A Few Things How I met Your Mother Taught Me
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Posted 2/26/14 , edited 2/26/14
Anything can be found out by uttering the phrase “Where’s the poop?!”

It’s a phrase that came from Lily Erickson’s childhood as a way of finding out where her dog dropped one, and became effective in finding out Ted Mosby’s underlying emotional problems. With a lot less explanation than this though, it works well to coax people into confessing all sorts of things they just did. The secret in question needs to be a fresh steamy one, otherwise, people will look confused and distressed.

Lying is fun

Barney Stinson was on to something with the elaborate lies he’d creatively conjure up to pull the panties of some strange woman down lower than her IQ. Most of the women I run into tend to be a bit smarter than Barney’s fare, but still gullible enough to think I’m a Spain born Swede whose parents are investigative journalists that travel the world to better understand the differences in economies across the globe. I even convinced a few spectators that I was Canadian to learn about football so I could possibly enjoy it a bit. To this day I’m Canadian to them, but I still don’t like football.

Every man, woman, and child should own a suit

I don’t wear mine as often as I’d like you all to believe. I don’t wear it as often as I’d like to either. When I do wear it, I’m imbued with more charisma and ego-born confidence than moderate drinking’s ever done for me. It might be a bit gratuitous. It might not even be a terribly good idea to wear it to a job interview, but those tailored fibers are pretty comfortable and very sexy.

The “Bro Code” is law!

Sure it was marketed as more of a running gag for Barney to loosely live by, but categorizing so many unwritten rules of society for the eyes of the surprising number of people who don’t instinctively abide by these rules is really nice. It gives me an excuse to properly overreact any time someone inadvertently breaks one of the rules. They can’t question the general wisdom. All that’s left after the justified scolding is for the accused to silently contemplate what they just did.

Women should be free to proudly wear their promiscuity like men do

It’s no secret that women can be just as thirsty for the opposite sex as men are, but thanks to the still present “double standard”, it’s not exactly fashionable for women to brag about their conquests or even admit to close their conquests. In “How I met your Mother”, no such stigma presents itself strongly if at all. The already wedded Lily is pretty much free to talk about how badly she wants to sleep with this guy or that like she’s just one of the guys; even getting to brag about being pleasured by natural disasters without anyone batting an eye. Even Robin is totally free from the ominous slut shame as she changes boyfriends more often than Britain changes the guard.


People like Ted are actually kind of creepy

Women tend to complain about how their crazy ex-boyfriend is a nuisance that’s slowly devolving into some love-sick stalker who only finds repose in getting some kind of reaction out of the woman in question. Ted is exactly this kind of man. His hunger for love is borderline insane, and it usually alienates him from the woman he’s fawning over

Jersey is awful

I have no idea why it’s so bad. I just know that I won’t be going there to find out.
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Posted 2/26/14
Yet again one of your topics has put a big grin on my face. Never stop posting... unless you want to in which case I probably can't stop you.
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Posted 2/26/14

BLACKOUTMK2 wrote:

Yet again one of your topics has put a big grin on my face. Never stop posting... unless you want to in which case I probably can't stop you.


Don't worry. I won't reconsider writing until at least half the people listening in start telling me I'm doing badly with paragraphs in all caps and copious amounts of misspelled curses that end in death threats. With the latter though, I'd probably accept their challenge and fight them semi-honorably with something lethal looking.
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Posted 2/26/14

Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:


BLACKOUTMK2 wrote:

Yet again one of your topics has put a big grin on my face. Never stop posting... unless you want to in which case I probably can't stop you.


Don't worry. I won't reconsider writing until at least half the people listening in start telling me I'm doing badly with paragraphs in all caps and copious amounts of misspelled curses that end in death threats. With the latter though, I'd probably accept their challenge and fight them semi-honorably with something lethal looking.


You would fight them semi-honorably, eh? In that case, how do you propose we deal with the polar bear menace from a combat stance? No doubt a few of their spies will successfully make way to foreign lands in the future and attack. If guns are useless, how best would you dispose of one in combat? Would central heating and fireplaces work? I know it's a bit unrelated to this topic, but I fear that mankind's final hours are drawing ever closer.
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Posted 2/26/14 , edited 2/26/14


I covered the thing about spies actually. The Boreal Eavesdropping Alliance of Reconnaissance Specialists, AKA B.E.A.R.S have already penetrated our defenses in the form of the disarmingly docile black bear. Their small size makes them ideal for traversing the taiga for the sake of intelligence gathering and dumpster diving. Not that they need to though. These aren't zombies bound to the limitations their once breathing bodies had. These are fast moving, ultra stealthy killing machines blanketed in solar-powered jackets! Nothing can stop them.
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Posted 2/26/14

Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:



I covered the thing about spies actually. The Boreal Eavesdropping Alliance of Reconnaissance Specialists, AKA B.E.A.R.S have already penetrated our defenses in the form of the disarmingly docile black bear. Their small size makes them ideal for traversing the taiga for the sake of intelligence gathering and dumpster diving. Not that they need to though. These aren't zombies bound to the limitations their once breathing bodies had. These are fast moving, ultra stealthy killing machines blanketed in solar-powered jackets! Nothing can stop them.




Then from this day forth I shall barricade myself deep underground and pray that they do not pick up on my scent. I thank you for the heads up, you speak of a future not even religious scriptures could ever predict.
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Posted 12/27/15 , edited 12/27/15
Year-end cleaning. Closing threads with no new posts since 2014.
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