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What love is
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Posted 2/22/14 , edited 2/22/14
I think you need to be pretty independent to be able to love, yet at the same time you also have to be be able to depend on them. That's what love is to me.
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Posted 2/22/14
I define love as the free choice to want the most amount of good that circumstances can allow for either yourself, someone else, or something.
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Posted 2/22/14
Though my definition of love is incredibly cheesy, I define Love as the yearning between two souls that wish to connect to another on a level that transcends anything that heart has known before. And in time the two souls meld, entwining themselves around each other in blissful union, creating a feeling that makes you feel like you are floating on clouds with cupid himself. The feeling wells up from the depths of you, warming your body from the center of your sternum out. But it is also excruciatingly painful, and when a wedge comes between the two souls it can be like a stake to the heart.
Posted 2/22/14
And here I thought love was liking someone a great deal all the while trusting in them.

"Don't believe in yourself! Believe in the me, that believes in you!"
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Posted 2/22/14
Love is creating an AI that defines things the way people do.
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Posted 2/22/14

ktsjr15 wrote:

Though my definition of love is incredibly cheesy, I define Love as the yearning between two souls that wish to connect to another on a level that transcends anything that heart has known before. And in time the two souls meld, entwining themselves around each other in blissful union, creating a feeling that makes you feel like you are floating on clouds with cupid himself. The feeling wells up from the depths of you, warming your body from the center of your sternum out. But it is also excruciatingly painful, and when a wedge comes between the two souls it can be like a stake to the heart.


^ This.
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Posted 2/22/14

Answer to "What is love?" since 1993.
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Posted 2/22/14
Love is not always the best thing
Posted 2/22/14 , edited 2/22/14

nanikore2 wrote:


Saw some old threads on the same subject, but unfortunately they're locked by now so I couldn't chime in without starting one. However, it's just as well because (sorry, I really don't mean any disrespect) I found some of the answers rather appalling.

I'm going to write about love. People (especially younger people- This is for them) can take it or leave it but I really hope that at least someone out there would listen and take in even a small bit of what I say because this is really important.

Three things I'm going to try to do:

-NOT be pedantic because that means insta-zoneouts. I'll try making it at least slightly interesting, sorry if people fall sleep anyways
-NOT claim or act like any kind of an expert (I haven't been married very long myself- Only 7 years instead of some real veterans of marriage)
-Actually help someone, even if it's just one person, to understand the topic more

Before we go into what love is, we need to first, through a process of elimination, say what love is NOT.

Love is not just a feeling. It is not just an emotion.

People focus far too much on what is known as romantic love (Greek term: eros). Feelings are fleeting, and if you just focus on them then love could be there one day and not be there the next; It could even be there one moment and not be there the next! This is not the way love should be. If love is subject to mere whim then there might as well not be love. Personal preferences and likings are whimsical but please do not apply it to love unless you want this "love" to be extremely fragile and not able to stand up to any sort of a test whatsoever. When the feeling isn't there, boom! That's it. This easy-come, easy-go conception of love is downright harmful.

Love is not about you. It is not about what you're getting out of the other person.

What happens when love is carried out in a self-centered manner is this. Each person carries expectations on what he or she would and should get out of the relationship and how the other person should be in general. It's the old "what's in it for me?" and "What have you done for me today?" Love thus becomes completely conditional upon the performance of the other party. "If you love me, you would change" "If you love me, you would do this" and "I've done all these things for you, didn't you see?" or "I made these adjustments, why can't you?". If the expectations aren't met, then it's Fail Time. Enough failures then boom! It's done. This vending machine conception of love would be one heck of a tough thing to live under. Love is not bought by anyone's good behavior. It is not some kind of a "deal" that you sign up on and then cancel out of.

Okay, all these things about what love isn't. Then was IS love?

Love is selfless giving (closest Greek term: agape). Part of this selfless giving involves commitment, and the other involves a whole lot of work. Yes- WORK. A love relationship takes quite a bit a work to maintain, which may surprise a lot of people. If someone is not prepared to commit and do some serious work FOR and WITH this other person (of course, it has to be two people doing it at the same time- Love has much more to do about what you do than what you feel) ...then there had better be some second thoughts about whether it's love that's being done instead of something akin to liking, appreciation, infatuation, "luv", "wub", et cetera.

Some finer point regarding the characteristics of love and I'll be done.

Love is patient – Since you're committed to the other person, it takes patience to work things through even if it's something small like waiting for your wife to finish choosing what to wear.

Love is kind – It goes without saying that you had better be nice even when you don't exactly feel like being nice. Control yourself, before doing anything hasty that might hurt the other person.

It does not envy – You and the other person is a team now. A team member doesn't say to the other team member, "Hey! Last night I scored more points than you" or "How come you always get the better T-shirt?" Team members don't compete with each other or get jealous of each other (e.g. what each person has accomplished or how much money that person earned) because at the end it's about the team.

It does not boast – "See how much I've done for you lately?" is NOT the best thing to say to a love one if you want help or concessions. Not only boasting is practically bad, it's bad on principle [see what I mentioned above about "vending machine love"]

It is not proud – When you love someone you treat him or her as an equal (parent-child notwithstanding). When you want something, you can ask an equal instead of commanding an underling.

It does not dishonor others – We all know it's way easier said than done, but flinging insults and insinuations only serve to drive people apart. You do not "win" an argument or a shouting contest. Love and respect goes together.

It is not self-seeking – Again, love is for the benefit of the other. What you seek is not you but the wellness of the other. Love often involves sacrifice.

It is not easily angered – When you get angry, what you can easily forget is the fact that you two are supposed to be one team instead of one person going "against" this other person. Do not forget that the two of you are supposed to stand together, be patient toward one another, and also...

It keeps no record of wrongs – Forgive one another of wrong and slights (perceived or otherwise; It takes communication to figure out and smooth out misunderstandings. Again, this takes work; To just be upset takes no work but it only leads to harm. Even working out an apology takes work!)

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth – If and when you notice something is really amiss with the other person, you would have to lovingly and patiently correct him or her. Just standing by and let the other person self-destruct or others-destruct is not what one would define "freedom". Be patient, be kind, listen, but also be not afraid to speak out. Silence only isolates and separates.

It always protects – It is also your job to protect your loved ones, including slights and slander, whether coming from other people or even from yourself.

Always trusts - How well can a team function when you can't trust each other? Give the benefit of the doubt, forgive, and work to build trust.

Always hopes, always perseveres – Don't give up the first moment something goes wrong. I know this is a broken record by now but love takes work and patience. For love to last, there must be perseverance and hope.

That's it. It got longer than I planned- I hope it was palatable and helpful.


Really great and well written post! Question though, just wanting your opinion because I really respect your views on love and really don't know how to feel about this topic myself: In your opinion, if your loved one cheated on you ( as in slept with another woman/man) would you divorce them? Or do you work through that mistake?
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Posted 2/23/14 , edited 2/23/14

minatothegreatjiraiya wrote:

Love is not really natural for us humans. We are generally inclined to our own desires and are not the nicest of things at our very core. Love is an action of caring, not infatuation, as many purport it to be.


Because it's not natural for us, we would have to learn to love, and learn to do it repeatedly so that loving becomes a habit.


BLACKOUTMK2 wrote:

I feel compelled to say an emotion, but feel you're looking for a complex and thought-provoking answer which challenges different theories and definitions as to what the concept of love is. Something about the wall of text but I could be wrong. Anywho, to that I say 3Deep4Me. This stuff often brings out the cynical super logical side in people and gets them to make everyone feel the concept of love may as well be the equivalent of running around naked with 'I <3 Satan' tattooed to their backside. I mean things like 'love isn't real' and 'love is just people who want to have sex with each other' and generally become immensely spiteful. I feel it's like religion in the sense it's one of those topics which never ends without someone getting angry or upset.


Just trying to help out in case someone decides to listen, even if many wouldn't. The way most young people treat love (at least based on what I've seen them write) is not conducive to healthy or long-lasting marriages. Once it blows up in some people's faces, the disillusionment unfortunately may make some of them cynical and spiteful, as you've indicated in some examples of things people end up saying.


awesomeesper wrote:

Really great and well written post! Question though, just wanting your opinion because I really respect your views on love and really don't know how to feel about this topic myself: In your opinion, if your loved one cheated on you ( as in slept with another woman/man) would you divorce them? Or do you work through that mistake?


A big part has to do with personal beliefs. I believe I did something on my wedding day that has to do with something bigger than just me, my wife, and all the people who were present at the wedding. It's my sacred responsibility and duty to uphold this marriage even if the other person fails to. I have to keep doing my job and uphold my role of a husband, and that means forgiving (not immediately forgetting because we have to learn from our mistakes, but forgiving) and start to work things out with the other half. One thing to note is that it always take two to tango- When something goes wrong between two people it is almost never the case that one person takes the entire blame; For example, if the husband neglects the wife or vice versa, both would partake in the responsibility should one of them fail because it is not merely a failure of one person (or both, as individuals) but a failure of the team. Both are responsible for the upkeep of the marriage, not just one. After all, how does a person stray so far in the first place without any reason whatsoever?
Posted 2/23/14
I think what you just described was unconditional love..
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Posted 2/23/14

CandyPopShop wrote:

I think what you just described was unconditional love..


That is certainly true, because conditions between two people are bound to change throughout the course of a marriage. My wife and I could not simply stop loving each other whenever-

-One or both person change in any way whatsoever
-One or both person starts to do things differently or start / stop doing certain things
-Certain things come in or out of our lives

...Even though both are bound by consideration to look out for one another in spite of the changes (i.e. keep being considerate even as both people change)

Unconditional love is required for a marriage to last.
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28 / M / NY
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Posted 2/23/14
I completely agree with the OP post by nanikore2 about what is and what is not love. Basically it is the Golden Rule of treating others the way you want to be treated. This concept is reciprocal, meaning it goes both ways in a relationship. Don't expect anything from the other person when you act considerately toward them, rather do what you know to be good for them because you care about them. If they love you back they will do the same for you no strings attached. Anything not based on the Golden Rule, but in feelings of infatuation, admiration, or the like is subject to change over time and places yourself first. When you love someone their needs, wants, and wishes will come before your own. Likewise if they love you back their needs, wants, and wishes will come after yours. If you truly love someone you would endure any pain or hardship and sacrifice anything and everything for the sake of the one you love.
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Posted 2/23/14 , edited 2/23/14

saksiss wrote:

Love doesn't exist. It's simply a glorified term for relying on others, which is weak.


That is a self-centered kind of "love", which does make one weak.

When one is strong, one loves.
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Posted 2/23/14
Not sure how to answer this but , love takes form in so many ways . depending on the emotion of people . sometimes it is complicated and sometimes people don't take love too seriously .
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