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Friends don't stay in touch
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25 / M
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Posted 3/13/14
Even if we won't be able to talk for years, or decades even, my friends will still be my friends.
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24 / F
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Posted 3/13/14
For me my friends and I drift off for months at a time we work different hours of the day. Very different schooling then just out of no where either of us just shoots out a text even a year later and we chat like no time was missed; plan a day and just talk and have fun, then go off for another couple of months.
But I find with my other friends with the random hallo just to say hi it feels forced like trudging through a fake forced conversation, That I don't feel is a solid friendship.
BUT The worst is When you try to strike a conversation with someone and they just reply with "Lol" or "ok" Most irritating thing!!!
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26 / M
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Posted 3/14/14
I used to think it did not matter even if we wouldn't talk for a year or two.
I do not feel those are strong relationships anymore. I just felt I am the only one keeping this relationship alive.
Also, do not feel guilty about this post. I am not emo or touchy like someone said on this threat.

Thanks for your thoughts and opinions on this so far.. really helped me out understand what might be going on though.
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F / Western Australia
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Posted 3/14/14 , edited 3/14/14
In year 3 my friend had to leave my school (It was a private school) because they were having money problems and they weren't able to pay school bills. We were really upset about it and we thought that we wouldn't be able to keep up the friendship and be friends any more.

But somehow we were able to stay in touch. Even if it meant only talking by phone to each other once every one or two months. Eventually, we started using emails to each other. After that, she visited my house nearly every fortnight. 4 years later, she came back to my school. That was one of the best things that had happen to me in that year, so I was so damn happy.

Even though it's not like a one or two year gap, it sure did feel like that. Also, considering that I was 9 at the time, if a year past, I would of probably thought she was no longer my friend. Heck, even 6 months would of made me think that.
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17 / F
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Posted 3/14/14
I have great difficulty decoding human behavior and recognizing non-verbal cues. I find small chit-chat and gossip challenging no matter what I am doing. I say odd and random things and am always brutally truthful. Thankfully at school I am well on the periphery rather than at the center of things. Virtually no one knows me because I have yet to let myself be known.
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M / NY
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Posted 3/14/14 , edited 3/14/14
Your friendships, or a lot of them, inherently change as you get older. In your 20's, your priorities, your view of the world around you, your opinions and things you want out of life all begin to change. Joining the workforce changes your perspective after you leave school, and this is where people tend to drift apart based on individual priorities..for the most part. Truely good friends will stick around and always be there.
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32 / M
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Posted 3/14/14
I am going to the same issue. I did try to maintain the bridge to my friends when I realized I was the only one making an effort so after a while I gave up. People change, whether its priorities or interests and they will no longer have time for you. Doesn't make them villains or anything but it doesn't make sense to stick around hoping one day they'll show up and be interested in your business. Keep moving along, find new people, keep doing what you love. Life is too short to wait for people who don't have time for you.
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Posted 3/14/14
This happens, its just human nature. I am 44, and only stay in touch with 2 friends from high school on a semi regular basis. My one friend calls me like 3x a week. He just likes to talk. My other best friend we used to be in touch all the time until our mid 30s, then we moved to different areas and lost touch for the most part, but when we reconnect its like old times. Another best friend I see him like once every 2 years, he is the only one that has a wife and kids, so he is busy with them. I tried in the past to stay in touch, but I felt the same way. I refused to put in more effort than someone else. Why should I be the one to initiate contact? I am fine with out them.

Now you young people who grew up with facebook and smart phones are soooo far ahead of the curve for having the tools to stay in touch. I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 26, and they were the big things. There was really only landlines, no internet, no emails. If people moved away, calls were lost distance, so the cost was too high to maintain conversations frequently. Maybe now there is overload of staying in touch. I avoid facebook for the most part, rarely contact anyone. Its just who I am. I like doing my own thing. I really have no life and nothing to talk about. Going out with the same people for too long, you just end up recycling old conversations, and that is just too boring. I like to talk about movies, tv shows, games, and anime. I have one online friend I have been IMing with since 2004, but never met in RL, whom I can talk about these things with. I have one other friend that games, but he never stays with the same game for very long, so then we end up playing different games. In conclusion, staying in touch is hard.
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25 / M / Inside Lorreen's...
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Posted 3/14/14
True friends will stay in touch with you, even then, you shouldn't be expecting a overflowing continuous conversation happening day in and day out for the rest of your life.

Anyway, life happens, going out of high school the road splits for everyone. Some are going straight to 4 year universities, some in the state, others across the country. Some go to 2 year colleges then either go to 4 year or go into the work force. Others just go straight into working. No matter your path chances are you will be BUSY.

In High School, I wouldn't say I was popular, but I was friends with quite a few people in my school, in other schools, and at work. After High School though, I kept up with only maybe a dozen people. Since then to now? I keep up with 3 people. One never really kept in touch much even in High School and after, we get in touch maybe once or twice a year, mostly to make sure the other is still alive. Another is busy with going to nursing school and trying to work a job, she keeps sends a message maybe once every 2 or 3 months. The last guy works and goes to school but usually hangs out with me on his one day off a week, so we keep in touch a bit more. No matter which one though we talk as if no time or anything has passed, unless something important happened.

But that is it. I don't keep in touch with anyone else from school or work. I don't see a need to. Good friends will stay friends through time, If they don't well they really were not much of a friend. You shouldn't have to force a friendship, it should just happen naturally.

I do have to agree with some other views I saw in this thread though about how Facebook, cell phones, and social media in general makes it seem like we should always be connected and know everyone's daily life by the minute. While I can admit I like keeping up with people on Facebook and texting friends. I do not see the point of knowing what they are doing every minute.
Bavalt 
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28 / M / Canada
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Posted 3/14/14
Your friends are likely just less extroverted than you are.

Speaking for myself, I'm one of those friends that never initiates conversations or activities. I thrive on alone time, and get stressed if I have to spend a lot of time around other people, even my friends, and I've found that I'm pretty comfortable with the rate at which they seek me out to hang out. That doesn't mean I value them any less - hell, I consider many of my friends irreplaceable, because I don't go out of my way to make very many. I only have a handful, but they're important to me. It's just that I don't like doing things as part of a group too often.

I've been on the other side of your situation, OP, where a friend has been the one initiating contact, and then stops. Looking back, it depresses me a little that it very well might have been because they thought I didn't really like them. Shy person that I am, back then, I just kept waiting for them to initiate contact again, and, well, they never did. I keep resolving to myself to contact them, but it's been so long now that I feel like I'd be bringing up something they'd rather leave behind, so I can never bring myself to do it.

Nowadays, if my closest friends don't come to me every now and again and see if I want to do something, I tend to get antsy and actually take the initiative to go and contact them myself. I can chalk this up partly to me gradually conquering some of my social issues in general: I used to be cripplingly shy, and have gotten much better at approaching people over the years. But the other half of it is that I found out the hard way that if I sit there doing nothing, and expect them to always make the first move, they might drift away from me.

Going under the assumption (I consider it quite likely) that your friends are just introverts like me, my best advice would be to talk to them about it frankly. I'm willing to bet that a good portion of them will be rather surprised that you feel the way you do, quite simply because they hadn't considered it from your point of view, but will say positively that they didn't mean to make you doubt them, and they want to keep in touch. You can work out the details from there. Not only can you maintain contact with them that way, but you can also teach them a lesson that they might otherwise learn the way I did.
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32 / M
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Posted 3/14/14
From this general thread:

I would like to say I strongly believe it has nothing to do with introversion or extroversion.

I am the most introverted of all my friends and yet I am the one to commit the most effort into maintaining friendships. Both are equally likely to lose touch with you for different reasons.

Introverts are likely to disconnect simply if they feel you are no longer worth the continual social investment or if their limited social needs are already being met.

Extroverts can disconnect from you simply because they already have too many friends or priorities or they naturally did not connect significantly with you to begin with.

I think its seriously what most other people have mentioned. Interests change, priorities change. Education, Work. Family. Only the strongest bonds will survive those tests I assume.

Even as an introvert I found that losing most of my friends turned out to result in many positive things. More self reliance and independence. A greater ability to strike up conversations with complete strangers. Also, people may not appreciate this as much but. I think its an excellent discovery period to find the things you are really passionate about.

I've always said a very clear indicator of devotion to a hobby or interest is if the person is willing to pursue it even if noone will join him.
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36 / M / Denver
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Posted 3/14/14
For several days I tried NOT being the one who initiates contact. Know what happened?

No one talked to me.

Just accept that you give more than other people. Set some ground rules for yourself, you don't even have to tell them. I maintain a complex web of social equity. Each of their actions/reactions gets an equal reaction out of me. If I act first, and I don't get an equal reaction, the next move is theirs, if I have to wait a thousand years.

You have an open heart. Make sure you don't bleed all over people, most of them don't deserve the privilege.
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22 / M / Chicago, IL
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Posted 3/14/14
I do have friends. however, suddenly lost touch with them right after my high school graduation. There's still chances that I'll see them again.
all I can think of now is how things going for them overall. Even some who went to college.
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26 / F / Overlord's Castle
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Posted 3/14/14
People have lives and get busy. If I need them or want to talk to them I will, otherwise they are just another number on my phone.
Posted 3/15/14
o really
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