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living with someone who won't pick up after themselves or clean....
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28 / F / IL
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Posted 2/22/14 , edited 2/22/14
Sorry if this topic has already been posted but when I searched I didn't see anything recent and similar!

Let me first start by saying I am NOT the cleanliest sort of person......but all the cleaning falls to me and so I've tried to at least promote the idea of "picking up" after one's self but it seems like I'm the only one seriously trying to change habits and really all of the extra care I go to is completely cancelled out by the other person living with me as soon as a few minutes after I'd taken the effort to do so or clean up in the first place.

I guess I've mostly seen it in guys though I'd admit to being a little sloppy myself -- before assuming complete responsibility of keeping things clean......so I can understand a bit but I'm starting to wonder what these people would do if I were to be removed from the equation?

To what degree is this acceptable? In my case I work a job with odd hours where I'm potentially being called in whenever is convenient for my employer and I am frequently called in....but the people I live with refuse to acknowledge that I'm employed whatsoever and expect me to clean more than certain people who cause more mess and work either not at all or as much as I do considering that I'm piled up with all the chores and shopping and generally being the bitch of the situation whenever called for. In addition I'm frequently also called on to care for the farm animals.....I wouldn't mind if the family were to have proper accommodations for them and someone going to care for them but at the moment it's a terrible trudge through snowy-icy sludge down+up a hill with no trail.

I have some flexibility so I generally agree but when it comes to simple things like throwing out used Qtips each time so they aren't constantly littered about the furniture and floor, not putting loads of plastic or garbage in the sink to stink around for hours, tossing your banana peel or chicken bones in the garbage, not leaving cheese wrappers everywhere, making sure your dirty toilet paper gets into the toilet and is flushed so that it doesn't clog and someone else has to deal with it.... a rare occurrence of these sorts of things is more than understandable but it definitely isn't rare and it builds up so quickly and so much that when people who don't lift a finger turn around and holler at me for being dirty and then snap on me for "nagging" no matter how gently I try to suggest better habits.....aaahhh!!! Srsly??? I have other examples that really are too horrid to mention. D:

Anyway what is the worst mess you have had to deal with? The messiest person? Where do you draw the line? :o

Posted 2/22/14
Want that security deposit back? Clean up after your sloppy ass, betch!
Posted 2/22/14
>_> I am that guy.
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28 / F / USA
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Posted 2/22/14
My husband and I have acquired a roommate that has such bad habits. After awhile I just let things pile up to see if he would take initiative but nope. It only left a larger mess for my husband and I to clean up. I completely understand and its so bad. He thinks he helps because he walks over when your doing something, moves some stuff around, and then walks away thinking he's done his good deed for the day. Rarg!
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28 / F / IL
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Posted 2/22/14 , edited 2/23/14
Lol I'm saying if other people cleaned up after they own sloppy ass whatsoever that would be ideal. I will clean up after myself and others but some people are just retarded and have no sense of responsibility at all.

1 example....I was working full time and my partner was unemployed. We somehow wound up having 10 kittens who enjoyed shitting and pissing on plastic bags--which others would frequently leave around on the floor after buying shit. I do a particularly good job of getting everything picked up and the guy decides to "clean" a few days later......which involved moving all the furniture around but leaving plenty of knocked over soda cans, a dirty sink, and a few bags on the floor for the cats to have shat upon. He said he had cleaned and couldn't possibly understand why I was on the verge of tears. He went on to purchase a 10k big-screen TV after me and my mother went to the bank with him to settle past debts and when we needed the money for rent insisted on buying himself a 200$ sword which with he then proceeded to stab into the walls of said apartment......arrows were also fired off--real story and yes at that point I did say fuck the deposit, though I had supplied it. Just....fuck that.

More to the current situation......I can understand being forgettable but people are causing more mess than I am and have more free time than I do respond with "well good, you SHOULD have to," when all I'm asking is for them to throw their own shitty toilet paper into the toilet or trash can instead of leaving 10 of them sprinkled around the area where the toilet is. : /

p.s.-edit/ the kitten escapade happened with a different fellow than I wound up marrying......dunno what I do to attract these guys but I've met at least 3 others of the same breed D:
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Posted 2/23/14
This sounds like a basis for a pretty good reality TV show,if such an animal actually exists.You should sit down with your partner and think of ways to elevate chauvinistic, irascible, irresponsible, indolence to an Art Form/Discipline and sell it to WGN. Your partner could generate disciples and become a non profit organization and spend his time extolling the virtues and merits of the true slob, while perfecting those techniques that he holds so dear.You're better than I am .I would have franchised this relationship out long ago.Wait! ..... I did.
Posted 2/23/14 , edited 2/23/14
Don't have
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19 / M / CALI
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Posted 2/23/14
I've been in this situation.

Here is my advice:

1) Sit down with the individual and have a talk with he/she. If it's a guy he is probably just clueless that he is causing you that much trouble.

2) Write out a detailed schedule of who will take which responsibilities when. The reason why this is important is people in general crave structure, even those who are surrounded by chaos. Structure is an ideal that few create for themselves, but enjoy none the less.

3) After writing out a schedule of what things need to be cleaned up(i.e. dishes, clean kitchen, take out trash etc.) assign people to each task on a given day.

Tips:
- Never have one person do everything on a day.(i.e. if on say, Friday, trash needs to be taken out and the dishes need to be washed have one person take out trash and one dishes then trade next time.

Questions you might have:

Q: But why do I need to write out a schedule can't they just wash their dish after they use it?
A: I'm a neat freak the second I get home I take off my outfit put whatever needs to be put in a bin for wash and hang anything that I'm not using or fold. Then I change into house cloths and put my shoes away as well as backup. This all takes about 15 - 20 minutes, but it means I'm organized and I can keep my head clear of all the clutter. Most people; however, don't want to do that they just get home throw their cloths on the ground, open a beer soda w/e and proceed to leave the cap on the desk and don't recycle the bottle.

Q: How does this schedule work will the house be clean?
A: Yes and No. The house will not be clean 100% of the time, but it will never be overwhelming because tasks will be completed everyday.

tl;dr: create a schedule so as messes start building up they are slowly removed.

Sorry for the long post I hope that helped.

Source: Self, behavioral specialist.
Posted 2/23/14
Unless you're Shiina Mashiro, it is absolutely unacceptable.
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29 / F / Southern Oregon
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Posted 2/23/14
I had somewhat similar experience at college in my dorm. We had a janitor that would come in and clean ever weekday so it never got really bad, but I still got irritated at people because they wouldn't even try to clean up after themselves. They would just leave this huge mess for the janitor to clean up. I'm not sure if they did this because they knew someone else was going to clean, "So why bother right?" or if it was because they just weren't used/didn't know how to cleaning up after themselves because their mom always did it for them. I feel like either one of these could be the same case with your roommates.

I think you should have a meeting with your roommates and divide up the chores. However some people just like living in a mess and extreme messiness just doesn't bother them at all; if this is the case with your roommates then I don't think things will get better and it may just be time to find some new ones.
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F / Pennsylvania
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Posted 2/23/14
I find that some people are just literally oblivious as to how there behavior is affecting others around them. My sister is the same way. She can leave the living room a complete mess but I drop something by mistake she'll get upset. You know what I did. I walked right up to her and told her "Stop leaving all your mess all over the place. From now on if I find something that belongs to you like a bag of trash or a can of soda I'm not throwing it away for you it's going in your fuckin room. Maybe when you start tripping over shit then you'll decide to clean up after yourself." It didn't work right away but I keep her trashy ass room door close and pretend that room isn't a part of the house lol
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F / Pennsylvania
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Posted 2/23/14 , edited 2/23/14

eegah87 wrote:

I had somewhat similar experience at college in my dorm. We had a janitor that would come in and clean ever weekday so it never got really bad, but I still got irritated at people because they wouldn't even try to clean up after themselves. They would just leave this huge mess for the janitor to clean up. I'm not sure if they did this because they knew someone else was going to clean, "So why bother right?" or if it was because they just weren't used/didn't know how to cleaning up after themselves because their mom always did it for them. I feel like either one of these could be the same case with your roommates.

I think you should have a meeting with your roommates and divide up the chores. However some people just like living in a mess and extreme messiness just doesn't bother them at all; if this is the case with your roommates then I don't think things will get better and it may just be time to find some new ones.

I'm the same way. At my college In the lunchroom the people working the cafeteria walk around and clean up messes people eat and just leave there trays around and Whenever i'm eating i'll start talking to a friend or something forgetting my tray and they they'll come over to clean up my mess and I always stop them and do it myself. I tell them "Thank you, and sorry." before smiling and cleaning up after myself and helping with the rest of the table. I appreciate the fact that she was willing to clean up after me but I don't want to make anyone's job more difficult than it is. If everyone tried to put the feelings of others before there own the world would be a better place.
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42 / M
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Posted 2/23/14
Who lives with someone who cant clean after themselves? I lived with room mates who kept the house clean. never had a issue and paid the bills on time.
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F / Pennsylvania
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Posted 2/23/14 , edited 2/23/14

catseyestiger wrote:

Who lives with someone who cant clean after themselves? I lived with room mates who kept the house clean. never had a issue and paid the bills on time.

Well luckily you've never come across it. But in our day and age with instagram, youtube, and other forms of social media people tend to think that they are above others and that the world revolves around them because of how many people like there pictures and junk.
Spoiled people are the worse kind of people.
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19 / M
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Posted 2/23/14

robynrose wrote:

My husband and I have acquired a roommate that has such bad habits. After awhile I just let things pile up to see if he would take initiative but nope. It only left a larger mess for my husband and I to clean up. I completely understand and its so bad. He thinks he helps because he walks over when your doing something, moves some stuff around, and then walks away thinking he's done his good deed for the day. Rarg!


A cat?
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