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Loneliness depressions
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22 / M
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Posted 2/5/14 , edited 2/5/14
So I just got back from helping my best friend move away a couple days ago. He moved a few states north, and I have been having a real hard time dealing with it. I've been getting extremely depressed to the point that I am crying everyday because I feel abandoned and alone. My friend and I have always had an odd relationship. We met at church, and I typically wouldn't hang out with his type of awkward almost childlike personality. To add more to the mix, he is 25 and I am 19. At first, it was very awkward to be around him. I am pretty introverted I suppose, but I like to be around people. I guess I am just very cautious about who I trust. Which makes me have very few friends I feel like I can be around without feeling like I have to constantly watch what I say/entertain them.

My friend is socially off as well. He never seem to get very many social/emotional ques. Simple things like looking at people when you are listening to them. He isn't "special". However, I am pretty sure he has ADHD. I can't really tell why I am so attached to him to begin with. We have few things in common, and I think the only reason we started hanging out together was the fact that we are both loners. We never really talked about personal things such as feelings or other emotional type things even though we are very close. I've always felt distanced from him. I could never really tell if he liked me or not by the way he acted. By which, I mean he never really treated me any different than anyone else in the room. I often felt forgotten about while he was talking to other people. I felt like I wasn't anything special to him.

I am unsure what to do now. I have been getting very depressed lately due to loneliness. My family doesn't really interact with each other very much which amplifies this isolation-like depression. My friend is also very terrible at comforting people, so I don't talk to him over the internet. Which leaves me not talking to him at all. The only other friend I enjoy talking to at this time is a few states away. Thankfully she is a girl and at least tries to keep a conversation going.

Does anyone have any suggestions for getting over this type of depression?
Posted 2/5/14
Music...
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25 / M
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Posted 2/5/14
Video games...
GerryO 
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21 / Tyler, Texas
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Posted 2/5/14 , edited 2/5/14
Watch Gurren Lagann, that anime really helped me when I was in a bad place in my life a few years ago, was really helpful in getting my confidence back
also you should try and talk to your family more, times like these that you should be able to depend on them
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31 / F
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Posted 2/5/14 , edited 2/5/14
In these types of situations, I would do get into things that would force me (in a good way) to interact with new people. In the past, I've done Dungeons & Dragons (or a board game night) at the local game shop, anime or doll meetups arranged with folks online, and volunteer work (I did anime convention planning for a while...).

It may not help your current relationships, but I do find it helps fill the void of being lonely sometimes.
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24 / F / Johnstown, PA, USA
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Posted 2/5/14
You making this thread is a clear indication that you're finding excuses to talk to people, which is exactly what I recommend. Reaching out to total strangers for conversation and to develop connections and therefore attempt to fill in the "empty spot" left by your bud is you unconsciously answering your own question. Your subconscious knows what it's doing.
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27 / M / Canada
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Posted 2/5/14 , edited 2/5/14
Find hobbies (Like anime! ) then find people (preferably IRL) that share those hobbies.

Push yourself outside your comfort zone well also accepting that you are by nature an introvert, which is fine as long as you don't allow yourself to stagnate in your depression. If you can find ways to meet people well doing what you enjoy then people will see the best parts of you imo.

Anyways hang in there.
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22 / M
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Posted 2/5/14
Thanks for all the replies. I've been thinking about the suggestions and I've sort of realized that I need to try and find someone to do stuff with. I'm just not really sure where to look. I'm not taking many classes this semester, and none of my class mates are in any of my other classes. It's pretty hard for me to try and talk to others without a real reason to. I don't know.

As for trying to do some of my hobbies. It feels weird doing them by myself now. For the past month my friend had been living with me because of a car accident he had gotten into, and I am an EMT. So, I was looking after him at my house while he was recovering, and all this time we had been watching anime together because it was one of the few things that we did have in common. Now it feels empty doing it without him now. As strange as it seems, he may be alive, but I feel as though he has died.

Here's for hoping I can find someone to, in a sense, replace him.
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21 / M / California
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Posted 2/5/14
I recommend listen to Music or just going for a walk, just a change of scenery can do wonders for you. Also since you are going to a school try joining the anime club.
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31 / F
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Posted 2/5/14
I'm assuming you're in college? There is usually a lot of clubs on campus of various genres to join, even midway during a semester. If you would like to know what's available to you, you can head to the student union and talk to whoever is at the student life office for a listing of meeting times and locations for each club. And if you don't see a club that works for you, heck... try starting up one.

My husband started up an anime club on the basis that he was new to college and needed college friends. And it worked out somehow since that's how I met him and married the guy, lol! XD

All in all, you want build connections and bonds you can trust, but you have to initiate it. It doesn't have to be big. Start out small and move at your own pace. Eventually, you'll find a group of people you can call home to.

I really hope the best for you. Good luck in your journey.
Posted 2/5/14
It will pass. Give it time and don't do anything stupid like killing yourself.
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Posted 2/5/14
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA8cvUJpbYc

-pats-
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22 / M / Brisbane
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Posted 2/6/14 , edited 2/6/14
It sounds like you two never mutually disclosed the full extent of your friendship. You said goodbye and he leaves of course, but without closing the door on the relationship with any finality. If possible I'd contact him and actually try to express those feelings, appraising exactly what his presence meant to you and thanking him for it. Maybe the prospect seems awkward or embarrassing, but I think it's better than stewing over this haunting spectre you're imagining in lieu of him. He isn't dead, he just happens to be at a different point in space; you need to keep actively reminding yourself of that.

That might help you to move on. As someone recovering from anxiety I've found more than anything else that dealing with all forms of change in life demands that we close the old doors in tandem with opening the new ones.

- Also why not just have a chat with a therapist about how you feel? Strangers on the internet will very rarely offer a substantive solution for emotional issues after all.

Best of luck mate.
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37 / M / Las Vegas
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Posted 2/6/14
I can totally relate to OP. I went through a similar thing in high school. I hated high school. It was a miserable terrible lonely time of my life when everybody started to change for the worse. I couldn't relate because i was one of the kids that didn't want to be in this crazy rush to grow up. So because i was more immature then everyone else i started to feel distant from my peers, changing schools didn't help either it just made it worse. The only thing that kept me from losing it was anime, j-pop and my on again off again first girlfriend that mentally destroyed me when we broke up.

Good thing is i changed, and became more outgoing. Anime was a big part of that, watch enough anime and its starts to rub off on you. A lot of these characters started off just like me, alone, no confidence, depressed, so its easy to relate to them. Just because you have don't have confidence or charisma in the beginning doesn't mean you'll stay that way forever. If you talked to me in high school and talked to the now me, you'd never think i was the same person. That shy guy who never talked before, can't shut up at times. The guy that had no confidence, now is beaming with it so much people sometimes call me full of myself.

You can change if you want to OP. Believe in you that believes in yourself.
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「Your Toilet...st...
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Posted 2/6/14
Listen to music that either matches or repels your mood until you slowly grow out of the phase~ ^u^ Or find new people and strike new conversations, in a way it'll make you forget the old friends and be happier~
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