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Post Reply 10 reasons why polar bears might be taking over the world.
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21 / M / California
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Posted 12/26/13 , edited 12/26/13
1: Polar bears are the sleepy dog-like giants of the arctic, but their droopy eyes and tired lumbering belies their inner thirst for baby seal blood.

2: Polar bears can swim for over a hundred miles at a blistering six miles per hour. This means that not even Micheal Phelps can escape the polar bears' adorable webbed killing paws.

3: Ice is a surprisingly strong material, and polar bears can easily smash through this to get to the delicious baby seals. Your house's sheet rock and brick will put up less of a struggle. That's if polar bears don't realize the weakness doors and windows present, as opposed to frosted over air holes in ice.

4: Even if we barricade ourselves behind bear proof devices, polar bears can enter a state called walking hibernation. Hiding would be less like starving the bears out and more like saving ourselves for later.

5: Since polar bears are so freaking cute, they have a knack for garnering sympathy- their most famous rouge is that they convinced us that the threat of polar bear domination is dwindling with the arctic ice shelf. In reality, they have an army numbering in the millions hiding away in a dead volcano in Antarctica. We'll never see the first strike coming, and coincidentally, neither will the penguins.

6: Like polar bears, all other bears hold a grudge against humanity. The sinisterly charismatic polar bears will likely use this fact as leverage to get grizzlies to work for them.

7: A group of polar bears have befriended a stray team of sled dogs. This suggests that they're following in the same societal footsteps as humanity.

8: If that wasn't terrifying enough, the only predator more terrifying than a polar bear is an orca, and if polar bears can befriend dogs, what's stopping them from riding orcas into battle? What's worse is that due to orca intelligence, and their closeness with humanity, they will likely share tactical data with the polar bears.

9: Since guns don't kill people, they will be no match for polar bears.

10. Polar bears are solar powered.

Bonus reason because I can: Unlike their weak sister species, the grizzly, polar bears do not fear surprise. They use surprise as a weapon. They are stealth incarnate.

Be afraid Earth. Be very afraid
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Posted 12/26/13 , edited 12/26/13
What if the reason guns don't kill people is because they are SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO DEAL WITH THE POLAR BEAR THREAT?
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Posted 12/26/13


Soon...
Bavalt 
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Posted 12/26/13
This is propaganda. The OP, a seal himself, is trying to turn us against our fluffy polar bear friends in the hopes that the ensuing global war will eliminate the seals' two biggest threats.

Don't be fooled!
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23 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 12/26/13
So penguins won't be taking over the world with machine guns?
*sighs in relief* Thank goodness-wait....POLAR BEARS MIGHT TAKING OVER THE WORLD?!


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Posted 12/26/13

qualeshia3 wrote:

So penguins won't be taking over the world with machine guns?
*sighs in relief* Thank goodness-wait....POLAR BEARS MIGHT TAKING OVER THE WORLD?!




They're all high.
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Posted 12/26/13
So....if there are plenty of 'em.....then......how do they taste? I might have a solution to the world hunger problem. The Inuits utilize them already anyway, and the fur is nice.You can't eat it's liver though, the vitamin A overdose will kill you.
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Posted 12/26/13 , edited 12/26/13

PhyongHwa wrote:

So....if there are plenty of 'em.....then......how do they taste? I might have a solution to the world hunger problem. The Inuits utilize them already anyway, and the fur is nice.You can't eat it's liver though, the vitamin A overdose will kill you.


Polar bears eat baby seals, which are the most adorable things on the planet, and if what you eat is any indicator for what you taste like, then polar bears taste like a furry little hug that just wants to nuzzle up to your stomach lining to keep it warm.
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Posted 12/26/13

saksiss wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

So penguins won't be taking over the world with machine guns?
*sighs in relief* Thank goodness-wait....POLAR BEARS MIGHT TAKING OVER THE WORLD?!




They're all high.



Ah okay.
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24 / M / Norway
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Posted 12/26/13
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Posted 12/26/13


This is a clever metaphor for what's going to happen to your country on the day of the attack.
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41 / M / WA
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Posted 12/26/13
Because environmental activists continued their propaganda war against humanity even after the polar bear population experienced a 10,000x increase ...whole cities were lost, the future of humanity is dim; on the bright side, they did eat all the zombies ;-)
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Posted 12/26/13
Where did the sanity go?
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21 / M / California
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Posted 12/27/13

MonkeysxMoo35 wrote:

Where did the sanity go?


It retreats with the ice sir!
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M / i'm there. you kn...
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Posted 12/27/13
actually, i don't think we have to worry about polar bears killing us, because we're already killing them with self inflicted global warming, melting their biomes so that they can drown in the arctic seas.

so yeah, problem solved!
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