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Toxic Friends
Posted 2/1/14
What Would Sir_James Do?
Invite them over for tea and cakes and when they arrive unload your feeling onto them without stopping, no gossip, don't ask them their thoughts on your feelings, don't even let them get a word in edge wise. when they try to speak , keep talking as if they were listening.
then when they finish their cake kick them out and see if they call back.
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Posted 2/1/14
I see this thread and I thought, "What could I gather from this?"

I think a lot of people see me as this. I can be kind of a downer, but I don't necessarily try to. I read this and think "I do that, but why?"

It makes me wonder if people realize they're toxic or they're toxic for the fact they don't realize it.

I also wonder what could cause a transition. Sometimes, people start out really nice and somehow, life choices happen and they become pretty scummy. Doesn't it make you think?

Being that sort of friend, I'd advise to lay out the reasoning clear, and tell the person to GET IT TOGETHER before you cut them off. Don't cave if they want back. It takes more than a few days to make progress, right? Even if they can't have you back, you could be setting a motion for them to get it together and fix their stuff for other relations onward. Then you'd have nothing to feel guilty about even if you're cutting contact. Don't forget, you also should have a few dozen other people to chat and hang out with, you're just helping someone else out...

If that made any sense.
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Posted 2/1/14

animeartist62 wrote:

But I always feel I can never tell the person how I feel.


Honestly this sounds like you're friends, but you want to be more than friends?! Just tell them YO B, I like you, hell maybe I love you, be with me and we'll conquer this world together. If they say no walk away. If you can't walk away and want to still be friends with that person, then be just their FRIEND nothing else don't hold out hope, don't think you have a chance if you stay around them. (you don't!) If you can't do that walk away and never speak to them again. Sometimes you just gotta man up.
Posted 2/1/14 , edited 2/1/14
I'm "toxic" in the sense that I do what I want without much regard to other people in the sense of their decisions. If you follow me and get hurt it's your own damn fault for being friends with me. That is unless I really like you and then I'll do anything I can for you.
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Posted 2/1/14
Eh? Well, if it's just somebody I talk to or hang out with, I don't really care as long as it's not too troublesome. I can be that way to people, doing what I want when I want, but if I actually like them I'll hold back my impulses to wander around freely.
Posted 2/1/14 , edited 2/1/14
I don't know how you can be there for someone to be honest, think you burdened yourself there, are you a little arrogant? xD. You shouldn't let someone feel like they can depend on you if you're incapable of shifting the expectations they have of you on to themselves.

I'm a friend to lots of people but I have no friends so I probably don't know what that's like.

animeartist62 wrote:

That is what I should do but my mom raised me with better manners then that. Even though it is something I would love to do right now.



So you feel like it's below you to slap him?
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26 / M / USA
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Posted 2/1/14
that's a part of growing up but my advice is dont always try to be a good friend you need to understand that some people need a little aggressive friends who arent afraid to hurt you for the better
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Posted 2/1/14

Esbeckett wrote:

I see this thread and I thought, "What could I gather from this?"

I think a lot of people see me as this. I can be kind of a downer, but I don't necessarily try to. I read this and think "I do that, but why?"

It makes me wonder if people realize they're toxic or they're toxic for the fact they don't realize it.

I also wonder what could cause a transition. Sometimes, people start out really nice and somehow, life choices happen and they become pretty scummy. Doesn't it make you think?

Being that sort of friend, I'd advise to lay out the reasoning clear, and tell the person to GET IT TOGETHER before you cut them off. Don't cave if they want back. It takes more than a few days to make progress, right? Even if they can't have you back, you could be setting a motion for them to get it together and fix their stuff for other relations onward. Then you'd have nothing to feel guilty about even if you're cutting contact. Don't forget, you also should have a few dozen other people to chat and hang out with, you're just helping someone else out...

If that made any sense.



It makes a sense. The person made these choices and has to deal with them. I feel me being there is holding them back from getting it together because they rely on me to much. That the person is also holding me back from making other friends. Do to that I am always running to their rescue.



madmejis wrote:


animeartist62 wrote:

But I always feel I can never tell the person how I feel.


Honestly this sounds like you're friends, but you want to be more than friends?! Just tell them YO B, I like you, hell maybe I love you, be with me and we'll conquer this world together. If they say no walk away. If you can't walk away and want to still be friends with that person, then be just their FRIEND nothing else don't hold out hope, don't think you have a chance if you stay around them. (you don't!) If you can't do that walk away and never speak to them again. Sometimes you just gotta man up.


NOOOOOO not trying to be more then friends. I am actually being to dislike the person.
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Posted 2/1/14
I had a really toxic friend once, his name was muk, in the end i traded him for a lv24 charmander and have been much happier since XDD
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Posted 2/1/14
I've had a lot of shitty friends in my life and let me tell you, it's always worth breaking ties with toxic people. It seems like it's hard to do but once it's over, it's such a relief. One would accuse me of saying and doing awful things that I never did, and another just became a complete asshole. Not the joking-around-because-we're-friends "asshole", but a genuine asshole. People like that aren't worth dealing with.
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26 / M / Seattle, WA, USA
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Posted 2/1/14
I don't see the point of staying friends with people that cause drama and stress in your life. Sure, if they are going through tough times, be a friend and help them. But if it's a constant sh*tstorm...
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Posted 2/1/14
I've actually had to go through an experience with a toxic "friend" fairly recently. She constantly leaned on me until she stressed me out and made me paranoid. If I didn't get upset about her or things involving her to the point that I ended with a panic attack, she would get angry and claim that I don't "care" about her enough to force myself into a panic attack for her sake. And if I slightly disagreed with her or tried to distance myself from her she'd hold suicide over my head to get me to agree with her or cling to her. It wasn't until recently that I realised I was being emotionally manipulated and cut myself off from her entirely, removing myself from any and all situations involving her and blocking her in every way so that she can't contact me and try to manipulate me again. I've found that it's worked quite well, since over time I've gotten happier and she's stopped chasing after me. Now I try to remind myself that I'm not a bad person for breaking ties with toxic and abusive people, but it's actually important to do so.
Sogno- 
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Posted 2/1/14

Thfelese wrote:

Toxic or not having a friend is better then nothing.


bro idk if you've had personal experiences with both but anything toxic is detrimental to one's health, i would think having a "toxic" or "needy" friend wouldn't be any better than having no friends at all. both are painful really


Sir_jamesalot wrote:

What Would Sir_James Do?
Invite them over for tea and cakes and when they arrive unload your feeling onto them without stopping, no gossip, don't ask them their thoughts on your feelings, don't even let them get a word in edge wise. when they try to speak , keep talking as if they were listening.
then when they finish their cake kick them out and see if they call back.


this is good advice.
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Posted 2/1/14
I’m happy to report that I’m toxic friend free. Most people are selfish, and some have real needs sometime in their life, but when I’m exposed to such people who are always in need, always in crisis, I get away quick and don’t look back because they will suck the life right out of you.
Life is too short to spend time with anybody who subtracts, rather than adds value.
anamal 
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29 / F / Long Beach CA
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Posted 2/1/14
I can totally relate to this topic being that I have a "friend" or two like this but honestly they are not real friends, I have a few friends that are real, that won't ever turn their backs on me and this is what everyone should strive for, it's just hard to find loyal/legit people out there sometimes. And as for those fake friends...I still keep in touch with them because honestly sometimes it's hard to let go even if they did you dirty but I know better now and still keep my distance and we hang out only during big social events but it's not like how it used to be and I'm ok with that, its better for both parties that way.
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