Dota Disappointments: a Letter to Enigma
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Posted 12/23/13 , edited 12/23/13
Dear Enigma,

Even in the light of Io, you are probably one of the coolest concepts in the game. Your biography is really more of an ancient legend passed down from generation to generation of space explorers. They called you the devourer of planets- a physical manifestation of the star sprinkled void of space whose existence coincided with the universes first flashes of existence. I bet that in your downtime while munching on a bag of dwarf planets, you manifested black holes within the centers of stars just so you could bask in the tender warmth of million degree plasma beams from the resulting collapse. I’m not sure where the minions come into play during your interstellar romps, but I suppose you tolerate their brief existence so you don’t have to gather up tasty dwarf planets on your own. Based on how awesome you seemed, I just had to pick you in my first online game; which of course, is where the ancient astronauts who told your story could finally be written off as insanity.
Things were going good at first. You slid around the battlefield on a swirling cushion of dark matter, casting purple-pink fire balls of ghastly energy at the first waves of staggering creeps. You, like other characters, pretty much found these hapless grunts as little more than barely conscious paychecks. I was content with the gold and items at first, and your ability to trap enemies in nasty looking purple energy, and turn any infantry unit you came across into your personal minions. At the time, your reputation was still as triumphantly high as your posture, even though I kind of wondered why, with your powers, couldn’t you make yourself some legs? Then along came the time for your ultimate ability. It sounded like the coolest thing ever. Spawn a black hole to trap your enemies. I don’t even think I read the “trap your enemies” part. Reading ceased and violent clicking ensued just as soon as I read “black hole”. In my mind, I was thinking that no one- not even the heroes would be safe from an all-consuming mass of fused neutrons and warped time. I thought that the tidal forces would stretch the enemy toward the event horizon, ultimately ending in accretion. Eventually there’d be no evidence that the hero ever marched or skittered along Dota’s mud caked roads- just a protest of irradiated particles as the enemy draws near the singularity. Basically, I wanted to see some cool black hole shit. It would’ve completed the ensemble. You really could have been coolest character ever.


But sadly, when hot lead from a clearly mortal sniper squeals through your cranial dark matter, you fall and melt into a pasty purple goo puddle like every other character. Why do bullets, along with every other slashing, shooting, yelling attack, hit you at all? As something that exists as the opposing force to the birth of the universe, I would think that you would have an easier time warping time and space as you see fit- not provide Sniper with an eternally black abyss to prop his rifle on!


Considering how insane the sniper is in Dota, I was hoping he’d be the only one who could do this, but he’s not the only one who can boast about killing a manifestation of the universe’s glue. Tide Hunter, Pudge, specter- you name it. They all have varyingly good chances of working around your non-accreting black hole.
Then again, Enigma, maybe I’m being too hard on you. You say yourself that you’re a universal constant- that you’re beyond time, but maybe that’s why so many heroes don’t find you to be all that deadly. You just can’t keep up if you don’t change. You still belong in legend though. Your origin story oozes with awesome and so do you, but to stay in that lofty void you call home, you might be better off just spectating.
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Posted 12/25/13 , edited 12/25/13
As a Dota Fan, i have to disagree with you on this one. Sniper is only insane when he actually farmed up just like every other carry in Dota. Engima is a fragile caster who can destory the whole team with a proper black hole. Hell, if you ask me to pick between sniper and Engima, I would go Engima every single time.

Looks like your team just somehow didn't do a good job of shutting down Sniper, and if you are playing as engima you should have blink dagger to dodge his assassinate with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaSDGMA-Lo0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ib_k18NIPxE

These two links is just ok example of how a good black hole can mean a epic win for your team.
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Posted 12/25/13

Steffiekun wrote:

As a Dota Fan, i have to disagree with you on this one. Sniper is only insane when he actually farmed up just like every other carry in Dota. Engima is a fragile caster who can destory the whole team with a proper black hole. Hell, if you ask me to pick between sniper and Engima, I would go Engima every single time.

Looks like your team just somehow didn't do a good job of shutting down Sniper, and if you are playing as engima you should have blink dagger to dodge his assassinate with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaSDGMA-Lo0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ib_k18NIPxE

These two links is just ok example of how a good black hole can mean a epic win for your team.


I appreciate your enthusiastic defense of the universe's shadow, but even if I can go around using Enigma to his full planet munching potential, I will still be disappointed in him. It would be for a sole fact that there is no spaghettifacation as enemies draw nearer the event horizon, no badass accretion, and no X-ray beams. Furthermore, he still doesn't eat dwarf planets in game!
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Posted 1/16/14
kudos on keeping the humor going during this.
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29 / M / cali
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Posted 1/25/14
xD Casual dota
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"Year-end cleanup. Closing threads with no activity since 2014."
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