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How to talk to people?
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32 / M / New Orleans
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Posted 12/27/13 , edited 12/28/13
I made this post because I have trouble talking to people. I can easily approach just about everyone, and can usually break the ice pretty well. My problem is following up. It's like I run out of things to say. Does anyone else have this problem or can maybe offer advice on how to be a better conversationalist?
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37 / M / Houston
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Posted 12/27/13
I'm certainly no expert, but simply ask them additional questions about themselves. Even if you're not interested, the majority of humanity enjoys talking about themselves and hearing the sound of their own voices. Additionally, they will think you are a nice person if you ask them questions about themselves and/or their lives. This can also lead to shared interests of which you can add to the conversation.
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Posted 12/27/13 , edited 12/27/13

Arrngrim wrote:

I'm certainly no expert, but simply ask them additional questions about themselves. Even if you're not interested, the majority of humanity enjoys talking about themselves and hearing the sound of their own voices. Additionally, they will think you are a nice person if you ask them questions about themselves and/or their lives. This can also lead to shared interests of which you can add to the conversation.

How does the conversationalist-in-training avoid coming across as nosy?
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Posted 12/27/13 , edited 12/27/13
Conversation needs context, because questions from strangers are not always welcome, even if they're being polite.

But here are some principles:

Talk to people with honesty, and they will trust you.

Extension from 'be yourself' is to never lie. Not lying is freedom, because you don't need to worry about the lie being believed, the process of making the lie, and the lie not coming back to bite you on the arse.

Listen to the tone, look at the body language, and try to sense the mood. Be empathetic.

Talking rubish only fills a period of time, but can be useful in certain situations.

Let the other people ask you questions. So don't be afraid of silences. Unless you just met them, because awkward silences probably means evacuation.

Try to find the middle ground, and remember information about that person. And for feck sake remember people's names.

Be reactive to your environment. Where are you, what are you guys doing, what's the time, what are you feeling, what can you see.
Posted 12/27/13 , edited 12/27/13
Breaking the ice is easy but most people find that hard. If you pass that point, just say nothing and talk when you have something important to say. There doesn't have to be any awkwardness.

Avoid any kind of expectation, if it's not in your character to talk about random stuff, don't. You want to enjoy yourself not sweat.
Dragon
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37 / M
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Posted 12/27/13
Ehhh.. that's when you try to find a new topic, I think. We've started talking, it's going okay, and there's a pause.. okay, what else am I interested in? Sports? History? Science? Gods from beyond the great beyond? Just think about something fun for you, and chat about it, that's my approach. If they like it as well, fantastic! If not, maybe you'll get them interested, or maybe they have no interest in what you like.. either way, good to know.
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37 / M / Houston
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Posted 12/27/13


How does the conversationalist-in-training avoid coming across as nosy?




Conversation needs context, because questions from strangers are not always welcome, even if they're being polite.


Lol, well, you guys got me there! Like many things it is a fine line to walk from being nosy and unwelcome, to being friendly and interesting. Guess I wasn't much help to ya mate.
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Posted 12/27/13

Arrngrim wrote:



How does the conversationalist-in-training avoid coming across as nosy?




Conversation needs context, because questions from strangers are not always welcome, even if they're being polite.


Lol, well, you guys got me there! Like many things it is a fine line to walk from being nosy and unwelcome, to being friendly and interesting. Guess I wasn't much help to ya mate.


I guess you were helpful, because if you take the mentality that everyone is unwelcoming, then we would have died out long ago... or gone more primal. But there is definitely a line, but you will never know where that line is unless you cross it. I'm quite protective, and don't welcome advances from strangers (america was not a fun holiday). other people might draw the line somewhere else, or have no line, or move their line back. I just mean i didn't know if the op wanted help conversation in general, rather than strangers.

Also put yourself in the right mood. It's not a simple switch to just start talking (unless people talk to you, asking the questions). before i go out to a party, i phone like 5 friends or more to just get myself psyched for the party ahead.
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26 / M / Pandemonium
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Posted 12/27/13 , edited 12/27/13
Well if it's regarding new people, why not conduct a sort of list of go-to conversation topics?
Some topics that are pretty universal and some that are more narrow?
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Posted 12/28/13
Some people have their own special bubble, especially the introverted ones. If the conversation is not that appealing, they won't spend more energy than necessary. You can't force them to talk or they would turn on you and considered you untrustworthy.

On the opposite, extroverted ones feed on others' and the environments' energies.




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24 / M / Australia
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Posted 12/28/13
I very rarely willingly talk to someone face to face. I much prefer online company... You tend to find like minded people hanging out in the same threads or discussion boards and if you find a cute cat picture you can actually link it to them immediately without going... "Hey, I saw this cat picture it was so cute! do you have a pen? it's at http://..." lol

Anyway If you have to talk to people, like I do for my work. Just keep it on topic and like Arrngrim said in #2, People love talking about themselves.
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32 / M / New Orleans
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Posted 12/28/13
I think part of my problem is I just don't share common interests with 90% of the people I meet irl. That's why I feel like I run out of things to say. The whole being myself thing doesn't work so well because I'm a little bit mad and most people irl don't seem to handle it too well. I guess all I can really do is ask questions and try not to be intrusive.
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25 / M
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Posted 12/28/13 , edited 12/28/13
Try asking really deep philosophical questions like "Do Artificially Intelligent robots deserve inalienable rights?".
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32 / M / New Orleans
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Posted 12/28/13

spinningtoehold0 wrote:

Ask really deep philosophical questions like "Do Artificially Intelligent robots deserve inalienable rights?".


I wish I met more people who would want to talk about stuff like that. Unfortunately I live in the deep south of the united states and most people wouldn't. They would rather talk about Duck Dynasty or the latest Football game or some shit like that. The more I think about it I think I might also have trouble talking to people irl because I secretly hate them.

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25 / M
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Posted 12/28/13 , edited 12/28/13
Lol yes I suppose that could be a reason why.

I guess all that's left is finding the right people.
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