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The Life of a Computer
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23 / M / California
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Posted 2/10/14 , edited 2/11/14
Computers have always had a weird love-hate relationship with their makers and negligent owners. Often times, we only see the love of our machines as expected operations. It makes sure we can log on to the internet with relative ease, watch that cat video, maybe work up a blog post that gets online with no issues. It’s a time when the computer is new; when it’s fans hum a quiet uninterrupted tune, and it’s RAM is factory fresh. Everything is fine so far. Months pass and the computer seamlessly chugs along at the speed which you’re accustomed. Sure, the HP question bubble says you have some updates you’ve been ignoring and it couldn’t hurt if you took the time to back your hard drive up, but fuck that. All the seasons of “Breaking Bad” are on Netflix. You have meth making glory to relive!

Everything’s fine with the computer though. It’ll just update the next time you shut down. Like that’s ever gonna happen! Sleep mode's as off as that hunk of hardware’s going to get! If that computer takes even a second longer to start than the time it takes to make a compound beeping noise followed by revving fans, it’s absolutely infuriating! It suggests that the updates could run while you’re doing other things. It can totally handle the load, but there’s a paper that needs writing. Whatever the computer wants can wait. I-tunes will understand your PC's pain; except that you generally update your i-tunes because the message just spams itself until you actually pay attention.

Your computer starts to slow down after a while. It’s been hit with a fair number of now thwarted virus attacks from that time you accidentally typed in the name of a website wrong and downloaded a fake Flash update. After one hell of a fight with that wiley program, you uninstalled the mountains of add ware it stealthily stacked when you downloaded. You may have accidentally deleted something, but that run.dll thing probably isn’t anything to worry about. Later, you find out that dll whatever may have actually been moderately important; like keeping the computer functional important. Everything’s fine though. You’re run time is slower, but once the computer’s had time to catch its breath, it speeds along nicely. It bore the load of countless installs that you realized you didn’t really need, but didn’t quite get rid of them because you have no idea what saves to where. Now you want to try something different though. You were enticed by the idea of producing inexpensive digital drawings and clearing up some clutter on your desk. Everything was going well. You made a couple of things you were proud of; maybe you were piecing together something big, but at that moment, when you decide not to load up a game, the computer finally decides it’s had enough. It’s sat around making humming and sliding noises, putting up with whatever you threw at it, but not today! Today, this little PC is rearing to ruin your day! That tablet you love? It doesn’t work now. The cursor just hides in the bottom corner, pressing every goddamn button it can autonomously right click! You uninstall, reinstall, get tech support, but your computer aint having none of it! That’s when the PC’s passive war of attrition begins!

You try to hunt down missing programs, update drivers, but that computer is more messed up than you know; a power that it’s going to take full advantage of. You will spout out a longer string of profanities than this paper. You will pray to every conceivable deity then immediately curse them. You’ll ask for help from total strangers, leading the plea with “Are you good with computers?” You’ll look like a dolt who people will suspect you messed up your computer with copious amounts of obscure pornography. Eventually, you come to one of two conclusions. You back up what you can to a small flash drive you had lying around with the intent of reverting your PC to factory settings, and quietly weeping over the lost files. If you’re lucky though, you’ll find that one guy who roots through data like a bear through a refrigerator.

Once the issues are fixed, you promise yourself you’ll take better care of your computer. A week later when you need an update, a “How I met your Mother” Slap Bet marathon will call your name, and the cycle will continue. This time though, you’ll be faced with a battle hardened Hewlett, and it will show no mercy.
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Posted 2/10/14 , edited 2/10/14
A pretty fun read. What's a Hewllite?
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31 / M / Planet Anime
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Posted 2/10/14
Nice
Posted 2/11/14
I only care for a system so long as it can process my applications. Once it isn't sufficient for what I'm doing anymore, it becomes yesterday's scraped tech, sold to someone in need of a less-than-adequate system by my own standards.
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83 / F / Bite the pillow.
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Posted 2/11/14

spinningtoehold0 wrote:

What's a Hewllite?


I assume that's some kind of phonetic gibberish OP created to describe a "Hewlett‑Packard" Windows based PC:

HP Site: (http://www.hp.com/country/us/en/uc/welcome.html)
Posted 2/11/14
This is pretty funny. I hate running interception-tech support for my 'elders'. "NO! DON'T CLICK TH- FUUUUU!"

Oddly enough, my old battle-ax of 9 years (I know right!) finally died a warriors death, not 2 days ago. I'm prepping a viking funeral for it next Sunday. I'm not even kidding, though the date might change due to laziness or otherwise unavailability of a small boat.
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23 / M / California
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Posted 2/11/14

spinningtoehold0 wrote:

A pretty fun read. What's a Hewllite?


Hewlite Packard. I'm not quite sure how Hewlite is spelled though.
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23 / M / California
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Posted 2/11/14

Skreig wrote:

This is pretty funny. I hate running interception-tech support for my 'elders'. "NO! DON'T CLICK TH- FUUUUU!"

Oddly enough, my old battle-ax of 9 years (I know right!) finally died a warriors death, not 2 days ago. I'm prepping a viking funeral for it next Sunday. I'm not even kidding, though the date might change due to laziness or otherwise unavailability of a small boat.


9 years? You know what? Maybe I will just reset my PC; teach it a lesson!
Posted 2/11/14

Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:9 years? You know what? Maybe I will just reset my PC; teach it a lesson!


Yup yup. I've never owned a PC long enough to have the bios battery die, before that one. It's like when a person get altimeters, and can't remember the date, or the fan throttle setting (old people have exhaust fans, right?). Moral of the story is,
... Idk where I was going with that... um.. say no to drugs?
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20 / M / Eng Land
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Posted 2/11/14 , edited 2/11/14
Oh leopard, you always write such entertaining stuff, and the sad thing is that it's so true. Good job.
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23 / M / California
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Posted 2/11/14

BLACKOUTMK2 wrote:

Oh leopard, you always write such entertaining stuff, and the sad thing is that it's so true. Good job.


Oh stop it you!

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Posted 2/11/14
Last year i upgrade my graphic card for second time. After the upgrade i could play my video game with higher graphic setting and play 720p video with higher frame rate then before, over all it was fun. Until i downloaded a video editing software and tried something silly with it(i'm ashamed to say what). Right away the video editing software give me a popup message.

While i was reading the message my computer screen goes dark. At first i thought it was some kind of wire connection issues with my monitor, because my computer was running, but it wasn't. I force restart my computer a couple of time, but still my monitor doesn't give any picture.

I was terrified saying "what have i done" and my hand was shaking a few moment later i come up with hypothesis my monitor isn't show a picture while my computer running, because my graphic card is dead. Right away i bring my old graphic card and replaced it with new one, even thought my old graphic card are slow and almost out of use i had no other choice. After i finished i turn on my computer, it was a big relief my monitor start working again.
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Posted 2/11/14
I really should do some maintenance on my PC... But can I get it done in time for HxH?
Sogno- 
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Posted 2/11/14
lol pc users, fun days (or not)
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20 / M / Tórshavn
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Posted 2/11/14
Hah? Viruses? That's not the problem, an average pc/laptop breaks down 1 year after your warranty has expired, if something happened before that, it was handled carelessly by the company who sold it to you, or yourself.

I've only got one thing to say about this whole "pc lifetime" or actually anything in this modern age and that is....
The Light Bulb Conspiracy, funny how it isn't even a conspiracy, it's proven and it is the thing that keeps the economy going.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfzQzGNYaiU
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