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What are your thoughts on the guy being expected to make the first move?
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20 / M / Eng Land
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Posted 1/16/14 , edited 1/16/14
So, the general discussion section is pretty much a vast land of relationship-oriented questions which I often look at despite never having had a romantic relationship. I also find it quite a trivial matter, so it obviously makes sense to believe I wouldn't contribute to it, right?

Well screw making sense, my life has revolved around that very concept! So, what are your thoughts on the concept of the guy having to be the one to ask the girl out? Infact, is it still even a thing? Have I been watching too much anime? Am I a looney who makes judgements based off events he witnesses in acts of fiction? Probably, but you're here now so say something.

The only time I ever see the guy tell the girl to take responsibility is in hentai and we all know how that ends, right guys? heh heh ha ha- oh god I'm so lonely. Just a joke, I've actually never asked a girl out and don't see myself doing it anytime soon. Infact if they did ask I'd probably turn them down.

Oh and if this topic exists (and I really wouldn't be surprised if it does) feel free to send it into oblivion.
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25 / M / Inside Lorreen's...
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Posted 1/16/14
I think the concept of guy asks girl is still there, and probably is part of that whole stereotyped "Guy has to take the lead" sort of thing. That said though, all but one girlfriend I have had were the ones to ask me out, i've only ever asked out one girl since I started dating 8 or so years ago.

Even though that is my experience behind it, all I hear from friends, both guys and girls, is how guys need to ask the girl out, and if he doesn't he isn't worth it. You see that all over the internet as well.

Also I think it is different culture to culture. Take what happens in Anime for instance: It seems its up to the girl to ask a guy out, but everything past that is up to the guy and if he fails to deliver he fails at life practically.

Where here in the states: Even though I have been mostly asked out by girls, I don't think a single one of my male friends have ever been asked out, they had to do the asking out.
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27 / M / NY
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Posted 1/16/14
If you want it done right you gotta do it yourself.
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19 / M / Markham, Ontario
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Posted 1/16/14
I believe that it doesn't matter whether the guy or the girl asks the other out. I think it should be as "if you want a committed relationship, you should be the one to take the initiative."
Posted 1/16/14
I've known plenty of strong and confident women. Whenever I asked them why they made the first move to meeting their significant other the general consensus is that "they knew what they wanted."

I admit, I don't like the idea of convincing a girl that I'm what they should want. I think both sides should know. I've always said something first in the few times I had the chance, but if the signals aren't there then it isn't mutual and I don't waste time.
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27 / M / Mor Dhona
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Posted 1/16/14
I think it's silly to expect the guy to make the first move all the time, but hey, cultural expectations and all that. Not going to get into the can of worms that are double standards in regards to personality differences between the sexes.
Posted 1/16/14
It's still there because men are still being taught that all the responsibilities in the world rest on their shoulders from the time they're four years old. If you've ever been told to "be a man" you know what I'm referring to.

As for me, I don't generally care much for it. I've been in four relationships and they all made the first move. And all the women I've, eh, had close encounters with, have also made the first move. One girl's "move" was to put her hands down my pants and attack-kiss me, and I was like "Woah, girl, at least buy me a meal first. Some flowers or something. Anything. Damn." Nah, I didn't say that, but even though she was very attractive to me I was so confused and insecure that I had to leave, heh. There has to be some time to contemplate on whether the person can be a love interest or not, or mutual interest I guess you could say. It goes both ways.
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Posted 1/16/14
You've been watching too much of the Brady Bunch."The first move "is hardly gender specific.
Sogno- 
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Posted 1/16/14

Oatmeal wrote:

If you want it done right you gotta do it yourself.


truth
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23 / M / Earth
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Posted 1/16/14 , edited 1/16/14
It is deeply embedded in the American culture.. if you want to increase the likely hood to have a special someone, then you will have to conform, I believe.

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25 / M / Fenix, AZ
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Posted 1/16/14
Either party has equal right to ask the other out. But in my experience men are still pressured to be the one to make the first move. Its more of a gender role stereotype than anything else.
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F / You, Knighted States
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Posted 1/16/14
It is no longer a universal expectation but if you want to go out with a girl and she hasn't asked you then yes, you do have to be the one to do it. Pretty simple, actually.
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Posted 1/16/14
If you like someone, make a move. Gender is irrelevant. You won't accomplish anything by second guessing your feelings and doubting yourself. I don't mind making the first move. But it is rare that I actually do. I won't explain further, since the topic of this thread isn't "Why is your love life in shambles?".
Posted 1/16/14 , edited 1/16/14
I'm used to guys asking me out and I was raised like that so I will never do it even if I'm falling dead over heels for the guy. it also depends where you're from...I noticed that here in USA girls are more outgoing and they usually do the first move without any problem. In my country (or in my family) if the girl makes the first move she is looked down on...you can give hints here and there that you like the guy but not be so straightforward like "hey, wanna be my boyfriend?".

PS. My thoughts on the question at hand are that anyone can do whatever they feel like. Even if I'm not like that, I will never look down on any girl who does it and I expect the same kind of treatment^^
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22 / M
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Posted 1/16/14
Who cares who makes the first move? Just don't expect me to do it. I've never been interested enough in a woman to ask. Maybe if I thought it would be fun/interesting/amusing, I'd do it.
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