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What love is
Posted 2/23/14

saksiss wrote:


Sornette wrote:


saksiss wrote:

Love doesn't exist. It's simply a glorified term for relying on others, which is weak.


I love you




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Posted 2/23/14 , edited 2/23/14

nanikore2 wrote:


pirththee wrote:




Why does anything change, at all?

You should look at theory of ying/yang. It's more of a monistic view, not dualistic. It's a ceaseless interplay between a pair of mutually complimentary and interdependent forces in this universe. They are not two separate entities, but two parts of a whole, or two poles of the same spectrum, eternally complimentary and eternally changing.

Like matter and energy. They can no longer be defined as two different things, but rather two poles of the same unit.
Or like how light casts shadows. They can't be separated into parts because they are coexistent and one cannot exist without the other. The theory of Ying/Yang looks at it as a whole rather than cause and effect; as one process that cannot be separated into parts.

Pardon the intrusion.
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Posted 2/23/14


What the hell, that's terrifying.
Posted 2/23/14

saksiss wrote:



What the hell, that's terrifying.


lol that's your future dan dan daaaan

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Posted 2/23/14
It depends, a younger person might feel one way while a older more mature person might feel another about love.

some might just be jaded, to the whole concept.
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Posted 2/23/14 , edited 2/23/14
Well, it's been a long time since I've had a nice, seething rant. *cracks knuckle, stretches* Let's see how this goes.

With the sheer amount of BS in the post, it would be far too time consuming for a point-by-point, so I'll zero in on what I think is the root of our problem here:


nanikore2 wrote:

What happens when love is carried out in a self-centered manner is this. Each person carries expectations on what he or she would and should get out of the relationship and how the other person should be in general. It's the old "what's in it for me?" and "What have you done for me today?" Love thus becomes completely conditional upon the performance of the other party.



nanikore2 wrote:

Unconditional love is required for a marriage to last.


No. Well, maybe on the second one, but I'll ask this: If no conditions are required for love or marriage (that's what unconditional means, right?), do you propose marriage to everyone you meet? After all, they've met all of the conditions that are necessary for your love, and apparently your hand in marriage. I'll admit that I really enjoy a good harem, but I suspect that it's not what you're going for here. I suspect that there absolutely are conditions on love. At the very least, the object of love must exist -- and believe it or not, that is a non-trivial condition. Although I can't prove it, I have good reason to suspect that there are an infinite number of things that don't exist (although to be honest, I'm not sure what that last sentence even means, but it gets the intuition rolling). And I can certainly say that at least up to this point I have never loved, let's say, the non-existent child I had with Beyonce when I was 14. I mean, could you imagine what love would be if it were truly unconditional? We would be in love with: murder, rape, greed, envy, anger, stupidity, ignorance, racism, and evil itself. Surely, you're not okay with that, are you?

If you really are advocating unconditional love, I should then ask, why is it valuable? If you love someone regardless of who they are, were, or will be, what then are you actually loving? It's certainly not them, because who they are is independent of your love. As Scroobius Pip puts it, you're "in love with the mere idea of loving something." Why? It genuinely astounds me that someone could claim to respect, admire, or think highly of someone without knowing anything about them. Or otherwise, that having those qualities is at all remarkable. Why?
________________________________________

I'll say this straight out -- I don't have a fucking clue what love is, because I've heard it used in so many different ways that I genuinely get confused when the word is used. I do however, have a theory of relationships in general, which I suspect covers what people are referring to when they use the word love in most circumstances.

I'll start with what I think is a fairly semi-obvious assumption: Everyone has things they are good at and bad at with varying degrees of competence. Relationships occur when one or more of the involved parties believes that someone else can fill their desires better than they can. In many cases, this simply means that there is somebody there to listen to your thoughts or ideas, possibly provide feedback, but in any case, the fact that they are there may have helped you work through your thoughts better than would have been possible alone. Thus, their presence is meaningful to you -- a precursor for what I would guess is love.

Whether the friend (or significant other or whatever) becomes important to you depends upon the importance of whatever it is he provides for you. For instance, I am an appallingly terrible skateboarder, and yet I'm not friends with anyone that would be able to help me skateboard better -- I really don't give a shit about skateboarding. The same is loosely true regarding sex. I can't have sex with myself, but then again, there are things that are much more important to me. If sex were very important to me, however, then I would definitely screw around a bit more.

Here's the rub -- I think it's perfectly reasonable that I should hate bad things, and love good things. And since everyone has good and bad qualities, I love and hate everyone to varying degrees. Whether I can say that I love a given person as a whole depends upon which things are known to me about them. If the things that I love about them are more prominent than the things that I hate about them, then I can say that I love them (likewise for hate). Thus, my thoughts about a given person range from profound dissatisfaction, apathy, mild tolerance, good for some things, profound satisfaction, and everything in between. Since the things that I know about a person and, really, what I like in them, may change with time, I don't see any reason why my relationship with them shouldn't change. If my ideal circumstances involve not carrying on a particular relationship, then why would I? You say "vending machine love" like it's a bad thing, but vending machines are pretty damn convenient. If I don't have the time to pack a lunch, why not grab a soda and some chips at work? It's not the healthiest or cheapest way to go, but it lets me clear up my schedule for the things that are really important to me.
________________________________________

Side note: That theory is also why I think a lot of highly competent and highly incompetent people don't have many friends or lovers. Highly competent people are very likely to be able to provide the things that are important to them without any help. Highly incompetent people on the other hand, aren't very likely to be able provide things that are important to others. BUT THAT'S A GOOD THING. Love, anger, dissatisfaction, etc. are the means by which we improve ourselves, and any relationship that does not result in the best version of "you" is one that should be dropped.
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30 / M / Vancouver, BC, Ca...
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Posted 2/23/14
An emotion, nothing more.
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Posted 2/23/14 , edited 2/23/14
I'm 21 and have never been in love to any degree. Although there are a couple people of the opposite gender I have a good emotional connection with, it isn't anything more than I have with my other close friends. I've never crushed on anyone, never lusted after anyone, and in part because of this, I've never been in a relationship before. So basically, it's impossible for me to say what love is like, let alone what it is.
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Posted 2/23/14
"Love is weakness, Regina. It feels real now. At the start, it always does. But it's an illusion. It fades, and then you're left with nothing. But power - true power - endures. And then you don't have to rely on anyone to get what you want. I've saved you, my love."
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Posted 2/23/14 , edited 2/23/14
I'm not sure. I am pretty distorted on it. I am probably not suited to give n explanation on it.
Maybe love for me is just the care for someone else's well being.To the point that I will even fight off myself to make sure a person is not compromised. Even if I feel I'll only ruin myself in the process.I'm not sure my view on it fits the criteria on a mating or relative aspect.

You see,for some reason I cannot give "an" answer tbh.There are multiple ways to describe it for me. But what's above is just how my heart feels about it right now. There was a point in time where I believed I had the perfect answer. And still have those beliefs somewhere in my heart. But I was unconsciously foolish and well that's where I'll leave.it.
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Posted 2/23/14

nanikore2 wrote:

Because it's not natural for us, we would have to learn to love, and learn to do it repeatedly so that loving becomes a habit.


Sounds like something Rupert Sheldrake would say.

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Posted 2/23/14
baby don't hurt me. don't hurt me. no more
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Posted 2/23/14
The girl I would have married died of cancer after 8 years of struggle. She was also an amputee from flesh-eating bacteria. Most mornings I'd wake up and wonder if the person I loved had made it through the night. She had to have long periods of medical isolation away from people, and rarely weighed more than 70 or 80 pounds. Some forms of infection had reached her brain and started interfering with her memory, I don't know the specifics. There were a lot of aspects of our relationship she had forgotten. She repeatedly tried to break it off to save me the hardship, I wouldn't let her, and when she came back around I was there waiting for her each time.

Not sure what the rest of you call love. But I'm pretty sure it's like that.
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Posted 2/23/14

Hayagriva wrote:

The girl I would have married died of cancer after 8 years of struggle. She was also an amputee from flesh-eating bacteria. Most mornings I'd wake up and wonder if the person I loved had made it through the night. She had to have long periods of medical isolation away from people, and rarely weighed more than 70 or 80 pounds. Some forms of infection had reached her brain and started interfering with her memory, I don't know the specifics. There were a lot of aspects of our relationship she had forgotten. She repeatedly tried to break it off to save me the hardship, I wouldn't let her, and when she came back around I was there waiting for her each time.

Not sure what the rest of you call love. But I'm pretty sure it's like that.


I have never been in a situation like that, and I doubt I ever will, but as a complete stranger, I'd like to thank you for being there for her.
Posted 2/23/14
I have never been in love with a man...but I love my mom and the only REAL unconditional love is that of a mother for her sons/daughters, in my belief.

Other than that, I don't have a throughout answer because I think I'm incapable of loving someone who is not blood related. I have friends and I had dates but I didn't/don't love any of them...and the reason how I know I don't love them is because I don't care to work harder in our relationship, and I don't care if I see them tomorrow or not.
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