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Why am I crazy ?
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24 / M / Québec
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Posted 3/7/14 , edited 3/7/14

I always describe myself as a crazy person. I suffer from several disorders and I am going to talk about some of them here.
Why ? because it's interesting, I enjoy entering people's head and try to understand how they feel, so I'll take you for a trip inside of mine.
(I am not looking for anyone's pity, I learned to live with it very well and I consider myself an happy person)




Misophonia
- hatred of sound - is probably one of the toughest problem I have. I literally feel like jumping to someone's throat for chewing gum or eating his lunch next to me. I have different "triggers" that activate this anger state.
Add in my ADD that can't allow me to concentrate, it gets pretty rough to ignore what is triggering my hatred.
It happens at my job, at home and even on skype. ( I just leave calls when people start chewing anything )
At school during a class I said to someone chewing gum "Man aren't you done chewing your gum like a cow ?"
Minus 1 for social interactions, i can tell...

Dysphoria
- to feel unwell, even unhappy - is something that happens to me once in a while, it's often related to people feeling anxiety and fear, not stress (I am not a stressed person at all). I am not bipolar, but I do wake up and feel like sh*t for no reason. It can last 2-3 days, then I wake up the next day and feel as good as someone who just won the million, for no reason again. Dysphoria is sometimes caused by medicine, I do take concerta and it's one of the 'rare' side effects. I also enter a state where I do not want to do anything, like my brain is screaming for me to shut down for a moment and take a break, but it's nearly impossible when you have ADD to 'stop' thinking, since i can't control my level of concentration at all.

Speaking of anxiety and fear
, I have a couple, like Apeirophobia and Thanatophobia (fear of infinity and death) which triggers when I try to sleep. Triggers again, similarly to misophonia, whenever I think about space, death, infinity, years and days(time), it creates a feeling of anxiety, tearing me up from the inside, a feeling of distress where I am screaming for help, to who? God maybe, if he exists... I don't trust in any religion, I trust in what I understand, and my brain is not able to understand infinity and death, and it triggers the above.

Working on self-control
, I manged to reduce alot of the effects of these disorders. How does one work on self-control ? Face the problem. What doesn't kill makes you stronger, man i hate this sentence, but it's so true...
Problem with self-control that I am dealing with right now, it turns you into an statue. My boss came and started to explain me stuff, and he literally said to me "Are you an image ?", I have to work on connecting back to the world. I do feel like I'm in 'third person', looking at myself from above. Was this caused my my gaming addiction ? I doubt it, it is developped by people who don't even play games at all.

Crazy, to be mentally derenged, insane
. I do feel like that. I look at other people and I can't recognise myself in them. I'm marginal. Information streams so fast in my head I have difficulty speaking my mind. But that is not necessarly a disadvantage, I study in computer science, and in programming, you need to be able to imagine the code before writing it, feeling it. Were not even talking about organisation, it's pure imagination. I scored a bunch of '100%' in my programming classes, so easy for me, while the class was at a 65% avegare... not bragging, I do have my issues, but I know where my strenghts are. Ask me to listen to a sound track where there is two 'beeps' of a different tonality and to count how many time one of them happened. I won't be able to answer you, but I can solve a 3d puzzle quite faster than the average.

If you managed to go through all of this text, I'm glad I managed to entertain you or inform you, and feel free to ask me questions of talk about your own disorders. Thanks for your time, I hope you didn't feel like it was wasted.

The brain is so awesome, we don't even understand a fraction of it yet.

I am not in need of help, I am here to discuss about mental disorders and explain what they are, There is also other things aside all of this that makes me a crazy person but that's more of the fun/trivial aspect, and would be off topic
Posted 3/7/14
I think we're misunderstanding the brain, or really, the human mind because for some reason, the only things we find out about it are the many different things that could be wrong with it. Instead of delving into the ever-growing abyss of medical conditions that plague the human mind, I think more efforts should be put towards finding out the extent of its capabilities.

P.S. I really just wanted to post here to say that I recognize that spell card from Magic. Lol...
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Posted 3/7/14

demongurrl13 wrote:

P.S. I really just wanted to post here to say that I recognize that spell card from Magic. Lol...


Distress
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Posted 3/7/14

Hayagriva wrote:

You need to look into meditation. Hardcore.

Misophonia - this can be caused by all sorts of irritations. The fact that it has a name does not REALLY make it a disorder. I would know because noisy people have a similar effect on me (especially when I typically go out of my way to be quiet).

ADD - I'll merely tell a story here. My nephew when he was little (think between 5 and 10) used to have explosive energy. So whenever my sister brought him over, we wrestled. We were pretty rough, and I never let him win. It evened him out, and afterwards he was always a mellow kid. Eventually though, we stopped doing that. THEN he was diagnosed with ADD. THEN he needed medication. Make of that what you will, but I have never forgotten that chain of events.

Disphoria - sounds like a stressful life where you feel like you're spinning your wheels to me.

Anxiety and fear - see Disphoria

Or, to put it in language you're familiar with, you're instigating recursive infinite loops on yourself and you don't know the appropriate statements to break out. Or, perhaps you're not using Boolean expressions, or if you are, what the print statements should actually be the results.

Self control - is a neutral state. It's not emotionally involved in one direction or the other, and so by its own definition is aloof (but observant) of the surrounding stimuli. Other people have immediate emotional reactions to things, and many times those are the wrong reactions, so they suffer as a result. If you're turning into a statue, you're not processing the information and acting on it. Sometimes NOT acting is the correct course of action, but most of the time you can actually do something to improve the situation, you simply lack the technical knowledge to do so. A beginner's challenge.

Crazy - I'm guessing you don't find a lot in common with people around you, or on the internet. This can be interpreted as crazy, or brilliant, or different. You don't sound all that crazy to me. Need technical knowledge, meditation, and discipline. You sound like you don't fit in with societal misconceptions of what normal is, with the people around you, or with the societally enforced systems of mediocrity. Congratulations.


Thanks for your thoughts

Misophonia is actually being researched, and is more serious than just feeling irritation once in a while, it's a repetitive feeling that happens everytime you hear a specific sound (trigger).

The term Misophonia was developed by an American neuroscientists Pawel Jastreboff and Margaret Jastreboff, during this period Dr. Marsha Johnson (Aud) labeled this condition “Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome” to address the sub class of indivuals that did not hate all sound but only particular sounds.


I do not have issues with Hyperactivity, meeting me in real life, you'd think I'm normal, but I really do have a lack of concentration, and it's been proved by how many numbers I am able to process in my head at the same time which is 6, or by the fact that I read slower than the normal person, or again by the fact that I phase out oftenly. ADD is not necessarly linked to hyperactivity, that is a misconception

Dysphoria and fears are not affecting me alot anymore, I managed to train my mind so I do not enter a state of distress. But I do feel unwell from time to time, and that is just part of taking medication with side effects. Turning into a statue is actually an effect of phasing out, I guess I didn't express it properly.

Meditation, I tried that approach, but problem is I am a calm person... I am not stressed. But I do meditate when I feel anxiety, and that's how I managed to fight it, like I said. The phase of my life where I felt anxiety is pretty much over.

To be crazy does not imply being hyperactive or overly enthusiatic. I guess we could use deranged, but it's still a synonym.
I think a sane person doesn't suffer from anger triggered by random sounds. He/She should be able to concentrate and express his toughts. He/She should never feel anxiety or fears. I guess I set the standard of being sane too high ?
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Posted 3/7/14
You need to look into meditation. Hardcore.

Misophonia - this can be caused by all sorts of irritations. The fact that it has a name does not REALLY make it a disorder. I would know because noisy people have a similar effect on me (especially when I typically go out of my way to be quiet).

ADD - I'll merely tell a story here. My nephew when he was little (think between 5 and 10) used to have explosive energy. So whenever my sister brought him over, we wrestled. We were pretty rough, and I never let him win. It evened him out, and afterwards he was always a mellow kid. Eventually though, we stopped doing that. THEN he was diagnosed with ADD. THEN he needed medication. Make of that what you will, but I have never forgotten that chain of events.

Disphoria - sounds like a stressful life where you feel like you're spinning your wheels to me.

Anxiety and fear - see Disphoria

Or, to put it in language you're familiar with, you're instigating recursive infinite loops on yourself and you don't know the appropriate statements to break out. Or, perhaps you're not using Boolean expressions, or if you are, what the print statements should actually be the results.

Self control - is a neutral state. It's not emotionally involved in one direction or the other, and so by its own definition is aloof (but observant) of the surrounding stimuli. Other people have immediate emotional reactions to things, and many times those are the wrong reactions, so they suffer as a result. If you're turning into a statue, you're not processing the information and acting on it. Sometimes NOT acting is the correct course of action, but most of the time you can actually do something to improve the situation, you simply lack the technical knowledge to do so. A beginner's challenge.

Crazy - I'm guessing you don't find a lot in common with people around you, or on the internet. This can be interpreted as crazy, or brilliant, or different. You don't sound all that crazy to me. Need technical knowledge, meditation, and discipline. You sound like you don't fit in with societal misconceptions of what normal is, with the people around you, or with the societally enforced systems of mediocrity. Congratulations.
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Posted 3/7/14
I hopefully don't offend anyone, but I don't think that's all too crazy. I mean, lots of people don't like certain sounds; misophonia is probably like a different level of that. Everyone has those days where they feel terrible. Dysphoria is like a more frequent, higher level form of that, probably. Everyone has their irrational fears. I don't know who can concentrate on things. Personally, I find I don't really think. At all. I write/say/type things out before I think them/before I realized I thought them. I don't know what is up with that. But I cannot concentrate on things, either. I faze out or think about something else, though I have to try in order to hear my thoughts. I'm also pretty slow at reading. Though I learned how to speed read, I have to say whatever I'm reading in my head for it to register. Probably normal, though I don't know how other people are.
Posted 3/7/14
When you start slip into madness then it's time to worry.
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Posted 3/7/14
Ardehele Do you exercise much?

This may sound stupid but if you get into a routine (running for example) it can do more good than some meds. I feel much better after blowing off all my energy and thoughts after a run. It may sound silly or over simple but I find myself much happier less stressed when I workout. Find some tunes that dont trigger anything and concentrate all your emotions into the workout!
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Posted 3/7/14
Just a thought here before we continue this thread : I am not in need of help, I am not on the edge of madness nor am I screaming right now for assitance. I received the help I needed already and I do live happily. I simply want to discuss different disorders and their effects, because this is getting a bit off topic.

@minato :
There is no such thing as "lesser" or "greater" crazyness, there is a difference between being crazy and being mad though.

@zicky
Yup, and I can confirm you that I am not mad.

@Deus
No I do not workout, but I do keep myself active by walking, biking, skating, skiing or other activities, I am currently following a diet and lost about 80 pounds already, I do consider working out eventually. Thanks
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Posted 3/7/14 , edited 3/7/14

Ardahele wrote:

Just a thought here before we continue this thread : I am not in need of help, I am not on the edge of madness nor am I screaming right now for assitance. I received the help I needed already and I do live happily. I simply want to discuss different disorders and their effects, because this is getting a bit off topic.

@minato :
There is no such thing as "lesser" or "greater" crazyness, there is a difference between being crazy and being mad though.

@zicky
Yup, and I can confirm you that I am not mad.

@Deus
No I do not workout, but I do keep myself active by walking, biking, skating, skiing or other activities, I am currently following a diet and lost about 80 pounds already, I do consider working out eventually. Thanks :)



Fair Enough lol, I get bogged down in my thoughts and find this technique useful so i thought i would share!!

edit*
just read the bold print, I should read that too... These things dont make you Crazy, they make you Human. What fun we are, wohoo!
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Posted 3/7/14 , edited 3/7/14
lol, i'm crazy as well. i was suicidal as early as 8, and was in a mental hospital at around the same time. i have severe depression and anxiety, and i'm bipolar. i also have learned to live with it.

i will agree that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. as much as having all of this sucks, it makes you stronger as a person. i can cope with stressful situations because i have learned to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. i also know other people with similar problems, and being in a (more or less) healthy state of mind at this point, i'm in a position to help them with what they are going through because of my previous experience with these things.
Posted 3/8/14
I'm not in the mind that a pill can fix everything or that everything can even be fixed.
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Posted 3/8/14
I heard one time that you can either be happy, or you can be sane.
Posted 3/8/14
"Crazy" is subjective. Homosexuality was considered a "mental illness" not too long ago.

Who's to say that wearing clothes isn't crazy? We're the only organism that wears clothes...


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Posted 3/8/14

GayAsianBoy wrote:

"Crazy" is subjective. Homosexuality was considered a "mental illness" not too long ago.

Who's to say that wearing clothes isn't crazy? We're the only organism that wears clothes... Hermit crab?




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