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The Friendzone...
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23 / Idaho
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Posted 3/1/14 , edited 9/12/14
I used to believe in the "friendzone". Then I realized i just thought i was entitled to a relationship because i was "nice". It is true that someone can be nice for very selfish reason. And when things didn't work out i would whine that the girl friendzoned me. No, she did not friendzone. She was just returning the feelings and actions i was giving to her. You should not expect a girl to suddenly love you just because you are treating her like a human being. Being nice and kind to someone is not something that you can just be like well i was nice. so now it's your turn to give me something i want. Girls are attracted to confidence and a person with an interesting personality. If you have no common ground, are a bore, or just seems way too interested, usually she will not suddenly like you because you are "nice" to her. Us guys need to learn that people are not like a rewards program. So many nice acts and suddenly you deserve rewards.

To make a long statement short, treat people like human beings and don't think you deserve anything in return just because you are being a "nice guy".
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Posted 3/1/14 , edited 9/12/14

dannyfofo wrote:

I used to believe in the "friendzone". Then I realized i just thought i was entitled to a relationship because i was "nice". It is true that someone can be nice for very selfish reason. And when things didn't work out i would whine that the girl friendzoned me. No, she did not friendzone. She was just returning the feelings and actions i was giving to her. You should not expect a girl to suddenly love you just because you are treating her like a human being. Being nice and kind to someone is not something that you can just be like well i was nice. so now it's your turn to give me something i want. Girls are attracted to confidence and a person with an interesting personality. If you have no common ground, are a bore, or just seems way too interested, usually she will not suddenly like you because you are "nice" to her. Us guys need to learn that people are not like a rewards program. So many nice acts and suddenly you deserve rewards.

To make a long statement short, treat people like human beings and don't think you deserve anything in return just because you are being a "nice guy".


Amen to that! This sums up everything wrong with the friendzone AND how to fix that mentality. Seriously, if I could copy-paste this all over the web, I would.
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Posted 3/1/14
what sucks is the girl I like put me in the friendzone but I friendzoned a lot of girls just for that girl.....life sucks sometimes
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Limitless Fortres...
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Posted 3/1/14 , edited 9/12/14
A guy who complains about being "friendzoned" was never a friend to begin with.

Posted 3/1/14 , edited 3/1/14
lol hopefully it doesn't happen to me
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31 / M / The Abyss of Time
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Posted 3/1/14 , edited 3/1/14
Friendzone is an annoyance and illogical in most cases. I lean on when down or hurting, trust, have a million things in common with, and have a great time with this guy/girl but becoming more than friends, no way (the b.s. logic in the 'friendzone' as I see it )

I love (heavy sarcasm) this idea that seems prevalent that its the guy/girl that's in the zone's fault for being there I'd suggest just shifting the affection to a different form, ie shift to thinking of person that zoned you as a sibling or w/e. Personally I think its like wanting your cake and eating it too, you want your w/e bf/gf traits but you also want the 'friend' to step in and be whatever that person isn't thus alleviating it. If you have an issue and can't turn to your bf/gf about it and instead lean on your 'friend' then maybe you should re-think who it is you chose as your bf/gf. Still as annoying as friendzone is at least it shows that the person on the other side wants to keep you as a friend, unlike some that if you ever even hint at something more will toss you under the bus, so to speak.
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49 / F / Center of the Uni...
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Posted 3/1/14
yet another male who thinks he is 'entitled' to a relationship because he defines himself as wonderful. So won't sleep with you? that's her right! suck it up. Go on being the 'good friend' or walk away. Those are your choices. Either way she has the right to accept or refuse your sexual advances.
ohuang 
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Posted 3/1/14

tf2pyros wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

Females get placed in the friendzone too.


Personally, I find this to be 80%-20%. 80% being males, and 20% being females. You never ever, ever, ever hear a female actually "being in" the friendzone.


My closest friend from college is female and she definitely related many stories to me about the friendzone. There were many cases in which she had a crush on a guy but he either never heard about it and she just hung around him, or she told him and it didn't work out due to a reason beyond her control. Only she never did call it the friendzone, only referring to unrequited love as "tragic," in an accepting but wistful tone.
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49 / F / Center of the Uni...
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Posted 3/1/14

ohuang wrote:


tf2pyros wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

Females get placed in the friendzone too.


Personally, I find this to be 80%-20%. 80% being males, and 20% being females. You never ever, ever, ever hear a female actually "being in" the friendzone.


My closest friend from college is female and she definitely related many stories to me about the friendzone. There were many cases in which she had a crush on a guy but he either never heard about it and she just hung around him, or she told him and it didn't work out due to a reason beyond her control. Only she never did call it the friendzone, only referring to unrequited love as "tragic," in an accepting but wistful tone.


That's exactly it. Girls don't get 'friendzoned' because it's a male invention. like the jerk vs. nice guy fallacy. Same Entitled BS: "I'm nice, I should get laid."

Posted 3/1/14
If you are one to trick someone into believing you're their friend then it wasn't friendship. For 99% of cases, the supposed friend zone falls into this kind of category.

If you want to avoid that invention you could just treat everyone equally. Strange concept, I know. With all the girls I befriend I always say, "you can just see me as a girl if you want." Every single time they say they can't do that, but I don't reveal to them, verbally anyways, that I treat them like a guy. Eventually the nice ones, really only two I met, can be seen as sisters.

I don't appreciate whenever people use this topic to mask their own rudeness though. One can feel sorry for them as they were probably tricked a few times in the past, but in my experience at least two people need to be actively misleading another to feel the need to go on forums and complain about this topic, so LOL.
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Posted 3/1/14
If you like a girl, ask her out.

If she says no, it's okay to be down about it for a little while (everyone gets their feelings hurt sometimes-no shame there). They pick yourself up and move on with your freaking life, rather than moaning about how you're in the friendzone.

Also, btw, you don't have to have a girlfriend to be happy. I know THAT'S a shocker.

Here are my creds: I've been told that I fit into this "nice guy" archetype, but I've never once been friendzoned. Part of this is that my personal rate of developing a crush on girls is rather low. The other part is that I'm just happy to be friends with the girls that I am friends with, single or not. Whether they are in a relationship with a jerk or a really awesome person, it doesn't really concern me beyond the fact that I'm their friend and I want them to be happy.

Some people might say, "Oh, that's so terrible! You are friends with all those girls, but none of them think of you as boyfriend material." WOE IS FREAKING ME. I don't want to be the boyfriend of every pretty girl I meet. I'd rather be their friend first, and if my feelings start to develop after that, cool.

Creds (part 2): I once asked a girl out, she said yes and that she liked me. We went on one date, and a week after I asked her out, she said she couldn't date me, but that she still wanted to be friends. I was crushed. I really liked her. So I tried to just be normal with her again, but surprise! the heart doesn't work that way. So I had to tell her that we couldn't talk for a while, until I had time to heal. A month later, I was able to talk to her again, without feeling awful about it. I still kind of like her, but I'm not bitter that she didn't want to date me at that time & just wanted to be friends. That's what she had to do. She had to take care of herself first.

tl;dr: The friendzone is a selfish way of thinking. If you value a girl as a person, you'll respect their right to decide who they date and who they don't. And you'll respect the fact that they have feelings of their own.
Posted 3/1/14

Atchanneler wrote:

If you are one to trick someone into believing you're their friend then it wasn't friendship. For 99% of cases, the supposed friend zone falls into this kind of category.

If you want to avoid that invention you could just treat everyone equally. Strange concept, I know. With all the girls I befriend I always say, "you can just see me as a girl if you want." Every single time they say they can't do that, but I don't reveal to them, verbally anyways, that I treat them like a guy. Eventually the nice ones, really only two I met, can be seen as sisters.

I don't appreciate whenever people use this topic to mask their own rudeness though. One can feel sorry for them as they were probably tricked a few times in the past, but in my experience at least two people need to be actively misleading another to feel the need to go on forums and complain about this topic, so LOL.


Wow. I always thought this would go without saying. LOL.. I think most friendship especially in your teens is all about misleading someone. At the risk of going too far, the only real friend you have is yourself.
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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 3/1/14

Shin-Nrl wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:


Shin-Nrl wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

Females get placed in the friendzone too.


No they don't


Yeah they do.


Have you ever saw a girl crying and whinning because a guy put her in the friend zone because he don't want to be her boyfriend ? I don't think so.


I don't need to see one to that it happens because it already does. There is a female version of the friendzone. It's not impossible for a girl to get place there but it is rare.
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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 3/1/14

papagolfwhiskey wrote:


ohuang wrote:


tf2pyros wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

Females get placed in the friendzone too.


Personally, I find this to be 80%-20%. 80% being males, and 20% being females. You never ever, ever, ever hear a female actually "being in" the friendzone.


My closest friend from college is female and she definitely related many stories to me about the friendzone. There were many cases in which she had a crush on a guy but he either never heard about it and she just hung around him, or she told him and it didn't work out due to a reason beyond her control. Only she never did call it the friendzone, only referring to unrequited love as "tragic," in an accepting but wistful tone.


That's exactly it. Girls don't get 'friendzoned' because it's a male invention. like the jerk vs. nice guy fallacy. Same Entitled BS: "I'm nice, I should get laid."



Girls have their own version of a friendzone. It's rare for a girl to get placed there in the first place but it can happen.
ohuang 
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Posted 3/1/14 , edited 3/1/14

That's exactly it. Girls don't get 'friendzoned' because it's a male invention. like the jerk vs. nice guy fallacy. Same Entitled BS: "I'm nice, I should get laid."



Well, I do think women use it too, as a previous post shows by example. What I meant to convey was that women may also go through the same things but some may not call it the friendzone, and I also wanted to provide an example of someone who deals with this kind of situation in an admirable fashion. The friend I mentioned is just the type of girl who accepts tragic feelings and accepts them as a part of life, partly because of her nature and partly because she has gone through a lot in a short time due to an unlucky fluke in her genes. She is very unique, and I am sure there are other women who don't cope with rejection as well as she does.

Anyway, to me, there are worse things than being friends with someone you were interested in. That person could cut ties with you completely, and a relationship with someone you couldn't be friends with would be a horrible idea in my opinion. Still, I can understand why people use it, especially less-experienced, younger folks of either gender. It's hard to describe the feeling of rejection without putting a name on it, and it's just convenient to use "friendzone," even if a lot of people mean completely different things when they mention it. And if you really can't get rid of your feelings for someone, it might be better for you to cut ties anyway to keep your latent feelings from complicating your next interest.

Personally, I think that the friendzone term is a defense-mechanism. It's a construct that was born not out of malice, but because in order to deal with the pain of rejection, people needed something to blame. The term "friendzone" is often used in a joking way, because laughing off the negative emotions can be therapeutic, making it a way to cope with rejection. So I think that in some situations, use of the term may be understandable.

That said, I think it's important to take the negative feelings you have from rejection and use them in a positive way rather than wallowing in self-pity. The best way is to motivate yourself to be a better, more attractive you. It doesn't mean change everything about you of course, but little things like motivating yourself to work out, read books, explore hobbies, and becoming an expert in something you were already interested in are just some ways to improve yourself. Self-confidence is what most "jerks" tend to have in spades that "nice" guys lack, and having something to be proud of in your life can both boost your confidence and give you something that someone out there might find attractive, and this goes for either gender.
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