Even though they're dead, Vikings are the masters of everything.
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Posted 1/17/14 , edited 1/18/14
Most people of European descent openly acknowledge that Vikings were essentially the best people to ever emerge. With their warring prowess, the Vikings basically shat on everyone else in ancient European times. Even the Romans didn't mess with them for fear of becoming another bit of hair and meat in Some Scandinavian's glorious blonde beard. The Christians managed to slowly whittle down the sheer might of those proud sailors by turning them off from Norse religion- cursing the people of the north land to build cheap furniture to film world-famous pornography on! Sure, the Vikings' era of effortless conquest collapsed like heads once did under their nasty Norse shoes, but it wasn't because the Romans jumped on the Christian bandwagon and their army followed suit. It was because Vikings were busy becoming time lords.

See, Vikings knew that providing their people with furniture forged from enemy skin and bone would hamper technological progress, so they decided to relax on their already impressive, skull beanbag chairs while letting Christians run a muck. Instead, Vikings would leave their mark in time itself! They first made small gains, claiming the middle week as their own, naming the days Odin's Day, Thor's Day, and Frigg's Day. You might know them as Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. This totally makes sense of the weird spelling. However, Vikings didn't stop at the week, for they wanted every holiday under their rule.

Essentially, every holiday we celebrate is a Viking holiday. On the fall equinox, Vikings dressed as the dead and carved gourds, meaning that giving a pumpkin a lobotomy isn't that weird. In spring, Vikings painted eggs while gleefully slaughtering the Rabbits who hid them, but then there's the winter solstice; when Odin returns from the hunt, filling kids' boots with cool Viking toys. Did I mention that Vikings decorated trees too? Basically, Vikings didn't need to pillage anymore- not since they rule Christmas, so remember, the next time you see a Swede, say nothing. Just know that you have his ancestors to thank for your holidays- all of them.
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26 / F / in the land of th...
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Posted 1/17/14 , edited 1/18/14
Fork you...
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27 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 1/17/14 , edited 1/18/14
I-I don't know.
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28 / F / SC
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finally someone realizes the truth
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35 / M / US
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Well, there is a fine example of revisionist history for you.

The Norse were advanced in several areas, but things didn't play out like that at all. Try getting your history lessons from something other than comic books kiddies.
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Posted 1/17/14 , edited 1/18/14


Well, it wan't just the Swedes, it was the Norwegians and the Finnish too. They all share the same Viking ancestry, right?

Anyway if their ancestors are anything like they are today they must have been really good looking and good at music.

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Posted 1/17/14 , edited 1/18/14
Vikings? I think you're forgetting a different proud warrior race that every military wishes their soldiers were like.



I claim this for SPARTA!
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Posted 1/17/14 , edited 1/18/14
Jesus Christ man, you never cease to entertain me
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Posted 1/17/14 , edited 1/18/14

PhyongHwa wrote:



Well, it wan't just the Swedes, it was the Norwegians and the Finnish too. They all share the same Viking ancestry, right?

Anyway if their ancestors are anything like they are today they must have been really good looking and good at music.



Well, I didn't get any musical talent.
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Posted 1/17/14 , edited 1/18/14

G0GOPANDA wrote:

Jesus Christ man, you never cease to entertain me


Oh stop it now, you glorious munchkin!
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Posted 1/17/14 , edited 1/18/14
Not in football!

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Posted 12/26/15 , edited 12/26/15
Year-end cleaning. Closing threads with no new posts since 2014.
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