clean that I swear there's about a 50% chance that when I go to use them they're closed for cleaning and I have to use the ones at the other side of the building, which is good since it shreds another 5 minutes or so from my work time.
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27 / M / Atlanta, GA, USA
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Posted 11/23/13
Haha, damn, I haven't seen a trough in twenty years, probably. I agree, send them to hell if there any left.
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