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i call them "downers"
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17 / M / Australier
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Posted 2/19/14
Laugh it off.
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24 / M / Brooklyn, NY
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Posted 2/20/14
Eh, I do my best to maintain an air of positive criticism in my attitude. I'm used to always being put down by my family, and more recently many people I considered friends. While there may be an air of truth in some of the things they say, the overall presentation isn't positive or productive in any way shape or form.

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36 / M / Denver
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Posted 2/20/14
A lot of you may not have thought of this, because you're still in high school and below, so let me help you out.

You know all those people you see every week, for good or ill, the ones who create that circle of absurdity of completely arbitrary and meaningless social rules that place you in a spectrum of either fitting in, getting picked on, or being an outcast? The same people that have given you seemingly immutable social circles that ARE reality? You know what's going to happen in a few years?

You're never going to see them again. Ever.

Oh sure, you'll pass one in a store, and keep hanging out with your friends, but you won't be subjected to the mindless retards that have always been somewhere in the picture your entire life. You'll smack into people like that at various jobs, for sure, but you can change that anytime you like.

If you really want a coping perspective, realize that they themselves are miserable. Happy people don't do that shit, so pity them and avoid them if you can. Work on your own identity. But in the long run, you have no idea how thankfully pointless this question will become.
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F / Boston-ish
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Posted 2/20/14

stgzlg wrote:

how do you put up with people who are constantly putting you down? i mean, we all know those kinds of people and sometimes even wonder why i'm even friend with those kinds of people.


I don't think I've had friends, or even acquaintances that have done that to me (that I know of). I wouldn't put up with it--would try to avoid/ignore them if we were in the same social space. If they had ever been friends with me, I'd intentionally "drift" and not stay in touch so that we could no longer really be called friends.
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Posted 2/20/14 , edited 2/20/14

stgzlg wrote:

how do you put up with people who are constantly putting you down? i mean, we all know those kinds of people and sometimes even wonder why i'm even friend with those kinds of people.


If you must deal with them, first find out if you are dealing with a Narcissistic personality disorder, or an Emotional vampire. It's actually quite easy to differentiate when you know what you are looking for. Both are terrible at hiding it.

A Narcissistic person does not know they are doing it; and really cannot change.
An Emotional vampire likely at some level knows what they are doing, and can change if they want to.

So there needs to be very different ways of dealing with them starting from that realization.

If this is something that is really troubling you and you are dealing with, do your research. Look this stuff up.
Google "Dealing with a narcissist", "Dealing with an emotional vampire"

A narcissistic person will respond terribly rashly to any criticism, and will likely never comfort you in a time of need; and continually put you down because they HAVE to believe they are better than everyone else. They will not change, you will have to modify your own behavior so they don't drive you nuts: Use strategies to limit your interaction and keep it on your terms, or cut them out of your life.

An emotional vampire will always steer the conversation to themselves, and insist you listen and pity them. These you call out on it and confront, then you may be able to have a better relationship later.
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24 / M / Québec
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Posted 2/20/14 , edited 2/20/14
Are you self confident, do you like yourself, do you really believe in your opinions ?

If the answer is positive at every question there than you wouldn't be asking that.

Self confidance will shield yourself from 'downers'.

Overlooking and laughing at it won't make you a better/stronger person.


Im not saying that from now on you should refuse other's opinions, but you should believe in yours and think of them as part of your identity and draw a line that other people may not cross.

Be happy, when someone comes at you and say how are you, say youre "good", not "not bad". Convince yourself that you are happy and you will build self confidence and happiness.

Im a person who concedes points and is very accepting of others point of views, but i never accept someone laughing at my ideals/interests and trying to put me down for whatever reason.

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22 / F / Anime World
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Posted 2/20/14
Be nice to them. That's what I do until they get very pissed off and just walk away, or sometimes I attack them physically when they least expect it. I'm a very physical girl so come at me bro.
Posted 2/20/14 , edited 2/20/14
Do you know what I call them? Passionate.

How about when the two of you are alone in private, a few moments later when things have settled down, giving them no reason to feel embarrassed and defensive about it, you tell them that you don't like it when they become like that because when they become like that they hurt you. It's a simple way to give a person feedback without provoking them the wrong way so that they can self-improve.


Hayagriva wrote:

If you really want a coping perspective, realize that they themselves are miserable. Happy people don't do that shit

This is also fairly accurate description.
Posted 2/20/14
I've always been upfront about everything, if I don't like something you say or do I will fucking tell you.

Life is too short to put up with people who make you miserable, even bosses have no right to treat you like shit.

So snap back and stand up for yourself! I find that I am far more happy these days, and respected and someone even described be as "nice but a force to be reckoned with."

Aim high and earn the same description, be loved and feared go home in the evenings thinking "Yeah I fucking told that bitch" haha
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Posted 2/20/14
To me a downer is a party pooper. They can get annoying, I mean I use to be a little pessimistic prick when I was young, but if you keep up that attitude when you get older, you just look like a grown up who hasn't grown up.
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25 / M
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Posted 2/20/14 , edited 2/20/14
I listen to them but I can also make my own judgements. Same thing goes for with people who praise me too much. I guess I try to look at things realistically and ignore subjective opinions.
Posted 2/20/14
I don't like that the url questions downers.

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Posted 2/21/14
To me a downer is a Quaalude.
Posted 2/21/14
Do it like the tv shows do it. They will say their piece and as soon as they turn their backs on you (probably still talking) you kill them. Always hilarious to see.
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F / West
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Posted 2/21/14 , edited 2/21/14

pirththee wrote:

To me a downer is a Quaalude.


LOL , I hear ya.

To the OP -
Hanging with people that constantly put you down, are what I call "TOXIC". Time for a cleanse.
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F / ar away
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Posted 2/21/14

kinga750 wrote:

Just be straight with people. If something they do bothers you, ask them to stop.
Personally, I prefer to be gay with people.

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