First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  Next  Last
Friends don't stay in touch
27119 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M
Offline
Posted 3/13/14
Did this happen to you before ? What would you do if it did ?

I have like 7 friends and most of them (about 5 out of those 7) makes me feel I am the only one that initiate contact to meet them and do something.

I'm tired to be the done who have to text, call them even when I decide to wait a couple of months just to see if they will ever do something about it.

I am not angry at them for this. I just feel like I should do something about it.

Thanks !
13128 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Atlanta, GA
Offline
Posted 3/13/14
i used to have this issue myself many years back. Sometimes it just wasn't meant to be with some friends and you just drift apart. For those I did genuinely care about, I took them out for a drink and had a discussion with them about how I felt. They responded very well because I was being candid and honest with them. That's how I approached it, it may not work for you because your friends may act differently etc but you gotta give it a try right?!
Posted 3/13/14
Happens all the time. I move around bands a lot, so I end up meeting lots of people. We all become [somewhat] like a family, but there's no way I can contact them all and it's the same for them (I'm guessing).

I still make sure to keep in contact with the really talented ones though.
Posted 3/13/14 , edited 3/13/14

davtxtmsg wrote:

Did this happen to you before ? What would you do if it did ?

I have like 7 friends and most of them (about 5 out of those 7) makes me feel I am the only one that initiate contact to meet them and do something.

I'm tired to be the done who have to text, call them even when I decide to wait a couple of months just to see if they will ever do something about it.

I am not angry at them for this. I just feel like I should do something about it.

Thanks !


yeah happens to me a lot. I play video games and tell them to play with me online. (MMO's, it can be MOBA's, even console multilayer). But peoples are lazy and comfortable, so they always expect others to call or text or chat.
22344 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
28 / F / IL
Offline
Posted 3/13/14
Unfortunately life is a very time consuming thing.

People get older and find a partner and generally that consumes the majority of time to be spared. And if a partner isn't enough most people have kids and extended family to deal with and not to mention work.....

It's an odd thing when we are children and have what seems like an infinite amount of time to just do whatever or dick around with friends. At the same time I am never as bored as I had been in my early years.

Now I have multiple interests, though they may not improve my life, to attend to as well as the family I've stepped into and that's almost too much to handle as it is. I had many friends who I really did care about a lot, who might not call me a friend anymore, who have all gone off in different directions later than I did and because I was one of the first ones to leave, and it may not be so but, I feel like everyone thinks I'm shitty for bailing on them first.....even though they all eventually and inevitably did the same thing.
Posted 3/13/14
It happens when you get old, notice I am barely older than you. A somewhat related quote in my profile is something I came to accept, even if the quote is from a video game.

I am the one to initiate things 90% of the time. Friendship is usually between equals. Both sides should at least put some effort into it. If they expect you to gather people (you are the unspoken organizer of fun) then keep doing it. The thing that matters is having a good time not who calls the group together.

Be careful. It is a slippery slope where you're at. I was convinced most of my friends just used me if they never even tried when in reality, perhaps they were the type that wants to be asked (which is another issue entirely - but I can accept). You need to be able to distinguish if you're respected or not. The whole thing about equals is true, but it doesn't mean both parties need to equally plan to hang out.

Good luck. I would like to think someone like me could have been happy :3.
50394 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / F / Balmer, Murlin
Offline
Posted 3/13/14
I have been on both sides of this.

Currently, I feel as though I am the only one who ever initiates any contact with my old high school friends. They don't text or call me unless I contact them first. I am slightly annoyed by this, but I completely understand why they don't contact me.

I understand because for years, I was the shy one that never talked or hung out with people after school. I was afraid to initiate a conversation or suggest we hang out because I was afraid of rejection. I still am. It's very hard for me to be the one to reach out to other people, but regardless of how uncomfortable I feel, I still do it anyways because I don't want to lose my friends.

If I had a friend that was more outgoing and took the role of "the initiator", then I'll admit, I'd be less likely to contact that person first. I'd assume that they'd contact me. This would be much less stressful since I don't have to go through the possibility of rejection.

Admittedly, this is a slightly different problem than what I think OP is explaining, but nevertheless. If you think they aren't responsive enough to you, just talk to them about it and ask them to be a bit more present. I'm sure that'll go a long way.
27119 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M
Offline
Posted 3/13/14
Wow ! I never expected to have so many points of view.
Thanks !


689 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / F / Outer space.
Offline
Posted 3/13/14
Yeah , been there done that. Give up , if they are not putting into effort why bother. You'll find better friends along they way. Make friends here or at college or work. Have a nice day
Posted 3/13/14
I'm that kind of friend. I'm also upfront with people about it so those who choose to be friends with me know not to expect a 'hey, what's up?' text from me out f the blue. Probably the main reason why I have very few friends.

You need to understand that some people are actual introverts. I, personally, prefer to stay home by myself most days. The only time I'm not home is when I'm working or on Saturdays when I go hang out with the bf... All other days, I'm pretty easy to find. If I'm not at work, I'm home. I also barely use my phone. I don't like texting or talking on the phone very much, though I do tell people to feel free and send me a text if they need anything. Text messages I usually answer unless I'm really busy at that moment.

I guess I just really like my space. I get really annoyed when someone starts encroaching on my personal space/time too often. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want friends or that I don't care about them or anything like that. It's just that too much socializing is how can I say this... too uhmm... exhausting and sometimes troublesome for me. I like peace and quiet and being able to entertain my random thoughts and ideas freely. Having to keep a conversation going for hours can be quite draining. I have a friend, one of my closest friends actually, whom I see maybe once every few months which equates to about 2 or 3 times a year. We schedule a day and we spend all day together catching up and stuff. It makes those days something to look forward to, I think.
27292 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
27 / M
Offline
Posted 3/13/14 , edited 3/13/14
Most of my friends have been with me a long time.

We can usually just pick up a convo like the most natural thing even if we've been apart for years, no matter who initiates.

I think that's a true sign of a friendship. The ability to pick off where you leave off, where the silences are never awkward.
Posted 3/13/14 , edited 3/13/14
Used to happen a lot in the past. I would always be the one calling and planning things, and the moment I stopped no one kept in touch. I grew sick of this crap eventually. I only have this one friend though, who I have known since childhood. We live far away and don't often talk, yet whenever we meet its like we've seen each other only the day before and we're incredibly close.

I think sometimes certain friends can pull this off - the truer they are. You don't always have to talk and keep up with each other if you have true friends like this. Years can go by without having seen each other or talking, and yet you can pick up a conversation like its only been yesterday. That's a true friend.

Anyway...As I've gotten older, I've not felt the need or want to have a lot of friends, and as it is, I like being alone and I prefer doing things on my own.
17499 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Chicago,IL
Offline
Posted 3/13/14
Who needs friends. PSSSH!
8870 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / UK
Offline
Posted 3/13/14
Pretty much every single one of my 'friends' who went to university. Ah well, I couldn't care less.
Posted 3/13/14
When this happens.I just start to ignore them for a while.after that they feel somethin is wrong,and they call or text etc
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.